How do I stay tidy?

[ImNotDaveGorman]

This is a strange thread, but I’m genuinely asking for help.
I’m mid 30s, married with DC. But I’m so bloody untidy!
I’m good at cleaning, I have a great cleaning schedule and work hard, however I’m terrible with making the mess in the first place.

For example, unless I’m REALLY concentrating, I’ll take the lid off a yogurt pot and just leave it on the side instead of putting it in the bin. When getting Dc a snack I’ll just leave the packaging out. All little things but they all add up.

Has anyone been very messy and changed? How did you do it?
I was always able to kind of keep on top of t but now I’m running around after DC, just back at work and absolutely exhausted, it’s becoming really obvious how much mess I’m leaving lying around. I would expect it from DC, but not from me. DH is getting very frustrated at me too, and I’m not surprised!!

It’s really getting me down! But it’s like I don’t even realise I’m doing it until I start to tidy.

Try looking at The Lazy House with Louise Littler on FB (I am not her, just like the group). The ideas are to make it easier to keep your house clean and tidy precisely because most of the people are inherently messy

AlmostSummer, you said ...

-take mail directly from the doormat to your the recycling open it there put the junk & envelopes into the recycling bin and deal with the actual mail as best you can.

When you get home associate opening the front door with being mindful about what you do next, hang up your coat, put your shoes away, put your bag where it belongs and any other bits where they need to go. Don't just put it all down at the door & wander off.

//// Inhave literally just done the exact opposite and reading your suggestions it's daft how obvious it is. Yet I don't do it. And my bag, shoes etc will sit there until this evening and half opened post on the coffee table

Thank you ... these two alone will make a serious difference for me (another one who is a clean freak but if I'm not on it the clutter builds up scarily quickly).

Sounds silly, but discipline.
Check the room before you leave it.
Everything tidied up? Don’t forget to switch off the light etc.
It can take a few weeks of very conscious effort but then it becomes more of habit or even a mechanism

I feel like I need a rewards chart to keep me motivated

Look up Unfuck Your Habitat, I found it really helpful in helping me build tidier habits. Little things like if you've got five minutes in an advert break, look around the room for things that can go back where they live (cups in the dishwasher, socks in the laundry basket, junk mail in the recycling bin).

This is a very helpful thread OP, thanks for starting and all you wonderful MNers for ideas. Bloody love this place

I struggle so hard with this too. It’s actually breaking my heart a little bit how much just keeping my own habitat presentable is dominating my adult life as a mother.

I think I’ve got ADHD too? My own mother drank throughout pregnancy and I wonder if this have affected my executive function.

I’m about to give the house 2 hours now (I hope).

I only use it sporadically (of course I do, I’ve got ADHD traits) but The Organised Mother Method app is very good.

I do also think there’s an opposite extreme of people being a bit neurotic about eg how often they wash their skirting boards. Life is bigger than that.

Good luck and best wishes to you 🌺

apologies for grammar and punctuation typos!

Thank you for Ohio @LockedFarAway implementing that today!

@Libelula21

this is a better link. if you are not sure how to answer certain questions, just consider what your natural reaction would be.

for example on other tests I find it difficult to accurately answer time management related questions.
am I late for everything? no, but that's because I have built up strategies to be on time.
and the fact that I had to create strategies and keeping them in place takes a ridiculous amount of mental energy are tell-tale signs, that my answer should be yes, because naturally I'd be late all the time!
so any learnt compensations will give false results, go back to basics.
hope this helps

www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-test-adults/

Thank you @ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba - I’ll try to have a look at this tonight 🌺

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba I’m finding it interesting. I’ve looked at a lot of links and all say high chance of ADHD. But as you say I have had to work hard to change behaviour (especially talking over people).
However I’m not particularly restless. It’s more my mind that’s restless 😂

Also, the NHS info is that adults basically can’t be diagnosed so I’m not sure where to go from here 🤷‍♀️. I can’t afford anything private

I have ADHD and this is me!

Oh how funny I had only read your first post when I replied and now can see the last few comments mention ADHD! Can spot a fellow sufferer a mile off!!

@ImNotDaveGorman

the idea that only people who bounce off walls have ADHD is very outdated.
not only there are different types of ADHD, it can present quite differently in girls/women to boys/men.

I linked the ADDitude test earlier, see if you think it makes sense to you. I'll see if I can find the books recommended to me.

not sure what's on NHS website.
do the test, then get your GP to refer you to Adult Mental Health Services (I think that's the correct name) to have an appointment to be assessed.
you might have to wait for a few years for an appointment though.
(2y 8m and counting...)

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba apologies. It was just that a lot of the quizzes mention trouble staying seated and that’s not me

Agree with lots of previous posters about ADHD. Restless mind is a classic symptom.

My take is that it doesn't necessarily matter if you 'qualify' for a diagnosis if the strategies for helping people with ADHD help you.

I have had my life changed following domesticblisters on TikTok. I know it sounds ridiculous but she will help you.

She also has a book called How to Keep House While Drowning. It is very short!

How to Keep House While Drowning: 31 days of compassionate help https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08NF1PGYH/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabcC0XF0M1BJN1FAJM6414J

Good luck!

[quote ImNotDaveGorman]@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba apologies. It was just that a lot of the quizzes mention trouble staying seated and that’s not me[/quote]
I know. it's not you. it's the quiz questions. some are just rubbish.
hyperactivity does not manifest physically for a lot of people!!!
(I wasn't telling you off, sorry if it came across that way! I was just trying to explain it😘)

in fact the very name is quite inaccurate. almost everyone in my groups agree that the "attention deficit" part is quite inaccurate.
it isn't just lack of attention or being able to get distracted easily.
sometimes excessive attention (hyperfocus) is just as much an issue (this can be things like obsessing over tiny details or getting so absorbed you lose track of time or knowing you should be doing something else but you keep strolling on FB until 4am)

To me it's more like Unpredictable Attention. you can't start. you can't stop. you can't just decide to do things ("just do it" is one of the worst insult, if I could just do it I would!).
you work better if you can be spontaneous about what you do, when you do it and for how long - because there's absolutely no way you can predict any of it or stick to a predetermined plan.
There's a lack of executive function and also there's a lack of impulse control.
that's why I cut my hair at 3am. because at 2.50am I suddenly feel I'm too hot and my hair is too long and I MUST do it immediately, I can not wait.
At 2.49am of course I had zero idea about any of that. it's like being an anti-Nostradamus🤣

And even if you want to do stuff you just can't start until you get motivated in a non-neurotypical way (novelty, interest, challenge, urgency or a combo of them).
it's like paddling on a surf board, wanting to surf but you are forced to wait for the next big wave, but you have no clue when the next wave comes or how long it will last.

I hope these thoughts are helpful

Very helpful zing

Say what you're doing out loud as you do it.

For example, "I'm taking the lid off the yogurt," then add, "And I'm putting it in the bin."

Just saying the first part out loud should make you remember to do the second part

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba thank you ❤️

Wow, this is not what I expected from this thread, but I’m very grateful to you all x

I think it must be in some way nature. DS1 is like me, a walking disaster, leaves stuff willy nilly all over the place and if you ask either of us to tidy up we will look around wildly and wonder "tidy up what?!"

Whereas DS2 is not even 3 yet and gets really into tidying up. DH will tidy up the front room with him and then say are we finished? DS2 will then say "No!" and point out some obscure thing which is indeed out of place but nobody has noticed :o

The trouble staying seated thing always drives me nuts. I don't know any adult women who struggle with that. It's something they have taken from the children's diagnostic criteria but it's an aspect most people grow out of.

What I do have in relation to sitting is that I don't typically want to sit on a chair normally because it feels uncomfortable. So I will have my legs up on the seat. Or one of them underneath me and one down. I slouch, I sit on the arms of the sofa, I sit on the floor given half a chance (ok, not so much now I'm old and creaky, but as a teenager).

Try habit stacking so building one routine on top of another to get into a flow. Such a good feeling. I am naturally a sidetracked person and am still battling this myself but use these main ideas:

1. Routines - morning, afterwork and bedtime. Use this for tidying, cleaning (you said you're fine with this) and life admin. Use a combo of TOMM and flylady here but with a bit of tweaking for my life.
2. Pick up and put away twice a day (5 minute room sweep) if needed. Eventually, you might not need this but good to check as it keeps you in the mindset of noticing.
3. But main thing, break bad habits and replace with good, one touch method so coat/shoes/ keys go away soon as come in. Check post each evening and recycle/ put things that need to be dealt with in in tray for admin session once per week. Packets straight in bin, no excuses. I have a small tabletop bin from Amazon in a few places around home for any small bits and pieces and empy them once per week (so in home office, by dressing table) and obviously main kitchen bin.

I think they say it takes a 30 days to break a habit so try it for that long and see how tou get on.