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Original poster

Why are some mums so difficult?!

110 replies

AAAY · 07/06/2021 21:33

Random rant, Took my 2 yo for her first swimming lesson today, it was a quiet group just one othe rparent and her little one. she started off nice by introducing herself and her lo who went and hid behind behind her and was looking to the floor. I smiled and said awww maybe he's feeling shy don't worry, she seemed really offended and said no he's not! Give him a minute and then walked off! Ten mins into the swimming lesson whilst he was chatting away to the instructor she made it a point to say to me look he's not shy he's chatting!

After the lesson she began general chit chat about my daughters age and said "so she's never had any lessons before?!" as if I was lying (lo was praised by instructor for doing well as a first timer) I tried d to make small talk back and she continued to tell me that her son was doing really well when he first started as it was just him but now there is another child (my dd) he's not been the same! It's so petty I mean she just got lucky that until today it was just her.

I made it a point to say well see you next week! I'm not going to stop going I'm not going to change classes but why are some mums just so complicated and competitive (I come across this a lot and it's one reason why I never went to baby classes)

OP posts:

MyMabel · 08/06/2021 10:44

I had no idea people were so offended over their kids being called shy. The amount of time I’ve said “aw you’re not shy are you?” .. to a kid that shying away..

My DD (17 months) has had these comments and if I don’t say it myself first then I usually just agree that she’s being a bit shy. Sometimes I follow up with “once she’s settled a bit she’ll come out of her shell”

I think those who are offended by it are just a bit precious

Totallyrandomname · 08/06/2021 10:49

@MyMabel

I had no idea people were so offended over their kids being called shy. The amount of time I’ve said “aw you’re not shy are you?” .. to a kid that shying away..

I think those who are offended by it are just a bit precious

I think often people who were labelled as “shy” when they were children have recognised that the label was unhelpful for them.

I think for most kids a general comment about them being shy will have no impact. However for some children who might not want to speak to people they don’t know, or like to sit back and watch in new situations being repeatedly told they are shy can be problematic.

I guess maybe this mum might have heard people call her child shy a lot and be wary of the impact....or maybe she’s just an arse. Kinda hard to know why people act the way they do when you don’t know them.

Bloodypunkrockers · 08/06/2021 10:49

@Opticabbage

You didn't just say he was shy, you said 'don't worry' too, implying it was negative. Anyway, the two of you shared an awkward interaction, and you're online slagging her off. This, paired with your avoidance of all baby groups, makes me think you may be the slightly difficult one.

You've hit the nail on the head about what was niggling me about OPs comments

Don't worry. When anyone says that I immediately feel my hackles rising. And I usually respond with "I'm not"

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Whyhello · 08/06/2021 10:52

I think people do find the shy comments offensive or just plainly irritating. I was always told I was shy as a child and still get told I’m shy now sometimes. I’m not shy, I’m just a quiet person and prefer to keep myself to myself. I think you just got off on the wrong foot, I know you didn’t mean any harm but maybe she’s heard it a few times now and it gets her back up.

BogRollBOGOF · 08/06/2021 11:05

When my children have been in a shy mood, far better that people acknowledge it rather than trying to bludgeon them into social interaction. Give them enough space and they'll normally get more comfortable and confident and if not they just hang around quietly anyway.

The only person I actively avoid is of the type that will try and tickle them and not let up mithering at them. Unfortunately we overlap in several settings.

There's all sorts out there. Some of them have children and turn up at baby/ toddler groups. It is awkward when they end up dominating in the mix.
At least with swimming, it's an engaging and purposeful activity to put your mind to if the social mix is awkward. Better than sitting like a lemon in a church hall.

SemiFeralDalek · 08/06/2021 13:37

I'd rather people think my ds was shy than the stroppy, cantankerous little sod that he actually is 😬😂

WooTwo · 08/06/2021 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RickOShay · 08/06/2021 14:09

@SemiFeralDalek
Oh yes

Leafy12 · 08/06/2021 14:33

@WooTwo

I think in some cases you just can't say anything right. There's also been plenty of posts on MN where mums are upset that people DIDN'T comment on their child in the way they expected and wanted people to.

So many see their child as an extension and reflection of what they want themselves, rather than the child they've actually got. Sad.

I agree wholeheartedly with this.

Ingridla · 08/06/2021 16:46

She sounds like a twat. Don't let it bother you. All these 'you shouldn't have called her kid shy' are bonkers in my opinion, what is it with getting upset and offended about such an innocuous comment, I despair.

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