Tell us a secret that no one else knows?

[GloomyWaters]

Me...by the end of this year I will be divorced...DH has no idea!

My older boyfriend was going to dump me when I was 14, I said I was pregnant! Then I said I had an abortion. Haven’t seen him for years but I still feel guilty about it.

Such a boring thread

@Suffolkpunch345

Such a boring thread

Don’t read it then ;)

@Jannie62

I was once sectioned and spent several months in a mental hospital. Afterwards I moved to a different area. Nobody here knows.

You shouldn't be ashamed about this. It can happen to the best of us, including my wonderful dad.

I'm bi and my first sexual relationship was at school with my best friend. We were in a group of friends and nobody ever knew. I'm still close with them all now (almost 40) and they still don't know.
All my subsequent proper relationships have been with men and I'm now married to a man. I think both me and friend wrote it off as just experimenting when we were young, but I later realised in my 30s that I am indeed bi.
I've only told 3 people IRL (incl my husband, before we married) - but none of my oldest friends have any idea.

@MySecretIsYours

I am only alive because my DD aged 6 (almost 7) would end up living with my abusive ExH if I wasn't.

Once she's old enough to be independent I won't be.

I've had treatment for depression, anxiety and PTSD since before DD was born and I can fend off the thoughts for about 6 months if I'm lucky even with antidepressents but the thoughts creep back in and I'm only standing for them because of my beautiful DD.

Keep fighting. Things can change for the better. And independent or not it would break your daughters heart if you were not here.

I got a bf to dump me when I was 20 by telling him that the previous night he’d told me he didn’t want to see me anymore. I called on Saturday and said did you mean it when you said you didn’t want to be with me ... he stuttered and said I don’t remember saying that , I said you did so I guess you meant that it’s over .. he sounded shocked and said erm ok . He’d been a drinker and drug user and I’d had enough

Since lockdown I now work from home permanently and can do my work in approx 3 hours a day. I’m happier and fitter than I’ve ever been (dog walking and online exercise classes) and I’ve been making an extra £2k a month matched bettering and day trading crypto when I’m meant to be working at my day job. I also get in at least an hour of Netflix a day.

[quote psychomath]@PortugirlTES it always seems like the end of the world when you confess your deepest secrets for the first time, but once you've got over the initial sick regret feeling it does often feel better. I hope you feel clearer headed tomorrow, and the whole thread will go poof into the void after 90 days anyway.

It's hardly the worst thing in the world - nobody died, you didn't cause harm to anyone and no-one is even affected in any way besides the two of you. Honestly I (and probably most of us) have done things that are far worse because they actually hurt people, even if society as a whole would be less judgemental about them.[/quote]
Agree. It was a long time ago. Be kind to yourself, it's time to put it behind you.

I've got a different dad to my two sisters and it has always created a line between us. A sort of invisible boundry. They only ever tell me exactly what I need to know where as I tell them everything. They are the first people I think of to tell exciting things to. I want soo desperately to be close to them - like they are with eachother - but I know I never will be. I am miserable because of it.
Our mum thinks we are best friends; despite knowing we have had issues over the years.

at a high school party one girl had a sort of glory hole set up hidden under blankets and randoms could do anything . me and another kept her covered and watched loads of guys including her DB -only we know .
DP writes some scary fiction- i'm not sure it is fiction.

@TimeFlying

My DD went through a short period of self harm. It was utterly a peer group thing which makes me really angry. I took the whole brunt of supporting her at a time when I was at rock bottom myself.

Do you.mean it was because she was being bullied by her peer group? Bullying is often linked with self harm. How is your DD's mental health now?

@PortugirlTESO know if a few people who have done this and I read something that said it was more common than people realised.

My MIL drunkenly confessed to having an affair. Thankfully, DW or BIL weren't in earshot. As I hate my FIL I was quite pleased.

I have had severe mental health issues since I was very young but my parents minimised it. After I really got very poorly in my 20s my parents tell people I had a nervous breakdown due to pressures of doing my law degree. In fact I have battled borderline PD and complex trauma since I was 16. My father abused me as a child and my therapist thinks a lot of my issues are due to this.

Actually I guess that isn't a secret in the true sense of the word as my therapist knows. None of my friends, teachers etc had the faintest idea I was abused because my dad was a very charming man and everyone likes him. They put my emotional issues down to attention seeking or schoolwork stress.

I self-harm slightly. No one knows except my DP.

I left a job I shouldn’t have last year. I fucking hate my new job with a passion, my boss is an utter dick. My MH has been terrible for a while & I left under a fit of that. It’s actually made it worse.

I was on antidepressants for four years but didn’t feel they were helping. Doctor said I was at the max dose & couldn’t do anything else. So I came off them.

Some days it’s an actual battle not to take my own life. This was even before I came off AD’s.

No one knows any of this. Except MN now.

@Ostryga

I did sleep with the guy I told everyone I was just friends with.

Me too. And when he tells mutual friends that we were in fact shagging, I say he’s a fantasist and the reason we no longer talk is because he got the wrong idea and got all weird about it. In fact the reason we don’t talk is because I’m ashamed of myself.

I’m now a functional and well respected member of the community and he’s still a drop-out loser so I THINK people believe my story over his.

@ovensoff

I self-harm slightly. No one knows except my DP.

I understand only too well. I hope you are getting the help you need.

[quote CMSdividend]@doubleshotespresso I feel you! Do people refer to you as "so strong". That's me too. I've cried twice today because I'm struggling so much.
My other,linked, secret is that I'm only with my child's dad because I know he'll discipline her physically and she's only 3 so it's safer if we're together and I can protect her. I've often thought about parking my tiny car on the train line with us both in it but I couldn't do that to the rest of my family. [/quote]
you need to leave him and take your child with you. I was that child. My mum didn't leave him.

I fancy someone off Twitter but he’s not available :(

[quote CanICelebrate]@FlowerChildofthe80s

it’s so tough to explain. Part of what perpetuated my ptsd was being gaslighted and so not only have I felt a lot of shame but also doubted myself.

@partyatthepalace

no one in real life knows this but I’ve recently started therapy again. My therapist was and still is amazing.

I am so much better that no one would have a clue that I struggle with self harm. It’s very lonely![/quote]
I understand about the gaslighting. I was gaslit by my narcissistic parent who abused me and struggle massively with the self doubt. I sometimes think I must have exaggerated how bad it was in my own mind.

@NotMineToTell I think I know who you mean…has the husband been in the media again the last few weeks for unconnected reasons?

@Losttheplotyearsago I know exactly where you’re coming from it was only when years later my dad finally told me he realised what a cow my aunt was and how she’d treated me, he still never stuck for me when I lived with her, but 30 years later he backed me up when I went nc and my sister.