Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Pushy kid - on my last nerve to be honest !

79 replies

DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 15:52

I feel like the biggest bitch here but Andes up with a particular girl in DD(8)s class just inviting herself to our house and being pushy when I say no, not today.

She'll come up with reasons why the reason I say she can't come doesn't matter. When she does come in she helps herself to food and drink and toys without asking me.

I also have a 5 year old and a 6 week old baby who naturally I'm spending a lot of time with.

I'm trying to be polite but firm but being firm is hard for me to do when it's met with resistance.

Her Mum doesn't seem to pick her up despite her just being 8 or at least she leaves by the time I see her. I used to talk to her Mum a lot when they came to the park but it's getting ridiculous now.

If we take an alternate route home she'll just knock and knock on our door.

As not to drip feed she has ADHD.

What's my best course of action/approach now? Feeling I'm close to being rude which is not me at all.

OP posts:
ColinSupporter · 21/04/2021 15:58

Be rude/blunt. “No you can’t come today, I don’t want extra children in the house.” “Sorry, the answer is still no.”

And if you have a way of contacting her parents I think it’s fair to tell them that you can’t accommodate lots of visits from extra children at the moment and please can they explain to their daughter that she can’t come over uninvited.

GreenSlide · 21/04/2021 16:04

I'd speak to the teacher, it's a bit of a safeguarding issue if she's just wandering into peoples houses after school rather than being taken home by someone she knows.

Saz12 · 21/04/2021 16:11

Be straightforward and direct. “You can’t come today but you can come to the park with us on Tuesday if your parent / whoever comes too”.
You don’t need to offer reasons (that just opens up debate).... if the real reason is “I don’t want you round” then when pushed beyond endurance I’d go for the 1970’s classic line “because I said so”.
Also worth speaking to her parent.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 5 year olds 8 year olds Babies & sleep
OnTheBenchOfDoom · 21/04/2021 16:15

If she knocks on the door, answer it and say we are not having friends here today we will see you at school tomorrow. If she asks in the playground you say we are not having friends round today. If she persists I would tell her she is being rude and you have said no. Stop pussy footing around it.

Of course her Mother doesn't say anything you are the free childcare. Grin

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 16:31

Yes I'll have to be firmer. One of the reasons I let it go was I worried about her wandering the roads on her own especially considering she has aDHD and is therefore impulsive.

Her 12 year old brother just knocked on our door as they can't find her - honestly they need to just take her straight home if she's going to bigger off.

I'm a bit annoyed they expect me to have her when I have a tiny baby to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 16:32

Bugger*

OP posts:
Tinkling · 21/04/2021 16:44

People take the mick!

  1. Be firm. No.
  2. Please report to the school.
TokyoSushi · 21/04/2021 16:47

Agree, be firm, I'm sorry not today and repeat.

But, it does strike me as a safeguarding issue, why isn't she being collected as she's clearly not managing to look after herself/get herself home, I'd think about speaking to school.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 21/04/2021 17:07

I think my first feeling in that situation would be concern - a child who is able to wander to your house, always needing / wanting food and drink and who now can't be found would make me wonder what's going on at home that means she doesn't want to be there.

If she's in your DDs class, I would speak to the school and raise it there - it may match up with concerns of others and schools have a good relationship with SS.

coldwarenigma · 21/04/2021 17:20

You will just need to be firm OP. 'not today ***, we will see you at school' and shut the door.
I'm sure her mum knows exactly what she is like and is just relieved she isnt in the house.
Although in the 70s when I was a kid, round our way going out after school calling for friends was normal during lighter evening months. It seems sad how much kids have had lives curtailed over 40 years where the reaction is now 'contact safeguarding', I was a child of a protective family too. My own DC now in their 30s also went out from about aged 8.

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 17:22

@FranklySonImTheGaffer do you know if school are allowed to say whose raised the concern? I only ask as I do get along with the mother and don't want to be a cow about it.

I very much am worried as there have been other issues in the family in the past that Mum disclosed.

OP posts:
murbblurb · 21/04/2021 17:23

unfortunately the population of the UK has gone up by around 1/3 since the 1970s. That means more cars to run kids over and (unfortunately) more psychos.

There are also behaviours that were acceptable in the 1970s that are not now.

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 17:23

@coldwarenigma I wouldn't mind the calling if she accepted no or they were older and went to the park together it's the insistence and having to watch her when she is here.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 21/04/2021 17:25

The school shouldn't say who raised the concern and I agree this is a safeguarding concern.

RhubarbFairy · 21/04/2021 17:28

The school won't tell the parent who raised the concern.

coldwarenigma · 21/04/2021 17:31

murbblurb agreed, still a shame for children.
Although cases of abduction etc are no higher now than then proportionally . Traffic is the biggest threat and as shown in the last year traffic reduction does reduce risk/pollution. Its how we do that now?

SnuggyBuggy · 21/04/2021 17:41

It wouldn't be so bad her walking over and calling for OPs DD if she was OK with being told no and going back home. The fact that family members are calling round with no idea where she is at is more of a problem.

2bazookas · 21/04/2021 17:57

Lock the door so she can't get in.

Phone the mother and say " I have a new born baby. Your D has been making a considerable nuisance at our house; please collect her right away and make sure she doesn't come back. This has to stop now".

Notify the school you are concerned for the child's safety and well being

LIZS · 21/04/2021 18:02

No they won't say who raised the issue. I think it is a legitimate Safeguarding concern especially since the child appears to have wandered off and is vulnerable.

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 18:04

Ok I'll find out who the safeguarding lead is in the school.

OP posts:
Tinkling · 21/04/2021 18:04

@DiscordandRhyme probably the Head.

Veterinari · 21/04/2021 18:08

@murbblurb

unfortunately the population of the UK has gone up by around 1/3 since the 1970s. That means more cars to run kids over and (unfortunately) more psychos.

There are also behaviours that were acceptable in the 1970s that are not now.

There's absolutely no evidence that kids are more at risk of 'psychos' now than in the 70s
bunburyscucumbersandwich · 21/04/2021 18:11

[quote Tinkling]@DiscordandRhyme probably the Head.[/quote]
Not always.

Definitely speak to the safeguarding lead. It's worrying that a child with adhd is being left to their own devices at such a young age.

24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed · 21/04/2021 18:13

I mean, 8 is more than old enough to be told to f**k off right? Har har..

On a serious note, yes be firmer, stand your ground and do the “if you ask one more time, you won’t come round ever again. It’s rude to keep asking once I have already said no. Listen to the adult”

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 21/04/2021 18:22

I don’t know when this would work with her but a technique I use quite successfully is answer the question and then when she asks again you say you’ve asked and I’ve already answered - nothing else. And repeat every time she asks in that same instance.
You need to report the other parts to school.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.