If you could start over again with your DC, what would you do differently?

[whereiscaroline]

Just mulling this over after a tricky day with DS.

I wish that I'd focused more on building his self esteem when he was small, without worrying that overpraising would make him big headed or arrogant.

I wish I'd sent him to Cubs and Scouts! He struggles with school due to ADHD and I think he would have got a lot from being part of something vocational.

Kathunk interesting comment, DH & I read endlessly to our DS, used the library (all those holiday reading schemes ), had a daily (quality) newspaper which he occasionally looked at, DH & I are keen readers etc etc ... but he never learned to 'love' reading .. and we still had to spend ££££s to get him through his English GCSEs. He's 20 now & I never see him reading for pleasure.

@MustardRose
Thanks for such a comprehensive post about dance schools! Really interesting to know more about the signs of a good/ not so good dance school

[quote ContessaVerde]**@MustardRose
Thanks for such a comprehensive post about dance schools! Really interesting to know more about the signs of a good/ not so good dance school[/quote]

@CherryCherries

My stepson is very restricted on his tech at home. As a result, when he goes to his dad's, all he wants to do is play on his switch or ipad. It's like sugar to him! My dc take it or leave it because it's not a novelty to them or a "fix" they must get before they can have more.

I think most kids need to be limited because they can't regulate. There's a minority who care less, so they can be left to regulate themselves.

@Delphigirl

Air Cadets. Fantastic thing to do - keeps them busy, disciplined, inculcates responsibility, teaches them to iron and polish their shoes - they also learn to fly, shoot guns, do public service - and you send them in brilliant week long holiday camps all around the country for £60 a week.

Better than scouts and without the paedophiles which is a bonus

@Delphigirl

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

All I will say is that for your children’s sake, never be complacent.

I do wish I was more patient but that would require a personality transplant really.

Been less "tiger mother" in the early days. I got over myself reasonably quickly but it definitely wasn't my finest act of parenting.

Aside from that I don't believe I would change a lot. I had a fairly awful childhood and have consciously made polar opposite decisions to my parents. He's turned out well and I've enjoyed the journey for the most part.

I do wish he'd never bought a drum kit though

Those of you who say you'd refrain from getting the DC a smartphone until later; would this not exclude them socially? Aside from those who are using online gaming to 'socialise' with their friends obviously.

I was chatting to a friend of mine with a 12 yr old DD recently and she said she let her set up a TikTok account as 'all the other kids are on it'.

My son’s father was/still is a controlling, violent abuser. When I left him my DS was just over a year old. I can’t remember much about him being a baby/toddler because I was living in a state of permanent fear. My ex threatened to kill me many times after I’d left and I was running on adrenaline for months, if not years. I feel like my son missed out hugely and I have a lot of guilt. I wish I could have been more present during his baby years. I’ll never get that back.

@cleckheatonwanderer, Mine didn’t get one until he was about 14/15. He still managed to have an Instagram profile with hundreds of followers and a YouTube channel with thousands of views. But he refuses point blank having a Facebook account as he finds it “too intrusive”.

Not having an intelligent phone prevented him from ostracising himself in the trip to and back from school only, and to concentrate on what was around him when he was out and about. He had a phone for emergencies and to text his friends, but full access to internet was only available at home.

It worked for us but if I had a chance to do things differently… I would probably have not got him an Xbox until he was 12…

It is possible to at least rein in tech use.
My children have windows profiles and a kindle fire tablet each. The parental controls for the tablet are very easy to use. You can set a strict time limit and just cut the whole thing off if they're being awkward.
On windows you can use the family safety app, so my sons have strict time limits on things like roblox and a lot of stuff like youtube is totally blocked. Again we have set time limits on the profile itself so they get kicked off at 7.30pm regardless.

I wish I'd ignored the GP and upped my sertraline dose much earlier. Oh the difference, I'm so much calmer. I also wish I'd realised sooner that it was my nursing bra that was causing a lot of the problems feeding ds1. I should have given up with the faffy thing.

I wish I had been more relaxed with my first. I worried about every little thing and was stressed all the time. I’m sure he must have felt it. I’m ashamed to say I was a much better mother to my second as I knew what to expect and wasn’t as easily fazed.

I would also spend much more time just watching them when they were small. When they were playing I would crack on with cooking dinner or cleaning and I wish I had just left it all and sat with them for a while.

I would also build better tidying habits!!!

Interesting, thanks @GrandmasCat.
I think the tech thing is also dependant on the individual. My nephew got a smart phone at 12, he's never had a facebook account but has snapchat and instagram, both of which he rarely posts on although he views often (lurker!) He also got a playstation around that age and my DB says they've never really had to manage his time on it, any boundaries that they've imposed have been followed. He's 19 now.

My 4 yr old shows little interest in the ipad, the few times he asks to go on it he won't be on for more than 10 minutes or so before he wanders off to play with something else. I realise this probably will change as he gets older though.