What has your 'Pandemic experience' been like?

[steakandcheeseplease]

After catching up with some friends I'd not seen for ages it was interesting to hear the different experiences they had. From being in the first strictest lockdown and giving birth to totally locking themselves away to it not really having any impact. No one hardly seen my friend baby till it was a year old

My experience.

My school was one of the first to close. Was on the news. That was scary and I was frightened.

The shops scared me, it was apocalyptic. A woman shouted at me outside Asda because I had my children with me ( no one else to have them)

Im very lucky I live semi rurally so was never trapped in the house, we went out as much as we could. No one could see us. I even did open water swimming in the lake near us and paddle boarded.

I visited my DGM nearly daily. She was 88 and living by herself. I'd sit at the end of the path with a flask of tea and id see how she was or bring shopping. I could see her legs were getting weaker as she couldn't leave the house. She gave me a hug once as I was crying about something.

My marriage ended due to us having issues and being holed up together escalated it.

I realised how bad my anxiety had got when I started retching for no reason

My kids ruined my house.

I stopped outside high rise flats in my car and seen a toddler up in the last flat (about 8 floors up) on a tiny tricycle on a tiny balcony just still looking through the gaps. That was a defining moment for me.

School work went out the window. But my kids were eventually allowed back in school as I'm a key worker.

I met up with several good friends and had socially distanced walks where no one could see us when one of us were really struggling.

I'm shocked at how many of my friends have had or still have mental health issues due to this period of time.

I feel like I've checked out of covid now, I'm more worried about the wave of debt and financial crisis that will come from this.

What was your experience like?

My Grandmother died in March. Couldn't attend her funeral. Couldn't support my mum. Very ill in March/April with chest related issues, possibly covid but never formally diagnosed. Nearly hospitalised.
Almost sectioned in May. Existing mental health issues made worse by masks (trigger my ptsd). Tried setraline only to learn it disagrees with me. Undid 2 years of therapy.

Dc1 started school with no real transition and struggled. Dc2 turned 2 and now 3 with limited socialisation. She screams whenever I try to leave her. Due to distance barely seen family.

Dh had a stroke. Horrendous GP care. His blood pressure is still ridiculously high although he's recovering well.

On the one hand, we're lucky. Dh has had 3 payrises since Feb 2020, we have a big house and I don't know anyone who has died of covid. On the hand, it's been hellish. My therapy had worked, I thought...I was back as a functioning human being with plans for the future (career/holidays etc) but now I'm back at square one, struggling to see the point.

I'd like to second hugs for everyone that needs them.

My life wasn't changed. I ignored lockdown guidelines and went out every day. I am self employed and just carried on with my usual work. I guess the biggest difference was that shops I go into occasionally were closed.

I was fortunate as dh and me were in keyworker jobs (not nhs) so life was the same apart from being bored shitless.I was so grateful and still am that none of my family got covid and that ds 7 could still attend school.

@Loveydovey

you poor thing.😥 I'm so sorry. I just want to hug you

First lockdown I'm a musician living with my partner in a first floor flat which was tough, despite living near beach and woods. Boiling hot, long hours of teaching online or doing nothing. All concerts and shows postponed, some paid me a retainer but most didn't. Havent sung in public since 2019. Drank too much. Gained 1.5 stone. Bought a house and moved into it july, was able to have friends help. Partner sent to work from home in march and still is. Haven't spent a moment alone in new house but we got engaged and adopted a cat.

Mental and physically health suffered greatly but have managed to move on in life in the toughest year ever.

This is going to sound very trivial to those who've faced grief, illness, loss of income etc, but it's the mindnumbing tedium that drains me and continues to do so.

I'm a SAHM as DS1 has multiple high functioning SNs and doesn't cope with childcare. I had arranged a nicely busy and purposeful life around that and it was all stripped away within a week. Much of it is still not normal or functioning at all. All I've been left with is housework (which I now feel utterly defeated by) and 6.5 months of fruitlessly attempting home learning. To autistic DS, it matters not a jot that I'm an experienced teacher, I'm his mum and his brain does not do schoolwork at home. So, so many frustrating battles and feeling like a faliure trying to balance learning and sanity.

I need busyness and external motivation to thrive and all of that has been stolen from me for much of the past year and with DS's needs, I can't see any practical, alternative ways to change my life until this is over. My autonomy has been taken.

I also can't do face masks and struggle around others wearing them. This has left me anxious about going to many places, while being fed up of my home and every outdoor space in 5 miles. This is easing at present, but in the winter it reached the point that going to a quiet supermarket was a big emotional ordeal, but I kept pushing myself through to not lose it completely.

I've been simultaneously peopled out and lonely. Other peoples' health, distance, pressures and anxieties have meant we've had little direct contact with friends and family.

This time last year I reached the point of frequently sobbing when it was clear that the DC's weren't going to school for another 3m. Only the thought that this is a rational reaction to a temporary situation has kept me from going to the GP for depression. I spent most of the winter wanting to hibernate or not exist. Jul-Oct had been a better window and I made the most of the opportunities I could then.

I do appreciate what is good in my life, but there's a limit to how far heavily recycled crumbs of gratitude will carry you in the absence of most of the things that fuel your soul and zest for life. It still isn't normal and I'm still not recharging under current restrictions. I need them to go. Completely.

for anyone that needs them, regardless of why you need them.

Furloughed briefly, then WFH
Couldn't get food as no supermarket recognised me as on the CEV list
Lots of arguing between my GP/consultant
Terrified. Shielded alone for 14 months
Still nervous, unsure if vaccine will work for me due to having a blood disorder
Realised how many people thought CEV meant either elderly or about to die, or both. And dispensable/unemployed etc

Defining moment for me was receiving a "boris box" of food and essentials after my consultant sorted out my food situation and sitting on the floor looking at it and reading the letter basically thinking what the fuck is happening

Negatives
Beloved MIL died
children hated it
Missed my family and friends

Positives
We both had space to WFH and enough money and interesting jobs
Our house was big enough that we weren’t on top of each other
We live rurally so plenty of walks
Risk was low as we had shopping delivered and WFH
We spent a lot of time together and enjoyed it
Life slowed down
DS2 did his dissertation as there was nothing to do
We always knew where the kids were
Thank god for Zoom
We didn’t catch covid

At first, I was fine. We both had Covid the week before lockdown and it was like the flu (which is grim while you’re ill but ultimately fine) I worked from home most of the time anyway and the sun was shining and I was kind of okay with not being booked up every weekend. Then my husband collapsed out of the blue and was diagnosed with a brain tumour, and everything just unravelled. Trying to get him treated was awful because of fucking Covid Covid Covid. We ended up having to go private and I thank my lucky stars for having insurance through work. Dropping him off at hospital when he had no idea where he was or what was happening to him and not being allowed into the ward to calm him and help him into bed, despite having isolated with him and being perfectly willing to take a test but not being allowed, almost broke me. I’m sick of Covid being considered above everything else, I’m sick of having to put our fragile lives on hold and I’m an anxious, angry mess. I’ll probably get flamed and abused and told I’m lucky we aren’t all dead but I’m past caring to be honest.

Better than a lot of people’s I guess I have been lucky overall

But when the anniversary came this March I had to hide my fb and deleted all my posts from then as I just found it so traumatic

It made me think that although it is still rubbish I have actually come a long way

But at the start the feeling of powerlessness that the government could just destroy all we had worked for on a whim was awful

@Pyewackect

NHS ICU Covid Red Zone ; highly disturbing and I wouldn’t want to do it again. Lost two close friends and colleagues and altho I don’t have nightmares, people I served with do. Lost a lot of weight and the skin on my face is only just recovering. I’ve kept a detailed diary and taken some pics, where appropriate. One day I’ll put it all together and get it bound and printed, but not at the moment.

I admire you hugely. Every health worker who did this should have a medal - nobody will though. In the Southern Hemisphere so things much easier here but the 6 weeks we where locked down and any patient contact in full PPE - I could barely tolerate N95s but we where extremely lucky to have plenty.

Really struggled mentally at first. Signed off work with anxiety before work closed. Ended up on antidepressants. This has been a good thing out of a bad as I’d had anxiety for years and now feel great- it took that to get me to take them but I needed them before really. Now feel like my happy self again.
First lockdown was ok, home schooling DS and DH WFH, sunny garden days, new walks etc. My parents live in the same village so we saw them regularly throughout. DS is an only child and started to really struggle- he was so sad, angry and lonely. He had 3 weeks back at school before summer and was like a different child!
Summer we went on UK holidays and day trips, despite being under restrictions since 1st August.
September I went back to work, it’s been hard with the new procedures and PPE but used to it now.
November lockdown was fine as schools open.
Christmas was a bit rubbish but we saw my parents and MIL so not terrible. Hope we get a proper Christmas this year.
January lockdown I was working so DS went to school and was happier for it. Felt lucky to have my job and started as a vaccinator which was fun.
Was much happier once all my loved ones were fully vaxxed including me.
Got Covid in May along with DS. Very mild though and feel fine now. Worried we had infected my Dad but he stayed negative thankfully.
Hoping for another fun filled summer. Have lots of UK breaks planned.

Worked in NHS all the way through and DH also worked outside of home.
Poor DD was stuck at home on her own most of the time, doing GCSEs and too old to join the key worker cohort who were years younger. I cried at how much school and social time she missed.
No decent PPE for anyone not in ITU so most of us caught it, ITU staff were much less likely to be infected. I think over 70% at my workplace tested positive for blood antibodies before the vaccine rollout. For me and DH it was no worse than a mild viral illness, barely knew we had it. In fact I didn’t realise until a week later when I felt a bit short of breath. I still have antibodies some 15 months later.
I lost 2 close colleagues to it which was shocking and upsetting and knew quite a few admitted to hospital but since recovered.
I hated the bloody clapping. I resented going to work in the carnage and leaving DD alone while so many were protected at home. No pay rise to thank us. It’s left me bitter.
My mum caught it (not from me) and died in the third wave after a very traumatic and lonely stay in hospital.
Finally moved house after lots of aborted attempts.
I feel a bit numb about it all. Very worried about the financial impact and all the poor sods whose livelihoods have been decimated. Not to mention the mental health impact the longer this drags on.
We need to really ramp up vaccination and open up now. Where does it stop, new variants will keep being imported even if we don’t develop any more in the UK. Better to get a mix of vaccine and natural immunity among us as quickly as we can.

I took DD to Paris for her birthday at the end of Jan 2020. We were in a cafe with a tv showing the news and it was all about the virus. I remember asking DD if she’d heard about it and she said “no, what’s that?” At the time of course it was all about China and we had no idea what was to come!

I also remember the first “worried about coronavirus” thread on here! So many posts saying people were being ridiculous and it was “just the flu” and wouldn’t affect us at all! Seems weird to look back on now.

I’ve been lucky in that I was already wfh anyway and that just continued. I did take a couple of short breaks last summer when things opened up for a while so that made life feel a bit more “normal”. I’ve got loads done in the house and got back to my hobbies. For me overall it’s been fairly positive. But then I also feel an element of guilt for feeling that way because other people have suffered so much. I am very aware that I am extremely fortunate.

It’s been a mixed bag for me.

First one was fine - DS hadn’t started school so we weren’t affected by homeschooling, and the weather was nice generally. We are very lucky to live rurally and have a decent garden, so we spent a lot of time in it and did lots of baking and things - the village pub started ordering flour in bulk and divvying it up so we always had access to that. There was anxiety but also a good sense of community. DH already worked from home most of the time so we were set up for that and his business was not affected too badly. It was ok overall.

Similarly, the second one was ok as the schools stayed open, and it had a finite end point.

The third one is the one that really got to me. DS is in reception and has ASD, so between those two things homeschooling was really tough, and the weather was grim so we couldn’t get outside as often as we’d like. The novelty had definitely gone, and I just coops the see an end in sight and felt totally hopeless quite a lot of the time. I kept chugging on for DH and DS, but I could have quite easily slipped totally into despair, I think - it was really hard. And it has had some ongoing effects, in that I still feel anxious about going back into lockdown again. The thought makes me feel a bit sick, tbh.

But at the same time, totally recognise that I was in a really fortunate position compared to a great many people, so I do try and keep that perspective.

That should say ‘couldn’t see an end in sight’.

Please, please, PLEASE can we have an edit function!

This is so interesting and moving to read. My heart goes out to the many people who have shared awful experiences.

We are some of the lucky ones. Nice house and garden, walking distance to the sea. I am self-employed WFH, and was able to continue at about 80% capacity last year (missing 20 a mixture of homeschool and less work available). DH is NHS management, so busy but secure income.

First lockdown was OK. Strange, of course, but we live in a relatively low case area, and I wasn't personally frightened. DH was at the hospital about half the time and WFH the rest.
Secondary child got on with work fine - too young to be affected by the exams. Y6 kids missed out on a lot of transition stuff, but didn't have to do SATS, so their homeschool was more 'fun project' based and we/they dipped in and out of it really. School were brilliant, but we were all sad at the abrupt end of our relationship with their lovely primary.
Saw PILs weekly to deliver their shopping (from a distance). But we pretty much stuck to the rules.
November lockdown was fine. We saw one sibling and their family throughout (kind of for caring reasons, as one of the parents had a sudden serious illness).
Lockdown three was harder, but still manageable. DH at home full-time, which made quite a difference psychologically as no one was really coming and going. Once the vaccines started I felt much more anxious about my personal risk (mainly of long Covid) - I think because it seemed the end was in sight.

Positives:
We are definitely some of the lucky ones in terms of income, resources etc
Family relationships are all intact and mental health is OK
No personal experience/loss due to Covid
You could actually feel how clean the air was in lockdown 1 without all the travel!

Negatives:
Kids have missed out on a lot of stuff (all pretty first-world, but nonetheless...) The transition to secondary has been harder and in some ways feels like it is still ongoing
Haven't seen my parents since 2019 (they live overseas). Not sure when we will. We normally see them several times a year and they are missing the children and it remains to be seen how much it will affect their relationships with them - they have basically gone from kids to teens since they saw them
I feel helpless rage about the state of our government
I feel some anger at the amount of sacrifice the young have been asked to make to protect the old (I know it's not quite as clear cut as that), and worry about how divisive this will be moving forward

I spent the first two weeks on a high dose of Valium and receiving heavy support from mental health team - I remember watching Boris telling us we were locked down and popping another 5mg. Those first press conferences absolutely terrified me .

After that I just sort of settled, and I think removing pressures of normal life helped a lot with pre existing mental illness. Was finally able to recover a bit, was finally given nhs help long term and was given long long awaited physical help too.

With being able to study online too, I was able to return to university having had to take time out due to illness . I passed my exams; not only passed them but got three ‘outstanding’ grades and two ‘excellents’.

I hesitate to say it but the removal of daily pressure, the way that life suddenly worked around me and my disability and mental health and stuff; it was incredible - suddenly could access so so much that I never could before; stuff like zoom has let me meet people without the additional anxiety. I’m going to miss it hugely !!

OTOH I didn’t get to see any family until June 2020, and haven’t seen friends in months and months - everyone I know works for nhs or teaching and still being very careful around socialising ... seeing a friend in three weeks and can’t wait .

My sibling on the other hand has autism, ID and mental health has spent since March 2020 largely at home indoors and has now got a diagnosis of epilepsy, is self harming, incontinent, having lots of contamination fears and managed to get so distressed she threw a chair at the TV ... so whilst it’s been OK for me her life is up the spout and it’s taking dozens and dozens of meetings to work out what we can do ... was only two weeks ago that her social workers allowed her to have any visitors at all ...

Its been shit. Fortunate enough to have been paid but working from home has really impacted on my mental health and family dynamics. I work with my laptop on my knee in the bedroom most of the time as its the only space. My father died during the pandemic and none of my siblings could attend the funeral.
18( now 19) year old ds spent a year basically sitting in his room, watching his fledgling career as a musician grind to a halt. Am on ADs and still utterly miserable.

There has definitely been pluses and minuses for us, before the pandemic I was sure me and dh would separate I was angry all the time with him and myself.
When the first lockdown happened and he was furloughed I thought this would definitely be the end for us, but much to my surprise, being together all the time reminded us of why we got together in the first place. Now our relationship is better than ever.

The minus though is very definitely hard, one of our children has asd and a couple of other acronyms, with a big dose of social anxiety. When we were all told to stay home we did, this unfortunately means I can’t get our child to leave the house at all now, it’s been over a year since the last excursion . Dh is back to work full time in a couple of weeks and I will be back to being alone and socially isolated for most of the time.

There was the initial fear at the beginning, I wasn't terrified but there was a sizeable background hum of anxiety constantly in the first few weeks, personally I was more worried about passing it on to vulnerable patients than concern for myself. As someone who works in the NHS in the community, nothing really changed other than the PPE, we kept on working and seeing everyone we saw pre pandemic. The main positive during the first lockdown was the traffic, it was blissful if a little post apocalyptic at times.
Mental health wise, I feel a bit battered, lots of guilt for not doing more with the children, feeling like I should have embraced the lockdown lifestyle of online exercise, redecorating, enriching stuff for the children etc, very much feel as though I have let them down. To be honest I worked and came home and tried to deal with people nearly dying in my immeidiate family, which they did with annoying regularity for about six months, sometimes simultaneously !

The financial support has polarised people. I'm an accountant. I've got clients who've received no support at all and have lost their savings, their businesses and homes. A couple of clients have killed themselves over this. On the other hand, other clients have literally had money thrown at them. One couple have 3 small Air BNB flats. They've so far received £28,000 PER FLAT, that's £84,000, with more money to come. That's far more than they lost during the months they couldn't rent them out, so they're quids in. Then you have, say a plumber with annual profits of just under £50k who's received nearly £30k in SEISS grants, but an electrician with annual profits of just over £50k who received nothing. There needs to be an urgent enquiry into Rishi Sunak's crazy scattergun approach to covid support for self employed.