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Original poster

Have you ever “lost yourself”

50 replies

callmemaybee · 03/06/2021 22:18

If so, how did you manage to comeback?

My life now and pre-pandemic is so different and tbh, I don’t recognise myself now! Everything, looks, confidence, identity etc is non existent!

OP posts:
MistySkiesAfterRain · 03/06/2021 22:31

Ooh interesting post for a pre bedtime pontification. Have I ever lost myself? I don't think I identify completely with this experience as I tend to see 'myself' and the things you describe - body, looks, confidence - as separate. The inner me is ALWAYS there. But I know the feeling where I've just put on the most weight I ever have and don't feel physically comfortable, and know when I've been neglecting myself. They are all part of me. Anyway I pontificate but its a point worth making as the way I deal (or try to deal) is to take one of them and turn it into a project and break it down into steps and try to get excited and motivated about them. Following some sort of plan is good and having some sort of self accountability. I tend to make the plan up myself and follow about 2/3 of it.

QueenPaw · 03/06/2021 22:42

Yep, I'm totally lost at the minute. Probably if you don't have horses it's hard to understand but maybe if you've had a dog too...
my horse died before covid. It was always if life is shit, go and ride, feel upset, go and ride, men being idiots, go and ride
And then the worst thing happened and she died and all I wanted to do was well, go and ride but she wasn't there. I feel homesick but there's no home to go to and every so often it hits me again like tonight

lalamo · 03/06/2021 22:47

I did after first dc. I came back though, it just took a long time.

Mitford1789 · 03/06/2021 22:49

Yes definitely - at university and when I was with a horrible boyfriend in my twenties. I just stopped taking care of myself and listening to myself. I found myself again though. Time is a great healer.

Ozymandias101 · 03/06/2021 23:00

I was lost for years. Ruined my 2nd year of uni and got terrible grades due to a sexual assault. Started a career I hated and stayed in it for 16 years rather thatn disappoint my parents. Ironically, I married a man they hated because it seemed like I was standing up to them, except they had nailed it on that occasion since he dragged me to the edge of bankruptcy.

After all of that I was destroyed. My confidence on anything about myself was gone, and so was all my financial security.

The bugger of it was that I just had to keep on going anyway. Once you hit the bottom, you can bounce, with a bit of help.

Twistered · 03/06/2021 23:14

Yes I lost myself drastically.

I found myself by staying away from social media and by gradually becoming easier on myself and got to the point where I let go of a load of shit and don't sweat the small stuff.

CeibaTree · 03/06/2021 23:19

Yes I did for sure over the last few years. I am finally starting to feel myself again by losing weight, taking up meditation (just a 10 min YouTube meditation each day), and starting a online course that's just for me and nothing to do with parenting or anything else except my own interest :)

Themeparklover · 03/06/2021 23:25

Yep my last relationship of 5 years I completely lost myself, it was all about him constantly and he forever dragged me back in work, studies, family, friends. I have spent the last 6 months rebuilding myself

Ozymandias101 · 03/06/2021 23:37

When I did claim myself again, it was all through little things. I grew tomatoes and made enough passata to last me through winter.

Asked work colleagues to save their old jeans for me, and made a (very inexpert) quilt out of them.
I took a lot of walks, and used the knowledge my grandad passed on to me to identify as many flowers and birds as I was able.

I relied on the parts of me that had grown before the bad things happened, and tried to grow them a little more.

LunaTheCat · 03/06/2021 23:42

@Ozymandias101

When I did claim myself again, it was all through little things. I grew tomatoes and made enough passata to last me through winter.

Asked work colleagues to save their old jeans for me, and made a (very inexpert) quilt out of them.
I took a lot of walks, and used the knowledge my grandad passed on to me to identify as many flowers and birds as I was able.

I relied on the parts of me that had grown before the bad things happened, and tried to grow them a little more.

That is so beautiful. I have lost myself at work - healthcare - have just taken 6 weeks off. I feel so much better after a few days. No job, no relationship and no amount money is worth the loss of your soul.
nokia3210567 · 03/06/2021 23:45

Sertraline, cbt and boring self-care

Ozymandias101 · 03/06/2021 23:54

@LunaTheCat
Nothing is worth more than the feeling of being at peace. It took me a long time to remember, but my childhood of walking everywhere and naming everything with my grandad has done a lot to set me up for life Flowers

misssunshine4040 · 03/06/2021 23:58

@QueenPaw

Yep, I'm totally lost at the minute. Probably if you don't have horses it's hard to understand but maybe if you've had a dog too... my horse died before covid. It was always if life is shit, go and ride, feel upset, go and ride, men being idiots, go and ride And then the worst thing happened and she died and all I wanted to do was well, go and ride but she wasn't there. I feel homesick but there's no home to go to and every so often it hits me again like tonight
So sorry for the loss of your beautiful horse. I hope you can find a way to get back to a yard soon xx
GloomyWaters · 04/06/2021 00:20

Yes. Now.
Why...DH had an affair and is the most selfish self centred idiot and compulsive liar few weeks after my best friend committed suicide, then sister diagnised with noncurable cancer, caring for an elderly ill parent who drinks too much but in denial plus a teenager to deal with who I do evrrything for...taxi service etc who is selfish as well ...all over the last few years. And Im going through menopause!!!!. Today I feel like I dont have my own life I get through the day by sorting out other peoples crap....I just feel numb, and all I wanted to do today is cry and run away just for a few days and hide.

Hope life gets better for you OP

Themeparklover · 04/06/2021 00:45

seeing as people have added their hobbies since finding themselves again here's mine, I started a herb garden, learnt tarot and astrology, got into eating healthier and going out for walks more so far lost 2 stone , started buying things I wanted to whereas before I always put myself second because of my ex, started visiting new places alone like day trip to Brighton etc. started making new friends online, simple things like trying new shows

imamearcat · 04/06/2021 00:48

I'd say I'm fairly static. Goods ways and bad ways. But I make time for things I want to do, no matter what. There is always time.

Original poster
callmemaybee · 04/06/2021 00:52

Haha there’s me starting this thread mainly to whinge about my looks…and then you all posted with such intelligent and inspiring responses !

Thank you all for sharing your experiences. You have definitely given me a lot to consider tonight. I would say that my appearance basically IS my identity which probably isn’t healthy.

OP posts:
Original poster
callmemaybee · 04/06/2021 00:52

But you have provided some much-needed perspective Flowers

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 04/06/2021 01:12

Yes.

Made a move that made me desperately unhappy between 2017-2020

My overall lifestyle changed dramatically, at least 3 random strangers told me I looked miserable in supermarkets.

I genuinely suddenly looked haggard and I knew it. Someone who worked with me realised it was a touchy issue and negged me by faux pretending constantly that she forgot we weren't the same age, when in fact she was 50s and I was 30s

I took the opportunity of a fresh rural start to discover I am definitely a city girl who hates insular communities.

I moved just before the Pandemic and I actually feel like a different person.

Lookingoutside · 04/06/2021 01:47

I lost myself completely in 2017 and again last summer. It was terrifying.

@Ozymandias101

‘I relied on the parts of me that had grown before the bad things happened, and tried to grow them a little more.’

This really spoke to me. I am so incredibly lucky in so many ways and I have plenty of things from “before” to call on when I’m struggling.

Thank you @Ozymandias101. I’m going to make a list.

ICECream821 · 04/06/2021 04:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhyMrsRobinson · 04/06/2021 04:50

themeparklover your post struck a note..how did he drag you back with family, work etc? I’ve just realised our relationship seems to be all about him, and I’m wondering if that’s what’s happening to me! Sorry to intrude on thread. Have been trying to find myself again through running. It’s not easy!

WhyMrsRobinson · 04/06/2021 05:00

What does it actually mean, ‘to lose yourself’ ?
I think it means you get caught up in looking aftre kids, Dh, or go through something so that you forget or don’t have time for the things you enjoy and that make you you.
Is that right?
lightmoon82 I know how you feel! X
I’m sorry about your horse that sounds awful.
Well done everyone that has found themselves again. I am keen to start doing the things I did long long ago.
💐

MrsBobDylan · 04/06/2021 08:31

I was lost before my dh found me 19 years ago.

I have only just found myself though, and as uninspiring as this might sound, last week I doubled my dose of sertraline and feel contented for the first time.

I had a very difficult childhood. I think living in fear as a child sort of broke my head chemically and even though I did 10 years of therapy, I couldn't change the fear. The sertraline has though and it is a fucking revelation!

Themeparklover · 04/06/2021 17:56

@whymrsrobinson I met him when I was 17 during a bad stage in my life, we then went on to live with each other for over 5 years, it started out sweet or what I must've thought was normal anyway. He didn't work for 3 out of 5 of those years, plunged us into debt that I paid off, was abusive in the latter years occasionally physically but mostly emotionally, cut off all my friends over the relationship and wouldn't let me have any but then wouldn't have any himself and blamed me for it. I was at uni during our relationship and he made us move twice because he didn't like where we lived which I did to make him feel happier, my family continuously warned me of his actions but I didn't see it at the time. I spent all of my time and money putting him first and funding his lifestyle and didn't even realize it. In the end I left because I wanted to finish off my degree something he had made me leave and he also had extreme beliefs about the trump campaign, covid, vaccinations and women in education, it was too much and a shock when I left of just how much my life had revolved around him but now I am doing much better.