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Original poster

I don’t want to be plain and dumpy/fat and frumpy anymore

79 replies

FuckUcuntychops · 04/07/2021 19:04

But I don’t know how to change. I have mental health issues, confidence and self esteem is in the toilet and I’m fat, fat, fat.
I look good in literally nothing.
I fail at diets EVERY FUCKING TIME. I hate exercise and struggle with pain and niggling injuries.
I day dream about looking fabulous with gorgeously styled hair and immaculate makeup, floaty summer dresses and pretty heels, being slim and content and happy. Then I look in the mirror and Trunchball looks back at me. FUCK!
Can anyone help me with tips and advice for changing my mindset? I eat everything in sight and hate myself for it. I just want to cry when I see my face/body. How the fuck did I become this person???!! 😑😑😑

OP posts:
SchrodingersMat · 04/07/2021 21:17

Have a listen to the Brain Over Binge podcast OP (or read the books) by Kathryn Hansen. Really has helped a lot of people with binge eating, me included.

sadperson16 · 04/07/2021 21:18

How old are you?

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 04/07/2021 21:24

Well for what it's worth OP I admire your straight talking honest style, you sound like a very real & tough person who isn't afraid of life.
You sound like fun & I imagine you're a great friend, even if you do think you're Homer Trunchbull.
I'd start with a great haircut.

Interested in this thread?

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Weight management
Lanawondering · 04/07/2021 21:28

Yeap, how old are you? I've been from 40kg to nearly 90kg twice (pregnancy) and no, I'm not one of those who are thin cos they are lucky, I just got incredibly good at keeping my weight the way I want it. Being overweight sucks, unquestionably, but for everyone there is something that works and I believe I tried pretty much everything:) let me know how old are you and than perhaps we can think of something that could be a start learning how the food does not control you, it's the other way around:) amazingly, I still can try and motivate someone else, but not me (for different reasons), hmm...

BangingOn · 04/07/2021 21:32

Come over to the Why We Eat (Too Much) thread, have a read of the posts and see if it sounds like the way of eating could work for you.

FindingMeno · 04/07/2021 21:32

I much prefer people like you to people who think they're the shit.
You sound like a great person to be around.
Start with some little tiny changes and watch it snowball as you start feeling better about yourself.

Original poster
FuckUcuntychops · 04/07/2021 21:35

I’m 38 and 5ft 4 weighed 19st 10 last time I weighed myself 3 weeks ago. Bmi is 46.
I have 3 children who don’t deserve a life with an overweight mother and everything that comes with it. I have to change for them if not for myself.
I have to stop being lazy, apathetic and defeatist. I just don’t know how. It feels like and insurmountable task right now and had done for years. I’ve been overweight since the age of 20. I’ve wasted so much of the best years of my life being fat and miserable. I’ve had enough now. Thanks all who have responded and posted ideas and tips, I’m going to do some research on them and see what might work for me. Will also look into some private therapy. Thanks again.

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 04/07/2021 21:37

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Lanawondering · 04/07/2021 21:44

Well, you have my total respect- a mum of 3!!! You are not lazy, you are taking care of everyone else except you. Are you staying home/working from home? How old are your kids? Again, respect... I can barely manage with 2... And the most important question or perhaps questions - tell me what are you really good at? Whatever it is, doesn't matter what is, everyone is extremely good at least one thing - don't start with the negatives, give us the positives - can you think of let's say 1 to 3 of your "superpowers", except being a mum of 3:)

Original poster
FuckUcuntychops · 04/07/2021 21:49

Im lucky that my children are the easiest children ever, two are teens and youngest is 5. They make being a mum a walk in the park really very good kids.
I work part time in a senior position in early education.
Im good at singing
Im very good at my job
I have the pointless skill of being able to immediately do any accent I hear perfectly, it’s my party trick 😆

OP posts:
myspicynutsarefried · 04/07/2021 21:52

cunty I can give you my husband, he's such a noisy fucker when he eats I can guarantee you'll feel so put off by the slurping, lip smacking and chomping that'll never want to eat againGrin

Sittingonabench · 04/07/2021 21:54

Aw honey, you sound so unhappy and hard on yourself! Just to say - whatever you are seeing or thinking of yourself is 100 times harsher than what most people see of think.
In your situation I would start by making controlled changes but not dieting - your head needs to be in the right space. Do a meal plan and buy all groceries online (so you can choose not to buy crap). Make sure you are not hungry when you do the shop. I use Gousto so it takes the meal plan off my shoulders. Aim for healthy meals with veg and lentils but don’t deny yourself some carbs. If chocolate is your thing - get the treat size ones and only allow yourself one in any sitting. Have healthier snacks - carrots, hummus, low calorie crisps. Weight is 80% diet (or more) moving helps but if you can’t get there yet just aim for small goals. Maybe get a Fitbit and aim to gradually up steps and get heart rate down. You can do this - but it’s a marathon and not a sprint.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 04/07/2021 21:57

I would suggest looking into Overeaters Anonymous.

Original poster
FuckUcuntychops · 04/07/2021 21:57

@myspicynutsarefried send him round. He’ll have to kip in the shed though no spare bed sorry 😆

OP posts:
ThisOldSaddo · 04/07/2021 22:02

Saxenda is the only thing working for me. 21 lbs down since Feb. I feel so much better now, clothes better fit, run around after the kids easier, no more sore feet...

I use an online pharmacy for it and have joined the Facebook pages in the uk for some advice.

Original poster
FuckUcuntychops · 04/07/2021 22:03

@ThisOldSaddo what’s Saxenda please? Is that medication?

OP posts:
Jessica60 · 04/07/2021 22:03

How did you manage this? Did you do e exercise too?

myspicynutsarefried · 04/07/2021 22:04

He'll be happy in a shed...he eats like he's at a trough😂

Original poster
FuckUcuntychops · 04/07/2021 22:09

@myspicynutsarefried 😆😆

OP posts:
MayIDestroyYou · 04/07/2021 22:12

You've said you eat everything in sight - what are you buying? I tend to eat when I'm bored (which you probably don't have time to be) but most of the time my cupboards contain no bread, butter, cheese, peanut butter, potatoes, pasta, ready made sauces, pizza, crisps, or chocolate. I try not to have flour in the house. And I don't eat meat. So my options for over-snacking are limited to the contents of a fairly substantial veg box, lentils (etc) and tea and coffee.

It would obviously be harder to do this with children to feed as well. But strictly controlling your food shopping really could help.

Lanawondering · 04/07/2021 22:15

@FuckUcuntychops

Im lucky that my children are the easiest children ever, two are teens and youngest is 5. They make being a mum a walk in the park really very good kids. I work part time in a senior position in early education. Im good at singing Im very good at my job I have the pointless skill of being able to immediately do any accent I hear perfectly, it’s my party trick 😆
Will get back to you tomorrow cos has to go to bed early as need to start early... but I will.. and you have amazingly good 3 positive things about you, about you are good at. Meanwhile, can you think what motivates you to be good at your job, what motivates it you in general? Anger, guilt, etc. Apologies if asking too personal questions, been there, not pretty, just want to know a bit more before suggesting anything and I've got a lot to suggest. Meanwhile, you are incredible person with enormous potential, just got of the path while raising 3 kids and working. If I annoy you in any way, just say so and I'll stop:) sending you hugs, you are not alone!
Sarahlou63 · 04/07/2021 22:20

@FuckUcuntychops

Jesus I’m so fucked in the head Sad
No, lovie - you really aren't. You are like a ball of fine wool that's got a bit tangled up and need to figure out how to unwind the knots.

this article will help you understand why you think about yourself the way you do - try working through the exercises to understand where your negative self image came from.

You could also check which cognitive distortions are causing you to self-sabotage - we all have them, but knowing what they are will help enormously.

Finally have a read of Responsibility Rebellion by Kain Ramsay - www.amazon.co.uk/Responsibility-Rebellion-Unconventional-Approach-Empowerment/dp/154450912X?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

gildalily · 04/07/2021 22:20

@FuckUcuntychops Google and sign up for the free trial of slimpod. It has really helped me in changing the way I think about myself and how I eat.

whatmattersisthatyoulove · 04/07/2021 23:36

Oh OP, I can relate to you so much. I eat for no good reason, I clean my house deliberately not looking in any mirrors because I can't bear what I see. I have 4 daughters who deserve to have a better role model . I just feel I don't girl/woman right: my hair sticks out, my nails don't have varnish, my clothes are wrong. I shower daily though and personal / house hygiene is high I just don't look acceptable.

StormcloakNord · 05/07/2021 00:09

I say this from experience, but diets and constantly restricting/bingeing is never going to work in the frame of mind you're in.

You need to look into therapy if you're able to, and start accepting and being neutral about your looks now.

Losing weight from a place of hate doesn't work. It's so much easier to look after yourself, move more and eat better when you're doing it because you want to feel good/treat your body well.