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Original poster

Can I still claim child maintenance if he refuses to go on birth certificate?

70 replies

Laurajohnson1981 · 08/06/2021 20:50

I am due to give birth to my baby boy in 7 weeks. My boyfriend left me as soon as he found out I was pregnant and refuses to acknowledge that there is a baby. He hasn’t been to any scans or had any involvement and says he won’t be named on the birth certificate. I do not think he should just get away with paying nothing. Will I still be able to claim child maintenance from him if he is not on the birth certificate? I’ve read somewhere that if his name is not on there he has no legal obligations. Surely this can’t be fair if he is just refusing.

OP posts:
LisaLx · 08/06/2021 20:57

You can still claim it. It will probably be a lengthy process and I'm sure the court can make him take a dna test. If he refuses the test then they will assume he is the father and pursue him for the money.

ThatWouldBeEnough · 08/06/2021 21:00

You don’t want him on the birth certificate. You’re right - it would automatically give him parental rights, including decisions around medical treatment in the unlikely event your DS becomes ill.

But you can still pursue CMS if you want to. Personally, unless he was earning very well it would be enough to be worth the hassle of having him in my and my sons life.

Wobblysausage · 08/06/2021 21:03

Yes you can. My ex wasn’t on DD’s birth certificate and he still had to pay. I think if they say the child’s not there’s then they are asked to take a paternity test to prove this. If they refuse to take a test, they still have to pay and if they take the test and the child is there’s they have to pay for the paternity test. Something like that anyway but short answer is yes.

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Original poster
Laurajohnson1981 · 08/06/2021 21:28

Thank you, that’s good to know. @ThatWouldBeEnough he does earn quite well so I just don’t see why he should get away with paying nothing. But you’re right it may end up being a long process so would have to weigh up if it’s worth it.

OP posts:
Ohpulltheotherone · 08/06/2021 21:38

Personally in your situation I would not put him on the birth certificate.

You can make a claim without that, longer and more drawn out but worth the extra effort to avoid giving him parental rights when he clearly has zero interest in his child.

You’re right though, just because he is opting out of active parenting doesn’t mean he should not provide financially.

If he’s likely to cause you problems in the way of harassment or toxic behaviour it might be better just to draw a line and not have him in your life.

Really depends - will be begrudgingly pay but have nothing to do with you or will he make your life difficult because he’s furious that you’re taking money from him?

Things to think about.

whatsthestory123 · 08/06/2021 21:55

my story is very similar
the dad not on the birth certificate and no contact went to the CMS they contacted him and said he did not think the child was his (pretty standrad response)

they said he had a choice either do a DNA which he pays for or he would be billed for the child i guess calling his bluff

anyway yes he was the dad and did have a bit of a fight over him paying they put an earnings attachment on then he went self employed,sporadic payments now ows £5k paying that of at £20 a month lol but even though he has really fudged his figure i get with arrears £160 a month and has been regular for 18mths

could make a fussover his figure as he earns £800 a week but i cant prove it and i just blow his monthly money on trivial /treat things

to be honest the CMS never gave up hounding him so credit where it is due

apply you may be surprised and the CMS are more than aware of the dead beat dads exscuses

good luck

Original poster
Laurajohnson1981 · 09/06/2021 10:49

@Ohpulltheotherone oh he wouldn’t go on the birth certificate even if I wanted him too! He is not a violent man but there will definitely be some verbal abuse for a while but I can deal with that. This is all because he’s a scared little man so I know I’m a lot stronger than him! 💪🏻

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 09/06/2021 11:01

Yes you will be able to claim maintenance from him, without him being on the birth certificate.

If he works for a company it would be a good idea to have the maintenance taken directly from his salary. Although you pay a small charge for this, it shows the father that you are in control.

In the long run it will be to your advantage not to have him on the birth certificate.

tornadosequins · 09/06/2021 11:04

I hope the baby will be having your surname?

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 09/06/2021 11:10

Do his parents know about the baby?
I would be horrified if my sons acted like this

Whythesadface · 09/06/2021 11:16

Please let CM do it for you.
He pays an amount for them doing so, but it does mean he has no choice, his wages get garnished .
We used to call the DNA results "£250 for an I told you so.!"
On £3300 I was given £530.

Original poster
Laurajohnson1981 · 09/06/2021 11:19

@tornadosequins oh God yes!

OP posts:
Original poster
Laurajohnson1981 · 09/06/2021 11:23

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow unfortunately no I don’t think they do. I’ve gone back and forth deciding if it’s my place to tell them but I know he will twist the whole thing and turn them against me somehow and it’s a stress I don’t need at the moment. When the baby is born I probably will as they do have a right to know and he has a right to know his grandparents. But yes I think they would be absolutely horrified if they knew how he had behaved.

OP posts:
Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 09/06/2021 11:24

I would want to know so i could knock some sense into my son

Handraw · 09/06/2022 15:44

I am a very similar situation.
I was with my ex partner for just over a year, we split in April and i found out i was pregnant that week, at first he was willing to be involved but he needed space and time to come to terms with it, we continued to speak daily about things and then it all came out 3 weeks ago he had started a new relationship while we were still together with a women who lives 4 hours away who he met on a lads / family holiday, also found out he had been cheating on me with numerous people throughout our relationship. In a fit of rage (probably shouldn't of) i contacted the new women and told her about me and the baby and all what has gone on, her being a mother herself at first decided she didnt want to know any longer but within 2 days they were now official and plastered all over social media. he then turned to me and said that he would give everything up including his baby to be with this women and that was the last i heard. I have tried to reach out and sent him things about my midwife and scans, begged him to be involved and all i have received back is an email saying if i do not stop sending him baby stuff and harassing him with it and bringing up his past about the cheating that he will not ever discuss with me that he will get a restraining order. Not sure where he thinks he stands with that one but still. i have now changed all my contact information and removed myself from all social media.

He is a narcissistic and lied to me through our whole relationship and i had so many reg flags that i ignored or believed his lies over. His family all knew about the cheating and were even present on the lads holiday when he met her and it has come to light they all had a great holiday together and have since met up again. I was at home as i wasnt invited as he was supposed to be sharing a room with a male friend of his dads, quite apparent no he didnt. Despite calling, facetiming and messaging me every day declaring his love and coming home full of gifts etc.

so long story short i do not want to add him to the BC as he has claimed he wants no contact and i obviously now cannot contact him again due to hi threats he has made but i do feel he should pay his way. Im glad to see that i can still put through a claim for this and he will need to prove himself he isnt the father.

sorry for the huge rant 🙄im just at my wits end and have been so beaten down this last year with him giving me anxiety as i knew he was up to no good.

ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 09/06/2022 15:47

Yes my brother isn't on one of his DC's birth certificates but still still pays through CMS and rightly so.

Original poster
Laurajohnson1981 · 09/06/2022 17:03

Really sorry to hear you’re having such a rough time. I’m happy to say that nearly a year later I have the happiest little boy who has missed out on nothing by not having his father in his life. I went through CMS and I’m receiving child maintenance, the only contact I’ve had from the Dad is asking to see ‘the kid’ so he doesn’t have to pay so much. Needless to say I declined. I have heard nothing else. His loss.

OP posts:
Handraw · 09/06/2022 17:40

Thank you. You think you know someone and have a lovely happy life but turns out it was all a lie. Even the nicest brought up men are kn**s. Well I say brought up well or so I thought his family seem to have no morals either. I was very naive.
but I’m so glad to hear that you and your little boy are doing so well. I’m very much hoping that’s the same for us two. Thank you for sharing your story it has really helped me

whatsthestory123 · 09/06/2022 20:48

yes you can claim through the CMS

same happened to me and he denied he was the father

so they CMS made us all do a DNA and yes he was the dad and he had to pay after for the test lol

the CMS have been pretty good but he was PAYE at first then went self employed and his payments are so low it's ridiculous

but go for it and hope you get some financial support oh an congratulations on your soon to be born babe x

Handraw · 09/06/2022 21:04

I honestly don’t get the male race 🙄. All quite happy to make the babies yet when it comes to being a father they run a mile and then I’ve heard of so many men going self employed so they don’t have to pay out as much money. It’s awful and so selfish and such a shame for the poor child. Idiots!!

Minniethemoocher111 · 07/08/2022 12:09

I’m just reading this thread as it is relevant to me at the moment. I wondered if there were issues if you didn’t know the name of their current employer? My ex has already said that the child isn’t his and he’s not paying. This is despite him previously this week sending a pic of him as a child saying how much he looks like him 😳

Any other lived advice of how to approach this would be helpful. I’m calling citizens advice tomorrow but nothing beats the experiences of mother’s.

Original poster
Laurajohnson1981 · 07/08/2022 14:04

hi @Minniethemoocher111 no you don’t. You just need to give contact details and they’ll do the rest. And if he says he’s not the father they’ll make him do (and pay for) a DNA test to price it. It was actually a very quick and easy process for me in the end so hope it is for you too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laurajohnson1981 · 07/08/2022 14:05

*prove not price

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 07/08/2022 14:10

It's worth it. Morally as well as financially.

Minniethemoocher111 · 07/08/2022 15:51

Thank you.

He doesn’t pay for his other children but I’m not sure how much they’ve perused it. The whole thing is making my blood boil tbh.