"Empath" means "self-obsessed woo-accredited fool" ...

[SuziQuatrosFatNan]

... doesn't it?

I wouldn't tell people that I'm an empath but I probably am, in that I feel others emotions quite strongly and it has an impact on my own emotional energy.

An example would be my SIl who is a big drama queen and talks endlessly about negative things and usually situations of her own making which really bring me down and affect me. I try to avoid time with her as it can put me in the same emotional space as her and it doesn't feel good.

Or if my partner is feeling really flat and down, it brings me down too.

I don't know how to control or stop it apart from removing myself from these situations.

The one person I know who describes herself as an empath....
Has healing 'crystals' ( they don't work- she hasn't worked for 10 years
Broadcasts her every move on social media
Is always on some diet ranging from bone broth to veganism
You get the idea......

Some people are nicer than others, and more attuned to the mood of others, and nice to have around in tough times

But someone who describes themselves as an empath is not someone who wouid make it to any of those categories. It's self-accredited bollocks, and an all-about-me description

PS: if you're really taking on the feelings and emotions if other, you might want to read up on the psychology of the external locus of control.

It's not an entirely good thing

You might have a point OP.
The only person I have ever met who describes themselves as an empath does reiki, was one of those people who put on a glamorous dress to put the bins out in the first lockdown (all over social media of course), is always in some sort of relationship drama and has lips full of filler.

Anyone who declares themselves as anything is a bit of a sanctimonious dick IME.

That doesn't mean I think that empathetic people are fools.

I am just by nature a very caring, nurturing, empathetic person whether it’s animals or people, what some people would call too sensitive

Yeah, that's for others to judge . In my experience, anyone who says 'I am....' usually lacks any self awareness and trots out a description the exact opposite of how they actually come across.

My cousin describes herself as an empath. I have never met a more self obsessed person ever. She is also very woo.

Says you🫐🍆

I guess the really woo bit is that I deal with it by sending light to those people to try and heal them a bit. No idea if it works but I like to think it does, in the tiniest way Do you tell them that you are doing this?

If no - then it is a nice thing to do, for you
If yes - then it's annoying, for them.

Someone else already explained it. It's about what you do:

An empath intuits the emotions of another and, with little fuss or bother, does what is best to support that person. It may be a cup of tea and a listening ear, it may be being left alone, but it is never "I am sending you light" or "I can feel how much that hurts, I need to lie down".

Anyone who is brought low by the emotions and feelings of another needs to work out why. You can't fix it, change it or in any way influence it. So why are you taking it on? What fuels that in you? It is quite self destructive, really - See @AuntieStella's mention of External Locus of Control

But most of the people who tell us they are empaths are like my childhood friend, who now runs a Red Tent style therapy business and fills her life and my facebook feed with something called a 'polarity paradigm'. She is a self stated empath and has always been one of, if the most, self absorbed poeple I have ever met. I lose a tooth, she has internalised my pain and bleeds her emotions all over me "Oh Curious! It has gone, left a hole in your life but it will come back and then I can bask again in the beauty of your smile!" One of her business tag lines is something like "I feel great joy, a true blessing, in helping others find inner peace!

Truly illogical, self absorbed and probably earns her an absolute fortune!

Now, I am off to give myself a self hug and to transmute some pain!

But @beingsunny the point is that everyone, unless they have a condition of some sort that prevents it, is aware of and 'affected' by others moods, it's how human brains work!
Being affected to the point that you cannot function in your own life doesn't show extra skills in that department, it shows you have a problem with emotional deregulation and/or boundaries. Not something to be proud of, something to deal with through therapy.

@Sporranrummager I agree,
Most people do have a level of empathy, all I'm saying is that some have more and some have less. It's not a point of superiority at all just a difference. I know other people are more resilient to this and would certainly never label myself with this in real life because it usually sounds a bit twattish.

I was just trying to explain how I see it, and that it's perhaps different to the type of 'empath' that's calling it out.

In my experience, the empath label is used by at best interfering control freaks and at worst full blown narcissists. If you tell someone (especially someone vulnerable) that you feel their emotions as if they were their own then they can convince you that you must follow their advice and behave how they wish you to and deal with any consequences/a pissed off 'empath' if you don't. I really believe it's a method of control. And even if we'll meaning it's still so selfish and weird to make someone's pain about you.

Empaths are emotional needy vampires The drain the life out of everyone or anything with emotional capacity.

Empaths usually attract those who totally lack empathy and want to rely on them for their emotional supply...

But that dynamic usually results in a lot of toxicity... until the empath recognises what’s happening which is a long journey of self reflection that develops over time and age..

I don’t think it’s healthy to judge people who want to discuss that they’re “empaths” and the reason why they probably sound twattish is because they have only discovered it at a time in their lives when they’re at their lowest and probably needing help abs support.

It’s most probably that their personal circle of contacts is full of people sucking out their energy abs so they’re reaching out to someone that they aren’t that close to..

It might come across that they’re self centred but in reality they are this way because in their personal circle they have given everything they have.. and are probably zapped and not investing any awareness in their interactions with those who are not close enough to them..

I grew up as an undeclared empath.. I shouldered the emotions of both my parents and worked tirelessly to kill myself to see them happy and they were indeed miserable and wanting to maintain their victim hood status.. the more I tried the more of my attention they craved..

It’s only now in my 30s that I’ve had a breakdown and recognized how I was putting myself in a toxic situation because people who are closest to me recognised that I am very sensnirve to their feelings and decided to dump their negativity into me so that I can shoulder it more.. not being sensitive to my need to see my own parents functioning well and happy..

I Ofcourse went about it wrong from the beginning. I’m receiving therapy. My compassion and empathy were in the right place but efforts misguided.

This defined most of my efforts with people around me. When someone shared their problem with me I couldn’t help but adopt their issues and really feel like I must dedicate all my energy to support them.. I couldn’t turn anyone’s emotional problems away...

I now look back and feel sad about it.. I dedicated so much of my life but my efforts weren’t helping the person because they wanted to sort it out themselves.. and just me to listen..

I wasn’t used to that because I had grown up with my empathy being manipulated and me thinking that peoples problems were because I wasn’t doing enough... I was used to blaming myself for parental misery and that continued in my other relationships.

I ended up suffering total breakdown and anxiety and also couldn’t understand why everyone kept taking advantage of me and wasn’t grateful.

It’s only when I recognised that I’m an “empath”, and I was suffering compassion fatigue and that I was exploited for it through childhood that I then recognised the unhealthy pattern. But that’s a long process and I’m slowly seeking therapy..

If you see an “empath” who is acting in a self centred way, yes it’s contradictory.. they probably were exploited by people within their personal circle of contacts.

It’s not untrue. I don’t think they’re trying to say they’re better than you. I think they’re wanting to be recognised by someone who can relate to them so they can start processing their own trauma.

So no.. I’d still have sympathy for a self-proclaimed “empath”.

I personally don’t go out telling the world on Facebook I’m an empath. But I do tell people who are aware of my mental health journey that I’m an empath and those who are aware of my unhealthy relationships with other people that I have been exploited because of my lack of boundaries and the reason I lack boundaries is because I struggle to not have compassion when someone is in an emotionally difficult situation and people quickly clock on to that and start pushing my boundaries through exploiting my empathy.

They’re probably at the start of that journey.. and recognising they’re “empaths” might not be a bad start.

They do need to correct their definition of compassion and how to reach out in a useful helpful way to strangers. They’re used to guessing and predicting feelings of those within their close circle and so yes they’re projecting that unto you for sure but that’s only because they do care about you.

It’s unhealthy. It’s a mental health struggle.. don’t be rude please and don’t mock.

I guess the really woo bit is that I deal with it by sending light to those people to try and heal them a bit. No idea if it works but I like to think it does, in the tiniest way

You can't "send light". That's not how light works. I know you imagine yourself to be so special that the laws of physics don't apply to you, but this nonsense is approaching the level of a mental illness. It's a delusion.

I am just by nature a very caring, nurturing, empathetic person whether it’s animals or people, what some people would call too sensitive

People who describe themselves like this are always, always, too sensitive...about themselves. They are self absorbed narcissitic nightmares who imagine themselves caring and nurturing and are neither. They care and nurture themselves only. They are the very worst.

Reminds me a bit of people who are "body language experts" and think that they can analyse body language. I just saw an article come up from some newspaper that employed one to cover the funeral, and the things she came out with were either totally obvious (Sophie put her hand on Kate's back as she wiped away tears, and that suggests that Sophie is supportive and caring and they have a good relationship) - no kidding. Or they are totally speculation (Will glance down before looking at Harry and that shows that he was needing to gather his internal reserves before facing a brother that he was angry with - or some similar made-up rubbish like that). Empaths seem similar to me - either the stuff that they say that they feel so much more strongly than anyone else is things that everyone else does actually feel or notice, or the stuff that they claim to feel so strongly from the other person isn't necessarily what the other person is feeling at all, but a total projection.

I grew up as an undeclared empath.. I shouldered the emotions of both my parents and worked tirelessly to kill myself to see them happy and they were indeed miserable and wanting to maintain their victim hood status.. the more I tried the more of my attention they craved. That sounds utterly self absorbed. I am not being rude, I am not even mocking, but would love you to be able to see how that looks from the outside!

Every single sentence is centred on you.

Yet you start with the topsy turvy statement Empaths usually attract those who totally lack empathy and want to rely on them for their emotional supply...

*I guess the really woo bit is that I deal with it by sending light to those people to try and heal them a bit. No idea if it works but I like to think it does, in the tiniest way

You can't "send light". That's not how light works. I know you imagine yourself to be so special that the laws of physics don't apply to you, but this nonsense is approaching the level of a mental illness. It's a delusion. *

I don’t see how that is any different to praying for someone. To each their own, not doing any harm. Not sure why you’re being so nasty about it.

I don’t see how that is any different to praying for someone. To each their own, not doing any harm. Not sure why you’re being so nasty about it

Praying also is useless, but at least they don't completely make shit up that they say they are doing. It is doing harm, people believing and spreading such bullshit does great harm.
Also its weird and creepy to aim your bollocks at people who don't want it. Don't pray for atheists, and don't "send light" to the sane. We don't want it.

CuriousaboutSamphire

Happy for you to dissect my posts and score points. But i might open up my ears if I first recognise that you heard my main points. Which you haven’t. Conveniently

I don’t see how that is any different to praying for someone. To each their own, not doing any harm. Not sure why you’re being so nasty about it. As I said earlier it depends entirely on whether the recipient is informed of the sending.

If they are not then the sender still gets a warm feeling

If they are then the sender gets a warm feeling and the recipient is usually a bit bewildered and annoyed by it, which the sender pays no mind, may even protest and reiterate the good

Either way, unless the recipient is an equal believer the only person who benefits its the 'empath'

Which is exactly the opposite of an empathetic response.

@DeepThinkingGirl

CuriousaboutSamphire

Happy for you to dissect my posts and score points. But i might open up my ears if I first recognise that you heard my main points. Which you haven’t. Conveniently

There is little you can throw at me that I haven't had thrown in person, over many, many years, by someone who earns a living being an empath, who truly believes that she has a misson on Earth, that she is helping so very many people.

She too doesn't see that her continued explanations and protestations simply reveal more of her than they do of me.

CuriousaboutSamphire

DeepThinkingGirl
CuriousaboutSamphire

Happy for you to dissect my posts and score points. But i might open up my ears if I first recognise that you heard my main points. Which you haven’t. Conveniently

There is little you can throw at me that I haven't had thrown in person, over many, many years, by someone who earns a living being an empath, who truly believes that she has a misson on Earth, that she is helping so very many people.

She too doesn't see that her continued explanations and protestations simply reveal more of her than they do of me.

Right.

“Throwing at me”.

Poor me . Poor me. I must have my say about someone else’s life but no one has the right to explain because I AM THE ALL KNOWING who can decode people and don’t need to hear a response to it.

Me me me me.

But you’re not self centred. At all.

@DeepThinkingGirl

Empaths usually attract those who totally lack empathy and want to rely on them for their emotional supply...

But that dynamic usually results in a lot of toxicity... until the empath recognises what’s happening which is a long journey of self reflection that develops over time and age..

I don’t think it’s healthy to judge people who want to discuss that they’re “empaths” and the reason why they probably sound twattish is because they have only discovered it at a time in their lives when they’re at their lowest and probably needing help abs support.

It’s most probably that their personal circle of contacts is full of people sucking out their energy abs so they’re reaching out to someone that they aren’t that close to..

It might come across that they’re self centred but in reality they are this way because in their personal circle they have given everything they have.. and are probably zapped and not investing any awareness in their interactions with those who are not close enough to them..

I grew up as an undeclared empath.. I shouldered the emotions of both my parents and worked tirelessly to kill myself to see them happy and they were indeed miserable and wanting to maintain their victim hood status.. the more I tried the more of my attention they craved..

It’s only now in my 30s that I’ve had a breakdown and recognized how I was putting myself in a toxic situation because people who are closest to me recognised that I am very sensnirve to their feelings and decided to dump their negativity into me so that I can shoulder it more.. not being sensitive to my need to see my own parents functioning well and happy..

I Ofcourse went about it wrong from the beginning. I’m receiving therapy. My compassion and empathy were in the right place but efforts misguided.

This defined most of my efforts with people around me. When someone shared their problem with me I couldn’t help but adopt their issues and really feel like I must dedicate all my energy to support them.. I couldn’t turn anyone’s emotional problems away...

I now look back and feel sad about it.. I dedicated so much of my life but my efforts weren’t helping the person because they wanted to sort it out themselves.. and just me to listen..

I wasn’t used to that because I had grown up with my empathy being manipulated and me thinking that peoples problems were because I wasn’t doing enough... I was used to blaming myself for parental misery and that continued in my other relationships.

I ended up suffering total breakdown and anxiety and also couldn’t understand why everyone kept taking advantage of me and wasn’t grateful.

It’s only when I recognised that I’m an “empath”, and I was suffering compassion fatigue and that I was exploited for it through childhood that I then recognised the unhealthy pattern. But that’s a long process and I’m slowly seeking therapy..

If you see an “empath” who is acting in a self centred way, yes it’s contradictory.. they probably were exploited by people within their personal circle of contacts.

It’s not untrue. I don’t think they’re trying to say they’re better than you. I think they’re wanting to be recognised by someone who can relate to them so they can start processing their own trauma.

So no.. I’d still have sympathy for a self-proclaimed “empath”.

I personally don’t go out telling the world on Facebook I’m an empath. But I do tell people who are aware of my mental health journey that I’m an empath and those who are aware of my unhealthy relationships with other people that I have been exploited because of my lack of boundaries and the reason I lack boundaries is because I struggle to not have compassion when someone is in an emotionally difficult situation and people quickly clock on to that and start pushing my boundaries through exploiting my empathy.

They’re probably at the start of that journey.. and recognising they’re “empaths” might not be a bad start.

They do need to correct their definition of compassion and how to reach out in a useful helpful way to strangers. They’re used to guessing and predicting feelings of those within their close circle and so yes they’re projecting that unto you for sure but that’s only because they do care about you.

It’s unhealthy. It’s a mental health struggle.. don’t be rude please and don’t mock.

This is not an unusual experience. It’s one where your boundaries were demolished (never existed) in a toxic, dysfunctional, enmeshed upbringing. It does train you to sense others emotions more accurately as this was a crucial skill for survival in your family of origin as you were programmed to react to soothe / manage the extreme emotions of others. What then happens is when we meet other unknown to us toxic, dysfunctional people in adulthood their intensity and instability is familiar to us on a subconscious level and we get drawn into a futile co-dep dynamic to rescue. Well done you for getting out of this cycle and building your boundaries - you will recover and have a much better life flipping your sensitivities to use it to swerve exploitation by the emotional vampires whilst seeking mutual balanced relationships.

This thread isn’t talking about the ACT of empathy (which is all good) - it’s talking about the public ANNOUNCEMENT of self defined status of “empath” and many people here have lived experience of such characters as being only sensitive to themselves and the opposite of what they declare.