Was anyone else’s DM really weird about periods when they were younger?

[BiscoffAddict]

I’ve just been thinking about this randomly today. When I was younger and lived at home I wasn’t allowed to leave my packets of sanitary towels anywhere my DF or DB could see them. DM insisted that they shouldn’t have to look at them and she’d go mad if I ever so much as left a wrapper lying about. So they lived in my knicker drawer in my bedroom. But then I’d go to other people’s houses, use the loo and see packets of tampax or whatever on the bathroom shelf next to the other toiletries.

Then last year I moved back in during lockdown and without thinking left a packet of sanitary towels on the dining room table after I’d been shopping. She snapped at me to move them quick ‘in case your Dad sees them’ because obviously seeing a packet of always ultra is going to cause him distress isnt it? God knows what she thinks when she goes to DB and DSIL’s house and uses their look because DSIL leaves hers on a shelf next to her shampoo etc, you know like normal people do.

It’s such a weird attitude to have and it feels worse now time has gone on. Was anyone else’s DM the same?

These stories are so sad! My DM was so inadequate as a mother in many ways, I don’t think she likes other women much and I definitely felt there was a lot of shame involved. She could never really relate to me at all. I do think it was a form of neglect.

Although I am convinced my mother is a pretty classic narcissist, even in 1974 she took me to a big chemist and bought me a variety of sanitary products and I knew fully what to expect. My grandma too was pretty open. Neither in front of men but I don't recall any major problems. They were born in 1911 and 1936 respectively. Whilst I don't recall them being purchased for me, I had my own money and no problems buying my own although I was almost 14 and frankly just relieved when they arrived.

DD had her ears pierced to celebrate the rite of passage, aged 10.5, and unfailingly messages me from uni aged 22. I always check the cupboard in the downstairs bog is well stocked!

Periods were very shameful in my house growing up. Spoken of in hushed tones and called “that thing”. My mother bought me one or two packets of pads (massive, bulky ones) and after that never bought me anymore, but I didn’t have sufficient pocket money to buy my own, so for years I used wads of loo paper stuffed into my knickers. When my older sister started working she started to buy me pads.

My Mum was always open but I know of people like this. I knew a man who wouldn’t watch ITV as he didn’t want to be bombarded with adverts for women’s “accoutrements”. He was homophobic and racist too. From as early as possible I told my son that girls and women bleed once a month. When he started having girlfriends over he asked could I get some towels in just in case.

Some of these accounts make me really sad

My DM was really weird about periods. She was very proud of the fact that she hardly ever had them (probably PCOS as me and Dsis both have it) and she could not comprehend that me and my sister had heavy, painful periods. She utterly begrudged buying sanpro and would buy one packet a month for us to share. There was a lot of snide comments about us being wasteful with them. Otherwise we had to buy it out of our lunch money. She wasn't exactly prudish about periods she just seemed to think that because they didn't exist for her, they shouldn't exist for anybody else either!
My stepdad would happily go to the shop and buy them for us, but we still had to fork over our lunch money for the luxury.

I am shocked how many of you had to make do with no or inadequate sanpro. I could somewhat wrap my head around it if it was part of an overall experience of neglect, but that does not seem to be the case.

I just can’t understand it. Surely if periods are that shameful you’d provide adequate means to conceal them? Where did they think the blood was going? Or is the point to push girls into managing their own dirty secret

It is ignorance confused with innocence. Ignorance is an absence of information. Innocence is a state of no shame. Ironically, information is the very thing you need to prevent shame and preserve innocence.

My mum also used to soak stained underwear. And when I tried to do it my dad got really weird about it and wouldn't let me. My DM told me that he saw periods as unsanitary. But she never really challenged him about it. He was a nurse too - in mental health, the old pre thatcher closure psychiatric unit's, but still!
She always bought me the gear and when I when she found out I was using her tampons then she bought some for me too. But the whole thing was private and slightly shameful and for some reason she could soak her soiled undies but I couldn't.

I wasn't prepared at all as to what periods were. When mine started at the age of 12, I was terrified and thought I was dying from some illness or disease, after seeing all the blood in the toilet and on my underwear. I kept quiet for about 4 months before, after yet another period happening I led my mum to the loo and showed her, desperate for some reassurance . She simply gave me a pack of pads, told me to put one in my knickers, and that this would happen every month - oh, and not to bother my dad with it.
She never ever mentioned my periods again except to say that during this time of each month, I was not to wash my hair or have a bath!....... At a time when I felt I needed to wash more, I wasn't allowed to. It made me feel so grubby and isolated. Just one of the ways my 'd' p's humiliated me through my life.

My mum was one of those mothers who went on about how You're a woman now, I'm so proud, You're growing up etc. It was totally cringy and embarrassing. Everything my mum did embarrassed me. I didn't tell her when I started. She found out from my friends mum, I'd told my friend who told her mum that I hadn't told my mum.
As a result I've tried to me really chilled with my DD. I bought her supplies and told her she could tell me or not. She did tell me actually and also proceeded to announce the news to DH and her older brother. For the first year it was a real family affair actually as she would tell us all when her period started and leave supplies all over the bathroom

I adore my mum and she's a briliant mum but herself and my dad were spectacularly bad at all the "Facts of life" stuff. Cringy and embarrassing.

@gabsdot45

My mum was one of those mothers who went on about how You're a woman now, I'm so proud, You're growing up etc. It was totally cringy and embarrassing. Everything my mum did embarrassed me. I didn't tell her when I started. She found out from my friends mum, I'd told my friend who told her mum that I hadn't told my mum. As a result I've tried to me really chilled with my DD. I bought her supplies and told her she could tell me or not. She did tell me actually and also proceeded to announce the news to DH and her older brother. For the first year it was a real family affair actually as she would tell us all when her period started and leave supplies all over the bathroom

I adore my mum and she's a briliant mum but herself and my dad were spectacularly bad at all the "Facts of life" stuff. Cringy and embarrassing.

Omg my mum was the same. I saw how she made a big deal out of it for my sister and told everyone she also use to period track on the kitchen calendar.

Because of this I dodnt tell her for a whole year! Can you imagine an 11 year old sneaking pads and using wadded up tissue.

The whole "you're a woman now" thing doesn't sit right with me. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think you are. You're just a girl that has started their period.

My mum promptly told everyone she could think of, including my awkward and unapproachable dad who waited for me to get home from school and insisted I have a bath immediately. Her loud gossipy sisters were constantly shouting stuff about 'ladies problems' and being 'on' at me. She also threw a packet of sanitary towels out of the shopping in front of my dad and when I was embarrassed, crowed 'have you seen what she's left in there?'. This kind of thing made me really secretive about periods.

How ghastly @Strawberrysaxifrage

I was unbearably ashamed of having periods and did my best to hide them.
Memories of desperately hiding stained knickers and pajamas under my bed and scrubbing them in the bath so nobody would know.
Sanitary towels etc were not bought for me so had to use my pocket money which was only a little. Often didn’t have enough money so had to make my own from wads of toilet paper.
I absolutely hated buying them and would linger around the aisle until there were no other customers. I can remember wanting the earth to swallow me up in Kwik Save aged 13 years old.
Seems so silly now, but I wish I could just go back in time and tell my 13 year-old self there was nothing to be ashamed of.

Both my parents were completely normal about it when I started, thank god. Even now at 25, my dad will ask if I need any Tammies (as he calls them) 🤣 as he’s my dad and it shouldn’t be weird, it’s normal part of life.

I did, however, have a friend in school that the first time I went round her house got told I couldn’t be seen with one in my hand and even the applicator had to be wrapped in toilet roll and hidden. Found it utterly bizarre that her mam put up with that and enforced it on her because her brother and dad felt awkward about it. For fucks sakes, if you can manage to be grown up and have sex and a marriage, you should be able to deal with seeing a pad or a tampax. It’s not as if us ladies show a used one to them is it?

If I ever get a bloke in the future that is like that, they’ll be out the door straight away, no time for that and I certainly won’t have my potential future daughters growing up thinking they have to hide it!

No embarrassment in our house, we talked freely about it. I just kept pads in my drawer mostly because we didn’t have much space in the bathroom when I was younger so it was easier. My mum wouldn’t freak out if I mistakenly left them somewhere and my dad never bat an eyelid. It’s natural, it’s not like women choose to have periods and are purposely making it awkward for men, it’s a part of life and that’s it,