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Original poster

"Empath" means "self-obsessed woo-accredited fool" ...

435 replies

SuziQuatrosFatNan · 19/04/2021 12:25

... doesn't it?

OP posts:
DeepThinkingGirl · 19/04/2021 16:34

No. It means being able to understand feelings seperate than your own and respecting it and appreciating it.

Not many people can do that. I understand why you would be envious

DioneTheDiabolist · 19/04/2021 16:38

Some people struggle to the point of mental illness because their boundaries aren't well developed, they can't protect themselves from the emotions of people around them.
It could be neurodiversity, perhaps autism or a trauma background.

I agree with this @picklemewalnuts, but it doesn't make them "Empaths". It means that they could do with support and help to deal with their pain and develop the healthy boundaries they need to protect their own MH. Self proclaimed Empaths OTOH, seem to think they have magical healing abilities.

Empathy is not magic, it is an innate thing in people. Like anything else, some people are better at it than others. Those who are good at empathy respect the other person enough to allow them their own feelings and thoughts without intruding upon them or appropriating them.

And certainly not by over emoting and claiming it's a mystical power.Hmm

RickiTarr · 19/04/2021 16:47

@CuriousaboutSamphire

It's a shame Empath is associated with empathy tbh. How could it not be?
😂🤣
WhatMattersMost · 19/04/2021 16:53

As someone somewhat connected with the field of "woo" with her work, I have learned that "empath" is a way of avoiding the more truthful descriptor: "piss-poor boundaries".

WhatMattersMost · 19/04/2021 16:54

I write this as a former "empath" :)

DeepThinkingGirl · 19/04/2021 16:57

WhatMattersMost

How did you develop better boundaries ?

EmpressSuiko · 19/04/2021 17:06

No it’s a person how is highly sensitive to the emotions of everyone around them, including nature.
I’ve not met anyone personally who refers to themselves as an empath but my daughter is definitely highly empathetic with the world around her compared to overs.

DeepThinkingGirl · 19/04/2021 17:09

Saying you’re a great person because you’re an empath is wrong

Saying you’re a better person because you’re in tuned with your own feelings is wrong

I think we are all wired differently when it comes to empathy based on our emotional upbringing and health

LolaSmiles · 19/04/2021 17:11

I agree with this @picklemewalnuts, but it doesn't make them "Empaths". It means that they could do with support and help to deal with their pain and develop the healthy boundaries they need to protect their own MH. Self proclaimed Empaths OTOH, seem to think they have magical healing abilities
I also agree with this.

Having healthy boundaries is important in life, so if someone doesn't have them to the point where they find general life too draining and overwhelming then they would probably benefit from support in creating healthy boundaries.

Meanwhile those who like to make it all about them, their magic abilities, how it's so tough for them being brilliant, and proclaim how they are special "empaths" would benefit from using a bit of empathy (that most of us mere mortals also have), and realising almost nobody wants to engage with an emotional vampire who makes anyone else's feelings/experiences all about them.

OverTheRubicon · 19/04/2021 17:12

@EmpressSuiko

No it’s a person how is highly sensitive to the emotions of everyone around them, including nature. I’ve not met anyone personally who refers to themselves as an empath but my daughter is definitely highly empathetic with the world around her compared to overs.
And she can be highly empathetic - which is a lovely trait in the most part, so long as she is able to show the same empathy and compassion to all including herself and her own needs - without being an 'empath' (in my experience, someone who is far too focussed on the impact on themselves from whatever goes on around them).
WrapUpWarm2021 · 19/04/2021 17:17

My father warned me that I cared too much about other people.
He was a very kind guy so I was puzzled.

With hindsight I see he was encouraging those " boundaries" people talk about these days.

Op you are not far wrong.

cateycloggs · 19/04/2021 17:40

From personal experience I would agree with what LolaSmiles and picklemewalnuts have said about those who have found empathy leading to overwhelming emotional identification with others needing to develop their own personal boundaries. It is easier said than done and can take a long time. It does seem that those who use the term Empath as a personality type are assuming it is a good thing whereas many have said empathy can bring pain and confusion.

I have not encountered anyone naming themselves as an Empath but from some of the descriptions I am wondering if the personality traits might have some association with those who identify as mediums? I am asking because I caught 5 minutes of a TV programme where a woman medium was browbeating a young girl about the "presence" of her dead boyfriend. The room bristled with tension but it strikes me that you would need the ability to genuinely read other peoples emotions to do that as a job not to mention other 'qualities'. It's a programme I used to watch bits of to try to understand the clients' motivations but could hardly bear for more than a few minutes partly because of the sense of aggression I caught from the mediums.

DiscordandRhyme · 19/04/2021 17:58

Depends on the type of Empath really.

Spiritualist type? Sure.

But person orientated person who 'gets' people is not woo in my opinion. I'd say in this type of empath myself.

saraclara · 19/04/2021 18:06

My job required a massive amount of empathy. My entire role was to try and understand what was going on in the mind of anxious non verbal children unable to communicate their needs, and to help them navigate daily life. Also to relate to and understand what their parents were going through, even though I wasn't living their life. And I was good at it.

However, that did NOT make me an empath. It made me a conscientious, observant and caring teacher, who had the imagination to put myself in the children and the parents shoes and try to understand and problem solve.

What self proclaimed empaths are about, is mainly themselves "I feel things! I'm special!" I've rarely heard them talk about their empathy in relation to others.

cateycloggs · 19/04/2021 18:18

Hi DiscordandRhyme, I was tempted to ask what Spiritualist empathy might be but I will just say I would not believe in such a thing as I cannot believe in spiritualism. What I meant was that maybe some people who do have a strong level of emotional empathy could use that in businesses like being a medium along with other resources. I suppose that is what is meant by 'woo'? I have never actually known what it (woo) means but just for the record I would find it deceptive to use empathetic feelings in that way.

I don't know if I should say more but the woman I saw on TV was intensely concentrated on the young girl and also payingclose attention to her sisters with her. I think she was using all her resources and wondered if one of them could be empathy and part of what mediums mean by 'reading' people. I switched off because I found it intensely unpleasant to watch the girl who was suffering grief. It's very unusual for me to retain a strong visual memory as I do of that scene hence my pondering it.

Profiterolegirl · 19/04/2021 18:20

Yes, or is it just shorthand for asshole?

cateycloggs · 19/04/2021 18:31

That must have used up a lot of energy, SaraClara, did you find the work exhausting? Or did you develop techniques for limiting your emotional involvement. It is that kind of emotional energy I picked up on the programme I mentioned and made me wonder about how empathy could also be used in a bad way as we all seem to assume it is always a 'good' thing.

I suppose my question would be about the difference between being a sociopath who can tune into people's emotions and motivations but not feel or identify or care about their emotions so will use the information for their own ends and an empathetic person who could feel the feelings and do bad anyway. Would one be worse than the other, morally?

SausageDogSandwich · 19/04/2021 18:40

I think of myself as an empath but you'd never know it because I never discuss it for fear of being judged.

It's complex and people who aren't intuitive just assume it is a pile of tosh.

saraclara · 19/04/2021 18:41

Wow @cateycloggs, that second paragraph gave me pause for thought! Scary!

As for the first, well the job was exhausting in itself, what with the physicality and the meltdowns. But the results of the empathising, when it worked, were the best bits, because that's when you'd get a eureka moment with the kids, or really help and support the parents. So in a way it was kind of invigorating. But of course a result wasn't always forthcoming!

I was very good at compartmentalising though. Once I was home, I was able to switch off. I think that's important.

SausageDogSandwich · 19/04/2021 18:42

It can also be a bloody pain in the arse to pick up on everyone's energy!

FourTeaFallOut · 19/04/2021 18:48

Everybody picks up on other people's energy. We are social animal and apex preditors capable of harming and killing our own if the mood takes us - it is a combination that necessitates being able to read the room.

cateycloggs · 19/04/2021 18:57

That's what I thought, Saraclara, I have a relative much more sensitive than me who works in mental health and has had to deal with many horrific situations. Honestly I never thought she'd last but she has learnt to detach and switch off as you say. You cannot be responsible for other's actions 24 hours a day or even think about them.

And yes exactly SausageDogSandwich, one reason I was contemplating the temptation to turn identification to exploitation. And why I hate so much TV now as you see so much naked vulnerability being used for entertainment. Not that I watch most of the so-called 'reality' or talent shows as I just can't stand it.

IbrahimaRedTwo · 19/04/2021 19:00

Why? I think empath is the person who understands and feels other's feeling and emotions better than normal people

No. "normal people" (not that means anything at all) understand others feelings and emotions. People who call themselves empaths understand them LESS, because they are absorbed in themselves and their own feelings.

It's not a thing.

IbrahimaRedTwo · 19/04/2021 19:03

It can also be a bloody pain in the arse to pick up on everyone's energy!

Everybody picks up on other peoples "energy". Its human behaviour. You're not better at it, you're not special. If you think you have a special ability, you are deluding yourself.
Not talking about it is a good idea, because it is a pile of tosh and you will look very silly.
(you do get that where you think you are reading other peoples energy in your special way, you're just actually projecting on to them?)

cateycloggs · 19/04/2021 19:09

FourTeaFallout, that's an interesting observation. Maybe someone like the exploitative medium I was postulating would actually be more of
the picking up energy and reading the room type and not having empathy but misusing it type. That might be why it seemed like aggression to me, the Donald Trump kin: fully clothed but ready to pounce. Do you think empathy is a luxury of civilisation?