Would you rather have another baby or a bigger house?

[HitsAndMrs]

I have 2 children and would like a third but it means we would have to wait a few more years to move to a bigger house. We have enough rooms but need more space.
We could give out DDs a big house with their own bedroom or we could have another child and experience the joy that comes with that.
I know this is a personal subjective question but wanted to see what you would do? For the record, my DDs would like another child! (We had a loss which they often talk about)

@HitsAndMrs

Thank you.

We can have a bigger house but if we had a baby now the house would have to wait a few years, so my DDs will have their own rooms as teenagers regardless of whether we have another child or not.

I am talking about the present day, the decision is bigger house now or another child.

In a few years we could have a bigger house as well as a baby but can't afford both right at the moment.

If I think back to you childhood I'd rather have had a sibling than material things.

For what is it worth we would be over crowded in our house.

It is interesting to hear people's thoughts!

Wouldn't be overcrowded sorry!

Baby. It sounds like you really want one. Life's too short and what would a bigger house bring you at this stage?
Like you say once they are teenagers you'll have the bigger house anyway 🤷‍♀️

Baby, without a doubt.

The baby first then the house. If you do it house then baby, you may never have the baby. You would really regret it if you definitely want the baby

Baby, and a huge declutter. Sounds like you will only have to wait a few years at most for the bigger house.

No house in the world can give you a cuddle to melt your heart. I am too old now, but were it possible I would choose a baby every time.

I had my third child when older two were dd10 and ds8. New baby ds. Now all grown up and both ds's get on so well together. They go to cinema together although both have their own friends. They share several hobbies in common both get on well with their dsister. I know when I die I will feel much happier going knowing they all have each other.

House every day of the week.

For us, a baby would need a new house, new car, and all the baby crap again. And the crippling childcare bill every month.

Nevermind that I'm too old and my pregnancy with DC2 put me off for life.

House. Depends on your financial situation but in a few short years your kids will need financial support to get them started (uni,cars, rent/deposit) - that would be my focus and buying a bigger house is an investment to that but having a baby will mean sacrifices from all.

House.

My DDs are the same age. Most of the time best friends. Because they have space to escape each other.

Elder DD will start secondary in a year and need quiet homework space.

My mam had 11 dc. Small semi d 3 bedrooms. I doubt they ever considered space.
We all mucked in.

Baby. Every time.

From a practical viewpoint, house. Your dc won't want to share forever and a 3bed is small for 5 people.

I don't think it's a true question really. The real question is baby or no baby, and it sounds like you really want a baby! So you should go for it!

[quote Verbena87]@PattyPan it sounds as if you’d like a baby yourself. My decision to try for a child came with the acknowledgment that I was doing something environmentally irresponsible for the sake of my own well-being/joy. It feels a bit weird to me to use the environment argument to dictate other people’s choices round kids if you want a child yourself (and so have surely if not come to terms with, then at least acknowledged the inherent selfishness involved and decided it’s acceptable.)

I kind of feel like you either feel that the environmental impact is unacceptable, so you stay child free, or you accept that it’s not a decision that can be entirely based on quantifiable external factors and go ahead.[/quote]
Sorry, I probably didn’t make myself clear. I do intend to have one or two children (fertility willing) and just haven’t done so yet but from an environmental standpoint it’s better to not have more than two. Having two children like OP is already a blessing and the environmental impact of each additional child is so so high but I don’t think people really realise it - it’s way more than any other thing you do in your life, even if you regularly fly transatlantic, drive the world’s least efficient car and eat imported steak for every meal. Or flipped, making every possible eco decision still wouldn’t outweigh the impact of an additional child.

Yes, I’m aware of the impact, I just struggle to see why 2 is ok but not 3. Is there a significant difference in additional environmental impact of a second child versus a third?

2 replaces you and your DH so doesn’t increase the population. And yes I know not everyone has children or they only have one so some people having 3 will be balanced out by those people. But since you can’t rely on that it’s better to not have more than 2. I don’t know if there is data on it but I would imagine that a third child does cause more emissions than a 2nd though since you usually need to get a bigger car and things like that. In cases like OP’s there’s also quite a big age gap. I’m guessing she doesn’t still have all the baby stuff in the loft so if she has to buy new then that obviously has an environmental impact, etc.

House.
We found 2 children in a smallish house stressful, noisy. Another child would have made it even harder.
However we didn't have the loss you have had. So I think the decision is very personal.
Personally I'd choose house 😀

Ah, cross posted. However, now knowing the ages of your existing DCs, it would still be a no. I can't see how they'd benefit from it overall. It would mean less time and fewer resources from you, and it will limit options for days out/activities with such a large age gap (see the current thread running from a poster with these age gaps and the summer hols looming). They already have a sibling, so the benefit of another (they can't really play with) is not balanced by the things they'll lose.

These are two such very different things.

House as for me that would be putting your current child first, which is more important. They may like the idea, but at 10 don't fully understand the impact. Only my view though.

Without wishing to sound heartless, house for me. But it's easy to say as I only wanted two so was happy to stop at that point. We'd also started private schooling for the first and three would have been tough to finance (appreciate that we have some excellent state schools so this is not a barrier to having another child). Also my kids do a lot of sport, weekends are spent driving them around and I couldn't contemplate how we'd manage with another one.

But I think size of family is such a personal choice, it's difficult to give advice. My sister felt her family wasn't complete until she'd had three. I'm one of three (though I was rather a surprise/medical marvel) and I've enjoyed having a brother and sister. Good luck with your decision!

House.

Quality of life for your existing DC over bringing another child into an over-populated world.

Another child MIGHT bring more joy, it might also bring more sibling conflict, jealousy etc. You say your DC would like a sinking, but a theoretical sibling is very different to the reality. You know the reality and have to make the decision as an adult. How would your DC really feel about a baby crying all the time and the time and attention you have to give to them being dramatically reduced?

Personally (as one of three) I would never have 3 kids, it's such an awkward number, one is always left out/caught in the middle. (I also don't know any other middles/youngest of three who would consider having 3)

And that's without considering the age gap, yours are of an age where they're soon going to want their own space, they're also always, until adulthood, going to be at very different stages so it'll be difficult to find activities etc that everyone can actually enjoy.

frg124 it doesn't sound heartless at all.
I prefer to invest my existing resources into the children I have- I think that's a very givinng thing to do.
My two children have enjoyed the space of a bigger house especially when they were teenagers.
They have benefitted by having the financial support through gap year/univerity/car purchase.
If I had more children I doubt those things would have happened.
It's a caring thing to do to limit your family and focus of the children you do have.

Why had OP withdrawn two posts?