Was anyone else’s DM really weird about periods when they were younger?

[BiscoffAddict]

I’ve just been thinking about this randomly today. When I was younger and lived at home I wasn’t allowed to leave my packets of sanitary towels anywhere my DF or DB could see them. DM insisted that they shouldn’t have to look at them and she’d go mad if I ever so much as left a wrapper lying about. So they lived in my knicker drawer in my bedroom. But then I’d go to other people’s houses, use the loo and see packets of tampax or whatever on the bathroom shelf next to the other toiletries.

Then last year I moved back in during lockdown and without thinking left a packet of sanitary towels on the dining room table after I’d been shopping. She snapped at me to move them quick ‘in case your Dad sees them’ because obviously seeing a packet of always ultra is going to cause him distress isnt it? God knows what she thinks when she goes to DB and DSIL’s house and uses their look because DSIL leaves hers on a shelf next to her shampoo etc, you know like normal people do.

It’s such a weird attitude to have and it feels worse now time has gone on. Was anyone else’s DM the same?

Oh my goodness @Macaroni46, that's a classic! 🤣

@LizJamIsFab

At 11 I brought home a plastic bag with a couple of sanpro freebies and information from school. I (as directed by school) found a quiet moment to mention this to my Mum. She said “I’m sure you understood what they said, now put them away”.

Since then NEVER have we mentioned periods/sanpro (I’m 40). We’ve never both been in the same room as a visible sanpro packet.

I had no pocket money and only started my periods at 16 (not that she would know) and so after that spent birthday money on it when in town on my own.

The whole situation was RIDICULOUS!

Yes, I can remember being in Year 6 at primary and us girls had a talk with the nurse who told us to examine ourselves down there with a mirror (!! hmm maybe a little much for 10yos) and gave us all sanitary towels to take home. My DM was livid when she found them in my school bag and shoved them into a kitchen cupboard. I was so embarrassed I told her to throw them away and she refused, saying they were too expensive to waste, haha. Well they did waste because I didn't start for another six years. I wonder how much grief those free STs caused to British school girls and their prudish mothers?

My Grandparents got me a French teen mag when they were on holiday and it had loads of free STs inside attached to the adverts. Very different to UK mags!

My mum was weird about periods. She's very prudish about anything that's bodily or sexual, and there was always an element of shame attached to periods.

Everything had to be hidden. I was punished for wrapping and binning towels instead of flushing them - they were massive old-fashioned things that I didn't have the hand strength to tear in half to make them flushable when I first started (young). What if Dad saw them?! Well Dad did see them when he had to rod the drains every few months

She said tampons were only for married women. She smacked me when I bought a box to go on holiday to Spain with friends when I was 18!

Read a few weeks ago about a bf who thought he was all clued up about periods etc...
All smug until his gf had to spell out a period doesn't last 30 mins as he believed!!

My DM bought me sanitary towels and was supportive of periods .She was a little envious at the "new" stick on /always towels ,she never got to use ! Never thought "Curse" was appropriate .How would you have babies ow!

Yes. She never really talked about periods or what products were available. She'd sneak pads into my wardrobe when I was out. Also no bathroom bin so had to sneak my used ones downstairs to the kitchen.

My mum told me nothing about periods. She started hers very young so it shouldn't have been a shock when I started mine in primary school aged 9. We didn't have a close relationship ad so I just assumed I was dying and couldn't tell her.

We had an excruciatingly awkward chat once she spotted my knickers.

I still feel v let down by her.

I cried when I had dd (convinced she would be a DS!) as I realised she wouldn't have to go through that agony. And she hasn't and discusses it all openly ❤️

I wonder how much grief those free STs caused to British school girls and their prudish mothers?

When did they stop handing them out? I remember getting a free sample in yr8/9
so 90s. But it's definitely not a thing now. Dd1 never got any anyway.

Its a shame really. I mean having a couple of freebies for kids to have in their bag from yr 5 onwards wouldn't be a bad thing for thise kids who's parents don't set them up.

@Aprilwasverywet

Read a few weeks ago about a bf who thought he was all clued up about periods etc... All smug until his gf had to spell out a period doesn't last 30 mins as he believed!!

I'd love to read that article or thread. Are there any links? 😎

My auntie told me that when she told her mum (my grandmother) that she was bleeding, my grandma slapped her around the face and sent her to bed. They weren’t allowed to discuss it or mention it. My poor auntie had no idea what periods were.
I mean, wtf?

My DM was a bit squeamish about it, but not nearly to the extent I’ve seen here. She called it ‘the curse’ - common in her generation IMO, and thought you couldn’t use tampons until you were married - it would compromise your virginity (assuming you still possessed such a thing 😂) but didn’t even try to stop me when I began using them in mid teens.

To me the most mind boggling thing, though, was when I was on a German exchange visit many decades ago, and the German mother was insistent that couldn’t have a bath or wash your hair when you had your period.
I still have vivid memories of my exchange girl’s younger sister in a tantrum of tears at the dinner table because she wasn’t allowed to wash her hair. ‘Ich kann es nicht mehr leiden!’ (I can’t bear it any more!’)
And Mutti rolling her eyes albeit fairly indulgently - ‘Immer ein Theater!’ (Always a drama!)

But since then I’ve heard of Brit mothers of the same era believing in the same old wives’ tales, which did really come as a bit of a shock.

I think my mums issues came from her getting pg aged 16 and being forced to go to a catholic mum n baby home. Her DS was forcibly adopted from her otherwise she couldn't come home. Her mental health issues got her stuck forever at 16 😢

I think if she told me about sex n periods, I'd go off and do same 🙄🙄

Such nasty, neglectful, abusive parenting. I’m surprised some of you still talk to your mothers!

I mean I think she thought I'd go same!

This is so interesting to read. I wonder if some mothers are still like this today? My mum never bought me anything when I had my periods. I remember a good 8 years when I used rolled up toilet roll because there was nothing much else in the house, until I could use my money to go to the shop and buy why I needed (probably around 15, which is when I first got a job). I actually never really thought about it before, but it's so odd. It just wasn't a discussion and she never took me to the shop and asked what I needed.

My dd is 8 and we've been talking about periods for probably as long as she has been able to talk. She's already told me what sorts of cloth pads she likes (from looking at mine) and we've discussed what we would buy when she gets her period. I just can't imagine knowing it happened and just pretending it wasn't (though, tbf, that is generally a theme in my mum's life...head in the sand and as long as you don't see it, it never happened {hmm] ).

@Lettuceforlunch

Such nasty, neglectful, abusive parenting. I’m surprised some of you still talk to your mothers!

I didn't. My dm died unexpectedly in 2013 and I wasn't upset. She was abusive and we were almost nc. She was never left alone with dd or DS.

Yet recently I'm mourning a mum rather than MY mum IYSWIM

Should have added, my DM was evidently more enlightened than I gave her credit for at the time.

Also, my German exchange visit lasted 3 weeks, during which time I ‘came on’ as we used to say, and although I was using tampons by then (I was 16) Mutti knew, because of a minor leak in the bed.

So when I was going to have a bath, she asked me (evidently very concerned) ‘Kannst du baden?’
To which I gave a very firm ‘Ja, thank you!’

@Whatwouldscullydo

I wonder how much grief those free STs caused to British school girls and their prudish mothers?

When did they stop handing them out? I remember getting a free sample in yr8/9
so 90s. But it's definitely not a thing now. Dd1 never got any anyway.

Its a shame really. I mean having a couple of freebies for kids to have in their bag from yr 5 onwards wouldn't be a bad thing for thise kids who's parents don't set them up.

I got some at around 11 in 2008/9 ish? So it must have been fairly recently stopped!

My mum would talk about periods but never brought them up and got very awkward when talking about them. She was never angry or upset if products were out but she also didn’t provide me with a bin in the bathroom so I had to sneak them into a bin in my wardrobe in my room, then put them outside. I also kept period products in there. I have no idea why she didn’t just provide a bin, but it would have felt much more accepted if there had been one. This was around 2011 so it was quite recent.

I used to keep my Tampons in a tin in my Bedroom when my DDs where small, they were the type that were small and could easily be popped into your pocket whilst at work, because we were not allowed to take any bags or coats into the wards and Departments where we worked due to the risk of cross infection. We had to use our Traditional Capes between the Nurses home and destination.

However, one of my DDs managed to find my Tin and took a couple out and asked her Daddy what they were for. She was around 6 years old at the time, and so her quickly said they were for putting make up on with!
A few weeks later, when l collected DD from school, the teacher asked to speak to me in Private. DD had apparently been found walking round with a Tampon dangling from each Ear by the loop of its string, and was covered in the paint powder from the Art class!

When asked what she had been up-to, she proudly announced that she was a ‘Big Girl’ now and had been practicing putting her make up on!
I was so embarrassed l didn’t know whether to Laugh or Cry!

She’s a young adult now, and still remembers it well, and often tells her friends what happened to her which they find hilarious!

My daughter brought home a littlr pack in year 5. It was lillets teen range and has a little bag to keep everything in which is useful as she started her period not long after

My mum got me a book about periods and put a pack of sanitary towels in my drawer about a year before I started.
I started 3 months before I turned 13 and I was not happy about it. I didn't feel ready at all, didn't tell anyone, and was very embarrassed.
Anyway, my mum discovered several pairs of bloodstained knickers hidden in my drawer after a couple of months so realised I'd started. You'd think from the fact that she'd got me the book and the STs that she'd be fine with it, but no. She went mad. Yelling over and over at me that I was too young. Me shouting back that I hadn't wanted it. Really helped when I was already feeling shit about it, I can tell you 🙄

My mum was weird about things but in the completely opposite way. I started when I was 10 and was a bit shell shocked about the whole thing, plus was a gangly, bookish and awkward pre-teen. Even so, if we ever went to a family function she'd announce when I was on my period or she'd stage whisper that I had PMT which was why I was minding my own business and reading in the corner. She would loudly ask if I had pads when I got up to go to the toilet. I'm honestly not sure which is worse...

We didn't really talk about it growing up. My mum gave my sister a book which she then gave to me. I remember in year 6 of school i knew women have periods but i dont realise it was womb lining building up and being shed as there was no fertile egg. A friend told me 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️. My mum always brought us enough sanpro though, but it wasn't in display. I'm the opposite now. I moan when I get period pain, my dh hung out my clean reusable pads to dry on the weekend when I was in work. I have ds, although they're 7 and 9 o have told them the basics, women bleed every month. Its a normally bodily function!

When I started my periods I thought I was dying of something. Awful

My mum was quite open about things and had some pads ready for me.

But I started off really lightly and thought "oh well that's ok". After about six months they got really heavy and I had pain and I didn't know what was happening. I suppose she didn't want to frighten me by telling me it could be awful, but a bit of a heads-up might have been good. It didn't help that I had thrush too :( There were a few embarrassing visits to male GPs, although to be fair they did sort the thrush and give me something for the period pain.