I don’t want to be plain and dumpy/fat and frumpy anymore

[FuckUcuntychops]

But I don’t know how to change. I have mental health issues, confidence and self esteem is in the toilet and I’m fat, fat, fat.
I look good in literally nothing.
I fail at diets EVERY FUCKING TIME. I hate exercise and struggle with pain and niggling injuries.
I day dream about looking fabulous with gorgeously styled hair and immaculate makeup, floaty summer dresses and pretty heels, being slim and content and happy. Then I look in the mirror and Trunchball looks back at me. FUCK!
Can anyone help me with tips and advice for changing my mindset? I eat everything in sight and hate myself for it. I just want to cry when I see my face/body. How the fuck did I become this person???!! 😑😑😑

You need to talk to someone who can help you examine your relationship with food. You can start some of the health stuff people have suggested but unless you know why you are overeating then it will be tough.
Don't go to OE Anon - not worth it.

I could have written this myself.
I despise how I look and spend my life daydreaming about being beautiful and stylish.

I have a very unhealthy relationship with food and am struggling to get my eating under control.

Sending you a hug xx

Trunchball looks back at you?! Bless you, you're beautiful no matter what. But as you are focused on weightloss, which is a great goal for health regardless of any appearance goals (& great for those, too, obviously), I'll tell you what always seems to work best as a first step for my clients (I'm a PT).

Keep it super super simple, pick 2 or 3 things and just stick to them, nothing else, for the first 6 weeks. Random ones I can remember are cutting out wheat (amazing as it means no pizza, pasta, bread, muffins etc straight off the bat yet it's a really simple rule), doing X number of steps per day, or not processed food or takeaway, or a half hour walk a day...different people choose different ones but the simplicity seems to work.

Diets didn't work for you as diets are rubbish really, eat less, eat healthy, and exercise more are the simple truths. BUT the absolute magic word is consistency. Do it every day, no matter what.

Also take a multivitamin, a multimineral, a probiotic and omega oils supplement, as that'll help your hair, skin, immunity, digestion and a whole lot more massively.

Here is a very real promise Op. The very first day on which you resist eating too much of the wrong food you will start feeling better. Go calorie counting, small portions, low carb, big on fruit veg, snack on rice cakes, celery sticks, carrots, strawberries, apples. You will start to feel better from day one of looking after yourself. Before you lose any weight. Right from the beginning, because you will be giving yourself love.

Thank you all for such kind and understanding responses. I’m reading them all and I’m listening. Today is a new day and I’m going to try my best to be positive and kind to myself. I’m going to fill up my water bottle and keep hydrated, bag up some carrots and apple to snack on at work and make some healthy choices when I get home later. Thank you so much.

Fasting helped me lose 3 stone duribg the last year, when nothing else worked. There's a forum on here to help you, if you do take that approach.

I can also agree with low carbing.

There is a brilliant fb group - I can pm you the details if you wish. Lots of guidance and support and a mentoring service if you wish.

Lots of people with disordered eating histories, Lots of people with metabolic conditions. Lots of people with insulin resistance. Many of which have been helped and, in many cases, reversed. The focus is on clean eating and I would say the biggest impact many people don't expect is a positive impact on their energy levels, general health, mental health, loss of the bloated feeling and the condition of their skin. Many people look 10 years younger alongside the weightloss.

The good thing with cutting carbs is that you no longer get the insulin spikes that make you crave carb dense food. Many people find that their 'need to eat' as you describe it has dissipated. The emphasis is on eating between your BMR and TDEE and most people don't feel hungry doing it whilst still losing weight.

@FuckUcuntychops

Im lucky that my children are the easiest children ever, two are teens and youngest is 5. They make being a mum a walk in the park really very good kids. I work part time in a senior position in early education. Im good at singing Im very good at my job I have the pointless skill of being able to immediately do any accent I hear perfectly, it’s my party trick 😆

Hi there, hope you feeling a bit better than yesterday:) I can see that you received very good advices, which could be a starting point for you. So your job is educating our kids, which is amazing job with lots of responsibilities I bet. Can you tell me why you are very good at your job? What motivates you to be very good at what you do? Singing will definitely will be handy:) trust me:), as for the accent - at this point can't think how we can "use" that, but I'm sure it's not a pointless talent:) If you can make people laugh that's definitely not pointless! All advises here are great, but one is the most important - consistency. This is crucial. I'm pretty sure you've stumbled across the keto "diet"? The thing is - it's not a diet, you don't starve yourself, you don't stay hungry, and the best part - you don't need anything more strenuous then walking. I know - lots of you will say it doesn't work, but done the proper way gives amazing results. It's not diet, I repeat, it's like any other food regimen you heard about. After my 1st pregnancy it took me more than a year to get to pre pregnancy weight - low carb, training like mad 5 days a week, sometimes less, but trained really hard... and I'm an ex gymnast and a runner, those things should be easy for me, right? Well, no... I was doing it wrong... too much protein even if restrictive calorie intake and avoiding fat like it was a plague... Second pregnancy it took me 4 to 6 months with no training, just walking- but again - the crucial part - consistency! 5 days a week max, min 3 days a week nice long walks listening to music and singing along:) They say it doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for me, it wasn't easy, but I couldn't believe how the weight was just melting away with me eating full fat butter, coconut butter, steaks, veggies and red wine?!?! Go figure... I don't know, of course, if you have the time and support to do something similar, but even half of that I believe will help. If you are willing to learn more I've kept record of everything I did and eat (I know, I'm crazy...) and be more than happy to share what worked for me. Oh, and just to mention - I was almost 40 when I did that, so you have a 2 years head start:) Don't know how it works, but please feel free to message me personally if you prefer. So, let me know:)

@FuckUcuntychops

Im lucky that my children are the easiest children ever, two are teens and youngest is 5. They make being a mum a walk in the park really very good kids. I work part time in a senior position in early education. Im good at singing Im very good at my job I have the pointless skill of being able to immediately do any accent I hear perfectly, it’s my party trick 😆

So you have great kids...which must be largely down to you.

A good job, a lovely voice and a great sense of humour.

It's good that you're getting assessed for issues as I'd imagine counselling/therapy might really be at the root of changing things for you.

In the meantime, do you have a good friend who could help you give yourself a makeover? It's much easier to help yourself if you feel good about yourself to start with...get a good haircut/colour, have your nails done if that's your thing, treat yourself to some new perfume and find some clothes that work for you.

You don't need to go out shopping...Simply Be, Next, New Look, Dorothy Perkins, Yours etc all do bigger size you can have delivered and try on in your own home.

For now, maybe don't think too much about losing weight, just making healthier choices as often as you can, and try not to beat yourself up too much when you can't.

FWIW my track record with weight loss is similar to yours...currently 18st 1lb at 5'3 and 45yo and starting yet again from today!

Hey OP, just wandering how you doing, hope you feel better, sending you hugs 🫂

@Lanawondering thanks for checking in I’m ok. I’ve been making some different choices past few days and I’m on day 4 of no take away food (would have had at least one by now) I’ve been adding extra veg to my plate and eating that first so it fills me up and I’ve also not binged for 4 days either. Hopefully I’m moving in the right direction. Trying to keep busy so I don’t think about food.

For now, maybe don't think too much about losing weight, just making healthier choices as often as you can, and try not to beat yourself up too much when you can't.

Thanks for this, I’m trying just this now. So far so good.

Yes ... Longterm lifestyle editing is probably the thing.

(I'm always surprised that other people regularly have takeaways. I don't think I've had one since 2019, at someone else's house. They just never occur to me. But I do buy quite a lot of pointlessly expensive wine.)

What else is on your plate apart from vegetables?

My post above looks horribly snotty - wasn't intended!

I don't watch broadcast TV so don't see adverts. So 'convenience' and 'time saving' aren't really concepts that influence my eating. Every couple of months I have huge boxes of lentils and beans delivered. Fish occasionally. Weekly veg box. No ready-made cakes or biscuits. I discourage myself from ordering or making bread - because it leads to unwelcome jam / marmalade / peanut butter / honey behaviour.

I eat a lot - just not things that add much to my weight.

I think the exercise is great for the psychological boost as well as the benefits to your health. I started walking daily in February… only between 5 and 6k a day but I got a sweat on and really enjoyed being out in the fresh air. I listened to stories on audible or podcasts ( recommend Atomic Habits). Once I had been doing that for a while I started couch to 5k but I injured myself at the point where I ran for 8 mins. So back to walking for me. When the gyms re-opened I was there and started with a PT… absolutely everything creaked but he found a way around every ache and pain. Now I’m in spin, HIIT, kettlebells class and I’ve just joined a running class. I’m pretty slow but I’m not pulling every muscle in the legs anymore and my arse is looking soooo much better 😀. I feel motivated - I want to do it and I’ve lost 2 stone (still have another stone to lose at least) I’m 51 but what I’m doing now is an investment in my health down the line.

Hi OP, i really sympathise and i am sick of myself too.

I've lost a stone gradually over the last few months by a combo of the following;

• Filling half my dinner plate with salad. I still eat more or less the same meals, but just half as much. I actually pay attention to nice salad stuff in Tesco, posh tomatoes on the vine, posh coleslaw, parmesan shavings etc to make it something i genuinely look forward to eating. Goes with more than you think.

• Skipping breakfast. I never used to have breakfast when I was slimmer but since having kids, there is always cereal and crumpets etc in the house now. I try to keep busy during the morning and just stick to coffee. So that's a bit of fasting there as well.

• Weigh my pasta, rice etc. I've got some little digital scales, put the pan on the scales and check how much I'm making. Means I can still have those things without overdoing it. I tend to have about 60g dry. But the aforementioned salad bulks the plate out.

I've done low carb before but I struggle with it while i'm working as it is hard to stick to when i'm on the go at work. I'm a term time worker so seriously considering doing 6 weeks on LC to give myself some discipline, as the weight creeps on every summer for me.

@Edmontine I buy take away because I love how they taste. Salty, savoury foods are my weakness. I need to break the habit as I’m probably a piece of fried chicken away from a heart attack!

[quote FuckUcuntychops]@Lanawondering thanks for checking in I’m ok. I’ve been making some different choices past few days and I’m on day 4 of no take away food (would have had at least one by now) I’ve been adding extra veg to my plate and eating that first so it fills me up and I’ve also not binged for 4 days either. Hopefully I’m moving in the right direction. Trying to keep busy so I don’t think about food.[/quote]
Great!!!!! I'm so happy to hear you are doing ok and it's a great strategy you got there!!! I used to do the same "eat my frog" first, then the rest on my plate if I'm still up for it:) You are doing great! Remember- the only way to change things is to be consistent- do not give up!!!! If you need motivation we are here!!!

Good luck! I hope things are going well today.

Really bad couple of days. My mood is in the toilet and I just want to eat. I’ve already had chocolate and crisps this morning and now so annoyed with myself.

I dont think our minds are disconnected from our bodies.
The mind is the key here and maybe you could try a few sessions of counselling.
If diets worked everybody would be thin and SW snd WW would go out of business.

But that’s ok op. You just need to make different choices from now on, not follow through and eat shit for the rest of the day, you’re doing well.

I’ve countered with lots of water,home made veg soup, fruit and veg sticks for snacks.
Hoping tomorrow is a better day.

Today’s also a good day. So you fell off the wagon, what’s important is you climbed straight back on.