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Original poster

Jesy Nelson Why didn't we stop the bullies?

92 replies

Anordinarymum · 12/05/2021 16:42

When I say 'we' I mean we as women.
She's the one who recently left the the girl band 'Little Mix'.

It is fairly common knowledge that she was subjected to online abuse from trolls since they won the X-Factor back in 2011. She has been called fat and ugly and has had horrible things said to her over time which resulted in her wanting to end her life and now for the sake of her mental health has left the band.

Yes she is a bigger girl - so what? I always thought she was the best thing about the group and when ever they were on the TV it was her we looked at mainly because she is a stunningly beautiful young woman.

I wonder why society turns it's back on people like her when we know something is not right, much the same as with Britney Spears.
What should we do to support people in the public eye who are abused simply because of the way they look and/or their dress size?

It seems to me that nobody cared and that makes me sad. If it were my daughter I would wonder why this sort of thing happens and nothing is done to stop it.

OP posts:
ThankYouHunkyJesus · 12/05/2021 16:45

Women aren't one homogeneous mass. Why should i feel responsible for bullying that one woman experienced? I don't know her. Why didn't all men stand up for me when i was bullied by a man?

newnortherner111 · 12/05/2021 17:04

I don't think women should as a whole be held responsible for the bullying of one woman. I do think that Jesy Nelson telling of her struggles may inspire at least one woman somewhere to seek help or support, who might otherwise have suffered in silence.

RosieGuacamosie · 12/05/2021 17:08

Why are only women responsible for the behaviour of a broad cross section of the population Confused.

I am frankly really quite sick of women as a class being expected to be responsible for the ills of the world.

How about focus your energy on anti trolling laws instead?

SelkieBe · 12/05/2021 17:10

Im not on twitter and ive never heard of her but i hope she is happier now. X

Jongleurterre · 12/05/2021 17:10

If she were my daughter I would wonder why she kept posting photos of herself in unflattering underwear style outfits with her mouth open and then saying she was bullied because people kept saying her outfits didn’t suit her or were unflattering.

Why the need to constantly seek validation and not be able to take the negative along with the positive comments?

She only wanted people to make flattering remarks but as we all know social media isn’t like that and there will always be people who either post their honest opinion which you may not like or agree with or are deliberately mean just for the sake of it.

Trolling and making mean comments is pathetic but she wanted to provoke a reaction by having her photo taken nearly every day in her bra top.

BornIn78 · 12/05/2021 17:11

So what did you do about it OP?

emilyfrost · 12/05/2021 17:13

I always thought she was the best thing about the group

Why?

and when ever they were on the TV it was her we looked at mainly because she is a stunningly beautiful young woman.

In your opinion. Not everyone’s.

MiddleParking · 12/05/2021 17:13

Personally I didn’t stop the bullies because it had the square root of fuck all to do with me.

buffyp · 12/05/2021 17:14

@Jongleurterre

If she were my daughter I would wonder why she kept posting photos of herself in unflattering underwear style outfits with her mouth open and then saying she was bullied because people kept saying her outfits didn’t suit her or were unflattering.

Why the need to constantly seek validation and not be able to take the negative along with the positive comments?

She only wanted people to make flattering remarks but as we all know social media isn’t like that and there will always be people who either post their honest opinion which you may not like or agree with or are deliberately mean just for the sake of it.

Trolling and making mean comments is pathetic but she wanted to provoke a reaction by having her photo taken nearly every day in her bra top.

Well thankfully you are not her mother and her real mother is a hell of a lot kinder.
iklboo · 12/05/2021 17:15

I am not responsible for the actions of others. Why are women responsible for stopping bullying? Because we share the same chromosomal configuration?

She didn't deserve trolling or bullying, but it's not up to me to stop it. Do you think it would have stopped if women had said 'stop that, it isn't nice'?

MadMadMadamMim · 12/05/2021 17:17

I agree it was hideous, and I felt very sorry for her when it came out how badly she'd been affected by Internet comments. I'm not sure what I personally could have done with this. There are many online trolls and bullies.

The secret lies in not reading this stuff. The internet appears impossible to police. If you are in the public eye in any way - and let's face it, pop singers seek huge amounts of public attention - then you have to accept that there will be both positive and negative comments.

I'd imagine the only solution is not to read stuff about yourself.

buffyp · 12/05/2021 17:18

@emilyfrost

I always thought she was the best thing about the group

Why?

and when ever they were on the TV it was her we looked at mainly because she is a stunningly beautiful young woman.

In your opinion. Not everyone’s.

Did she say it was the opinion of everyone? Good grief it’s no wonder poor girls like Jesy end up feeling suicidal with attitudes like some of those expressed here. Of course it’s not up to all women to stop bullying but some of the comments here that are trying to invalidate her feelings of bullying are appalling. Personally I wish her well and am glad she is in a much healthier place. I do agree about more needing to be done with anti trolling laws.
Letsgetreadytocrumble · 12/05/2021 17:21

I distinctly remember the X Factor threads on MN the year Little Mix were on it, and some of the things that were said on here were really horrible, a particular name was bestowed upon her that I shan't repeat here. To be fair, I dont think those sorts of posts would be allowed on MN these days.

midsomermurderess · 12/05/2021 17:21

'Why the need to constantly seek validation'. Every second post here is just that, validate me for not selling a puppy to that person, for saying this to a colleague, for giving my kid pudding. Endless yearning for validation.

TacoLover · 12/05/2021 17:24

If she were my daughter I would wonder why she kept posting photos of herself in unflattering underwear style outfits with her mouth open and then saying she was bullied because people kept saying her outfits didn’t suit her or were unflattering.

What a bitter attitude. You are either incredibly stupid or just lying if you think the extent of online bullying she received was people telling her that her outfits were 'unflattering'. Have you watched her documentary? I feel sorry for your daughter.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 12/05/2021 17:26

Awful post from emilyfrost

And as for being "bigger" she was only slightly than the others, and looks both happier and healthier in old photos.

In terms of "we" the Great British Public, no one is collectively responsible for the behaviour of bellends you don't know.

Should their management, the industry, her friends, her family, the other girls in Little Mix and The Media At Large done more to promote that she was beautiful and healthy and protected her from the dramatic damage to her mental health?

Yes.

You can't do that for a stranger unless you are directly part of the problem.

Don't be absurd.

I feel and have always felt terribly for this girl. The whole business is shocking.

DioneTheDiabolist · 12/05/2021 17:28

We can't stop the bullies. The media platforms that host them can and I wish they would.

Cornishandproudofit · 12/05/2021 17:29

What could we do? Genuinely what could we have done?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 12/05/2021 17:32

It's disgusting the bullying but not sure what I personally could have done to stop it.

I'm a fan of the group and have to disagree that she was the best thing about it though. I think they're all great but she was the weakest singer.

murbblurb · 12/05/2021 17:32

Little mix all look the same to me, they've been through the same mincer as girls aloud and been ejected as the modern equivalent. And yes, bum out and mouth open poses aren't exactly aimed at an intelligent audience. Dive into the scum and you will get filthy.

None of them deserve any hassle and why one got more than the others isn't clear to me.

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 12/05/2021 17:34

She was never “bigger”, she just wasn’t as thin as the others. I didn’t stop it because neither I nor any of my friends/family was to my knowledge posting that stuff. I’d challenge a friend or family member posting something I thought wasn’t on, but taking strangers to task for online comments puts you on a hiding to nothing. It’s not like they don’t know they’re being dickheads.

TacoLover · 12/05/2021 17:35

And yes, bum out and mouth open poses aren't exactly aimed at an intelligent audience. Dive into the scum and you will get filthy.

Jesy got told to commit suicide and faced lots of online abuse from when she was on the X-Factor, when she was fully clothed the whole time. Has it occurred to you that the treatment she got might have made her want to dress in a more sexually promiscuous and conventional 'popstar' way to try and get some more positive comments? Got to love a bit of MN victim blaming!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 12/05/2021 17:37

It's not just Jesy either, Leigh-Anne experiences racial bullying and in fact made a documentary about it that airs this week.

bringmelaughter · 12/05/2021 17:49

“it was her we looked at mainly because she is a stunningly beautiful young woman”.

Which makes you part of the problem I’m afraid. When we reduce women to their looks and comment on them we’re part of the culture saying that appearance is important, comparisons are ok and it’s others views that determine if you can be ok with yourself.

This all contributes to bullying and also to women placing their self worth at the feet of others.

Jongleurterre · 12/05/2021 18:09

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