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Original poster

You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

853 replies

suggestionsplease1 · 01/07/2021 23:25

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

OP posts:
kindaclassy · 04/07/2021 21:47

RamItBunty
I am not the one who "name called", I agree with many other posters, why are you having a go at me!

I did say that posters would get miffed quickly when they start taking things personally, that's true. I seem to be proven right 😂

pallisers · 04/07/2021 21:51

@3JsMa

Between 6.45 and 7 pm. I prefer to be a bit earlier and help if needed rather then being late.I think it's offensive to the host.
god I'd crack up if someone arrived 15 minutes early "to help"

I don't want help in my kitchen and I don't want people to arrive before the time I said.

I thought arriving at 7.10 was the norm. I'm in the US and people arrive bang on time (but not beforehand) which still unnerves me a bit. We have friends who lived in the UK for a good while and they always arrive at 7.10.

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 04/07/2021 21:53

Bottom line - it’s different ‘rules’ or mutual understandings for different groups.

For the most part, everyone understands them, and adheres to them, because not to would be considered rude.

Problems only occur when different groups overlap, which clearly doesn’t often happen, since this thread seems to be such an eye-opener for some many people.

E.g. I had no idea people turned up early, and actually thought that was polite!

Others think not lurking outside and knocking on the door bang on the specified time, to walk in and be served dinner immediately is rude.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
PerveenMistry · 04/07/2021 22:35

[quote NutterflyEffect]@kindaclassy I said young people don't get their manners from an etiquette website, not that they don't have manners. And that class as a concept is becoming less important, which is a good thing.

Of course it makes a difference in how you behave ffs! My best friend I go round plonk myself on the sofa in my joggers, I would make myself and her a cup of tea as she would at mine. I wouldn't dream of doing that at my bosses house. If she turned up at mine and I was in my PJs it would not be embarassing whilst if my boss arrived and I was sat there in my dressing gown id probably never go back to work[/quote]
For the record the person who started this thread distinctly said the hosts were not close friends.

Foxhasbigsocks · 04/07/2021 22:54

7 pm on the dot

Maggiesfarm · 04/07/2021 22:56

7.15pm or thereabouts. You never arrive early for a social event but obviously not too late. When an invitation for dinner says "7pm", they don't mean everybody has to be present and correct, sitting at the table at 7.

Foxhasbigsocks · 04/07/2021 22:57

I would read 7 pm as arrive at 7 pm please and expect dinner to start between 7.30 amd 7.45

MumMRM · 05/07/2021 08:18

I am astonished the amount of people who say they would arrive after 7pm, if the invite is for 7pm then arrive at 7pm. Why let the host worry you are not turning up or that you are going to be late and subsequently the host will then worry about her food over cooking while waiting around for the guests.

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 05/07/2021 08:27

@MumMRM

I am astonished the amount of people who say they would arrive after 7pm, if the invite is for 7pm then arrive at 7pm. Why let the host worry you are not turning up or that you are going to be late and subsequently the host will then worry about her food over cooking while waiting around for the guests.
Because it doesn’t work like that for the people who adhere to this rule?

As a host, I don’t worry - I expect it. As a guest, I do it because it’s the courteous, polite thing to do.

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 05/07/2021 08:30

And - yet again - anyone who adheres to this rule does not serve dinner as people are walking in the door. This is unheard of.

So - no dinner to be spoiled because people are the expected 15 or so minutes after the appointed time.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 05/07/2021 08:37

If I invite people for dinner at 7 pm I would be ready to serve up at 7 pm and would be very annoyed at people turning up after 7.05 pm!

Marriedatfirstyear · 05/07/2021 08:38

When 7pm, I'd expect people to arrive at 7pm, food being served after pleasantries. I've had people turn up 30 mins to an hour late with food absolutely ruined. Same person who is always on time for flights etc. DMIL is always half an hour early.
Now I say come over at 7 for dinner at 7:30.....

Nohomemadecandles · 05/07/2021 09:10

If you said 7, why on earth would you have dinner ready to serve at 7?? Don't you chat, get people drinks, take the wine/ flowers from them...

If you were putting food on the plate at 7, I'd think you were a bit odd! It's a dinner invite not a school canteen.

I'm by no means silver spoon by birth but there really is a massive divide between accepted etiquettes here!

DaisyWaldron · 05/07/2021 09:14

I wouldn't start cooking the quick to cook parts of the meal until after the guests had arrived. Everything would be chopped/mixed/assembled etc ready to go, but anything requiring less than 30 minutes of heat would be waiting in the fridge until the guests had arrived.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 09:19

@Nohomemadecandles

If you said 7, why on earth would you have dinner ready to serve at 7?? Don't you chat, get people drinks, take the wine/ flowers from them...

If you were putting food on the plate at 7, I'd think you were a bit odd! It's a dinner invite not a school canteen.

I'm by no means silver spoon by birth but there really is a massive divide between accepted etiquettes here!

Same here - I'm WC by background, didn't grow up in circles where 'dinner parties' were even a thing, but it seems like common sense to me that you don't serve up on the dot when it's a social occasion. The whole point of social occasions is that you take it slowly, because you're going to be eating/drinking/chatting all evening.

It would be different if someone was literally just popping in for their tea, but that's not what this thread is about

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 09:23

Also, serving up on the dot makes no allowance for the fact that a guest may be slightly delayed through no fault of their own. A train could be late, traffic could be bad.... unless the guest only lives 5 mins away it is pretty much impossible for people to guarantee that they will turn up on the dot of 7!

Why would you put your guests under pressure like that, and then make them feel awkward when they arrive at 7:08pm to find you halfway through your starter?

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 09:26

In fact, the people who say they serve up on the dot of 7 is the weirdest thing about this thread. People turning up slightly early or late - I'm not bothered. I only invite my actual friends anyway, and I don't give them a time that is earlier than I can reasonably be ready.

But serving food the second your guests walk through the door (or even before, if they have the temerity to arrive later than 7:05) is one of the most bonkers things I can imagine.

heyyellowyellow · 05/07/2021 09:26

7.05-7.10

My dad would arrive at anytime from 6.30pm onwards because he has no respect of other people’s boundaries and believes that he can arrive as he pleases, to hell with the host and what they might be doing in the last half hour before they expect guests to arrive.

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 05/07/2021 09:26

None of the ‘I must serve up on the dot of arrival’ people seem willing to answe these many questions…

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 09:32

I feel like someone should start a MN poll: "If you invite your friends for dinner and give them an arrival time of 7pm, what time would you expect to start serving food?"

YABU = before 7:10pm
YANBU = after 7:10pm

I would be really interested to see the percentage split, as I have never met anyone who would serve food straight away. I have both WC and MC friends, so I don't think it's necessarily a class thing... maybe regional?

LizJamIsFab · 05/07/2021 09:32

7:05 or up to 7:15. Any longer and I’d be sending an apology text.

Tealeavesandscones · 05/07/2021 09:34

@ElinoristhenewEnid

If I invite people for dinner at 7 pm I would be ready to serve up at 7 pm and would be very annoyed at people turning up after 7.05 pm!
I find this quite surprising tbh. How does it work? (Genuine question, not being goady.). Do people arrive, take their coats off, sit down at the table and immediately get stuck in to dinner? What about introductions, serving a drink, breaking the ice with other guests, relaxing a bit first? And what if someone is late? Do you not wait until stragglers arrive?

Surely that makes food and eating the sole purpose of the evening, when in reality, food is the conduit or "excuse" for socialising with, and meeting, other people?

I'm with Nohomemadecandles here; this is one of those unwritten rules of social etiquette that you get to know about, either from your parents, or when working in professional circles. I am from a town in the East Midlands so hardly high born either, but I picked this sort of thing up from my parents and again when I worked in London. It is basic etiquette and includes things like which knife and fork to use at which course, how to hold a wine glass, how to make small talk and yes, to arrive a polite five, preferably ten minutes late when invited to dinner, I think I was told that within half an hour of the stated time is acceptable but personally I prefer to arrive about ten to fifteen minutes past and no later, unless otherwise instructed by the host.

BarkingUpTheWrongRoseBush · 05/07/2021 09:36

Serving food on the dot of 7????

Dh used to do this when we had his family round as they all have the Hangry, and wander around like flesh eating snarling zombies till fed.

With friends 7 means we’ll eat 1/4 to 8 ish after some nibbles.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 09:37

Also, if you're standing at the cooker, oven glove and serving spoon in hand at 7pm, how on earth do you greet your guests?

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 09:40

I am from a town in the East Midlands so hardly high born either, but I picked this sort of thing up from my parents

I think if you picked up dinner party etiquette from your parents, you must be from a MC background. My parents neither held nor attended dinner parties.

I figured out the 'don't serve up on the dot of arrival' thing purely through common sense. It's a social occasion rather than functional eating, so you behave sociably. Herding guests straight to their chair and plonking the food down while they're still taking their coat off is not socialable.