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Is an apology asking too much?

100 replies

ImaHogg · 08/06/2021 14:01

My 13 year old dd has had some issues on the school bus. Some lads from our village have thrown water over her and thrown things at her whilst she is travelling home.
She didn’t want me to say anything to the school as she was scared but the second time she came home with soaking wet hair I said enough was enough and reported it to the year head, she promised me something would be done about it but obviously not because the Friday before half term my dd came home in pieces. She had been travelling on the bus, minding her own business when a lad in her year came from behind her and rubbed an insole over her face, a few seconds later he came back and did the same thing with a sandwich, dropped it on the floor, picked it up and rubbed it over her face again. At the same time someone threw a yogurt over her. All the time the others, probably around 10+ of them and from years 8-11 were all laughing and jeering at her (most were male). She was in such a mess and very distraught.
As you can imagine I was furious. She didn’t want me to do anything about it but I phoned the head, who had left for the half term already (it was 3.30!) The year head had also left but I sent an email, she got back to say she would pass it onto the deputy head and he would deal with it after half term.
I have just heard from him. They have taken statements from various pupils from the bus and as a result they have narrowed it down to 4 pupils from years 8-10.
I asked what sanctions have been given, he said firstly a ban from the bus, I asked how long but he said he wouldn’t tell me as that wasn’t information I needed to know about! (ds in year 10 has found out it’s just a week) I will have to take my dd to school and back for 2 weeks until I can get her on another bus as she is afraid to get back on the original one. Personally, I would have liked longer than a week as punishment. The main perpetrator also has to take a behaviour course and the others have just been given a telling off.
I said I would like the one who physically assaulted dd to apologise to her, I was told that this wouldn’t be happening because they can not make a student apologise to another!!
However the school chooses to view it these boys assaulted my child, she is now too scared to get back on the bus, all these boys come from our village and she is more than likely to come across them when she goes out. Several already walked past her yesterday at school and whispered ‘snitch’.
Is it too much to ask for an apology?
If either of my D.C. had done this I would be frogmarching them to the victims house and make them say sorry to their face or a letter at the very least. But it looks like this won’t be happening with this boy, the parents know who we are and where we live. If I were them I would be so deeply ashamed at the young man I was raising.

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MiloAndEddie · 08/06/2021 14:03

Is this a bus laid on by the school or a public bus?

I would be beyond livid! Your poor DD. I’d be making Merry hell tbh, that’s absolutely not enough of a punishment

Houseworkavoider · 08/06/2021 14:05

I would get the police involved. Especially after the ‘snitch’ comment!
Your poor Dd Sad

ImaHogg · 08/06/2021 14:09

It’s a school bus.
I want to get the police involved but dd really doesn’t want me to. I am torn because this was a physical assault and if it had been a member of public on a public bus the police would most definitely be involved. I feel the school are down playing it.

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FatCatThinCat · 08/06/2021 14:09

A gang of baying males are repeatedly assaulting a female travelling on her own. I'd be absolutely fucking livid if that were my daughter. The school aren't doing enough and need to clarify exactly what they're doing to keep your DD safe. They also need to take further action against those calling her a snitch.

MustardRose · 08/06/2021 14:09

Is the bus driver turning a blind eye to all this going on on his/her bus, or what?

Deadleaf29 · 08/06/2021 14:10

I’d have involved the police- that’s not just a school issue, it’s repeated physical assault.

I’d also make an official complaint, following your school complaint procedure. I’d have expected a permanent/at least the rest of term ban from the bus - my school banned for an awful lot less.

GroggyLegs · 08/06/2021 14:15

Yes, if it were either of my children I would be mortified & I would approach you adult to adult first to see if an apology from them would help the situation. There would be significant consequences at home for treating someone this badly.

Agree with PP - get the police involved if the school is useless. I wonder if the bus has CCTV?

Your poor girl Flowers

Motnight · 08/06/2021 14:17

Threaten the school with police involvement. And then follow through.

Your poor dd.

ImaHogg · 08/06/2021 14:19

I started to think I was blowing this out of proportion as I feel out of my depth with this one but my gut instinct is obviously to protect my dd and I am still seething. I am also so pissed off with the bus company and driver,. I emailed them as soon as it happened and they promised me they would keep the cctv but the deputy head told me they say they no longer have it or it’s been destroyed wtf!?

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Mydarlingmyhamburger · 08/06/2021 14:22

This definitely needs reporting op. I had similar happen to my dd last year, same age. It was a public bus so I went on with her, sat a few seats away like I didn’t know her and I filmed what the little gobshites were doing. I caught them calling my dd a cunt, looking round at her and drawing their fingers across their throats and one tried to trip her up when she got off. I took the footage to the school and the police. The police took footage from the bus company as evidence and the bus company permanently excluded the boys from the bus themselves. I also plastered the footage all across social media which left the parents absolutely mortified, this stopped any comments being made to my daughter when my posts got shared and got hundreds of comments from people supporting her.

LoudestCat14 · 08/06/2021 14:24

A gang of baying males are repeatedly assaulting a female travelling on her own

This. It's disgraceful that the school won't force an apology from these vile bullies. If your DD doesn't want the police involved, raise a complaint with the board of governors saying you're not satisfied with how this situation is being handled – your DD shouldn't be having to find a different bus to get to school, they should be permanently kicked off that one –and threaten to escalate it with Ofsted. Schools are paranoid about Ofsted complaints so should start taking it more seriously.

Juneisjoyful · 08/06/2021 14:26

Dd was assaulted on the bus in year 7 by a year 10 lad. He was banned for 1 day.. Still awaiting an explanation and dd is now going into year 10...
He kicked her in the shin leaving bruises and restrained her so she couldn't get past him to her db who was sat at the back.
Ds sorted him out (moved him but didn't hit him) and I told the school not to dare question his actions..

LoudestCat14 · 08/06/2021 14:26

@Mydarlingmyhamburger

This definitely needs reporting op. I had similar happen to my dd last year, same age. It was a public bus so I went on with her, sat a few seats away like I didn’t know her and I filmed what the little gobshites were doing. I caught them calling my dd a cunt, looking round at her and drawing their fingers across their throats and one tried to trip her up when she got off. I took the footage to the school and the police. The police took footage from the bus company as evidence and the bus company permanently excluded the boys from the bus themselves. I also plastered the footage all across social media which left the parents absolutely mortified, this stopped any comments being made to my daughter when my posts got shared and got hundreds of comments from people supporting her.
Go you!! So impressed you outed them like that! They deserved the public shaming.
MrsBungle · 08/06/2021 14:28

Like you, I’d be absolutely furious. Your poor dd. I’d also involve the police. My dd gets a school bus to school and two boys were recently banned for the rest of term for fighting (mutually) on the bus. I don’t think I’d pursue an apology personally (although I agree with you - my kids would be frog marched to apologise if they ever did such a thing) I’d want school to take a proper line on it.

KateTheEighth · 08/06/2021 14:33

I would absolutely be talking to the police

This awful

ImaHogg · 08/06/2021 14:34

I will definitely contact the school governors and express my dismay regarding the lame sanctions.
I am so very tempted to put it all on our local Spotted FB group!

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deathbypostitnote · 08/06/2021 14:36

I would also report to the police. She's too young to understand why it's necessary. Please don't let this happen again if you possibly can.

bunburyscucumbersandwich · 08/06/2021 14:38

Bloody hell I'd be getting police involved despite protests from your dd!

You need to go through the schools bullying policy and behaviour policy with a fine tooth comb. Maybe you should also forward this to them re the no apology comment! restorativejustice.org.uk/restorative-practice-education-0

MadeForThis · 08/06/2021 14:39

Contact the bus company yourself to check if it has been deleted. You have an email stating it would be kept.

I would advise the school that you are not satisfied with their steps to keep your daughter safe at school. Tell them you will contact the police if another assault takes place.

Pieceofpurplesky · 08/06/2021 14:55

Straight back to school following the snitch comments and Then inform the governors of your intent to contact the police if this is not dealt with appropriately. Your daughter should have a safe passage to school on a vehicle Provided by the school.

1940s · 08/06/2021 14:56

I'd go to the police and also plaster their names and faces all over social media tagging them and their families if possible. It's absolutely disgusting behaviour and I'd be livid

FuckMyLife2021 · 08/06/2021 15:01

@FatCatThinCat

A gang of baying males are repeatedly assaulting a female travelling on her own. I'd be absolutely fucking livid if that were my daughter. The school aren't doing enough and need to clarify exactly what they're doing to keep your DD safe. They also need to take further action against those calling her a snitch.
This
ImaHogg · 08/06/2021 15:20

I have emailed the bus company attaching the previous email in which they promised the cctv would be kept, asking what has happened.
Dd due home soon, I will ask her exactly what has been said to her today by the deputy head. If I am not fully satisfied I will contact the governors and log it will the police. I really don’t want to drop this just yet, these lads need to know the consequences of their behaviour. A week from the bus and a soft telling off isn’t going to cut it for me.

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lakesummer · 08/06/2021 15:36

My dc's school always has a teacher on the bus.
I would push heavily for this to ensure the safety of female students.

ImaHogg · 08/06/2021 16:14

It was confirmed by the year head that the boys involved do have just one weeks ban from the bus and that they each have a detention this week, that’s just one detention, half an hour!
Year head also said they have been told if they do it again they will get a permanent exclusion- IF they do it again, ffs!

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