Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Jesy Nelson Why didn't we stop the bullies?

92 replies

Anordinarymum · 12/05/2021 16:42

When I say 'we' I mean we as women.
She's the one who recently left the the girl band 'Little Mix'.

It is fairly common knowledge that she was subjected to online abuse from trolls since they won the X-Factor back in 2011. She has been called fat and ugly and has had horrible things said to her over time which resulted in her wanting to end her life and now for the sake of her mental health has left the band.

Yes she is a bigger girl - so what? I always thought she was the best thing about the group and when ever they were on the TV it was her we looked at mainly because she is a stunningly beautiful young woman.

I wonder why society turns it's back on people like her when we know something is not right, much the same as with Britney Spears.
What should we do to support people in the public eye who are abused simply because of the way they look and/or their dress size?

It seems to me that nobody cared and that makes me sad. If it were my daughter I would wonder why this sort of thing happens and nothing is done to stop it.

OP posts:

Jongleurterre · 12/05/2021 18:09

Stages not stages

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 12/05/2021 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Repeats deleted post.

cookiecreampie · 12/05/2021 18:29

Because in all likelihood, the bullying came from women. I can only account for my own actions, not everyone else's and can't act on every individual case. I don't care enough about celebrities, all I can do is hope that I have a positive effect on people I come into contact with in my own life.

AbsentmindedWoman · 12/05/2021 18:31

I didn't realise the bullying had persisted until I saw she had left LM. I thought the nastiness was only in the early years of the group.

It is really sad that she was bullied so much, and what slightly confuses me is - has Jesy not got the sort of figure that is referred to as 'thicc'? Which I thought was desirable now?

Maybe if she was starting out in the public eye things would be different, and the bullies wouldn't latch on to her? They'd just direct their venom at another young woman, though.

Feelinglow8736 · 12/05/2021 18:43

The bullying didnt just come from women, it was men too!

MisContrued · 12/05/2021 18:54

I thought it was great that she was in the band but really does she even have to be the poster girl for bigger women, that's a pressure in itself. Her weight should have been a non issue. Why should she give a flying f&*k what others think, when she is the one smashing it touring the world in a band making loads of money and these trolls are presumably desperately unhappy people. Yet she was 20 something and wants what most 20 somethings want, to fit in and have a good time.

I thought it was interesting what someone said about trolls (forget who), that they now send them a private message with a link to samaritans to say sorry you feel this way and heres this number to get help if you need and 9 times out of 10 they would reply and say yeah I do need help.

But I agree we really need to get better at rallying even if its standing up for someone we actually know.

NiceGerbil · 12/05/2021 18:57

I don't know who she is
I have a vague idea who little mix are but I couldn't name a song or recognise the singers

I doubt my mum could either

Whatever happened is on us and all other women... Why?

I would also be surprised if all the negativity came from women. Men and boys aren't exactly known for not being arseholes to women.

MisContrued · 12/05/2021 19:03

I think there is some truth in that its all fabrication to be fair. This is produced stylised music in a highly visual culture and there is a well oiled machine that takes people from nowhere and makes them the product. The consumer is also part of the product/experience. I don't believe even a pop star themselves would not be aware that they don't make all the decisions.

FAQs · 12/05/2021 19:03

My daughter was a fan of Little Mix for a few years so we went to see them three times over a space of about 5 years and Jess was def the most popular looking at the placards and T-shirts amongst the crowds but she was singled out on social media I remember some of the newspaper headlines years ago and they were awful I can see how this may have caused her to feel separated from the other woman in the group, not through the other band members but her self esteem. They all wore the same dance costumes.

DIshedUp · 12/05/2021 19:05

Because its not womens responsibility

I don't follow her, I've never seen any bullying of her mostly because I don't look at her social media or articles about her. She's nothing to do with me. I wouldn't pay any attention to little mix, they arent my music.

Plenty of her fans did stand up for her, I am sure that any negative comments on her social media would have been met with plenty of comments standing up for Jessy.

Let's not pretend that little mix just have abuse, they also have a hell of a lot of adoring, obsessed fans who will absolutely have stood up for any negative comments, lets not pretend no one stood up for her. She continued to remain in the public eye, and continues to do so now.

GameSetMatch · 12/05/2021 19:15

She’s not a bigger girl! She’s thin/normal! I think you stated the whole problem with that one ‘fact’

MrsLaura · 12/05/2021 19:16

What do you think I should of done to stop it?

I am me, I am only responsible for my own actions. I am not responsible for the actions of any other human. I don’t go out bullying people. If I saw someone being treated badly in public, I like to think I’d say something or help as I have in the past.

I’m not sure the world turned there back on her, Maybe her management team have some questions to answer though?

The fact is in life some people ( women & men ) are nasty and get joy from being cruel, some people are cunts and that will never change. The world is never going to be bully free

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 12/05/2021 19:22

She isn't a bigger girl

The fact you have said that on a public forum makes you part of the problem.

She is very talented and put up with a lot of shit over the years, from men and women.

She has made the right decision for her, and her mental health and I wish her all the luck in the world.

I'm not sure what you want 'women' to do about it though, if I see online bullying I call it out, aside from that there's nothing anyone can do. Trolls will always troll.

bigbeatmanifesto · 12/05/2021 19:26

I ask the same about Britney.. women in media are hounded it's changing but very slowly.

AC12theletterofthelaw · 12/05/2021 19:29

The fuck she’s a bigger girl. Why say that. Why don’t you say the other 3 are too skinny. Why comment on her appearance and weight. FFS.

Namechanger0800 · 12/05/2021 19:36

I've seen little mix in concert and no way is she a bigger girl - she slim and toned but curvier than the others. She's also the most popular in the band and arguably the most talented. Live you are drawn to her more than the others as she has a lot of stage presence

She was slightly bigger in X factor and did get trolled a lot for her weight and looks - completely unfairly. As a young self conscious teen I suspect it damage a precarious self esteem and she's never really recovered. I think it's awful but a wider issue for regulation of social media rather than an women's issue

Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 12:52

I have only just realised this thread got published ! I tried umpteen times yesterday and gave up thinking it didn't happen.

I have read most of the replies and whether or not people agree or disagree you cannot deny that it happened to her ! ..and regardless of whether or not you think her body size is bigger (which she herself admits to) being a bigger dress size than her skinnier mates and having to starve herself to be a size 8 simply to stop the trolling is awful.
I do not agree with some of the responses but I thank you all for responding and above all I wish that girl well.

OP posts:

randomlyLostInWales · 13/05/2021 13:06

@MiddleParking

Personally I didn’t stop the bullies because it had the square root of fuck all to do with me.

This.

Though the music industry seems extremely toxic inside and out.

I think social media platforms could do more about bullying for a whole range of people - from the racism footballers have recenty had a campaign about to less public women who get death and rape threats.

Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 13:30

In a world where young girls especially are influenced by images of women whom they look upon as heroes and want to be/look like them I feel it is important that when one of them is trolled to the state of wanting to commit suicide, that we do have a responsibility to shout out from the rooftops ' this is wrong' and we won't put up with it.

OP posts:

randomlyLostInWales · 13/05/2021 13:33

Anordinarymum well instead do brating 52% of the population many of who knew nothing about this person or the situation why don't you tell us what you did/are doing to stop this bullying so we can all learn by your example?

Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 13/05/2021 13:33

Teenage girls, young women and some young gay men are encouraged to be bitchy. That’s what they believe they should do. In a few years they will look back and not recognise their own posts. They are little mix’s target audience. I’m not saying that makes it easier to deal with as the target of abuse, it definitely doesn’t. But I really believe 90% of these people will grow out of it.

I heard FKA twigs recently on a podcast with Louis Theroux talking about the racist abuse she was subjected to when she dated Robert Pattinson. I think anyone dating someone like that would suffer abuse, this being racist makes it even worse of course. Maybe now he’s aged out of the teen heartthrob thing his next girlfriend might be safe.

The older I get the more sorry I feel for famous youngsters, it’s definitely a poison chalice IMO. Yes you can say they can cry all the way to the bank and other people adore them etc but I don’t think that’s enough.

Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 13:40

@randomlyLostInWales

I'm posting here :)

OP posts:

SunshineSuxx · 13/05/2021 13:43

I personally have a lot more respect for artists/celebs who let their PR companies deal with their social media.

I felt sorry for Jesy, but also feel that she should have been steered away from SM as soon as the trolling started.

She's an adult, not a 12 year old. We all make choices.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/05/2021 14:33

@Namechanger0800

Totally disagree that she's the most talented. Perrie is the best singer in the group by a mile. They all have great stage presence though and I think Jesy was the best dancer.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/05/2021 14:50

It's no wonder young girls develope eating disorders when people yourself included op are referring to someone of her size as a 'big girl'.

Flip

1 2 3 4