"Empath" means "self-obsessed woo-accredited fool" ...

[SuziQuatrosFatNan]

... doesn't it?

Was it Douglas Adams who had cancer and when people said they were praying for him, asked if were also sacrificing a goat The point being he wasn't religious so their prayers were purely for their own benefit and meant diddly squat to him.

Might have been John Diamond?

Hopefully you've told these deluded fuckwits what to do with their greeting cards

A card - a tangible thing (also a waste of trees and yes, I have lived a card free life for about 40 years - bah and indeed humbug!)

A wish, a prayer, light - all intangible things. Nobody need ever know!

And "fuckwits"??? Who said that? What are you empathing I am thinking

@HeadNorth John Diamond, I think. Adams died a bit suddenly, not sure he had time for a deathbed quip!

@LolaSmiles You could be right. But there is at least one theory/explanation of empathy, sympathy and compassion that sees empathy as more altruistic than compassion, where altruism is defined as having a self satisfying component - like being seen to be charitable rather than simply just being charitable!

As with all things psych, there are as many theories as their are theorists

Dropping this here :

www.verywellhealth.com/do-people-with-autism-lack-empathy-259887

How many undiagnosed autistic females would identify themselves as “empaths” because they feel emotions overwhelmingly but don’t realise that they’re not expressing support in a way that fulfills others expectations?

You can’t assume it’s coming from a self centred place rather than an inability to process difficult emotions/situations while still feelings totally emotionally connected

What on Earth has autism got to do with this?

It seems to be deemed a Gotcha! by some people.

Is he behaving badly? Have you thought about autism?
Has she shouted at you? Have you thought about autism?
Don't they like you? Have you thought about autism?

Pshaw!

Shouldn't but does. Usually spouted by people who couldn't be more judgemental, oblivious or self-centred if they tried!

The ones that got in touch to tell me they were crying bemused me. Why would they tell me that? In my bereaved and slightly irrational state, I was vaguely irritated that since I was managing to hold things together, why (and these were invariably people who barely knew him) were they crying, and why did they think me knowing that was any help?

I’m not seeking to justify. But this does sound like something I would do.. I’m quite embarrassed about it now that you explain it in this way..

I don’t know if you’re seeking to understand/empathise or just vent. But I’ll address it anyway.

I think the reason why I would do that is because I’m terrible at verbalising feelings and emotions, sympathies and what not. I did not grow up with emotions being discussed at all.. it’s a struggle for me when it’s new situations. So I just try to connect by sharing my actual raw feelings with the person so they know I’m there WITH them. And they’re not alone.

I can appreciate now that it’s not specifically helpful.

I’m probably going to get vilified for saying this but I don’t care I’m trying to increase my self awareness. But also, I genuinely developed social anxiety because I now realise that I’m often having my best intentions misunderstood because they don’t fit the expectations

I guess the compassion we display towards others is the one that we THINK they need and so our understanding of that may be varied.

@DeepThinkingGirl, I'm sorry if my post worried you. I did genuinely appreciate every single connection that people made with me. I know how hard it is to know what to say when sometimes been bereaved, and I'm no better at it for my experience, than I was before! Like I say, I was more bemused than irritated, and recognised that what mild irritation I felt was unreasonable. And of course I'm sure plenty of people in my place would just have been touched that someone was sad enough about my loss, to cry.

I wish MN would give us a few seconds to edit. Someone's, not sometimes!

@roguetomato

Why? I think empath is the person who understands and feels other's feeling and emotions better than normal people.

How would they know that? The only qualification for thinking this is believing you're a special person with special powers to feel other people's feelings. Sounds a hell of a lot like narcissism to me.

There's a whole industry built up around sending good wishes, condolences, you're in our thoughts.
Hopefully you've told these deluded fuckwits what to do with their greeting cards.

was waiting for the not entirely unpredictable I don’t accept greeting cards come back, wasn’t disappointed.

Oh, I don't like to disappoint.

But I accept them with good grace. I have a number of older relatives that send all sorts of cards. I just don't ever send any.

I get that it's a bit of a hippy cliche. But hey ho! What can you do?

My MIL is the most self absorbed, selfish, rude person I know - and the greetings card queen. I had never made the connection before this thread! You get sent a card for everything - bithdays, xmas, anniversarys, easter. I'd far prefer she was a kinder person, but to be fair, although it is always trotted out here, I'm pretty sure she is on the spectrum and utterly oblivious to how rude she is.

If you're not an empath, you'll never get it, including those who proclaim to be.

You just won't.

@CherryCherries

If you're not an empath, you'll never get it, including those who proclaim to be.

You just won't.

This certainly has the authentically fey self-absorption of the self-proclaimed 'empath.'

@CherryCherries

If you're not an empath, you'll never get it, including those who proclaim to be.

You just won't.

I think we do

@CherryCherries

If you're not an empath, you'll never get it, including those who proclaim to be.

You just won't.

Well, I get that the self-proclaimed empath that was on a course that I was also on, made the entire thing all about her. That she hated the fact that the person she came with was chosen for a demonstration. That she completely dominated the discussion, not giving anyone else the chance to ask questions until she had her share of attention. That she truly could not 'read the room' and see how disruptive she was being.

And yet somehow, she thinks she can feel everyone around her's emotions. She had no consideration for anyone on the course, it was all about her.

I totally understand there are people that allow themselves to take on too much of other people's emotions. I used to do exactly that as a child and teenager. I have better boundaries now. But I don't see that trait in the people I've met that need to tell the world that they are an empath. I have met more than one, it kinda comes with the work that I do. But the one on the course was the absolute worst.

Apparently you can do training to become an empath. Weird

I agree about the messages from people telling you they are crying over something that has happened in your life. It has annoyed me intensely too when I have experienced a loss. Instead of being able to focus on your own loss, suddenly you are having to deal with someone else's feelings.

This certainly has the authentically fey self-absorption of the self-proclaimed 'empath.'
Quite.

To be fair, us non-empaths probably don't understand.
For a start, we don't truly know what it's like to have such an arrogantly high opinion of our own abilities (to pick up on basic cues and read someone's emotions). Very few non-empaths will truly know what it feels like to turn other people's experiences and emotions into a pity party about how hard it is for us.

Sounds like an awful lot of empaths could do with learning about ring theory...

Oh god yes! I swear the most ardent self proclaimed empath I know has never asked me a single question about myself.

As I said upthread, I worked for a MH charity and it was there that I heard student counsellors say they were Empaths. When even the most supportive Empaths on this thread say that it is maladaptive, poorly boundaries behaviour, most likely due to trauma, you can see why I was wary.

None of them had the self awareness shown by some on this thread. They really believed that they had special mystical properties. None of that belongs in the therapist's chair.