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Original poster

How long would you leave a 13yo DS at home on their own for?

128 replies

crummyusername · 03/07/2021 23:22

DH and I are in disagreement about this. I won't say what he thinks and what I think, so as not to bias it... but it would be v useful to get some outside views... and especially any links to information on this (I know what the govt guidance is, which is fairly vague).

OP posts:
Grainjar · 03/07/2021 23:58

I think a couple of hours in the day is fine, as long as they're happy, can call you or have a friendly neighbour to call on if worried. When does your ex think the 30 minutes should be extended?

Lockdownbear · 04/07/2021 00:02

My guess is the ex is hanging onto the 30min thing just to make life for Op difficult.

Op why does he get a say in what happens in your house?

Holeycustardbatman · 04/07/2021 00:26

Depends on the child. The law is very vague. The child needs to be safe on their own, so under the age of 16/18 (yep that bits deliberately vague too) the minor may be left on their own so long as they are capable of caring from themselves. If you something happens to them and no responsible adult is around then you misjudged the situation and left a vulnerable person unattended. If nothing happens its fine, your judgment is correct and alls well. So basically its fine to leave them as long as nothing happens! Personally I was left to look after 7 and 4 year old siblings when I was just 12 which I dont recommend. My boys- one was sensible enough to be alone at the age of 12 the other is 18 and still not safe for long periods!

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Lockdownbear · 04/07/2021 00:53

My boys- one was sensible enough to be alone at the age of 12 the other is 18 and still not safe for long periods!

Does your 18yo have SN or are you being flippant? I think I'd failed as a parent if my boys were unable to be left alone by school leaving age of 16.

FortunesFave · 04/07/2021 01:45

Don't tell the ex what you're doing. None of his business if your time with DS is when he's getting left.

wandawaves · 04/07/2021 01:49

All day. Not night time.
Your ex is being an idiot. Mine is similar. I put it down to not spending much time with them and not knowing how they've changed and matured.

FlyingBattie · 04/07/2021 01:52

Your DH can do what he likes when DS is with him, within reason.
You make the decisions, within reason, when DS is with you.

It depends on the child, of course, but most 13 year olds would be fine alone for the whole day. My only worry would be the unlimited access to a) the internet and b) the fridge!

TotorosCatBus · 04/07/2021 02:08

All day but not overnight.

clary · 04/07/2021 02:11

All day is totally fine.

Maybe check they have money if they want to go into town etc.

Not overnight unless there is 16yo sibling there too.

clary · 04/07/2021 02:16

omg op just read your update - I left my 10yo for 30 mins no worries.

An NT 13yo should be happy going out on their own eg into town with friends or to the park; they would be a lot safer in their own home. 30 min limit for a 13yp is beyond ridiculous.

alexdgr8 · 04/07/2021 02:24

@Lockdownbear

My guess is the ex is hanging onto the 30min thing just to make life for Op difficult.

Op why does he get a say in what happens in your house?

this is what i was wondering.
DramaAlpaca · 04/07/2021 03:13

As long as the 13 year old was comfortable with it, but definitely not overnight. A couple of hours is perfectly fine.

warmfluffytowels · 04/07/2021 07:40

How long you leave DS in your own home is entirely your business and fuck all to do with your ex, surely? He's 13, not 3.

At that age I was left all day in the summer holidays - from around 8.30-9am until maybe 5.30pm. That was five days a week for probably six weeks out of our 9-10 week summer break.

cariadlet · 04/07/2021 07:42

A couple of hours is nothing. I'd say a few hours as a regular thing or all day occasionally if they were happy about being left.

Holeycustardbatman · 04/07/2021 07:48

@Lockdownbear

My boys- one was sensible enough to be alone at the age of 12 the other is 18 and still not safe for long periods!

Does your 18yo have SN or are you being flippant? I think I'd failed as a parent if my boys were unable to be left alone by school leaving age of 16.

Viewing parenting as something you can succeed or fail at isnt a healthy mindset. Mums respond to the needs of the child in front of them not a preset idealised version of what a child should be at a certain age. Some mature and become sensible long before others, some need more of a helping hand to get there. So no I dont consider myself a failure and neither should you if your child doesnt hit your preset ideas on development.
championthewonderhorse70 · 04/07/2021 07:53

Hours and hours at 13.
My DD has been alone for 30 minutes at 7/8

MsTSwift · 04/07/2021 07:54

Same as majority a day or an evening not both and not too often as long as we quite nearby wouldn’t do regularly though just from a loneliness perspective rather than safety.

PeonyTime · 04/07/2021 07:55

Thise of you saying you cant leave a secondary school pupil for more than an hour or so, how do you deal with school holidays?? Childcare here stops at 11, and between us we dont gave sufficient leave to cover 13 weeks!

Mumdiva99 · 04/07/2021 07:55

My boy could be left a good while.....most of a day....but - I would leave microwave food and prefer him not to cook if I wasn't there. He's sensible enough to not go out leaving doors open. He would probably be on phone or TV all day.

Brown76 · 04/07/2021 07:56

Many children from age 11 would get home from school 2-3 hours before parents return from work...say kid home at 4pm, parent at 6pm...is your ExH suggesting that a parent would have to arrange childcare for that period? Is your son allowed out on their own for a couple of hours?

kowari · 04/07/2021 07:57

I left DS (then 13) until mid May in lockdown one, five days a week. Sent him into school as a keyworker child for reasons of mental health and difficulty engaging with remote learning. That was too long.

Mumdiva99 · 04/07/2021 07:58

Sorry jist read your update. It's only for a few hours....absolutely. Does your 13 year old not get too and from school on their own? Do they go out for hours to hang at the park with a mate? Surely they are old enough to stay home for a couple of hours. I leave my 11 year old too sometimes when I take the youngest. (Although she's never done more than 30 minutes alone without older brother also being there).

OldTinHat · 04/07/2021 07:58

All day.

kowari · 04/07/2021 08:00

Before lockdown it was after school for two hours and whole days in the holidays, broken up by annual leave and some days with family. He could meet with friends so he wasn't just home alone all day every day.

CorianderBee · 04/07/2021 08:01

Most of the day? I was left alone at 13 all the times and weekends from 14. Never did anything terrible and all was well