This is really bad isn't it?

[Getafuckinggripman]

I drink prosecco at the weekend. Probably 3 or 4 bottles spread out from Friday afternoon to Sunday. I don't touch alcohol during the week, never hungover for work, drink loads of water during the week etc. Don't really think about alcohol as I'm in routine etc. It's just a weekend thing. However... I've been off this week and other than one night I've been on it every day. Probably 15/20 units each day. It'll stop when I'm back to normal next week, I don't get the shakes or wake up needing a drink or anything but it'll get to 5pm today and I'll think about cracking one open to take the edge off. If I couldn't physically get any wine I would be a bit pissed off but I wouldn't be licking yesterday's wine glass or anything. I was the same during Christmas week and it stopped as soon as I went back to work. Am I an alcoholic or something?!

I think @Getafuckinggripman knows it’s too much, even just the weekend amount. She’s recognised it now and will do something about it.

We can drink too much easily on a binge or on holiday but its not good to be happening weekly.

I have read your updates and see you are going to change your habits which is great. I have recommended a book and see others have recommended different titles. I've actually read all of these and they are all excellent.
You definitely have a drink problem. But then so does anyone who drinks any alcohol. Moderation may be seen as harmless but it isn't. Ok, so a sherry at Christmas isn't going to upset your body too much.
Alcohol is a toxin which is diluted so as not to kill us off more quickly. When you drink your body starts a huge chain of reactions to counter the alcohol. Its unnecessary and not natural.
Years of social conditioning (decades and decades) have made alcohol acceptable. To the point where people cannot imagine life without it. This is why an alcohol free life seems so impossible 'but what about Christmas/birthdays/holidays? ' the dependency on alcohol in the UK and other countries is staggering. The point I am trying to make is that people who drink less than you OP certainly aren't special. They still depend on it. Maybe not as much but they do. They will argue that its to relax/celebrate/commiserate but THAT in itself is unnatural.
When I quit booze I thought I wouldn't never enjoy a holiday, dance on a crowded dancefloor, enjoy a meal out again but I actually enjoy them more.
My evenings are better. Until covid hit I could go swimming at 8pm. Then fall asleep through natural tiredness rather than passing out in an alcohol induced sleep (which would see me awake at 4am) I read books in the evening if there is nothing good on the box. I'm living again instead of waiting for 7pm to crack open a bottle of wine.
The best thing ever though is never having a hangover. I didn't drink a lot in the week but even those few glasses of wine had a profound effect on my sleep and wellbeing the next day.
My life is so much better and if I'm totally honest I feel superior to everyone who still drinks even in moderation. I don't care if I get flamed for saying that. I wouldn't say it in RL and be a smug ex drinking twat. I'm only saying it here to demonstrate how brilliant I feel when previously I couldn't do more than 3 days without booze.

@Northernsoullover, that is a great post. Thought provoking and inspirational. Well done for turning your life around. I take inspiration from people like you.
@Getafuckinggripman, you're only 36. I'm 53. Wish I'd have taken steps at 36. All that money wasted - I could have bought a villa in Spain. Not to mention the embarrassing things I've said and done. Or the trips to a and e for drink induced, self inflicted injuries ( after the year we've all had, I'm especially embarrassed by that selfish drain on the nhs).
Don't be upset, op. You've asked for help, and some great replies on here. And there is a lot of help out there. You've got this, lovely.

@Getafuckinggripman

Guys I know I've "played hard" lately. Much too hard. I'm 36 years old and I've absolutely fucking caned it for the last 12 months. I know criticism isn't always soft, but please bear in mind I am a decent, caring person who just has too much to handle. There are tears dripping off my chin right now. Bollock me, but please be tender.

I'd quite like to give you a hug. I hope you're not sat there feeling like a failure or anything, op. We all fall into bad habits in our lives, some more harmful than others. What measures character is one's ability to recognise it and take action, which you're doing.

Stop feeling ashamed please, and understand that you have demonstrated great self awareness and opened yourself up to responses on social media- many would argue that's tougher than speaking to friends and family!

Make the changes you need to, understand why its become a crutch and you will move onto better things

'I know criticism isn't always soft, but please bear in mind I am a decent, caring person who just has too much to handle. There are tears dripping off my chin right now. Bollock me, but please be tender'

The truth does hurt though op. No one wants anyone to have tears dripping off their chin, hopefully after a good night's sleep you can wipe tears away and make a new start.

Chuck the booze out, don't try to limit it because that won't work. Accept 'boring' on a a Saturday night and just focus on the health implications. Your liver will not cope for ever and at 36 you've a whole good life ahead of you. Good luck

It sounds like you need to drink to wind down which isn’t good. Obviously booze is a way to wind down but you need others, so figure out what you might try and then try some booze free days.

These things can creep, so good to grip on it.

You can do this 💐💐. Well done for asking for help, even more well done for accepting it. There is a lot of ongoing support on here, maybe being part of a community such as is on those threads will help you. Very best wishes.

Good on you for asking for support and coming to the realization that you need to make changes OP. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

@Getafuckinggripman

Guys I know I've "played hard" lately. Much too hard. I'm 36 years old and I've absolutely fucking caned it for the last 12 months. I know criticism isn't always soft, but please bear in mind I am a decent, caring person who just has too much to handle. There are tears dripping off my chin right now. Bollock me, but please be tender.

I mean this in the kindest possible sense op. What is it that upset you, Is it that you feel the comments have been harsh and unjustified?

Or is it that you feel the comments have been harsh but the realisation has suddenly hit and that yes, your drinking is a problem?

I really don’t feel people here were deliberately trying to upset you. You asked the question and people have responded and given their opinions.

So to you the comments may have come across as harsh. The truth does hurt if you’re not ready to hear it, especially as you seemed to minimise and try to justify your drinking.

But it seems you’ve recognised you have a problem, that’s the absolute first step to do something about it. But you have to want to do something about it. If you absolutely do want to change your habits you can. If you can get a grip on it now you’ll avoid it becoming a bigger problem down the line.

It might not be easy but theres plenty of support available and I wish you well and good luck in whatever you decide.

If I couldn't physically get any wine I would be a bit pissed off but I wouldn't be licking yesterday's wine glass or anything

Are you sure about that? Have you tried?

I guess I'm just a bit too sensitive, I got very upset last night but nobody to blame but myself. Today I've done some gardening and been for a walk. I have a new book I really want to start reading so I might get onto that later :-)

@Getafuckinggripman

I guess I'm just a bit too sensitive, I got very upset last night but nobody to blame but myself. Today I've done some gardening and been for a walk. I have a new book I really want to start reading so I might get onto that later :-)

Glad you’ve had a good day - just take things slowly - booked are a great distraction!

Glad you have found a distraction. It's a really good idea to work out what function/s alcohol has for you and find something else that hits that spot for you. Make a plan, 'When I feel or think x, I will do why.' It's hard for the first 2 weeks to a month, but then the new habit becomes normal. It's actually a relief not to have alcohol occupying any brain space. I do think totally taking a break for a few months would be a good idea for you - it's much, much easier than trying to moderate and 'resets the system' nicely.

How are you doing today Op ?
you've been in my mind

An alcoholic isn’t someone that gets pissed out their head everyday. An alcoholic can be exactly what you’ve described in your OP. It would be worth seeing the doctor and getting help to quit.

And that’s not meant as criticism, sometimes it’s just easier to get a balanced view of something through a doctor or some other professional support network. MN is great, especially for support with alcohol, but I’d always strongly advice anyone to speak to their GP if they believe they’ve a problem.

You have a drink problem.

You're binging 30-36 units every weekend. The annual leave stuff, even more.

It's not healthy. But you know that.

Stop drinking for a month and give your liver a chance to repair. Then try and stick to the 14 units per week.

@nitsandwormsdodger thank you that's so sweet. I'm okay, not drinking now because I'm back on work routine. The only thing I'm downing is water. I would usually go full steam ahead on Friday so that'll be the challenge... I was going to book a swimming session but all the slots are filled so I'll go for a walk instead then I plan on pulling together an updated CV. Saturday I've planned to take my Mum and Dad out for a couple of hours. Definitely not 4 bottles of wine this weekend x

Can I just say once more for those at the back? You do NOT have to identify as an alcoholic. Ever ever ever. Its enough to say is alcohol causing me a problem? and do I drink more than is healthy?
That is enough. The word alcoholic brings shame, stigma and it stops people seeking help.
My relationship with alcohol is over without muttering the A word once.
OP your weekend plans sound lovely. I was worried I would feel bored without drinking but now I have lots of lovely free time to do life admin, exercise and even take naps at the weekend. My life is full of joy. Keep at it. I wouldn't care if booze got taken off the planet now. Fuck booze!

@Getafuckinggripman

No-one wants to think of themselves as an addict, acknowledgment of it is a big first step.

If I was an addict surely I'd be on it every single day of the year? Not being defensive just genuinely wondering x

I've known a few functioning alcoholics who have a heavy Saturday, say on Sunday that they're having a 'detox week', then make it to Wednesday night before finding an excuse to drink. When my ex tried to stop to prove that he could, he made it to Wednesday morning before getting the shakes. All people holding down jobs, paying their bills, maintaining friendships and sometimes relationships.

I think dependency is physical, addiction is mental. If you're thinking about alcohol when you're not having it, if you're planning when you can have it, counting down the hours, making it a priority, having to distract yourself from it etc then you're addicted. If you're feeling rough in the morning (or still under the influence from the night before and feeling rough whenever it starts to wear off), if you can't relax or can't fall asleep without it, turn down invitation to alcohol free venues/events etc then you're dependent.

Why do you think any addict might come out of rehab and go quite quickly straight back to their addiction, when they've been physically detoxed (so no more dependency)? It's because addiction is mental. Life isn't boring without alcohol. Life when you haven't got any alcohol but you kinda want some because it would stop you thinking about wanting it make things 'better' relieving physical withdrawal , and that thought is near the front of your mind a lot of the time, is probably pretty shit. And feeling a bit shit is boring, so I can sort of see where you're coming from. But it's not life that's the problem, it's alcohol.

Addiction is physical too. It changes how your brain is wired towards the addictive substance. I think it is in the 'mummywasasecretdrinker' blog where I read that you can turn a cucumber into a pickle but not the other way around.
Once you get addicted, that's it. Your body responds to the addictive substance in a particular way because this is what makes the addictive substance addictive: it changes your brain responses to a particular stimulus.
I honestly never understand well the physical/mental distinction. It is all operated by the brain anyway. But I do very much agree with the last sentence you wrote @AmberIsACertainty. The problem is alcohol. There is nothing in life to blame for this apart from the fact that alcohol is addictive and some of us end up addicted to it, one way or another.
I hope you are finding your own way @Getafuckinggripman. Perhaps you are still a 'cucumber' and you can moderate and still enjoy the wine as a pleasure on the side of something. I made it to the cucumber stage and it took me years to acknowledge it because I did not fit (never did) the 'alcoholic' label I had in my mind.

*I meant 'I made it to the pickle stage'

I'm guilty of this as well. We have dinner at 7pm and open the wine. Me and DH can get through 4 bottles between us and do most nights. We know we ought to stop, but it's so hard. We both work in good jobs and have no hang overs in the morning. We would never drink in the day time, unless on holiday. I've just had a full blood work done and my liver function was normal.

Well the safe limit is 14

14 units is a completely arbitrary number that is essentially meaningless. Something being a guideline doesn't mean its the "safe limit".

I'm guilty of this as well. We have dinner at 7pm and open the wine. Me and DH can get through 4 bottles between us and do most nights. We know we ought to stop, but it's so hard. We both work in good jobs and have no hang overs in the morning. We would never drink in the day time, unless on holiday. I've just had a full blood work done and my liver function was normal. 

Can I just give you a tip on something? Not having a go at all I'm just trying to help same as people have helped me. I have always been paranoid about driving the next day, they say it's one unit per hour so I used to be extra careful and say if I drank 10 units and stopped at midnight I wouldn't drive until at least 10am and would also add a couple of hours on for belt and braces. Well I bought a breathalyser not that long ago it's something I've always thought would be useful. Well... I can have as little as 4 units up to 9pm and still sometimes not blow a zero the next morning. Still legal to drive but not zero... so please be careful. If you drink the level I do (did) at weekends you could well be over the limit if you're driving to work the next morning xx