"Empath" means "self-obsessed woo-accredited fool" ...

[SuziQuatrosFatNan]

... doesn't it?

@Ohmygodyesthatsit

Most people feel empathy for others dont they?

This. There is nothing special about self described empaths, except possibly NPD.

But you’re not self centred. At all. Nor am I an empath!

I am a bog standard, middle aged grump

My experience of self declared empathic people is they are at the start of a journey, often at the end of a difficult relationship, or other traumatic event. Their internal locus of control has been shot to pieces from being around abusive people, so they don’t understand who they are, identifying as an empath, indigo child, moon beam is a starting point.
Maybe a few are narcissistic, but in the main my experience is that they are people with poor boundaries and low self esteem, we all want to feel special, so declaring yourself an empath is an easy way to access that feeling and give your non existent self esteem a boost. They more
worthy of support and empathy than condemnation.

They more worthy of support and empathy than condemnation.

Exactly

@CuriousaboutSamphire no I don’t tell them. If I have a friend who is going through something g them I let them know I’m available if they need to talk or need practical help and I’ll send checking in messages to let them know they’re in my thoughts - with the caveat that there’s no need to reply. I know that can be annoying, constantly being asked how are you are if you’re in the depths of despair.

Quite a startling lack of understanding on this thread for anyone whose emotional experience is different to someone elses. Somewhat ironic.

@ShiftingSands

Quite a startling lack of understanding on this thread for anyone whose emotional experience is different to someone elses. Somewhat ironic.

That can be read, and be equally accurate, from both ends of the apparent polemic here!

Which is what usually causes friction, annoyance etc from all sides.

@IbrahimaRedTwo
I really don’t believe I’m special. I want to help my friends who are going through difficulties. In the absence of being able to provide any practical help, I choose to hold them in my thoughts. The fact that I visualise it as light is neither here nor there. And I don’t advertise it. I think I’ve only ever told my husband and my sister that I do it.
It IS similar to praying. I’m not religious, but I certainly wouldn’t tell someone who cares so much as to pray for me not to bother. I would thank them for their kindness and receive it gratefully. It’s basic compassion, no matter what you believe.
As @CuriousaboutSamphire said, maybe it’s for my own benefit. Before reading this thread? I hadn’t thought about the psychology behind it, it was simply borne out of a feeling of wanting to do something for people I care about who are suffering.

CuriousAboutSamphire

I have never once seen a thread about people who are not empathetic (self declared or otherwise)..I have seen many about "empaths", and they all start with the premise of this one and end with the tone of this one. It really is not equal at all, though I understand why you think it is, again somewhat ironically.

@IbrahimaRedTwo

I don’t see how that is any different to praying for someone. To each their own, not doing any harm. Not sure why you’re being so nasty about it

Praying also is useless, but at least they don't completely make shit up that they say they are doing. It is doing harm, people believing and spreading such bullshit does great harm.
Also its weird and creepy to aim your bollocks at people who don't want it. Don't pray for atheists, and don't "send light" to the sane. We don't want it.

That's your opinion. Many millions of people pray. The individual on this thread you are referring to stated she was sending light and did it privately, there was no grand declarations of special powers. I would interpret sending light in this instance , as sending good thoughts to someone. Thoughts can't travel through space and time either, do you have a problem with that too ?

@babyinthacorner just be careful not to let it overwhelm you. You can do nothing, you have no control and that can make such care very burdensome. Take care of yourself. No friend would want you to take on their emotional burden at cost to yourself.

@ShiftingSands - again, the irony cuts both ways!

@CuriousaboutSamphire thank you, I see that now.

I really don’t believe I’m special. I want to help my friends who are going through difficulties. In the absence of being able to provide any practical help, I choose to hold them in my thoughts. The fact that I visualise it as light is neither here nor there. And I don’t advertise it. I think I’ve only ever told my husband and my sister that I do it.
It IS similar to praying. I’m not religious, but I certainly wouldn’t tell someone who cares so much as to pray for me not to bother. I would thank them for their kindness and receive it gratefully. It’s basic compassion, no matter what you believe

No. You say you want to help your friends, but you're not helping them. You're not doing anything. You're doing your woo sending light crap and then thinking you have done something for them and you're great. It's not basic compassion, at all, its about you making you feel good. It does nothing at all for anyone else.

Same as prayers. When people send "thoughts and prayers" for the victims of a mass shooting, for example. That's no help to anyone. Send money, not prayers. Send representations to their government to change the laws. Don't send thoughts and prayers which only make yuo feel better.

Stop centreing yourself and pretending you are doing something for other people when you are not.

@Gingerwhinger0

My experience of self declared empathic people is they are at the start of a journey, often at the end of a difficult relationship, or other traumatic event. Their internal locus of control has been shot to pieces from being around abusive people, so they don’t understand who they are, identifying as an empath, indigo child, moon beam is a starting point. Maybe a few are narcissistic, but in the main my experience is that they are people with poor boundaries and low self esteem, we all want to feel special, so declaring yourself an empath is an easy way to access that feeling and give your non existent self esteem a boost. They more worthy of support and empathy than condemnation.

Actually, I think that is a much kinder and probably more accurate description of the situation than other posters (and actually also me, earlier) put.

IbrahimaRedTwo

Actually I do think she is helping in a sentimental way. I’m not into the woo stuff but prayers and thoughts is helpful. Many people think it is..

Sparing a thought is the equivalent is renewing your state of mind so that you are available for when the opportunity does arise where you can be physically helpful.

We aren’t always able to contribute something or anything to a situation. So instead of shutting down and moving on.. prayers and thoughts will still help..

Yes it helps us with not feeling guilty of being idle and it helps them in that they have a person who is indeed thinknt of them and perhaps cherishes them enough to dedicate some thoughts to them and despite it being a weak way of helping but it’s better than shutting off and accepting that we are useles..

Because human nature when we think we are helpless and useless we build a sense of numbness and slowly become insensitive to the needs of others.

So I think you are being aggressive about your opinions for no reason. You are pushing your opinion because your self centred self made you assume that you must know how the world works better. You don’t. Arrogance isn’t nice whether it’s on an “empath” or an “anti-empath”.

It’s arrogance that people dislike not the sensitivity of someone’s reaction to emotional events.

We aren’t always able to contribute something or anything to a situation. So instead of shutting down and moving on.. prayers and thoughts will still help

They help the person doing the thinking and praying. Which is fine, until they try and pretend they are doing something to help the other person. Just be honest.

Actually I do think she is helping in a sentimental way. How? As @babyinthacorner said, the recipient of her thoughts has no idea she is thinking about them! She is wishing them well whilst not imposing upon them! If you don't believe in the woo then how can you belive that a prayer is beneficial to anyone other than the person doing the praying?

And on that note, I shall send a prayer and thoughts to all you sanctimonious people on this thread.

That you shall find your empathy and compassion

And I am sure every other poster here will thank you for having let us know you are, whilst wondering why you thought it was necessary to do so!

Empathy and compassion?? Two entirely different aspects of human nature. Empathy is, as this thread shows, often very divisive. Compassion is unifying! Empathy is inactive, compassion is an active behaviour.

I make no claim to any special empathetic thoughts and feelings but I am compassionate - and work in my every day life to alleviate the misery and lack in the lives of others.

I have plenty of empathy and compassion, thanks.

You clearly have no compassion for people that have had to deal with 'empaths' though, so I'm sending you light in the hope that you find some 😇

I'm not sure empathy itself is divisive, more that:
Some people go beyond a reasonable level of empathy and then:
Think this makes them super human/so much more in tune than mere normal people
And/or they love to draw attention to how difficult other people's experiences are for them because they're special and it's so draining being light and goodness to the world
And/or they have limited self awareness to realise that far from being a new and improved version of humanity, they either have very poor boundaries/emotional regulation, or such poor empathy abilities that they don't realise that nobody wants to hear about their amazing superpowers.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

And I am sure every other poster here will thank you for having let us know you are, whilst wondering why you thought it was necessary to do so!

Empathy and compassion?? Two entirely different aspects of human nature. Empathy is, as this thread shows, often very divisive. Compassion is unifying! Empathy is inactive, compassion is an active behaviour.

I make no claim to any special empathetic thoughts and feelings but I am compassionate - and work in my every day life to alleviate the misery and lack in the lives of others.

There's a whole industry built up around sending good wishes, condolences, you're in our thoughts. Hopefully you've told these deluded fuckwits what to do with their greeting cards.

Have a friend who has in the last 6 mths decided that she is an "empath", followed by endless posts of twaddle on FB describing the characteristics of "empaths" & how this is her!
Thing is she's actually as far away from being an empath as possible!....self obsessed, hypochondriac, manipulative whiner is a closer to the truth! Myself & other friends just ignore the posts & let her carry on with her delusions

When I lost my husband, I really appreciated people getting in touch with sympathy, sadness, and to share their happy memories of him.

The ones that got in touch to tell me they were crying bemused me. Why would they tell me that? In my bereaved and slightly irrational state, I was vaguely irritated that since I was managing to hold things together, why (and these were invariably people who barely knew him) were they crying, and why did they think me knowing that was any help?

@DeepThinkingGirl