Would you rather have another baby or a bigger house?

[HitsAndMrs]

I have 2 children and would like a third but it means we would have to wait a few more years to move to a bigger house. We have enough rooms but need more space.
We could give out DDs a big house with their own bedroom or we could have another child and experience the joy that comes with that.
I know this is a personal subjective question but wanted to see what you would do? For the record, my DDs would like another child! (We had a loss which they often talk about)

@caringcarer

No house in the world can give you a cuddle to melt your heart. I am too old now, but were it possible I would choose a baby every time.

This is so true.

House, your youngest is 8.
By the time a baby comes along your eldest will be hitting high school. Kids change an awful lot between 10 and 12. That two years can be massive and they might not be so keen to room share.

Days out will become difficult, things that suit the eldest don't necessarily suit the youngest and the other way round.

We chose to have a third baby.
We’re currently trying to save a deposit to buy but Covid set us back. We are renting a four bed so we have the room, it’s just not ours.
We made the decision based on the fact we wanted them to grow up and play together. Our oldest is four and second is 2 so this was the perfect age gap. We might not be able to buy for another three years and that age gap will just get bigger.

@ProcrastinationStation3

House.

Quality of life for your existing DC over bringing another child into an over-populated world.

Another child MIGHT bring more joy, it might also bring more sibling conflict, jealousy etc. You say your DC would like a sinking, but a theoretical sibling is very different to the reality. You know the reality and have to make the decision as an adult. How would your DC really feel about a baby crying all the time and the time and attention you have to give to them being dramatically reduced?

Personally (as one of three) I would never have 3 kids, it's such an awkward number, one is always left out/caught in the middle. (I also don't know any other middles/youngest of three who would consider having 3)

And that's without considering the age gap, yours are of an age where they're soon going to want their own space, they're also always, until adulthood, going to be at very different stages so it'll be difficult to find activities etc that everyone can actually enjoy.

Also true. I think I'm worried that I will regret it if we don't do it now but I am also anxious about the change of dynamics and I could give two a really good life. However, my sister is 10 years younger and I wouldn't change that for a bigger bedroom and a holiday..

Baby number 4! But I adore my house so I wouldnt want to move even if I won millions. I'd have 10 babies if I had the money and space

Bear in mind the risk of going for number 3 and ending up with twins.
There is also the fact that another pregnancy would not be guaranteed to have a happy outcome. You could end up having miscarriages, a stillbirth or a severely disabled child that would require round the clock care for the rest of their lives, and drastically change the lives of the rest of your family including your existing children. While the risk of this is relatively small, I always think it is something people should consider when they are weighing up having just one more child - the assumption always seems to be that it will be a straightforward pregnancy resulting in another healthy child, but there is no guarantee. My view is perhaps a bit skewed though as I previously worked in a children's hospital, so saw a disproportionate number of families who this had happened to.

I'd choose the bigger house. I'd rather give my two existing children the best quality of life and financial stability I could than expand my family further and need to spread my existing resources (time, attention and money) across more kids.

That's just me though, at the end of the day so what it right for you and your family :)

House,

Personally I don't think it's fair to make children charge especially when they hit teenage years seems like your daughter is pretty close at 10z

Share not charge 🤣😂

Baby!! I have three and I love it. We actually have a four bed but we need the fourth room for an office so our girls share. They don't mind at all. I shared until I was about 15 and my sister left home. Never did me any harm!

House but that’s because with 2 DC’s I feel my family is complete and ‘done’ with having babies. I also feel that another child would compromise the quality of life for my others, especially factoring in the risk of further losses (), twins, disabilities, or unexpected financial implications.
If you’re yearning for another child and feel the risk worth taking then I don’t think you feel that the family is complete and it makes sense to do that sooner rather than later and hang on a few years for the new house. In the mean time get some good storage in!

I have 3 and the toddlers sleep is shocking so right now I'd choose a colonoscopy over another baby.

For you though, you can do both but only in one order so do baby then house

A bigger house. I have two DC and that, for me, is enough.

ummm, we had another baby
then we had a bigger house

Neither.

Be content with what you have. Your DC don't have to share. You have made no mention of not liking the location or the house other than its size.

Use the money you would have spent on moving costs to improve your house. Add a garden room if you can. Use the money you save on not having a bigger house to be more comfortable, take more holidays, let the DCs do more activities. Then in 10 years time you will have a house the right size, be free of child rearing duties, be financially secure enough to help your DCs and be able to enjoy life.

No worrying about moving, no morning sickness, nappies, toddlers at the same time as teenagers. Make your life easier not harder.

Bigger house appeals to me much more than another human relying on me for about 20 years - but I've loooong made the decision not to have any more kids, and moved to a bigger house which I'm enjoying immensely

@Frenchfancy

Neither.

Be content with what you have. Your DC don't have to share. You have made no mention of not liking the location or the house other than its size.

Use the money you would have spent on moving costs to improve your house. Add a garden room if you can. Use the money you save on not having a bigger house to be more comfortable, take more holidays, let the DCs do more activities. Then in 10 years time you will have a house the right size, be free of child rearing duties, be financially secure enough to help your DCs and be able to enjoy life.

No worrying about moving, no morning sickness, nappies, toddlers at the same time as teenagers. Make your life easier not harder.

This really resonated with me, thank you. I should make my life easier, not harder. Bloody hormones and broodiness

No house in the world can give you a cuddle to melt your heart.

And no house is going to shout at you in the middle of a pubescent mood swing in a way that really twists in the knife to break your heart as much as possible because it's learned all your buttons - and then have to find space to separate before it fights with their house-siblings who have less say in the matter which adds on that guilt as well.

Really, everything in life has risks - some of the best things are very risky, but we can only weigh them up if we recognize those risks. While it sounds OP like you had a lovely relationship with your sister, it's just as likely they won't. For every story of people regretting not having another, I've heard people discuss how 'if they knew then what they know now' they'd have stopped and even more so for people who say they'd wish they'd had sibling(s), I think there are just as many who'd rather not have dealt with that.

It's hard to say - It's a hypothetical person with all the complexities of the person and relationships bring compared to the complications a new house would bring -- or as a pp suggested, your status quo with the money put into improving where you are.

Maybe it's because I have teenagers, but I'm in the make your life easier camp. This might involve moving - I've done that recently, though the house isn't actually bigger but it has a better layout, with more accessibility features in an area with more available (and it's ours rather than a rental) that even a month in has improved our quality of life in many ways. It might involve other areas of your life to build up with that money instead.

A baby is very much unlikely to do that - knowing people with teenagers and pre-schoolers, that can get complicated. For some that's worth it, but I'd weigh up the worst case scenerios a previous poster (or my above description of teenage doom) if it's mainly a matter of annoying broodiness

Plus a house is an investment, in 20 years it will have doubled in value or more and you can downsize in retirement. Another baby will cost you more.

When me and my older sister were 8 &10, my younger sister was born. She’s never been as close as me and the older due to the age gap, and has constantly struggled to keep up. It doesn’t matter how often we point out that a 20 year old shouldn’t be doing what a 30 year old is doing, it’s a massive chip on her shoulder and causes her constant issues; she pushes every boyfriend for an engagement within about 6 months, because we are both married, and has very volatile relationships. She also hates the fact that she’s not as close as we are and constantly has emotional upsets over it.

As a result, I’ve sworn never to have an age gap that big, as it’s not fair on my younger sister. Just wanted to add that perspective as your elder two are the same age we were.

@BiBabbles

No house in the world can give you a cuddle to melt your heart.

And no house is going to shout at you in the middle of a pubescent mood swing in a way that really twists in the knife to break your heart as much as possible because it's learned all your buttons - and then have to find space to separate before it fights with their house-siblings who have less say in the matter which adds on that guilt as well.

Really, everything in life has risks - some of the best things are very risky, but we can only weigh them up if we recognize those risks. While it sounds OP like you had a lovely relationship with your sister, it's just as likely they won't. For every story of people regretting not having another, I've heard people discuss how 'if they knew then what they know now' they'd have stopped and even more so for people who say they'd wish they'd had sibling(s), I think there are just as many who'd rather not have dealt with that.

It's hard to say - It's a hypothetical person with all the complexities of the person and relationships bring compared to the complications a new house would bring -- or as a pp suggested, your status quo with the money put into improving where you are.

Maybe it's because I have teenagers, but I'm in the make your life easier camp. This might involve moving - I've done that recently, though the house isn't actually bigger but it has a better layout, with more accessibility features in an area with more available (and it's ours rather than a rental) that even a month in has improved our quality of life in many ways. It might involve other areas of your life to build up with that money instead.

A baby is very much unlikely to do that - knowing people with teenagers and pre-schoolers, that can get complicated. For some that's worth it, but I'd weigh up the worst case scenerios a previous poster (or my above description of teenage doom) if it's mainly a matter of annoying broodiness

This is really helpful thank you. I really needed to see another perspective.

@BiBabbles

No house in the world can give you a cuddle to melt your heart.

And no house is going to shout at you in the middle of a pubescent mood swing in a way that really twists in the knife to break your heart as much as possible because it's learned all your buttons - and then have to find space to separate before it fights with their house-siblings who have less say in the matter which adds on that guilt as well.

Really, everything in life has risks - some of the best things are very risky, but we can only weigh them up if we recognize those risks. While it sounds OP like you had a lovely relationship with your sister, it's just as likely they won't. For every story of people regretting not having another, I've heard people discuss how 'if they knew then what they know now' they'd have stopped and even more so for people who say they'd wish they'd had sibling(s), I think there are just as many who'd rather not have dealt with that.

It's hard to say - It's a hypothetical person with all the complexities of the person and relationships bring compared to the complications a new house would bring -- or as a pp suggested, your status quo with the money put into improving where you are.

Maybe it's because I have teenagers, but I'm in the make your life easier camp. This might involve moving - I've done that recently, though the house isn't actually bigger but it has a better layout, with more accessibility features in an area with more available (and it's ours rather than a rental) that even a month in has improved our quality of life in many ways. It might involve other areas of your life to build up with that money instead.

A baby is very much unlikely to do that - knowing people with teenagers and pre-schoolers, that can get complicated. For some that's worth it, but I'd weigh up the worst case scenerios a previous poster (or my above description of teenage doom) if it's mainly a matter of annoying broodiness

Thank you! I think you're right to be honest. I would love to do more with the children I have now. City breaks, more financial stability.

Really appreciate all your opinions!

Have another baby, but that ship has sailed so I hit the big house

What is often missed on these threads is the joy that siblings bring to each other. They have their own gang and dynamic and it’s so sweet to watch. My eldest (10) is so sweet and caring of her little brother who is 3. It’s a lovely side of her personality which wouldn’t have come through without a younger sibling. It’s lovely seeing them learn from each other and bring out different sides of each other. I also find that 3 can take the edge off, as they can each have time on their own as they don’t only have one person to play with. Funny that people seem to think financial resources are what benefit kids more. OP says nothing to suggest she is living with very restricted means and the children would have to go short and have their life massively compromised if there was a third.

BiBabbles

I so agree.

Sticking to 2 kids and having a bigger house has been a life saver in the teenage years.
Space for everyone to spread out, for teenagers to cook and entertain friends without us all being on top of each other- a place for them to exercise and hang out.
Has prevented a lot of stress and conflict in my view.

@Cupoftea53 for every set of siblings that get on like yours there is another set where they actively don’t get on , it’s a huge risk especially with a big age gap . It’s lovely that it worked out like that for you .