Was anyone else’s DM really weird about periods when they were younger?

[BiscoffAddict]

I’ve just been thinking about this randomly today. When I was younger and lived at home I wasn’t allowed to leave my packets of sanitary towels anywhere my DF or DB could see them. DM insisted that they shouldn’t have to look at them and she’d go mad if I ever so much as left a wrapper lying about. So they lived in my knicker drawer in my bedroom. But then I’d go to other people’s houses, use the loo and see packets of tampax or whatever on the bathroom shelf next to the other toiletries.

Then last year I moved back in during lockdown and without thinking left a packet of sanitary towels on the dining room table after I’d been shopping. She snapped at me to move them quick ‘in case your Dad sees them’ because obviously seeing a packet of always ultra is going to cause him distress isnt it? God knows what she thinks when she goes to DB and DSIL’s house and uses their look because DSIL leaves hers on a shelf next to her shampoo etc, you know like normal people do.

It’s such a weird attitude to have and it feels worse now time has gone on. Was anyone else’s DM the same?

It's grim that this still goes on.

I went through it in the 70s. My dm didn't mention periods at all, and never once bought me sanpro. Apparently even to mention them was shameful. Thankfully I had friends who got there first & explained every detail and I had a Saturday job before I needed to buy pads.

By the time dm had four dds, seven dgds and 1 dggd she could finally say the word 'period' in a sort of hissy stage whisper. But she had to do a pantomime check over each shoulder first, to make sure no fragile male was in earshot.

My mum didn't act like periods were a shameful thing but definitely didn't like talking about them.

Both DD and DS are familiar with periods, different types of sanpro and the difference between the vagina and the urethra. It started when they were tiny because they insisted on accompanying me to the bathroom every time. When they got old enough to ask questions I just answered them and told them what I was doing. They now think nothing of it.

@DarlingWithoutYou

Why weren't girls allowed to wash their hair if they a period? Mentioned a few times on this (very sad) thread.

In some cultures, women aren't allowed to touch certain objects, or anything belonging to a man, or prepare food, or bathe while they are menstruating. Some believe that having a period makes you weak, and so washing your hair is unwise. Presumably because you might catch a chill. www.quora.com/Is-it-true-that-a-girl-should-not-wash-her-hair-during-periods?share=1

I remember being very confused when DM told me (when I asked for tampons), that she didn't use them until she was married. At the time I couldn't for the life of me understand what she meant by that. Took me years before I figured it out lol.

Mother was absolutely fine. My father was incredibly weird about hygiene products in the bathroom and would throw them in my room 🙄

Yes my minim is weird about periods, sanpro, genitalia, basically anything related to the reproductive system! It's like it's dirty or shamed. I intend to do things differently with my daughter.

I actually remember my mum sort of blackmailing me to do with periods ... if you don’t behave I’ll tell your dad about X period related thing.

Very odd!

My mother never bought me anything and I spent the 1st year using toilet roll! I then started to take my sisters pads as my mum only had these huge cheap nappy things! I'm 29 so this was only 20 years ago.
Oh and heaven forbid tampons were mentioned or anything on display!

My mum was ok, quite progressive really.

My dad - like @justanotherneighinparadise's dad - was awful. He wouldn't allow me or my mum to store sanitary products anywhere he might see them, including in a cupboard in the bathroom. If my mum put a few emergency tampax into the glove box of her car, he'd even remove those if he happened to drive the car and see them! And there was no bathroom bin so we had to take them outside immediately.

When I moved out, my mum initially used to bring me boxes of tampax from the bathroom and tell me I'd 'left these out' and needed to 'put them away'. It was always explained that any man who lived with me would naturally be offended by the sight.

These days I thoroughly enjoy the fact that DW and I have a large and prominent collection of tampax on shelves in the bathroom, and my dad clearly finds their visible presence uncomfortable.

My mother did have the talk and I lied that my sister had already told me about periods but in reality I had known for bloody years, it was the end of the 90s. I was 13 when I had my first period and my mother was absolutely mortified because she didn't get hers until 17. She also had commented a couple of years before with a morbid expression how my breasts had started growing. I was beyond embarrassed. She did somewhat mention a thing or two but NEVER bought enough and I had to ask every time when I was already on my period. Often just used loo roll or pinched hers. She was nearing menopause so didn't have them as often as I needed them though. I also wasn't allowed to use tampons because they could get lost or kill you. I remember so well when I bought my first pack and felt so grown up when I finally used them.
My daughters are only small but I hide nothing from them and when the time comes they will have plenty of choice!
I also hid my used ones in my knicker drawer and pushed them down the side of our bin because I really didn't want her to comment

We lived on a small town with a couple of small shops so although I had money I felt too embarrassed to buy sanpro myself. I even get that a little bit now.

@FakeColinCaterpillar

Mine used to be furious that I got them, like it was my fault. Had no sympathy for pain. In fact I wasn’t given any pain killers. She used to tell me I needed to go for a brisk walk, I suffered a lot when I was in my mid teens with pain. She never bought me enough sanpro.

My MIL loved to tell me that period pain was abnormal and she’d never had any ever (she was lying I’m sure).

I’m very open with DD. She does mention it to DH. He freaks out about sanpro in the bathroom but I tell him to grow up.

This was my mums reaction too. When I started she shouted at my dad 'you'll never guess what she's gone & done now!' I was petrified, thank goodness for my more developed & wise friends. Used towels had to be burnt on the living room open fire. I once bought some feminax (tablets for period pain) & she went nuts. Also went berserk when I bought some tampons saying that no one would marry me if I used them.

If our mums behaved like this, imagine what they went through

My mum didn’t approve of tampax and constantly tried to get me to go swimming wearing a sanitary towel. Which obviously is ridiculous.

This is so fucked up.

I saw the GP without telling my parents, and he gave me a prescription for paracodol which I had to lie about so my Mum would pick it up. I told her it was for arthritis.

@FakeColinCaterpillar I was on the school swimming team when I was 14 and we had a big 'meet' coming up...schools from all over the state, that sort of thing...of course my period started a couple of days beforehand. My mother actually made me just not turn up for it, because she wouldn't let me use tampons so I could still compete. I got into so much bloody trouble at school for it, and was too embarrassed to tell the headteacher the real reason...

Some of these stories are awful. I don't understand why mums would want their kids to be undersupplied even if they found them embarrassing. Girls grow up and get periods it's a fact of life and there's nothing shameful about it.

I wonder how it was discussed in the 30s/40s/50s to make so many mums this way?

The tampon thing (that it makes you not a virgin) is still a weird myth that's hanging around.

So much of this is familiar My “period talk” also consisted of my mum asking 11 yo me “do you know about periods?” and me saying “yes” and that was it. She gave me a box of 10 mattress-sized pads and told me to keep them in my wardrobe where my brothers wouldn’t find them, and left me to it. By 14 I was buying my own sanpro because asking for them was too awkward. We never talked about tampons or pain or anything, and she was a former nurse and midwife. So weird.

Like everyone else, I’ve gone the opposite way and both of my children have known what periods are and when and why they happen since they could talk.

This is sad and very familiar but isn't it a generational thing largely. It makes me sad to think my mums generation struggled with these things in silence and with little information and support and we in our enlightened times get to point and show them up as failing individuals . It wasn't right and isn't right where it still continues but there is a context. Not talking about where things happened that were abusive obviously.

My mum was the same and also would t let me use tampons, she never told me anything about periods, I learnt at it school.
I’m the only female in our house(DH and 3 sons) and my towels are out in the bathroom, and my boys know about periods and why women have them. When they grow up they will be friends or have relationships with women and I want them to be able to pick up some tampons from the shop if asked.

My mother was open about it but did buy cheap shite pads that were like mattresses. I had really no awful period pains and luckily she’d suffered too so was understanding.

My dad on the other hand, if you said ‘period’ he snapped at you like you had just used a swear word. I once accidentally dropped a backing strip from a pad on the bathroom floor. He told my mum to gave a word with me because ‘…what if her brother had seen that!’ That would be my older scientist brother. I think he would face simply though there were two females at home of childbearing age and all women pretty much gave periods at some point. It’s normal!

I actually asked my husband last night what he knows about periods..he was completely clued up and I don’t think mil would have discussed ‘women’s things’ with him no and he has no sisters. He did say he wasn’t sure how often they came as all his girlfriends have had different cycle lengths.

Yes, my mum wouldn't even say the word period. I came home from school when i was about 11 and told her a girl from school had started and she called her a slut! This was in the 2000s so really not that long ago!

She also told me that it was better to have sons because then you don't have to have conversations about 'p words and things'.

But like PP she is now going through the menopause and won't stop telling me every detail! There must be some healthy middle ground somewhere.

This post has made me remember things and made me really cross. My parents never spoke about periods to me at all - I did know it was going to happen I guess through friends. I was 14 when it started and they had no sanpro in preparation apart from one ancient sanitary towel (the kind you needed to attach to a belt!) And I couldn't use mums as she used lillets super so not suitable.

My dad had to rig a shoelace round my middle to attach it. It was MORTIFYING.

Then they never got any/enough sanpro in each month and I had no money of my own. I'd ask (which I hated to as was embarrassed) and it wouldn't turn up for days. I used to use wadded up toilet paper mostly

Best bit? I used to hide my obviously bloody stained knickers in my room and attempt to wash them by hand stealthily and occasionally dad would find the bag in my room and go absolutely bonkers at me.

They had some really fine parenting moments.

My mother was brought up to not share these things with men as "they dont need to know" as she got older she got some gynae issues and relaxed a bit.

Ny ex MIL was off the scale though. My ex hated even a mention of the P word and didnt like that I left tampons out in the bathroom as he didnt need to know. I made it quite clear that a) as half the worlds population bleeds for 40 years of their life, its hardly a secret as as he lived in a house with 5 women he needed to either get over it pdq or walk around with his eyes closed and his fingers in his ears.

One of many reasons he is not missed.

I have always kept a basket by the loo with a selection of different products in it as two of the girls used pads and me and my eldest used different sized tampons. My mother has never mentioned it!