If you could start over again with your DC, what would you do differently?

[whereiscaroline]

Just mulling this over after a tricky day with DS.

I wish that I'd focused more on building his self esteem when he was small, without worrying that overpraising would make him big headed or arrogant.

I wish I'd sent him to Cubs and Scouts! He struggles with school due to ADHD and I think he would have got a lot from being part of something vocational.

I am doing better with my grandchild. It’s so much easier though..

I agree with some previous posters who say that personality plays a huge part in how they end up.
Mine are still young, 6 and 8, both girls and polar opposites in every way, I've never been strict with tech as I don't want it to be seen as a reward, the eldest now chooses to play Roblox a fair bit in her free time or make animated videos whereas the youngest has less than 10 minutes and puts it down, she's not interested in tech at all.

I wish I'd worried less about milestones, I had pnd after dd1 and spent so much time fretting about what age she crawled, walked etc, I remember once coming home from a playgroup in tears because the helper there kept on about making her have tummy time even though she hated it, I still feel guilty for sitting there while dd lay on her tummy clearly uncomfortable and upset while the woman banged on about how she would get used to it.

@Delphigirl

Air Cadets. Fantastic thing to do - keeps them busy, disciplined, inculcates responsibility, teaches them to iron and polish their shoes - they also learn to fly, shoot guns, do public service - and you send them in brilliant week long holiday camps all around the country for £60 a week.

Better than scouts and without the paedophiles which is a bonus

What a horrible comment. Paedophiles are in all areas of life unfortunately, including the armed forces. There are thousands of Scout volunteers who give up a lot of time for the kids and I’m sure don’t appreciate being labelled paedophiles.

I'd whip dc out of the preschool they were in and move them to another one.

I'd have spent less time teaching such things as taking turns and sharing. Last time I ended up with dc who were a pushover and totally lacking in any assertiveness or confidence whatsoever.

I'd be far more relaxed about weaning.

I'd choose a different dance school.

My stepson is very restricted on his tech at home. As a result, when he goes to his dad's, all he wants to do is play on his switch or ipad. It's like sugar to him!
My dc take it or leave it because it's not a novelty to them or a "fix" they must get before they can have more.

I wish I'd been more patient.

Some really interesting responses here, some of which have actually changed my mind about the things I was wishing for.

@MustardRose
What would you look for in a dance school and what didn’t tou like about the dance school your kids went to?

I'd never have bought DS a PS4.

I hate that thing with a passion.

Have them with a more reliable man who was not abusive.

[quote ContessaVerde]**@MustardRose
What would you look for in a dance school and what didn’t tou like about the dance school your kids went to?[/quote]
How long have you got?! lol

What didn't I like? Not so much that, but I didn't realise that the school was not as good as I thought it was, and it seriously held DD1's progress back. I missed an opportunity earlier on to move her to somewhere rather special and I didn't follow it up. But it is only with the benefit of hindsight that I know this. It's a very long, boring story to anyone but us though.

What to look for? Or possibly what not to look for...

Don't be swayed by a glossy website, razzamatazz, loads of competition successes, team hoodies and dance troupes/elite training sessions. Some of the best dance schools are in a scabby church hall and run by someone who isn't spending their time on web design or social media.

Look at where their senior students actually end up. Do they go to the very top schools and musical theatre establishments and end up in ballet companies or in the West End, or do they go and do college courses with built-in trainee dance teacher qualifications and then end up back at the school they started from teaching the little kids, but never having performed professionally?

Look at the teachers. What are their qualifications and where did they themselves train? Who taught them? Are they former professional performers and for how long? Are they all fully qualified or are part-qualified young people allowed to teach on their own? Some schools even let their older teenage students teach. That shouldn't happen.

Look at the student successes. Do they repeatedly win at well-known national competitions such as All England or ISTD awards? Does the school have a really good success rate at getting youngsters into major associate programmes (eg: Royal Ballet associates or West End Kids)?

Look at the timetable. How many advanced classes are there? And for seniors at advanced level the classes should be at least an hour and a quarter long, and several times a week.

Exams. How often are they held? Are students kept with their peer group and all moved up together, or can the most able move up at greater speed?

Are there too many shows, displays and competitions getting in the way of actual training in good technique? I've seen some fantastic shows in my time, brilliant routines, amazing costumes, flashing lights the lot. But break it down and the solid technique isn't there. I see it all the time on Britain's Got Talent etc, and it makes me cringe.

I could witter on for hours, but I'll stop now because I'm hijacking the OP's thread - if you want to ask anything you can always PM me.

The one thing I’m glad of is that I didn’t beat myself up about not being able to breastfeed. When I was about to leave the house to go for my c section, my mum told me that not all women manage to breastfeed, and that giving a baby a bottle was nothing to be ashamed of. She had breastfed me and I assumed that I would be breastfeeding too.

For various reasons it turned out for the best that it didn’t work... I ended up in hospital less than a month later on morphine.

Definitely more patience!
Taken more care of oldest dcs chicken pox spots, he has quite a few deep scars that maybe could’ve been prevented if I’d applied more cream/oil I think

As someone who works in education I would say if you can please read to your Dc as often as you can, it makes a huge difference & you can mostly tell the children that are read to frequently (ditto for supporting them with reading their school books)

I wish I'd worried about stuff less. Despite my far from perfect parenting, she has grown into an incredible human being of whom I am immensely proud. I wouldn't change anything about her. I would just relax and enjoy the journey without obsessing about minor details.

Forgiving ourselves is hard
But necessary

I wish I hadn't worked nightshifts meaning I was so knackered and short tempered with them.

I would have had them younger. I was 36 and 39 when they were born. I wish I’d had them 10 years earlier then a) I wouldn’t be so knackered now and b) I’d have an extra decade to put my own life back together. I was a SAHM for 10 years, not just through choice (living abroad, dealing with disabilities) and 50 feels old to be trying to start a new career etc.

But them? They are practically perfect :-). Anyone read Blueprint by Robert Plomin? An awful lot of behavioural traits are highly influenced by our genes rather than (or as much as) our upbringing.

Agree that behaviour is largely determined by personality. If you have non identical twins this plays out from day one - you treat them the same, they react completely differently and gives you a very good lesson that it’s not all about you.

Mine are pre teens. I wish I’d trained them to do chores. They are lazy about tidying and helping.

They dont have phones yet but I’m dreading this but and interested to read the experiences here.

One thing I think we’ve got right is having an app which controls their screen time on laptops. We can set screen time limits or allow at certain times of the day etc. Very useful. Doesn’t stop them watching YouTube on the TV though...

The dummy 🙁. Obviously at 17 she no longer has it 😊 but she had it A LOT until 3, day and night. Despite what MN say, it did affect her speech and she did have teeth issues.

Home educated earlier.
Best life changing decision ever for the whole family. Made in desperation, turned into something brilliant for all and a whole different way of life and actually got to enjoy being a parent and they got to enjoy education and have ended up as life long learners.
Next generation did it from the beginning and are having such a better life, friendships, and educational experiences.

Recognized ASD earlier and not allowed myself to be ground down by that DC's school.
Known and understood earlier that with ASD, anxiety hidden or otherwise, is a fundamental result of ASD in an NT world.

Applied for and accepted DLA for two of them and myself.

Done more about training myself for a better financial future.

I wish they'd carried on with playing instruments, but that's purely self centered.

Wish I continued to breastfeed my 1st & 3rd for longer but that’s just me, doubt it would’ve had any impact on them at all.

Wish I had chosen a different nursery for my
eldest & wish I’d never changed her schools. Panic over now because she’s back at the original school and very happy.

Somehow transported dd to another universe so she never met her controlling abusive partner we live in hope she will see sense at some point

@Hugsgalore - same here. I was stressed and not particularly patient when they were under 10 -

What's done is done, and only move forward and be patient now.

I would have been more insistent with the orthodontist that my dd should have a brace. She definitely needed one but we were refused and I just accepted it. Feel like I failed her. She's planning to pay for one herself after uni.