"Empath" means "self-obsessed woo-accredited fool" ...

[SuziQuatrosFatNan]

... doesn't it?

@DeepThinkingGirl

I do think the reaction here towards the term “empath” is totally aggressive.

My comments are not about the term. They are about the people that I have met that choose to describe themselves that way.

Most of which are completely lacking in empathy and turns everyone else's problems into another weight that they have to carry.

The term itself is not the issue.

I think an empath is someone who thinks they know what everyone else is feeling and then says they take it all on themselves, and it's terribly draining to feel so much.

But half the time they have no idea if they are right or not about what people are feeling. Certainly no idea how annoying they are.

Someone who is genuinely empathetic might pick up on and understand how someone else is feeling, but as a result, then thinks about and does what that person needs - whether it's being left alone, comforted, listened to, supported, or whatever. An empath, on the other hand, just gets caught up in themselves and how they are feeling so so much and what they need instead. Totally different from actual empathy, I think. It might be a real 'thing', but I don't think it's a good trait, not one to brag about, and something that is worth working on to develop better boundaries to allow the person to eventually be empathetic instead.

What gets me is, how do self proclaimed empaths know they feel more deeply than other people? How do they know how deeply other people pick up on feelings - just because someone doesn't throb on about it doesn't necessarily mean they don't feel deeply.

In my experience, still waters run deep and empty vessels make most noise. Those people wanging on that they feel others emotions so deeply it hurts are usually as shallow as a ditch in a drought and wouldn't know empathy if it smacked them in the face.

OMG- yes to the ‘I’m an Empath’
No, you’re really not- you’re a self absorbed twat

@WhatMattersMost

As someone somewhat connected with the field of "woo" with her work, I have learned that "empath" is a way of avoiding the more truthful descriptor: "piss-poor boundaries".

I think this is the most accurate thing I've read on this thread!

@LolaSmiles

But not to the same degree. True, but that doesn't mean some people are special humans with magic powers. They're just better at reading people's body language and cues.

There's no gold star or round of applause for demonstrating interpersonal skills that most people have, certainly not when the person claiming to be gifted at reading people and picking up on their energy fails to realise that nobody wants to hear about how draining it is being a super special sub group of human.

Never a truer word.

Reading through this thread makes me think that empath is probably the other side of the coin to sociopath. I think of con-men, spiritualists and anybody else who wants to get money out of you through cold reading, as having empath skills. I certainly wouldn't want to boast about this..

It’s a more socially acceptable way of saying “I’m a psychopath with magical thinking tendencies, ie - potential schizoaffective disorder. Probably Borderline Personality Disorder. I have chosen to label my own magical thinking as “Empath” because if I say I’m a wizard or a fairy I’ll get hurled into the looney bin.”

The only people I’ve ever met who’ve described themselves as empathy have certainly been very much in touch with feelings. Largely their own.

Other people’s? Not so much.

I knew one woman who described herself as an empath and she was a lot to deal with.
Surprisingly, she also seemed to have zero idea what other people were feeling, but she posted a lot on Facebook about how exhausting it is to be an empath and how special empaths are.
It was a little cringeworthy.

An extreme “empath” which some of you are identifying as a “sociopath” might be someone who experienced extreme trauma as a child and learned to connect to others through tuning into their feeling and trying to guess what they want/need from their as a survival mechanism..

Probably emotionally suppressed due to neglect or abuse or trauma, and the only way they tune into their own feelings is when socially someone else gives them permission to... probably outside of their close circle because that’s where probably they felt repressed. And so their sensitivity is because it is not very often that they get to drop the mask and tap into their own vulnerability.

And so, for many, it’s a mental health issue that doesn’t deserve the aggressive mocking on this thread.

DeepThinkingGirl

"The deeper you go, the less swimmers you meet"
As this thread proves 😀

I would absolutely agree that some self-proclaimed empaths need to deal with their own issues and healing. But when they have a lack of self awareness and everything is because they are just soooo sensitive, it's very difficult to get them to see that.

Ive never heard the term empath outside mn

@DeepThinkingGirl

An extreme “empath” which some of you are identifying as a “sociopath” might be someone who experienced extreme trauma as a child and learned to connect to others through tuning into their feeling and trying to guess what they want/need from their as a survival mechanism..

Probably emotionally suppressed due to neglect or abuse or trauma, and the only way they tune into their own feelings is when socially someone else gives them permission to... probably outside of their close circle because that’s where probably they felt repressed. And so their sensitivity is because it is not very often that they get to drop the mask and tap into their own vulnerability.

And so, for many, it’s a mental health issue that doesn’t deserve the aggressive mocking on this thread.

Then call it a MH issue and get treatment and support. Calling yourself an ‘empath’ is a bit like dubbing your child with special needs an ‘Indigo child’, rather than getting them a diagnosis and extra help.

@ssd

Ive never heard the term empath outside mn

It does tend to be a term used by a very small number of the more 'woo' members of society. It's a fairly niche term

I dont know anyone niche

@DeepThinkingGirl

WhatMattersMost

How did you develop better boundaries ?

Therapy. Consistent, often painful, therapy.

No.

Some instantly project shame outwards, and they probably are triggered by those who internalise their shame.

I’m in the ‘think I could be one but would never describe myself as one’ camp.

I only came across the term recently and when I told my husband, he immediately said that’s me. He takes the piss out of me for it!

For me, it’s the fact I feel other people’s emotions really deeply. I cry a LOT so I have to try really hard to hold it in when someone is telling me something sad. I usually go and cry on my own or on my husband afterwards and I do find I carry the sadness with me for a while, especially if it’s a good friend who is suffering.
I guess the really woo bit is that I deal with it by sending light to those people to try and heal them a bit. No idea if it works but I like to think it does, in the tiniest way 😬

@PrelovedWithValue

I would absolutely agree that some self-proclaimed empaths need to deal with their own issues and healing. But when they have a lack of self awareness and everything is because they are just soooo sensitive, it's very difficult to get them to see that.

I've found that the New Age/Spirituality movement attracts those who call themselves Empaths because the New Age itself is largely in existence because people would rather see themselves as "special" than as maladaptive and dysfunctional. It's so much simpler to breathe love and light over others. And understandable too. Dealing with poor boundaries is sobering and humbling. You realise you're not that special. That can be a hard pill to swallow.

@WhatMattersMost

As someone somewhat connected with the field of "woo" with her work, I have learned that "empath" is a way of avoiding the more truthful descriptor: "piss-poor boundaries".

So true. I was hardwired by my parents to show no assertiveness, so I really struggle with boundaries. I don't know if I feel things more than other people (ie, an empath) but it is that feeling of being responsible for other people's emotions and moods that makes me susceptible to being manipulated. Have been manipulated and ''guilted'' in the past. I don't describe myself as an empath either but I think it is the lack of assertiveness borne out of feeling so uncomfortable if people around me aren't happy / aren't happy with me that puts me in the line of fire.

There are two types in my experience. Those who take no responsibility, no accountability, never apologise, everything is always somebody else's fault, and that type attracts the type that blames themself for everything that goes wrong.

I have been in a couple of these relationships. I understand all the dynamics now finally and it won't happen again. But two people with the same wounds can be so different. But i think they meet and there is some initial resonance. But one takes the other gives. One blames others, the other blames themself and it's a good match.

Some people on line call that a narcissist and an empath.

Very interesting I wouldn’t call myself an empath but like others I pick up on people body language and subtle cues very quickly. I have a very similar job to @saraclara in that I work with non verbal children all day and am also reading body language and looking at subtle changes for signs of distress. I am just by nature a very caring, nurturing, empathetic person whether it’s animals or people, what some people would call too sensitive

I don't see it that way. I think if you show empathy it can mean you've had a similar experience and can understand to a degree what another's going through.
For example I lost my mum when I just finished uni in my early 20s. Therefore I have empathy for others who've had a similair thing happen to them.

@babyinthacorner

I’m in the ‘think I could be one but would never describe myself as one’ camp.

I only came across the term recently and when I told my husband, he immediately said that’s me. He takes the piss out of me for it!

For me, it’s the fact I feel other people’s emotions really deeply. I cry a LOT so I have to try really hard to hold it in when someone is telling me something sad. I usually go and cry on my own or on my husband afterwards and I do find I carry the sadness with me for a while, especially if it’s a good friend who is suffering.
I guess the really woo bit is that I deal with it by sending light to those people to try and heal them a bit. No idea if it works but I like to think it does, in the tiniest way 😬

How do you feel about the Sistine Chapel?

Interpret someone’s ACTIONS not their WORDS.

How you feel around them is the reality. Do you feel calm and peaceful, cherished, understood, accepted implicitly.

Empathy is a warmth that you are embraced by or a gift you give.

It is modest and never needs to be declared.

I have only heard one person announce that they had this exclusive and special power - I remember it because it jarred and was so incongruent with their personality which was delusional, grandiose, entitled and arrogant.

Covert Narcissist.

Absolutely a traumatic childhood.

Emotionally deficient and inadequate.

Zero personal insight and was the opposite of warm.