Are adoptive parents allowed to do this? Privacy concerns...

[MowldyStupidAndAssive]

I'm in a Facebook parenting group that has about 5k members. It's not an adoption support group, just a general parenting group, and although it's a private group and the rules ban screenshots this is obviously not enforceable in any way.

There is a member who has an adoptive child, not a baby/toddler, an older child. This member posts about the child most days, including lots of photos.

So now everyone in the group knows the child's name (both full and shortened version, and the reason the child only uses the shortened version), that they were adopted and roughly how long ago, roughly where they live, the dates/locations/reasons for some of their medical appointments, details of the child's educational issues and disabilities, the school the child goes to... The list goes on!

Is this allowed? I was really surprised to see the level of detail they post (way more than I would dream of posting about my birth children tbh) and can hardly believe it's ok to do so with an adoptive child

It's not ok adopted or not.

Imagine if someone was posting about her life in such great detail... she'd be pissed off.

As to legalities...no Idea. But I can't imagine why she isn't allowed to do this, she is their legal guardian and parent.

It's a really stupid thing to do and I'd have thought they were given guidance on it. It could cause no end of problems. Not sure of the legality sorry. Could you contact social services if concerned?

I would contact social services who may be able to offer the parents guidence

Adoptive parents can pretty much do what they like once the adoption order is granted. As in, there are no more restrictions on them than any other parent. So, yes it’s ‘allowed’, but I wouldn’t say it’s very sensible or ethical.

I don't think they'd be any legal reason why they can't. Some people are more at ease sharing online than others.

But at the same time I know adoptive parents who were advised not to put their DC on any form of SM to avoid the risk of the birth family tracking the child.
Most children who are adopted within the UK are removed from parents, rather than willing given up.

I think I'd be tempted to start a conversation about dealing with privacy online, criminals and identity theft, risk of being tracked, it might make this mum think about what she is doing.

Legally I would assume there is no difference between what birth parent or an adoptive parent can post. However, the parents I know who have adopted children have been very careful especially in the early years what they post on social media, usually never showing the face of the child. I have always assumed that is so the birth family can’t trace them, especially if there were issues with the family.

As the child gets older then they seem to get more relaxed and of course the child may then have their own profile on social media.

It’s a massive safe guarding issue.

The child is vulnerable, it’s quite normal for adopted children to not be in school photos, or in any other photos that could fine there way into social media.

The risk is the biological parent seeing or searching for the child and ‘taking them back’. Even meeting them for pick up at school for example.

No legal restriction, but speaking as an adoptive parent it's a totally stupid thing to be doing imo.

Poor kid

*It’s a massive safe guarding issue.

The child is vulnerable, it’s quite normal for adopted children to not be in school photos, or in any other photos that could fine there way into social media.

The risk is the biological parent seeing or searching for the child and ‘taking them back’. Even meeting them for pick up at school for example.*

That's true for a lot of adoptive families but certainly not all. Open adoptions are becoming increasingly common (precisely because of how hard it is becoming to manage closed adoptions in the social media age). Many adopted children happily and safely join school photographs etc.

Whether or not it's a safeguarding risk in this particular case, none of us can say. But it's certainly an ethical/ child rights concern, adopted or not.

Of course they’re “allowed” to write anything they want about their children. It doesn’t make it “right” though.

Us adoptive parents are allowed to do exactly the same as other parents. If we want to post about our children on Facebook we can ( and I do)

Many adopters ( and patents generally) don't post on Facebook because they have reasons to keep their children's identity or location private.

I assume this parent is aware of any particular risks regarding her child and filters accordingly as I do.

Without knowing the background of the adoption you can't really say if she should it shouldn't be doing this.

Once the adoption order is granted then the 'adoptive' parent is the parent, with all the rights and responsibilities of any other parent.

Not all adopted children are at risk of being tracked down by birth family.

However, I think any parent should consider how much of their child's life they should put on SM, especially public groups.

Is this allowed? I was really surprised to see the level of detail they post (way more than I would dream of posting about my birth children tbh) and can hardly believe it's ok to do so with an adoptive child

Allowed by whom? This is the child's parent and they decide how much information they share. In law there is no distinction between an adoptive or birth parent. Personally, I think that's too much information to divulge about any child but then I'm regularly surprised by how much people overshare on social media.

@FelicityPike

Of course they’re “allowed” to write anything they want about their children. It doesn’t make it “right” though.

And the same applies to biological parents.

They can post what they want. There are various influencers who have adopted children and post plenty about them. Not all adoptions are the same. some children may be put at risk if they are on social media, others will not be at risk. I would let their parent decide.

Why do you think you know more about what's safe for this child than their parent does?

She’s the parent. She can post what she wants.

@Allington

Once the adoption order is granted then the 'adoptive' parent is the parent, with all the rights and responsibilities of any other parent.

Not all adopted children are at risk of being tracked down by birth family.

However, I think any parent should consider how much of their child's life they should put on SM, especially public groups.

This! However, like any parent, you could ask admin to message her checking she is happy with all the information that is available. I think if you have children with challenges it can be really easy to seek support on Facebook (it can be so lonely) and mistakenly share too much over a period of time. But it's not really to do with adoption. Although I agree with your instincts - birth or adopted children can be low or high risk. It's more a privacy issue, which is ultimately just a parenting decision not a hard right or wrong.

However, like any parent, you could ask admin to message her checking she is happy with all the information that is available

Why? The parent is presumably not breaking any of the rules of the FB page, why would admin get involved?

I’m assuming that other members of the group are doing the same but you think this is ok because they are birth children?
Of course it’s allowed, it doesn’t necessarily mean that every parent would do it, adoptive or birth parent.
It’s possible that the child was given a completely different name, the family name of the child will have certainly changed. Once the child is legally adopted, a new birth certificate is issued. Parent responsibility is then granted fully to the adoptive parents so it’s as if that child was born to them. They therefore are “allowed” to do as any birth parent can.
This is why, us adoptive parents are so guarded with who we share our story with, a lot of people in our lives are not aware that dd joined us via adoption. Although we are completely open and honest with her. People judge sometimes and often just don’t understand. We feel like we need to protect her from it.
On the other hand, we as a family don’t have FB, Insta or anything like that. Because I value our privacy of the whole family, including my ds who is my birth child and treat no differently.

The two people I know wouldn’t post that level of detail. Neither post their name on Facebook. One will only post pictures taken from their back so you can’t see their face. Photographs are only posted on friends pages.

No way would either of them post details on a parenting site with 5k members. I’m not sure this level of disclosure is advised by the adoption agencies.

If I got a message from admin like that I'd be really annoyed and would feel very patronised. I would probably leave the group as I wouldn't feel confident posting for help in a group where I am treated differently just because I'm an adoptive parent.

@AngelsWithSilverWings

If I got a message from admin like that I'd be really annoyed and would feel very patronised. I would probably leave the group as I wouldn't feel confident posting for help in a group where I am treated differently just because I'm an adoptive parent.

Agree completely.

We have a few adopted children at school who can’t be photographed at all unless it’s to be stuck in their own book. This is so there is no risk of them being found by their birth parents.

I guess it depends on the nature around the adoption though.

I wouldn’t post that much about my DDs on a group.