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Original poster

Pushy kid - on my last nerve to be honest !

79 replies

DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 15:52

I feel like the biggest bitch here but Andes up with a particular girl in DD(8)s class just inviting herself to our house and being pushy when I say no, not today.

She'll come up with reasons why the reason I say she can't come doesn't matter. When she does come in she helps herself to food and drink and toys without asking me.

I also have a 5 year old and a 6 week old baby who naturally I'm spending a lot of time with.

I'm trying to be polite but firm but being firm is hard for me to do when it's met with resistance.

Her Mum doesn't seem to pick her up despite her just being 8 or at least she leaves by the time I see her. I used to talk to her Mum a lot when they came to the park but it's getting ridiculous now.

If we take an alternate route home she'll just knock and knock on our door.

As not to drip feed she has ADHD.

What's my best course of action/approach now? Feeling I'm close to being rude which is not me at all.

OP posts:
InsanelyPregnantAndSore · 21/04/2021 18:33

‘It’s rude to keep asking when an adult has already told you no. You need to go home. If you want to come to our house your mum has to ring me and check, don’t come and knock on our door as you wake the baby up’ is a totally valid and reasonable response from you.

Gameofhuns · 21/04/2021 18:41

I had this with a friend of DD’s. She would back chat everytime i said no to something. It was exhausting. One day i had had enough so sent her home. The mum flipped on me that i had dare send her child home when she knew my niece was coming over and she wanted to play. No consideration that i may not want to be responsible for another child. No need to wonder where the kid got her entitled behaviour from! And like you i had a baby at the time so it wasn’t like i didn't have my hands full already!

Yours is different it sounds like there are some concerns. I would speak to school and also, as others have said say not today. If you feel concerned could you walk her home? But even this is a big ask.

Crazycatlady83 · 21/04/2021 18:55

With the ADHD I really would keep it simple and short. “No thanks” is absolutely fine and probably would mean that she may be able to understand more. Don’t over complicate your sentences with her as your message will be lost.

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LookItsMeAgain · 21/04/2021 18:55

What I would do if she shows up at the door after being told that she wasn't to come to the house would be to put coats on everyone, and walk her home.
Knock on their door and tell them that you had said to X that she wasn't to come to your house today and that she still showed up and it has to stop.

Also contact the safeguarding team in the school.

Butwasitherdriveway · 21/04/2021 18:58

@DiscordandRhyme

I feel like the biggest bitch here but Andes up with a particular girl in DD(8)s class just inviting herself to our house and being pushy when I say no, not today.

She'll come up with reasons why the reason I say she can't come doesn't matter. When she does come in she helps herself to food and drink and toys without asking me.

I also have a 5 year old and a 6 week old baby who naturally I'm spending a lot of time with.

I'm trying to be polite but firm but being firm is hard for me to do when it's met with resistance.

Her Mum doesn't seem to pick her up despite her just being 8 or at least she leaves by the time I see her. I used to talk to her Mum a lot when they came to the park but it's getting ridiculous now.

If we take an alternate route home she'll just knock and knock on our door.

As not to drip feed she has ADHD.

What's my best course of action/approach now? Feeling I'm close to being rude which is not me at all.

What do you mean she leaves by the time you see her....?
CommanderBurnham · 21/04/2021 18:58

Tell the mum to pick her own child up from school or you'll call social services. I'd be a bit worried about this child.

Bazoo23 · 21/04/2021 18:58

Tell the child/mum you're not comfortable with having people in your home during a pandemic?
If you're UK you shouldn't be mixing indoors anyway.

Gooutdoors · 21/04/2021 19:29

If you don't want to report to school try turning up at their house (all of you) each time she knocks at yours saying they wanted to come and play here for a change. Mums taking the piss let her have a taste of her own medicine, get your kids to ask to stay for tea too plus don't tidy up after yourselves, they won't want you having to return their Daughter again!

TheProvincialLady · 21/04/2021 19:35

Tell her she can only come to your house when she’s invited. You shouldn’t have to say no every day, let alone justify yourself.

VettiyaIruken · 21/04/2021 19:38

You need to stop giving her reasons. This is not a negotiation. You are saying no.
No, you are not coming with us.
Why
Because it is my decision. My answer is no. Do NOT keep asking.

Then just no.
No. No. No.

And turn her away at the door.

I had to get very tough with a kid who kept coming round and leaving with his pockets full 🤬🤬

Eventually I got very very firm with him and his sister - she told me she was coming in because her mum had said she could. Well, unfortunately it's not your mum's decision, so no. You're not. Or words to that effect. I was SO done by then!

Trust me, sometimes you have to be the ogre.

Whereisthewarmth · 21/04/2021 20:18

24

That's an incredibly ignorant response to a small child who cannot understand boundaries.

This behaviour must be incredibly hard for the parents To manage.

I also feel a note to the school clearly stating you feel its a safe guarding issue...

24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed · 21/04/2021 21:43

@Whereisthewarmth could you elaborate?

LoveSleeping · 21/04/2021 21:59

Who is picking her up from school and letting her wander over to yours? Do schools even let 8 year olds go home alone? At DCs schools you have to be y5 or 6 and have a letter from parents before that's allowed.

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 22:19

@Butwasitherdriveway I mean if her Mum does pick her up by the time I see the girl the Mum is no longer with her. I have to pick up younger DD first at the opposite side of but at the same school, so often the friend is ahead of us but hangs back. Sometimes she'll have her older sibling (one is twelve the other fourteen I think) with her but she often runs off on them.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 22:23

@TheProvincialLady that's it - I shouldn't have to feel bad for not letting her in. If it was a once in a blue moon thing or she asked 'can I come in a few days' I wouldn't be so irritated.

Things are already full on with a colicky baby and my older girls - don't.want to worry if said child will take one of the kids toys back to her house or help herself to snacks that were for school lunches.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 21/04/2021 22:27

@LoveSleeping I thought so too - DD says the friend says she's allowed to go home alone by school but I'm taking that with a pinch of salt. Normally it's the last year of primary here or the year before with special permission (that would still be next year for DDs class).

OP posts:
HerMammy · 21/04/2021 22:29

Why are you arguing with an 8 yr old and then allowing her in your house? This is ridiculous!
No, no and no!
You get on with her mum? you’re being a doormat and letting this CF and her CF child walk all over you, you have a new baby and this woman thinks it’s ok to let her brat come to your house constantly.
Personally I’d be telling her to her face to stop allowing her DD to come to the house and you won’t be answering the door to her, she’s not nice and she’s not your friend.

VenusClapTrap · 21/04/2021 22:38

At our primary they can walk home by themselves from year 4 (so aged 8) as long as their parents have given permission.

Butwasitherdriveway · 21/04/2021 22:51

[quote DiscordandRhyme]@Butwasitherdriveway I mean if her Mum does pick her up by the time I see the girl the Mum is no longer with her. I have to pick up younger DD first at the opposite side of but at the same school, so often the friend is ahead of us but hangs back. Sometimes she'll have her older sibling (one is twelve the other fourteen I think) with her but she often runs off on them.[/quote]
I don't get it at all im sorry

unfortunateevents · 21/04/2021 23:02

I mean if her Mum does pick her up by the time I see the girl the Mum is no longer with her. - so her mum collects her in the school playground and then just disappears or wanders off with mum friends and leaves her daughter to walk home alone - or not? I mean, if she comes home with you, does her mum even know where she is? It sounds as if her DD could go anywhere or be with anyone and she wouldn't have a clue! I would definitely speak to the school about this.

TableFlowerss · 21/04/2021 23:22

Not today Geraldine, we’ve very busy. Another time

TableFlowerss · 21/04/2021 23:22

We’re

Carbara · 21/04/2021 23:26

A vulnerable child is being neglected, a sibling is wandering around asking strangers about her being missing like she’s a stray cat? Fuck sake. She needs basic parenting, this isn’t acceptable.

Bazoo23 · 22/04/2021 07:45

No I'm afraid you cant come in, it's against the law at the moment, I'm sure your mum knows that Smile

imalmostthere · 22/04/2021 07:53

I'm genuinely concerned for the child - she's wandering about and no one knows where she is! She's clearly very vulnerable, anyone could take advantage of that and snatch her - this needs reporting to social services. She's clearly desperate to be anywhere she can where she can eat, it's not normal for her to want to be anywhere but home, and for her parents not to know where she is.
Sorry it's annoying for you op, but this is so much bigger than her irritating you - can you ask her why she doesn't want to go home? She obviously feels safe with you. The fact she's seen as a nuisance, seemingly by everyone is devastating. She's not a pushy child, she's a neglected child. An 8 year old shouldn't be wandering around alone without anyone knowing or caring where she is.

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