Are adoptive parents allowed to do this? Privacy concerns...

[MowldyStupidAndAssive]

I'm in a Facebook parenting group that has about 5k members. It's not an adoption support group, just a general parenting group, and although it's a private group and the rules ban screenshots this is obviously not enforceable in any way.

There is a member who has an adoptive child, not a baby/toddler, an older child. This member posts about the child most days, including lots of photos.

So now everyone in the group knows the child's name (both full and shortened version, and the reason the child only uses the shortened version), that they were adopted and roughly how long ago, roughly where they live, the dates/locations/reasons for some of their medical appointments, details of the child's educational issues and disabilities, the school the child goes to... The list goes on!

Is this allowed? I was really surprised to see the level of detail they post (way more than I would dream of posting about my birth children tbh) and can hardly believe it's ok to do so with an adoptive child

It is not illegal. Once a child is adopted the parents have all the same rights as any other parent.
Having said that it is not wise if there is any issue with the birth family . Not all birth families are a threat though and some adoptions have ongoing face to face contact ( ours does in fact)
Personally I do not even use my own name on Facebook because I don't want birth families following our lives and I would never posts photos or give out info on my child at all .

@Bancha

Adoptive parents can pretty much do what they like once the adoption order is granted. As in, there are no more restrictions on them than any other parent. So, yes it’s ‘allowed’, but I wouldn’t say it’s very sensible or ethical.

yes, but there are sometimes restrictions.

Suggestions that you don't go and live in the child's home town etc. There is also usually advice on SM postings.

Sometimes it also depends on the circumstances of the adoption. For example, a child removed from parents by SS and the judge, is more at risk than a child voluntarily given up for adoption

@Standrewsschool I am close friends with 6 adoptive families. All post freely on Facebook apart from one family who have specific reasons for not doing so. They have gone from no posting at all to photos form the back and are relaxing their rules as their children get older and start having their own social media accounts.

I post less photos of my children now they are older ( teenagers) because they are wanting to personally manage which images of themselves they want to be published.

Could you not gather some information on the web that comes from a reputable source concerning the safeguarding of children on the internet and send them to her in a friendly manner?

Absolutely no need to mention the fact the child is adopted because now they are adopted the child is now hers.

Just say something along the lines of you enjoy hearing about their lovely child’s progress but are concerned that the child could easily be identified and traced by someone with evil intent.

Don’t write from a superior judgemental angle but from a friendly and supportive view.

I only wondered because every other adoptive parent I've known has been extremely discreet about their child, not posted their pictures and name and medical diagnoses on the internet, so I assumed it was something that is advised against during the adoption process. Which I haven't been through myself so I dont know much about!

I would say the parent in question (who I haven't specified is a mother btw, for those assuming they are!) shares more about their child than almost any other member of the group. It really is almost daily pictures and mentions of the child's disability or struggles in school etc etc. The parent never misses an opportunity to mention their DC being adopted or their medical issues. It gets mentioned a lot.

I'm not going to get involved, obviously it's not my place. I was genuinely curious as to whether this is something that is 'allowed' (which was bad wording on my part, I do understand that an adoptive parent is the legal parent so "allowed" is not the right word, but thought maybe there were guidelines or something about this sort of thing).

Taking the adoption out of it, are other parents posting lots of details about their kids too?

I do think it might be worth having a post about privacy and data protection type stance. And a OMG could you imagine what our kids will think in years to come. How would I feel if my mum posted all my baby pictures and then my school pals got hold of them.

Alternatively leave the group and stick to anonymous forums.

@steppemum there will always be advice about how to manage social media and other situations that may pose a risk but each individual adoption will have different risks. The adoptive family will have been given the advice and will act accordingly.

We go through a lot of training before we are approved to adopt so actually know a lot more about safeguarding and the needs of and risks to adoptive children than most people.

@Chatanooga1 I really hope the OP does not take your advice - how patronising.

Just because the child was adopted it doesn’t mean the birth parents are risky or dangerous.

**yes, but there are sometimes restrictions.

Suggestions that you don't go and live in the child's home town etc. There is also usually advice on SM postings.

Sometimes it also depends on the circumstances of the adoption. For example, a child removed from parents by SS and the judge, is more at risk than a child voluntarily given up for adoption**

These would never be legal restrictions, just advice from SS. Adoptive parents use their own discretion and judgement.
A child or baby is not usually placed with a family who live near the birth town for the reasons you give though and there would be restrictions until the adoption order is granted.
Often, after a couple of years, the child becomes unrecognisable. This is definitely the case with our dd, although she was just a baby when she arrived home. This may be the case in this scenario.

This reminds me of the little boy (I won't name him) who is often on the news doing charity walks with his prosthetic legs. He still has the same first name as his father who abused him and caused his legs to be amputated. I can't understand how it is allowed that the little lad is identified so publicly, again and again.

I think it’s a daft thing to do

I know two adoptive parents. One didn’t show the child’s face on fb for over a year and even know shorted the child’s name to its first letter

The second adopted their child as a toddler and that toddler is now old enough to look a lot different so their face and name is said but the background of the child is private

Even now shortens*

I wouldn’t post details of my kids. No pics of them online anywhere that I’ve put out there exist. It’s unfortunate that parents can’t see that they are invading their child’s privacy by doing this. I’ve said this before, however, few years ago standing in school playground waiting for bell. Young girl walks into playground and one of the mums says rather loudly “‘oh you looked so cutie this morning sleeping with your toy (whatever)”. Little girl looks a bit lost and surprised, woman says “your mum posted a picture of you sleeping with your toy this morning. So cute”. Complete invasion of privacy. Such a shame. Where are the kids’ rights here? You wouldn’t invite strangers to your sleeping kids room or doctors appointment or anything else, so why is it ok to plaster all
Over social media? I always try to keep things very vague if referring to kids. It’s utterly unforgivable.

@Soubriquet Do you mean it's daft for any parent to post photos and identifying info about their children on Facebook? Or are you assuming only adoptive parents are daft to do this?

If the latter I wonder why you don't trust me as an adoptive parent to know what's best for my child. Do you see me as a lesser parent?

It’s bad whether they are adoptive parents or not, no one needs to go into that much detail on social media. But the fact they adopted the child is irrelevant, they are the child’s parents now so yabu in that respect.

No it’s daft for any parent in a group

I post photos of my children but my profile is locked down and only my friends can see. I wouldn’t join a public Facebook group and talk about my kids in it.

The child is vulnerable

How do you know that child vulnerable? Do you have access to their case notes? Each adoptive child and their circumstances is unique.

I'm more concerned by parents who will only post photos of their DC showing their backs. Either post pics of your DC or don't but definitely don't other them by hiding their faces.

@JustSleepAlready that's great that you've made that decision about your own social media use. It's a whole different debate though. You must know that your stance is more unusual. Almost every parent I know posts photos and funny stories about their kids in Facebook. Maybe some will wish they hadn't. My kids may one day ask me to delete everything I've posted. Who knows?

The main thing I want to say here is that as an adoptive parent I have as much right to make decisions about my children and social media activity as any other parent.

I would say that is definitely
a safeguarding concern. I would take screenshots and send to the relevant social services.

And I would say that about any parent sharing such sensitive information

@Gobbeldegook

could you specify what the safeguarding issue is please?

It's not right to do this full stop and I think there is a real problem across all social media platforms with people over sharing their children.

It has nothing to do with adoption though. An adoptive child 'belongs' to the parents as much as a biological child, there are no different rules. I think a slight prejudice about adoption is showing in your post, might be something to think about.

Because the child's sensitive data is out there for a predator to see, to use to lure a child away.

If you are five, and a stranger comes to you in a park, knows you by name, knows your birthday, your parents names, etc, you would likely be convinced by a persuasive stranger.
It only takes a few seconds. Maybe while the parents attention is taken by tending to a sibling.

Photos are one thing, data sharing is bloody dangerous.

Much in the same way I don't let my kids carry bags/hats etc with their names on.

@Gobbeldegook so you would send reports to social services about every single parent who has posted personal info about a child in this Facebook group?