How do I stay tidy?

[ImNotDaveGorman]

This is a strange thread, but I’m genuinely asking for help.
I’m mid 30s, married with DC. But I’m so bloody untidy!
I’m good at cleaning, I have a great cleaning schedule and work hard, however I’m terrible with making the mess in the first place.

For example, unless I’m REALLY concentrating, I’ll take the lid off a yogurt pot and just leave it on the side instead of putting it in the bin. When getting Dc a snack I’ll just leave the packaging out. All little things but they all add up.

Has anyone been very messy and changed? How did you do it?
I was always able to kind of keep on top of t but now I’m running around after DC, just back at work and absolutely exhausted, it’s becoming really obvious how much mess I’m leaving lying around. I would expect it from DC, but not from me. DH is getting very frustrated at me too, and I’m not surprised!!

It’s really getting me down! But it’s like I don’t even realise I’m doing it until I start to tidy.

I know It’s complete laziness, but I don’t even know I’m doing it! 😢

Following.
I'm messy, I would love the answer.
I do the never leaving a room empty handed and one in one in the bin but it still builds up.

Maybe try scheduling a few times a day (say after meals?) when you do a quick scan of each room and spend a few minutes tidying. DC could help depending on age? So a couple of minutes to put rubbish in the bin, pop toys away, hang clothes up etc?

One touch rule. If you touch something put it away or in the bin immediately! And remember you are doing this for your future self, try to picture it making your life easier in the future ( even if the future is just 5 mins away) rather than being a pain to do right now.

Are you me? I can trash a room in 30 seconds. Unfortunately I have found no magic cure. I have had some success with organising drawers and cubby holes into places to put stuff e.g a small drawer for nail files and polish and one for hair accessories but that just makes tidying quicker. I still make a bloody mess!
I do have ADHD though (diagnosed) so it might always be a battle. However I am clean. Therefore I am not ashamed of my house because its always clean. I just need a good declutter which has been hampered by covid and charity shop restrictions.

Also try to have less stuff where possible, obviously with kids that’s hard. But less stuff means less to tidy!

Open things right next to the bin?

Repeat to yourself “Don’t Put It Own, Put It Away” whilst you do things. Make some signs if you need to!

Never leave a room empty-handed.

Do 5-minute tidy-ups religiously every day e.g. after breakfast, after lunch, before dinner, before bed.

You’re aiming to create a habit shift so being really consistent is key.

My DC are adult it's me.
Now I have a bit more space I'm regressing and hiding stuff to address Later ™
From the foil off the milk to furniture I still drop and forget!

Don’t Put It Down, Put It Away

Thank you all.
This is actually really helpful.
Definitely definitely need to declutter, and we are moving in a few months so we have started to get rid of things now. I really think that will help.
I like the idea of the regular small tidy up/scanning the room more. I feel like I need a rewards chart to keep me motivated 😂😂.

@TheQueef what’s one in one in the bin?

This is also made me consider how I parent-my mum never let me do a thing when I was growing up, so it’s like I have no idea how to adult!!! (She’s an amazing mum though ❤️❤️, it’s just made me a bit rubbish!)

If you buy a replacement item (i.e. Clothes) throw the original straight in the bin. Don't save it for spare or for the garden straight in the bin.I
Supposed to stop build up of sub par items.
still have two draws of painting clothes

@ImNotDaveGorman

I know It’s complete laziness, but I don’t even know I’m doing it! 😢

Of course it's not complete laziness if you don't even know you're doing it! Stop doing yourself down. Laziness is a concious choice, it would be looking at the yoghurt pot lid, thinking "nah I'll leave it for DH" and putting your feet up! I'm pretty sure you're not doing that.

I do this too.

I've decided that trying to just remember all the time is not realistic for me at the moment. What helps is to keep very clear surfaces. Every night I clear off everything except a few allowed items (fruit bowl, flowers, knife block...). Then I can easily see what's out of place by visual scanning. I still might not realise until I return to the room, if I say got a yoghurt then took it into the garden. I just accept that's okay for me. If that still bothered your DH, I guess you could train yourself to look back and check the room each time you leave it?

I suspect I have ADHD traits and apparently this can be related sometimes.

Put everything away and tidy up as you go. Do not leave things until later or half done. Do it now and finish it now.

My DH is like you and it infuriates me TBH.

It is ongoing. Constantly putting stuff away, putting things in the bin, emptying the bin. But the real key is much less stuff.

If you are moving it's a great time to declutter. I've decluttered twice in two years (moved twice in 17 months). I went from two moving trucks down to one because of the ridiculous stuff I kept.

I have adhd...strategies I have:

1. Hanging baskets on backs of doors
2. Dumping box for things that need to be put away, like that bill letter I want to keep, the hammer I got out, those three chargers I had to rummage through to find the one that works etc.
3. Time slots to do things with alarms
4. Lists. I use Color Note and have a routine checklist for chores.

I think having set times to scan and clear each room or area.

Ie kitchen side - check if there’s any rubbish, dirty spoons, packets every time you use before you leave kitchen. If you make a tea, quickly scan side and check you put tea/ sugar/ milk back, and dirty spoon to wash.

Rooms like bedroom I always do a quick scan over before going downstairs every morning. So it’s a routine. Shower/ dressed, then check room for any cups to take down, rubbish, laundry in basket etc.

Living room I try and make sure it’s cleaned in terms of ‘clutter’ like toys not being played with, cups, cables, paperwork every day before lunch and before taking baby to bed in evening. So it’s often just 30seconds-2mins to move or throw away, and doesn’t build up.

Did this ever occur to you before? Didn't your Dh comment? Did you go to uni and live in halls or share a house? Have you ever been to other peoples houses and seen how they function?

Your mum may have been lovely, but actually she has really done you a disservice here.

Since toddlers, my ds's have jobs, helping me, they are now teens and cook and tidy away as they go. That is the norm.

I feel like I need a rewards chart to keep me motivated

You do! There’s loads of habit-building strategies you could use - visually I like ‘don’t break the chain’ but look up one that suits you.

This is me! I don't even see stuff though and then DH will say why have these socks been on the table for three days?
My clothes are everywhere, cups, hair brushes, hair bands, shoes all over the house. I'm watching for advice!

I have
a bin in each room.
A laundry basket in each bedroom
A set of filing trays for post -in, pending and to be filed.
Easily accessible recycling bins (luckily our garage is integral so can be accessed from the kitchen).
Junk mail goes straight in the recycling.
Tuesday evening is fridge clearing night (food waste is collected on Wednesdays).

sounds like executive dysfunction (look it up, see if it fits)
do you have ADHD?

@MrMeeseekslookatme

Put everything away and tidy up as you go. Do not leave things until later or half done. Do it now and finish it now.

My DH is like you and it infuriates me TBH.

How is this helpful? The OP has stated that this is exactly what she wants to do. She wants to do it so much that she has started a mumsnet thread to ask how. And yet in the moment she is unable to, due to not remembering.

Just telling her to do it, and telling her that her behaviour is infuriating, is just going to make her feel worse.

Maybe you could read some of the more empathetic advice on this thread, to help your DH.

@MistySkiesAfterRain

I have adhd...strategies I have:

1. Hanging baskets on backs of doors
2. Dumping box for things that need to be put away, like that bill letter I want to keep, the hammer I got out, those three chargers I had to rummage through to find the one that works etc.
3. Time slots to do things with alarms
4. Lists. I use Color Note and have a routine checklist for chores.

What are the hanging baskets for, misty?

DH, is that you?

He leaves crisp wrappers on the sofa, mugs on every windowsill. Leaves lights on too. Drives me a bit crazy, he has ASD I'm not sure if that's possibly to do with it