I married XH in my teens. It was a mistake and he was an arse but i stuck it out for 15 years.
The secret? Well, from before the marriage and throughout all those years i was wildly in love with his younger brother, A. We'd all known each other from secondary school, A was in the year below me. I fancied the pants off him even back then. He married young and was miserable as well.
He often used to come round to our the house for the day, sometimes when XH was there but more often when he wasn't. He would spend hours with me. Just sitting close, talking. Helping out with the kids. Helping out with household stuff. XH did bugger all.
He never laid a finger on me but the sexual tension between us was almost painful. He was nervous, shaky hands when handing me something ect. I was too screwed up by it all to think straight :(
On the night he left his wife (as i found out later) he came to our house straight after and asked to come in. He never usually came round at night. (I had 3 DC under 5 tucked up in bed). XH was out. A knew this. I told A i couldn't chat now as i was about to jump in the shower. Truth is i looked like shit and didn't want him to see me like that. He said ok and quietly walked away. I often wonder what would have happened that night if i'd let him in.
That's it really. I loved him. I think he loved me.
Never told this to a soul.