Was anyone else’s DM really weird about periods when they were younger?

[BiscoffAddict]

I’ve just been thinking about this randomly today. When I was younger and lived at home I wasn’t allowed to leave my packets of sanitary towels anywhere my DF or DB could see them. DM insisted that they shouldn’t have to look at them and she’d go mad if I ever so much as left a wrapper lying about. So they lived in my knicker drawer in my bedroom. But then I’d go to other people’s houses, use the loo and see packets of tampax or whatever on the bathroom shelf next to the other toiletries.

Then last year I moved back in during lockdown and without thinking left a packet of sanitary towels on the dining room table after I’d been shopping. She snapped at me to move them quick ‘in case your Dad sees them’ because obviously seeing a packet of always ultra is going to cause him distress isnt it? God knows what she thinks when she goes to DB and DSIL’s house and uses their look because DSIL leaves hers on a shelf next to her shampoo etc, you know like normal people do.

It’s such a weird attitude to have and it feels worse now time has gone on. Was anyone else’s DM the same?

I got my period aged 9 and obviously assumed I was dying. My mum decided that it must be a one-of kinda thing, and not explain anything, and that it would also be a really light, flash in the pan kind of period - not the tsunami it was in reality... Instead of proper pads, she bought panty liners. This was the early 80’s so they were inadequate and crap at the same time. Might as well have used a tissue. When I was still leaking blood everywhere she punished me for being “that kind of girl...” but of course I had no idea what the hell was happening to me or what she was talking about. Finally I broke down at school about “thinking I was dying” and they gave her a talking to. (She was a nurse, ffs!)

I follow a lady on TikTok who is Jewish and showed her bed, it’s 2 beds joined because she can’t share a bed or bedding with her husband because her faith teaches her she is unclean during her period :( she had kids who is she raising with the same fairh, makes me sad
(Just want to add I know this isn’t all Jewish people!)

Re the Jewish thing......in Orthodox circles its considered perfectly usual and normal. Men are also unclean in other ways, although obviously it doesnt affect their lives so much.

But I read an interesting article by a former strictly orthodox jewish woman who said that actually she and her peers felt it freed them from certain obligations, not least sex every Friday night. I guess its how you look at these things.

@Ollinica

If your kitten is very soggy you should get it dried off immediately. If you cant take care of it properly then you shouldnt be a cat owner.

This reminds me of when all the girls in my year (Y10, so already too late for most) were herded into the school hall for a talk about periods. We were told by some woman that we couldn't use tampons until we were at least 16.

@AMillionMilesAway

When I got my "talk" in about 1985 we were told that tampons were only suitable for married women. And then got given the tampax mini sample pack....go figure!

@Ollinica reported to Nightwatch - it's a spambot apparently and on lots of threads tonight 👍🏼

My mum definitely felt uncomfortable talking to me and my sister about periods, as much as she denies it. Luckily I had Shout and Mizz magazines so I knew what to expect.

My sister who was five years younger missed out on the magazines and instead found out about periods from a school talk when she was in 11. She was really upset and felt like she had been deceived. My mum sent me in to her bedroom to talk to her about it

I think the worst thing was that she wouldn’t buy me Panadol or ibuprofen so I just suffered for years with very painful periods.

Yep Mum used to tell me the same. And I actually felt really embarassed if my Dad wouldv ever seen it too. So it was instilled in me and still is.

I remember once going on a trip with the family an overnighter and unexpectedly got my period i was 13.and had no established cycle as yet. I had no sanitary towels. The shame of my dad knowing and us buying pads at 10pm at night was too much. So i stayed overnight putting tissues in my knickers and worrying id leak on the hotel bed. Luckily i didnt as i kept putting lots of tissue and couldnt sleep tho? Next morning my mum discreetly got me pads. I wouldnt do that in this dane age tho. Its awful.

My DM tried to be decent about it, but never actually succeeded in helping me in any practical way. I went to weekly boarding school, and was never given enough pocket money to buy pads or tampons.

Most horrifyingly I remember a family holiday where we drove through remote countryside for days, my Mum hadn't thought to come prepared & I had the heaviest period of my life. It was mortifying around my brother & Dad, I had to sit on towels in the back seat of the car, and rather than show any sympathy my Mum went ballistic when she realised.

Really sad some of there, would be useful to know decade of when these things happened. Would be a great subject for documentary. Always think this kind of information is missing from humanstory

I started in 1983. I had the belt and hooked pads appear in my drawer as well.

I started my periods in 1988. I know about the from the nurse at school.

I've been very open withy children and, when he lived at home, my daughter would quite often ask my son to pick sanitary towels up on his way home from work.

We have some small drawers in the bathroom - one is filled woth a variety of tampons, the other with a variety of towels and my daughter's friends know they are there.

It was quite nice because one day I went in there amlnd found some that weren't mine. My 19 year old son had told his gf about the drawers and she'd added her own in as she was round so often!

No it was completely normal in my house. My dad wasn't there tho so maybe it would of been different cos he's quite controlling but I remember my little brother riding to the shop on his bike for chocolate and sanitary pads when he was about 8 😂

If our mums behaved like this, imagine what they went through

This

Before the age of tampons and sticky pads 😔

What you're missing here is that a 'decent' or 'respectable' woman did not show or mention menstruation at all. It was (and is, in some cases, I'm sure) dealt with privately. It's a fertility matter, fertile women bleed. It's a matter for 'shame', you might be available (but not tonight) and everyone who knew about the blood would know that. No respectable woman would talk about it.

My sil asked me (loudly, on a train!) about my experience of menopause. Clearly, she was not properly brought up!

There might be people with bathroom drawers well-stocked - that's practical - but bedrooms were the most likely places, being less open to other family members.

As for how mums coped...
Tampons were available but we couldn't have them because they might interfere with our being considered virgins on marriage (or when we met the right boy).
Belts and loops were a faff but not as bad as having a sticky back pad move round and stick to your leg. No wonder young women shave.
Worst thing about the old fashioned pads (apart from the bulk, they were huge) was the chafing. They would rub your poor little innocent legs completely raw.

God my parents didnt really tell me anything. I learnt from.books magazines and school. Although my mum.boughte a pack ready , I was completely un prepared. I mean what the hell do you do with long pads with no wrapper, how do you transport them.to school? I had nothing to put then in . All I had was the freebie blue plastic tampax case school gave us. I had no idea of the many choices available and the different absorbancies. If I didn't tell.my parents parents I needed some when they went shopping I'd have to go get my own.which meant cycling to the nearest petrol station so you can imagine the lack.of choice . I had to save up for a make up bag the only one I could afford from.bus fare change and my 4 pound paper round money which I also had to sometimes use for bus fare or anything else I needed. If I had been younger ( I was 16) I'd have been screwed I was not remotely set up properly.

Also the free sample from school was a mini tampax so I bought those but they weren't enough I had to nick my mums super plus but that was really painful I had no idea about the in betweens no one ever bought me a range or took.me shopping

@Imreaaaaady

What the fuck is wrong with all your mothers?! It makes me feel sick thinking that you all had to act like something shameful and disgusting was happening to you. You’d think as women they’d understand...

There was nothing "wrong "with these women, they were simply obeying the cultural norms at the time!

We do all understand that attitudes change over time don't we?

I feel really sorry for these women, they were taught to have shame about their bodies. My mother was the same, she was very shy about anything to do with sex.

I was on the way to Sunday School when my period started 😳
She said that's what the pads I gave you are for, I thought, "Here I am bleeding to death and you want me to put a belt around my waist and hang those gigantic hammocks from it?"
Luckily I was able to read teen magazines and Cosmo and soon knew that there were other products out there. My next door neighbour Mr W would buy sanitary products for his wife and daughters, I thought he was wonderful 😊

We should be grateful that these taboos are not so widespread as before and that women having periods can be discussed openly.

Let's work on the menopause being recognised now!!

My DM found it really awkward and embarrassing to talk about periods with me. It's a shame, but she was a product of her time and upbringing. It was just something private that was never really discussed, she wasn't the same with sex or contraception. I got most of my information from magazines.

My mother never told me about periods, a neighbour brought me the dreaded belt and pads round. My sister was 8 years older than me and I never understood why she didn’t tell me or help me. I had an older sister too. My mother never really liked me anyway and I didn’t figure this out until later life.

My mum was really odd too. She rarely bought pads and given that there were 4 women/girls in the house requiring them, you’d have thought she would. I ended up using my pocket money. She’s kind of rewritten history in her head that she bought me a period pack for my school bag which emergency pads and pants. That literally never happened but I don’t argue because what’s the point. It would probably only make her feel bad, she was pretty skint back then so 🤷‍♀️