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Original poster

Why are some mums so difficult?!

110 replies

AAAY · 07/06/2021 21:33

Random rant, Took my 2 yo for her first swimming lesson today, it was a quiet group just one othe rparent and her little one. she started off nice by introducing herself and her lo who went and hid behind behind her and was looking to the floor. I smiled and said awww maybe he's feeling shy don't worry, she seemed really offended and said no he's not! Give him a minute and then walked off! Ten mins into the swimming lesson whilst he was chatting away to the instructor she made it a point to say to me look he's not shy he's chatting!

After the lesson she began general chit chat about my daughters age and said "so she's never had any lessons before?!" as if I was lying (lo was praised by instructor for doing well as a first timer) I tried d to make small talk back and she continued to tell me that her son was doing really well when he first started as it was just him but now there is another child (my dd) he's not been the same! It's so petty I mean she just got lucky that until today it was just her.

I made it a point to say well see you next week! I'm not going to stop going I'm not going to change classes but why are some mums just so complicated and competitive (I come across this a lot and it's one reason why I never went to baby classes)

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WooTwo · 08/06/2021 00:28

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WooTwo · 08/06/2021 00:29

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Winterwarrior · 08/06/2021 00:32

I was with you up until your comment that she shouldn’t have brought him over and asked him to say hello if he’s “shy”. I disagree. It’s good to encourage them a little to speak to people.

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starray · 08/06/2021 00:49

Amazed at the number of people who would be offended by the 'shy' comment. I mean...what if your child IS shy? Nothing wrong with that at all!

Opticabbage · 08/06/2021 00:49

You didn't just say he was shy, you said 'don't worry' too, implying it was negative.
Anyway, the two of you shared an awkward interaction, and you're online slagging her off. This, paired with your avoidance of all baby groups, makes me think you may be the slightly difficult one.

starray · 08/06/2021 00:51

I have a feeling that the people who see 'shy' as a negative trait, also see being introverted as a negative character trait and being extroverted as something to aspire to. There is nothing wrong with introverts.

starray · 08/06/2021 00:55

@BluebellsGreenbells

I dislike the shy comments as well.

You don’t call kids ugly or stupid to a parents face so why would you feel the need to say shy? Hardly a compliment.

'Shy' isn't an insult. Confused
Hannsmum · 08/06/2021 01:10

@AAAY

Tha ks for all the other comments. I personally don't get offended if someone said to either of my dds that they y were being shy because they actually sometimes! I didn't realise it would really offend other ppl. Gosh it really is like walking on eggshells with som ppl. Best to just smile and say nothing. It was not intended in a judgy or belittling way he was just acting shy doesn't mean he's got a problem just meant no need to get him to say to hello and make him speak to my daughter if he doesn't feel like it!
TBH this is the first I'm seeing someone upset over a child being called shy. I think it's quite a common thing to say .

Just ignore her OP.she is probably just insecure or has anxiety issues.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 08/06/2021 01:15

@starray

"shy isn't an insult"

to some it is.
and it's definitely judgemental
I've never heard anyone saying it in a positive way "oh what a lovely, shy child!"
labelling someone shy suggests disappointment or even dislike and it is often used as a passive aggressive put down someone else's kid.

if the parent calls their own child that that's different. but from a stranger it's on the nose at best

Mothership4two · 08/06/2021 01:45

You can meet some odd parents at these type of classes, lots of competitive ones and some lovely ones as well. Luckily it is quite easy to avoid someone in these groups!

I think you were being perfectly reasonable OP as he was acting shy and you sounds as if you were trying to politely take the pressure off him. It pretty much sounds like it was an off the cuff comment anyway. A storm in a teacup.

I was and am shy and heard "oh she's shy" a lot when I was little and it didn't bother me as it was true. I believe it was always meant kindly in response to how I was behaving. One of my ds is also shy and I have quite openly mentioned it when he was younger and it didn't bother him either. I have no hang ups about it. My other ds and my dh are quite the opposite. We are all different fortunately.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 08/06/2021 02:27

@starray

I have a feeling that the people who see 'shy' as a negative trait, also see being introverted as a negative character trait and being extroverted as something to aspire to. There is nothing wrong with introverts.
@starray

being introverted (not craving social interactions, being happy by themselves, needing their space) and being shy (craving social contact but finding it hard to start or handle them) are very different personality characteristics.

so no there's nothing wrong with introverts. they know this.
but that wasn't the issue at all

sunglassesonthetable · 08/06/2021 02:28

FFs LOTS of little children get shy in front of new people. So what? It's not a criticism , not in my book. Saying 'shy' is a criticism says more about you than anything.

Swimming women sounds a bit intense and awkward. Op was just making an off the cuff comment to smooth over the moment. She wasn't abusive or critical. Get a grip.

There are always tricky parents at these groups, seems to bring out the worst in people sometimes. She's just one of them.

Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 08/06/2021 06:23

What's wrong with being shy?! FFS it's not a bad character trait. People on here are weird.

Agreed, it’s only natural for a child to be shy with new people, especially one that’s been in lockdown for half it’s life.

I really dislike parents who try to push their children at new people. If you leave them they generally warm up on their own. As the boy did later on. A pps have said she is over invested in seeing everything that her son does as a reflection on her parenting. I’ve been there Blush had to learn to chill out.

Also to the poster saying you would never say ‘what a lovely shy child’ maybe it’s where you’re from? Where I live people are shocked be my eldest’s jump in head 1st attitude and pretty sympathetic to my youngest when they’re clinging to my leg. But then again maybe it’s perception, I see ‘oh their just shy’ to be empathy not passive aggression.

FunTimes2020 · 08/06/2021 06:32

@IDontLikeMondays88

Yes it probably is best to say nothing that was my point
You sound quite ridiculous. OP, you said nothing wrong. Context is everything, you were hardly throwing insults around! Keep your distance, I doubt this woman will become a friend.
FunTimes2020 · 08/06/2021 06:35

@Opticabbage

You didn't just say he was shy, you said 'don't worry' too, implying it was negative. Anyway, the two of you shared an awkward interaction, and you're online slagging her off. This, paired with your avoidance of all baby groups, makes me think you may be the slightly difficult one.
Eh?
OrchidLass · 08/06/2021 06:40

Maybe she’s wondering why you thought it was ok to comment on her child.

I don't think telling someone that their kid is shy was a great move to be honest.

I'd have been offended by that as well.

God, comments like these are so pathetic. You can find offence anywhere if you go looking for it. Ridiculous.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 08/06/2021 06:52

So many people are so over sensitive and stroppy these days it’s fucking annoying.
I’ve lost patience with people like that

No irony here, folks. Move along…

CustardyCreams · 08/06/2021 06:56

I get very pissed off when complete strangers label my child as shy. It is damaging for children to be told that, and quite normal for them to take a little time to warm up in new situations and feel confident. Being labelled by a patronising stranger really doesn’t help.

It is incredibly insensitive to comment on a child’s social bearing at a young age.

Any more than if you went up to a chubby toddler and said, “well you’re a roly-poly chubby thing, aren’t you? Bet you’ll be tucking into the donuts later. “ pIt doesn’t help. It is a meaningless comment that is just likely to cause the child to feel awkward.

Or, if someone says, “oh, I’m sure your little one will grow into their looks.” Being told you are unfortunate looking doesn’t change anything, doesn’t help.

Personally I’d be hoping you wouldn’t come back to class either.

RickOShay · 08/06/2021 06:57

But @AAAY didn’t say the ds was shy. She said he was feeling shy. Big difference. She was trying to help the other mum and her child. She said don’t worry to the mum, ie, it’s okay if your son doesn’t want to talk, that’s fine.
I don’t think shy is an insult. I think most of us have felt shy in our lives and that’s ok.
You did nothing wrong @AAAY

RickOShay · 08/06/2021 06:59

@CustardyCreams
Feeling shy - temporary
Shy - more permanent but not an insult. It’s ok to be who you are. Really.

FunTimes2020 · 08/06/2021 07:03

@CustardyCreams

I get very pissed off when complete strangers label my child as shy. It is damaging for children to be told that, and quite normal for them to take a little time to warm up in new situations and feel confident. Being labelled by a patronising stranger really doesn’t help.

It is incredibly insensitive to comment on a child’s social bearing at a young age.

Any more than if you went up to a chubby toddler and said, “well you’re a roly-poly chubby thing, aren’t you? Bet you’ll be tucking into the donuts later. “ pIt doesn’t help. It is a meaningless comment that is just likely to cause the child to feel awkward.

Or, if someone says, “oh, I’m sure your little one will grow into their looks.” Being told you are unfortunate looking doesn’t change anything, doesn’t help.

Personally I’d be hoping you wouldn’t come back to class either.

What nonsense. Did you read the op? You've lost the plot Hmm
roguetomato · 08/06/2021 07:05

"awww maybe he's feeling shy don't worry"
this kind of sound a bit patronising. Maybe you hit her nerve.

drpet49 · 08/06/2021 07:10

* You can find offence anywhere if you go looking for it. Ridiculous.*

^This

gamerchick · 08/06/2021 07:11

@starray

Amazed at the number of people who would be offended by the 'shy' comment. I mean...what if your child IS shy? Nothing wrong with that at all!
I doubt they would. People just like to be contrary on here.

If it wasn't this it would have been something else, she's obviously miffed she now has to share the instructors attention with another kid.

raskolnikova · 08/06/2021 07:13

I'm another one who had no idea that being called shy was an insult, on the same level as being called ugly apparently Confused

I'm quite shy myself and I hate how much of a minefield inane chit chat is.