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Original poster

Would you let 2 twelve year old girls go out alone?

98 replies

Goldenskeletons · 02/06/2021 08:52

DD is in Yr 7.
Upto now her primary school friends have always come to the house or she's gone to theirs. Stayed at home, played in garden, on computer etc...

She gets a lift to school and back.

A new friend invited her to her house to go to a local craft fair, DD said mum was going too. But she didn't. I was then told they went for a walk down the canal.

Friend has invited her round again but said her mum is sick so they aren't allowed in the house.
So I assume they are just going to spend hours wandering about.

I am just not comfortable with it and neither is her father. He said flat out, no.

I remember being accosted several times at her age by men and even followed by one with his penis out :(

I just don't think it's safe for 2 12 year old to wander about for 4 hours alone.

Am I being crazy?
I've booked swimming for her instead and said friend can come round Friday and we will go shopping at her face alt complex.

She seems happy and wasn't surprised we said no.
Urgh. It's so hard having kids these days Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldenskeletons · 02/06/2021 08:53

Face = fave Blush

OP posts:
UnFringed · 02/06/2021 08:54

No

BelleClapper · 02/06/2021 08:55

Sorry but you are being a bit crazy.

Most children are making their own way to school in yr7 and spending weekends hanging out with their friends.

You need to loosen the apron strings.

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12 year olds Families Secondary education
IDidntFloatUpTheLaganInABubble · 02/06/2021 08:55

No I wouldn't

Chewbecca · 02/06/2021 08:56

I went out alone far, far younger than 11. Times must’ve changed.

Helenluvsrob · 02/06/2021 08:56

I would. But mine took an ordinary bus to school at 11 and themselves until town after for choir as well ( big city )

MsTSwift · 02/06/2021 08:57

My 12 year old goes for walks with friends as does every other 12 year old I know. How do they get to school? Here they walk unaccompanied 3 mile round trip.

Agree wouldn’t want them aimlessly hanging about for hours but never being out unaccompanied at secondary school is rather odd. I remember getting the bus to town with my best friend in year 7

MrsBungle · 02/06/2021 09:00

Well yes I would personally. My dd is y7 and isn’t 12 yet and gets the bus to and from school each day. She often goes out for a couple of hours with her friends to look round shops or go for a walk. She has a phone and we have life 360 on it so I can see where she is. She’s very sensible and sticks with her friends. I actually can’t think of any y7’s I’m aware of who aren’t allowed out without an adult present.

MakeAWhish · 02/06/2021 09:00

Depends really, where would they be 'wandering' do they have phones, are they sensible, are you around if needed, could you suggest how they spend their time together rather than 'wandering'. My 12 year old y7 goes to the icecream shop/supermarket/park with her friend/s without me. I have a tracking app and these places are local (we live in a village) so I am happy with this. It just depends on so many things! Ultimately you have to do what you're comfortable with.

halcyondays · 02/06/2021 09:01

Yes I have a 12 year old, she and everyone she knows goes out without adults. And they started while still at primary school, many make their own way home from school etc.

WimpoleHat · 02/06/2021 09:02

“Hours wandering about” doesn’t sound great. But a craft fair, or a trip to the park or the local shops should be fine. Once they get to secondary school, I think they need to start developing a bit of independence.

ImFree2doasiwant · 02/06/2021 09:03

I thought this is what kids that age did? The craft fair wouldn't bother me. Can the girl not come to you instead if her mum is ill?

TooMuchPaper · 02/06/2021 09:03

A new friend invited her to her house to go to a local craft fair, DD said mum was going too. But she didn't. I was then told they went for a walk down the canal

This would annoy me. Was there ever a place to go a local craft fair with the other mum? Or did the girls make this up and had planned to go to the canal all along?

Mugsen · 02/06/2021 09:03

Depends on the area for me. I think shopping in town is fine. But I'd be wanting mine a year or two older for country walks where there's nobody around.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/06/2021 09:04

Not somewhere like a walk around the canal. If there was an issue it's fairly isolated for summoning help promptly.

Places like craft fayres, shopping, activities (swimming, bowling...) then yes, I'd be fine with a bit of independence within boundaries (stay in a certain area, back by a particular time).

LeafBeetle · 02/06/2021 09:04

Yes I would. I have a 13yo DD and this is normal IME once they start secondary.

tiredanddangerous · 02/06/2021 09:04

This is what kids this age do in my experience (mine are 11 and 13)

TooMuchPaper · 02/06/2021 09:04

But I agree that at 12 she should be doing things independently.
Is it feasible for her to walk to school or get public transport/cycle?

OrangePowder · 02/06/2021 09:05

Yes, but by 12 my DC would have had short periods of independence, travelled to school by bus, gone to the shop for me, made their own way to after school activities. I wouldn't suddenly have let them out to wander all day without any "training".

Original poster
Goldenskeletons · 02/06/2021 09:06

She has walked to and from school but we are lucky that our neighbour just gives her a lift so why not take it?

I'm not opposed to her going out alone with her friends in general.
I think going to the cinema or something is very different to letting them wander round a quiet canal and field for hours?

I do have very bad anxiety so that does affect my decisions but my mum let me go where ever I wanted and I could write a book about weirdos and close calls :(

OP posts:
legotruck · 02/06/2021 09:06

Mine got the train (20mins) into the city at 12, a couple of weekends a month, with friends. I think never allowing them out alone at 12 is quite damaging (excepting any additional needs of course) - particularly as your fear is men. That's a lot to put onto a child approaching her teenage years

cupsofcoffee · 02/06/2021 09:08

Of course - it's normal.

Original poster
Goldenskeletons · 02/06/2021 09:08

Also it's a horrible area, rife with muggings and attacks.

2 teen boys have been stabbed here recently and 1 hit and run accident with a child.

Which obviously doesn't help.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 02/06/2021 09:08

I’d let them go shopping, for a walk etc

Original poster
Goldenskeletons · 02/06/2021 09:09

Lego we went out yesterday together and we had men openly leering at her. She was totally oblivious but they were so brazen about it. She's 12 fgs Angry it's unbelievable

OP posts:
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