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Original poster

Any mums about who work full time with 3 or more DC?

78 replies

LucretiaBorgia · 20/04/2021 10:37

I have 3 DC aged 6, 4 and newborn. I normally work full time (7am - 3 pm) in a field with ample scope for progression. I have one more year of training to do when I go back and would then like to apply for a promotion. I really enjoy my job and would like to progress significantly.

I was talking to another mum at nursery the other day and she assumed I would not be going back full time. I politely corrected her and she looked horrified, going on to say that kids suffer in childcare (I pick my kids up at 3.20 pm every day!) and implying that I wouldn't manage with 3 DC anyway.

It's made me feel quite down. There are no female role models at my job, about half the employees are female but most of them are in minor roles or don't have more than 2 DC (many don't have kids at all). Is there anyone who could give me a word of advice and encouragement? What is your experience of trying to combine career and family?

OP posts:

chocolatesweets · 20/04/2021 10:39

Don't let her get you down. She's
Projecting the fact that she thinks you couldn't. I have twins and I've found it easier working full time than looking after them. Kids don't suffer. Kids suffer if you're unhappy in my experience. Go for it and don't look back. If it ends up making you unhappy you can always change direction.

chocolatesweets · 20/04/2021 10:40

*Projecting that she doesn't think SHE could. Not you.

Queenoftheashes · 20/04/2021 10:42

This woman is a twat. I don’t have any children but if/when I do i don’t plan on taking any kind of pay cut. Why doesn’t this woman suggest your children’s father give up work instead? Bloody cheek.

Interested in this thread?

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Families

ShyTown · 20/04/2021 10:44

She has a child at the same nursery as yours but thinks children suffer in childcare
I don’t think she’s someone you should listen to because she’s clearly batshit and her comments say much more about her than they do about you.

Ellasmummyx1 · 20/04/2021 10:46

She shouldn’t have assumed or looked ‘horrified’, that’s really rude.

I admit though I would also be surprised by a mother of 3 kids working full time. Not because there’s anything wrong with it, just that I personally don’t know any mothers who work full time. I don’t think I could go full time even with 2 children. That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t do it, it’s a personal thing.

I would have kept that to myself though in conversation and the fact she made a big deal of it makes me think she was just trying to make you feel bad!

You can always try it and if it becomes too much, you could ask to go part time.

Pumperthepumper · 20/04/2021 10:55

Why does she send her kids to nursery to suffer then?

Your working hours seem quite manageable for juggling childcare although I’m sure it’ll be hard work. If you want to go back full time then it’s absolutely nobody else’s business.

Pumperthepumper · 20/04/2021 10:56

Sorry, just to add - the people I know who have young children and work full time also have a lot of help from family.

skeggycaggy · 20/04/2021 11:52

She was a twat.

What do you do? I am a mum of 3, on a jobhunt, always interested to hear about good jobs!

bunglebee · 20/04/2021 11:55

I have friends who work FT with 2 and 3 DC, including some with demanding jobs. It's really not that bizarre or unusual.

I have two DC and intend to go from 4 days to 5 in a year's time or so.

Original poster

LucretiaBorgia · 20/04/2021 12:07

I admit though I would also be surprised by a mother of 3 kids working full time. Not because there’s anything wrong with it, just that I personally don’t know any mothers who work full time.
This is precisely my problem. I do know a handful of mums who work ft but most are pt. And I don't know any with 3 DC who work more than 25 hours. I find it disheartening because it makes me think it's impossible to have a career and more than 1 or 2 children!

What do you do? I am a mum of 3, on a jobhunt, always interested to hear about good jobs!
I'm not in the UK, I have a degree in medicine and am training in a very niche area.

OP posts:

skeggycaggy · 20/04/2021 12:10

Haha LucretiaBorgia great name for a medical background.

I have to say I don't work full time, and while I would work full time for the right thing, I would have to really want to do it. But that's partly because I have a medical DH who works very full time & we have no family around.

wanderedlonelyasacloud · 20/04/2021 12:11

I think it would be doable - 2 in school and one in nursery sounds good as it's only 1 lot of nursery to pay.

I'm sure it would be a balancing act but worth it as you want to grow your career

bunglebee · 20/04/2021 12:11

I'm one of 6 and my DM worked FT+ in medicine my whole life! She didn't have any family support but we did have a nanny at home.

Fameinaframe · 20/04/2021 12:15

Me!

Well I am a mum of one but also 3 DSC who live with us full time all under 10 x

MissSmiley · 20/04/2021 12:18

I'm single, work full time and have five children! All secondary school age, but I do have a lot of support from their Dad and my Mum, couldn't do it without them

Don't take any notice of her, your kids will be fine

denverRegina · 20/04/2021 12:19

I worked shifts full time. 7-3 is the dream.

Tell her to get a job

Woodspritely · 20/04/2021 12:20

I’m a single parent of three children working full-time, although I’m self-employed so arrange my hours around the children. I mostly work while they’re at school then in the evenings and often do an hour or two around 3am when I struggle to sleep.

PurplePinkParade · 20/04/2021 12:23

Single mum to 4yo, I work full time and have since she was 7 months old. It's hard work but we do what we have to to survive.
She absolutely has not suffered in childcare. She is thriving, happy, and totally ready for school in September. Ignore that other parent.

Recent situation change as been with DP a year and now in the early stages of pregnancy. Planning to continue full time once this baby is born too.

3 DC I can imagine is hard work but to me it gives them a great sense of having a hardworking independent mum. My mum was a SAHM and I respect her for that, but my path is different. My job is extremely busy and stressful but I find it a bit of a break from home, tbh! I think SAHMs are amazing as I literally would stick my head in the oven having to listen to DD talking rubbish 24/7

ifonly4 · 20/04/2021 12:24

My dentist works full-time. She has three children, they look around 3, 5 and 9 to me (often see them all together). I'll be honest, not sure how she does it, but children are always well turned out, she has time for makeup in the morning. I assume she has a supportive DH who does his fair share.

Twistered · 20/04/2021 12:24

Ignore her. It can be done. You just need to be very organized which you sound as if you are. The kids will be fine and thrive in any environment as long as they are going home to happy mummy

AppleDolphin · 20/04/2021 12:26

I actually don't know any full time mums. All my mates have kids and work full time. Including my bestie who is a single parent of 4 young boys!

ilovewinterpansies · 20/04/2021 12:28

I work full time and have 3 children (8, 6 and 3 years). It's hard but doable - and totally worth it if you're career minded. It makes me cross that the same assumptions don't apply to men but that's worth a whole different thread!

So yes you can do it if you are capable enough and put your mind to it. Don't let other people's limitations hold you back!

AlexanderArnold · 20/04/2021 12:31

I have three school age children and work full time. What helps is that my husband does at least half the drop offs and pick ups. Two of my days are self employed, so I can take on less work those days or book in more holiday if I need to eg school holidays. Also, I am very boundaried about my hours and finish on time. I know for some people full time means many more hours than you are actually contacted for. I don't do that.

WeAllHaveWings · 20/04/2021 12:33

..... just that I personally don’t know any mothers who work full time.

For the last 20 years the majority of mothers I know went back to work FT after maternity leave. I thought it was more normal nowadays to get back to work for financial reasons including retaining independence and also ongoing job prospects.

OP your circumstances are far from unusual, I wouldn't think twice about what she said, it is likely to be because she is questioning her own choices/circumstances.

skeggycaggy · 20/04/2021 12:34

There's all sorts of interesting stats on here www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/familiesandthelabourmarketengland/2019 atlough not strictly relevant for OP as she's abroad.

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