Page 3 | Jesy Nelson Why didn't we stop the bullies?

Anordinarymum · 2021-05-12T15:42:50+00:00

When I say 'we' I mean we as women. She's the one who recently left the the girl band 'Little Mix'. It is fairly common knowledge that she was subjected to online abuse from trolls since they won the X-Factor back in 2011. She has been called fat and ugly and has had horrible things said to her over time which resulted in her wanting to end her life and now for the sake of her mental health has left the band. Yes she is a bigger girl - so what? I always thought she was the best thing about the group and when ever they were on the TV it was her we looked at mainly because she is a stunningly beautiful young woman. I wonder why society turns it's back on people like her when we know something is not right, much the same as with Britney Spears. What should we do to support people in the public eye who are abused simply because of the way they look and/or their dress size? It seems to me that nobody cared and that makes me sad. If it were my daughter I would wonder why this sort of thing happens and nothing is done to stop it.

Jollof · 13/05/2021 14:53

"We" as a society have a collective responsibility.
At the moment, quite rightly, we know:
-it's not enough to just not be racist, we need to be anti-racist

it's not enough for men to say "not me, not all men", they need to actively challenge misogyny and sexism

So surely, it's not okay for us to say bullying is nothing to do with us or that the victim brought it on herself. Surely, we should be actively anti-bullying - calling option out wherever we see it - if "we" want our society to change.

Silence only helps the bully/oppressor.

So online bullying is all of our problems. Not every instance, every time, but generally. When any one of us sees online bullying we could and should speak up, not stay silent or ignore it. Many, many saw the bullying Jesy received and may not have taken part/joined in but said nothing. That's not okay.

Iyland · 13/05/2021 14:55

Yes she is a bigger girl - so what?

No she isn't. Comments like that are just as bad as calling her fat. HTH.

NigellaSeed · 13/05/2021 14:59

There's a couple of trolls on here already

So, you've rounded them up OP, now what?

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 13/05/2021 15:01

It is not up to women to stop this. We can only be responsible for what we post online. Even if social media platforms had a way of silencing trolls, there would still be bullying.

Jesy is bigger than the other girls but not big imho. She's the best dancer and it's very sad that she was subject to bullying for so long.

80sMum · 13/05/2021 15:02

The real tragedy, I think, is what this young woman has done to herself over the last 10 years in order, presumably, to conform to what she feels is considered "beauty."

In my honest opinion, the young lass was a very attractive girl in 2011 but, sadly, now looks very peculiar. Her face has changed completely and no longer looks real. If I were her mother I would be heartbroken to see what she has done to herself.

As others have said, it's clear from her frequent posting of self images while scantily clad that poor Jesy still has major issues with body image and has a constant need for validation.

Was it all worth it, the past 10 years, the fame and fortune etc? What price has she paid, I wonder?

randomlyLostInWales · 13/05/2021 15:05

Surely, we should be actively anti-bullying - calling option out wherever we see it - if "we" want our society to change.

When I've come across funding campigns of charities dealing with on-line bullying I've given money - which TBH is very little to do really.

Though I'm not sure that starting a thread about one specific example and brating everyone else is really more than virtue signalling. I've do read and nod along to campigers and interviews newpaper articles calling this behavior out but it doesn't really do anything to help.

randomlyLostInWales · 13/05/2021 15:09

I do also avoid publications that have this sort of snide body comments in - but again feels like not much really.

I have complined about other coverage - but it does feel like shouting into a void rather than any postive action.

Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 15:53

@NigellaSeed

There's a couple of trolls on here already

So, you've rounded them up OP, now what?

They only serve to endorse what society thinks and how it behaves when something is wrong and right under our noses

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Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 15:55

@ForThePurposeOfTheTape

It is not up to women to stop this. We can only be responsible for what we post online. Even if social media platforms had a way of silencing trolls, there would still be bullying.

Jesy is bigger than the other girls but not big imho. She's the best dancer and it's very sad that she was subject to bullying for so long.

As far as I can see.. it's women in the main who are the target for this sort of body shaming so it is women who should be saying 'enough'

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purplepaintcans · 13/05/2021 16:03

First, there's nothing wrong with her body and looks. But I don't think all of her problems stem from bullying and trolling, she seems hyperfocused on her looks, but also insecure. She would probably be happier if she spent less time on social media, less energy on trying to impress strangers, and less of her focus on constant attention and validation...

BillMasen · 13/05/2021 16:32

@Jollof

"We" as a society have a collective responsibility. At the moment, quite rightly, we know: -it's not enough to just not be racist, we need to be anti-racist

it's not enough for men to say "not me, not all men", they need to actively challenge misogyny and sexism

So surely, it's not okay for us to say bullying is nothing to do with us or that the victim brought it on herself. Surely, we should be actively anti-bullying - calling option out wherever we see it - if "we" want our society to change.

Silence only helps the bully/oppressor.

So online bullying is all of our problems. Not every instance, every time, but generally. When any one of us sees online bullying we could and should speak up, not stay silent or ignore it. Many, many saw the bullying Jesy received and may not have taken part/joined in but said nothing. That's not okay.

This. Either we’re all responsible for standing up to bullies/racists/sexists, or none of us are...

Andante57 · 13/05/2021 16:44

In Korea accusations of bullying, past or present, result in celebrities being cancelled.
There have been some high profile cases and the actor Ji Soo was replaced in a series even though it was nearly over. The whole series was recast with another actor.
The hugely successful actress Seo Ye-Ji has been accused of bullying her ex boyfriend and members of staff and has been dropped from all her advertising campaigns and her next tv series.
Some of you may have watched Crash Landing on You. Lee Shin Young who played handsome Lt Park was accused of being a bully at school. His agency threatened the accuser with legal action and the accuser backed down immediately and said he’d confused Lee with someone else.
However Lee has been replaced in the starring role he was set to play in a new series and seems to have vanished from Korean media.
There are several others as well.

Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 16:55

' Many, many saw the bullying Jesy received and may not have taken part/joined in but said nothing. That's not okay.'

Thank you for saying this. It's time we saw an end to this sort of hatred by stopping it when it begins and not letting it happen simply because we as individuals have no voice.

There should be something implemented to stamp this sort of cruelty out for once and for all.

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ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 13/05/2021 17:07

As far as I can see.. it's women in the main who are the target for this sort of body shaming so it is women who should be saying 'enough'

But women are also the trolls.
We have posts on here where people are invited to judge looks (How old do I look?) or fashion (What do you think of this item I bought?) You could make bingo cards of the replies- mumsy, frumpy, dating, ageing...

Celebrities who post airbrushed images are both victims and damaging consumers. I realise that they did not invent SM platforms but there are vulnerable people who consume their images and getting plastic surgery because they think that these images are how they should look. Very sad all round

randomlyLostInWales · 13/05/2021 17:09

In Korea accusations of bullying, past or present, result in celebrities being cancelled.

Frankly I'd like to know how we get to that point - rather than more handwring isn't it terrible other people must do something.

I'd also like less body shaming in main stream media - other than personal boycotting and complaints I'm again not sure how we get it.

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 13/05/2021 17:15

There was a series on channel 5 a few years ago where trolls who target celebrities discuss the effects of trolling and in some cases get to confront the troll.

Just had a Google and it's called Celebrity Trolls: We're Coming to Get You and there are some clips online

Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 17:16

@ForThePurposeOfTheTape

As far as I can see.. it's women in the main who are the target for this sort of body shaming so it is women who should be saying 'enough'

But women are also the trolls.
We have posts on here where people are invited to judge looks (How old do I look?) or fashion (What do you think of this item I bought?) You could make bingo cards of the replies- mumsy, frumpy, dating, ageing...

Celebrities who post airbrushed images are both victims and damaging consumers. I realise that they did not invent SM platforms but there are vulnerable people who consume their images and getting plastic surgery because they think that these images are how they should look. Very sad all round

I do not think Jesy was asking people to say anything though. She was trolled from the moment they won the X-factor and from thereon she was bullied, body shamed and called awful names by anyone who felt like saying it. I am just stating facts here. I feel ashamed to have seen the abuse and done nothing - until now.

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DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 13/05/2021 17:17

As far as I can see.. it's women in the main who are the target for this sort of body shaming so it is women who should be saying 'enough'

You mean like when you called her a 'bigger girl' then several posters pulled you up on it, and you defended calling her that?

Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 17:17

And also.. the photoshopping is a symptom of abuse and not necessarily about showing off

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Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 17:18

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

As far as I can see.. it's women in the main who are the target for this sort of body shaming so it is women who should be saying 'enough'

You mean like when you called her a 'bigger girl' then several posters pulled you up on it, and you defended calling her that?

She was bigger then the other girls in the group. This was what I meant. She had to starve herself to 'fit in' and that was because of the abuse

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DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 13/05/2021 17:22

You think you're starting a revolution here by telling us all to be kind and stick up for women, when you're actually part of the problem op.

I would stop telling us all what you think we should be doing and take a long, hard look at yourself and your contribution to the problem, as demonstrated on this thread, tbh.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 13/05/2021 17:23

She isn't a bugger girl ffs , she is a size 10 but the others are tiny !
Saying that is just as bad !🙄

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 13/05/2021 17:27

I disagree that photoshopping is part of yeh abuse. She's under pressure to keep up with her band mates and other famous females her age but there will be vulnerable people who see her images and feel self loathing and the cycle continues.

How do regular people stop trolls? You would never log off considering how many there are and how much they enjoy being vile.

Quincie · 13/05/2021 17:29

If you are rich I do not understand why you do not employ staff to scan the social media/papers and pass on good comments and ignore the bad.
I struggle to have sympathy - I can remember Princess Diana being stressed and plagued by the papers and why didn't she just have an office who screened everything rather than her 'taking them on', being affected by them.

Original poster

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 17:30

@huuuuunnnndderrricks

She isn't a bugger girl ffs , she is a size 10 but the others are tiny ! Saying that is just as bad !🙄

Rubbish. Read what I said

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