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Original poster

DP’s reaction to me saying I love him

83 replies

Pressy11 · 08/06/2021 12:15

I told DP I loved him for the first time and he said it back. 24 hours later he’s said he’s scared of how he feels for me. He’s never had a girlfriend but we’ve been together now for a year. No issues before now. He kept saying over and over that he is scared of change and that he loves me but this is scary for him. He’s great in every other way.

How do I deal with this?!

OP posts:

SnarkyBag · 08/06/2021 12:16

Tell him to chill out?

TippledPink · 08/06/2021 12:17

Would he prefer not to say you love each other? Is it the actual words that scares him?

Original poster

Pressy11 · 08/06/2021 12:25

@TippledPink I’m not sure?! I asked would he like me not to say it and he said no that wasn’t it. He just said this was huge for him and was sort of staring into space a lot. It’s made me a bit worried but obviously if I express that it will just make him more panicked.

OP posts:

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ComtesseDeSpair · 08/06/2021 12:53

I don’t think you have to deal with it - it’s his issue to deal with / sort out in his head. Don’t mither him about it or keep on trying to “talk” about it, that just builds it up into being way more of an issue than it is. Remind yourself that nothing, actually, has changed; except that you’ve put a (perfectly ordinary and everyday) word to how you are both feeling.

sillysmiles · 08/06/2021 13:11

Just give him time. Let him process what is a big milestone in his relationship development.

ChangePart1 · 08/06/2021 13:21

Ooh, I wouldn't like this tbh.

Not actually saying I Love You for an entire year is a bit strange.

The fact he's never had a girlfriend is a slight pink flag.

The way he keeps saying repeatedly that he is scared of change and this is scary for him is concerning.

I mean, I don't know what you can actually do other than just leave it and see where things go, but this really isn't how I'd want our first ILYs to go down. Sounds like he's rethinking the relationship now it's turned serious (in his eyes). I don't get good vibes from this but hopefully I'm wrong.

JackieTheFart · 08/06/2021 13:30

How old is he? If he’s over 25 then tbh he needs to get a grip.

If younger I could just about forgive it.

Either way though it’s a bit pathetic isn’t it? You’ve been together a year.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/06/2021 13:33

What does he expect you to do about his “fear”? I couldn’t be doing with this level of teen bollocks from a grown man. How unattractive.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 08/06/2021 13:35

It is fuckwittery of the highest order

Shoxfordian · 08/06/2021 13:44

How old is he? He sounds fairly immature

MaybeCrazy2 · 08/06/2021 13:46

He is just feeling overwhelmed. It’s normal and happens, it’s just a emotion like all the other emotions and even though he may find himself getting waves of it, it’s fine.

Heartache is also a emotion, it happens.

Frogcorset · 08/06/2021 13:51

@AnneLovesGilbert

What does he expect you to do about his “fear”? I couldn’t be doing with this level of teen bollocks from a grown man. How unattractive.

Exactly. Don’t indulge it.

TheReturnOfTheMaud · 08/06/2021 13:55

I agree with those who’ve said this all sounds rather teenage and fraught. How old are you both?

ChangePart1 · 08/06/2021 13:58

@AnneLovesGilbert

What does he expect you to do about his “fear”? I couldn’t be doing with this level of teen bollocks from a grown man. How unattractive.

Yeah...

Does he want OP to baby him? Reassure him 'don't worry honey, I love you but nothing has to change between us, nothing is going to be different, it doesn't mean your life will change'? :S

I wouldn't be attracted to a man whose reaction to his feelings towards me was... fear and anxiety. Not flattering.

Regularsizedrudy · 08/06/2021 14:02

Jesus if he’s shitting himself after a year it’s really not worth it. I would dump him. Life is too short to wait for someone to love you.

Stanleysaysyes · 08/06/2021 14:03

Is he 17? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but he is making this about his insecurities when this should be a happy milestone about your feelings for one another.

It's terrific that he is great in all other ways but it shouldn't be this hard this early on op. Be careful.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/06/2021 14:23

@MaybeCrazy2

He is just feeling overwhelmed. It’s normal and happens, it’s just a emotion like all the other emotions and even though he may find himself getting waves of it, it’s fine.

Heartache is also a emotion, it happens.

24 hours of staring into space cos your girlfriend of a year says she loves you?

Not normal at all.

Cocomarine · 08/06/2021 14:30

Is he usually such a drama llama?

If he’s “scared of change” then it sounds like he thinks your “I love you” is a declaration of some incoming demand from you - like living together, or a baby.
Which is a bit... childish.

How old is he, and why no girlfriend before?

If love makes him scared, after a year, he should take his shit to therapy, and you don’t “do” anything.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/06/2021 14:33

You didn't ask for a kidney, you only said you love him. FFS. What a twat and a huge red flag in my eyes. Don't waste your time with an emotionally immature, stunted fuckwit.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/06/2021 14:36

24 hours of staring into space cos your girlfriend of a year says she loves you?

He probably needs to have a little chat with a counsellor instead of weirding you out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/06/2021 14:44

Or some warm milk and a biscuit. But tell him to make it by himself.

NinaMimi · 08/06/2021 14:50

It makes me think of American TV. Saying it on those shows is supposed to be some great milestone and special thing. I find it like others that someone overwhelmed by it is being like a teenager.

PixieDust28 · 08/06/2021 15:01

Wtf? That's odd.

ChangePart1 · 08/06/2021 15:05

@NinaMimi

It makes me think of American TV. Saying it on those shows is supposed to be some great milestone and special thing. I find it like others that someone overwhelmed by it is being like a teenager.

I might be wrong here but I've always found that in good relationships that have legs, you're usually both trying to hold back from saying 'I love you' too soon because you don't want to rush... but the feelings are there, and they're so strong it can feel almost unbearable keeping them to yourself!

Whereas this just sounds incredibly lukewarm. I mean after a year he doesn't sound like he's jumping for joy at the idea of being in love with OP. More like it's made him realise this isn't right or he doesn't want anything serious. I think this is a really bad sign tbh.

Frogcorset · 08/06/2021 15:11

@Aquamarine1029

You didn't ask for a kidney, you only said you love him. FFS. What a twat and a huge red flag in my eyes. Don't waste your time with an emotionally immature, stunted fuckwit.

OP, now ask him for a kidney. Tell him that as he said he loved you, that’s the next step, organ donation. Just a little experiment.

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