"Empath" means "self-obsessed woo-accredited fool" ...

[SuziQuatrosFatNan]

... doesn't it?

No, I think empaths are a real thing.

People who insist on telling you that they’re empaths are an entirely different thing.

You’re obviously neither, OP.

@RickiTarr

No, I think empaths are a real thing.

People who insist on telling you that they’re empaths are an entirely different thing.

You’re obviously neither, OP.

Yes I think that's what I was trying to say.

Unless you can use your skills to find out if an alien ship has deactivated their cloaking device to invite you for tea or fire you into oblivion, you are not an empath.

I dont think Empath is being used in the normal way here.

I think the OP means the people that describe themselves as super sensitive to the world around them instead of people who are good at reading people's emotions.

Normally the former are up their own arses.

I once read a book by a self-confessed sociopath, who referred to non-sociopaths as “empaths”. I hope I’m an empath, then.

It’s a bit like “I’m a real people pleaser, me”, isn’t it? Or those strange girls when I was a teen who’d randomly announce “You’ve got a really good personali’y”.

Just distrust anyone who wants to discuss their personality or yours.

I wouldn’t describe myself as an empath, but I’m pretty good at picking up when people are pissed off. My dad was an angry man, so I got good at reading the signs. 🤷‍♀️

I wish I was better at ignoring it, tbh.

WTAF 😟

I'm glad I don't have your friends & acquaintances, as that's not what it would mean to me at all.

Or you have as a friend either tbh. Shite attitude & says way more about you

MIL probably fits the empath category. As someone upthread said, she's been through a lot of trauma. If you are ill she gets so upset that you get better quick! DH used to turn the TV off when nspcc adverts came on. In his defence it is a charity he has supported a lot over the years, if he gets any money they see some of it.
If either of them called themselves an empath, I would eye roll though.

RickiTarr
Are they related to the people who like to talk about how unusually random and quirky they are?
"I'm just soo random, like I'm really crazy and unique, have I mentioned to you that I'm so unconventional in the last hour because I'd hate for you to forget how random I am"

Now you've said it, I think you're right to be wary of anyone who wants to talk about their personality type to the world.

Yanbu.

Now you've said it, I think you're right to be wary of anyone who wants to talk about their personality type to the world.

I didn’t say that.

Oh we’re you not quoting me but replying.

I give up. I’m not empathic enough for this thread.

@LolaSmiles

RickiTarr Are they related to the people who like to talk about how unusually random and quirky they are? "I'm just soo random, like I'm really crazy and unique, have I mentioned to you that I'm so unconventional in the last hour because I'd hate for you to forget how random I am"

Now you've said it, I think you're right to be wary of anyone who wants to talk about their personality type to the world.

Yes exactly like that!

(Sorry too much multi-tasking being attempted here. )

I used to work for a MH charity that was a training academy for student counsellors. Self proclaimed Empaths were not considered for placement.

RickiTarr
Your first reply confused me .

Another relation would be the "I just tell it like it is, people either love me or hate me".

All of them, like the self-proclaimed empaths, seem to regularly make the conversion all about how special they are as people.

I grew up in a household that was dangerous and violent, not all the time, but enough. As a result I had to learn as a small child how to read and predict the emotions of the people around me, it was the only defence I had.

I left home around the age of 16 and had a lot of trouble for the next ten years with what I later came to realise was over empathising with people. Literally feeling their emotions to the point where I had no idea what my own were. Blocking everything out with alcohol was a poor solution for a long time. But I have managed to get it under control in various ways over the years.

Now aged 50ish I am pretty much a recluse, other than my family and very close friends, its just easier, & I dont do social media. I do however work in a counselling type role and found my empathy skills very useful now that I can control it. I would be embarrassed to discuss this other than anonymously, even writing this I feel like a bit of dick, but it is a thing. However its not a nice thing, it can be painful, sucks up a lot of energy, and is a result of trauma from a very young age.

Frankly that's a really interesting perspective.

OP I know what you mean - and I think some people are misunderstanding or thinking you're talking about empathy, which is something everyone has unless they are a psychopath.

No, "Being an Empath" is a whole Thing in certain circles, strongly associated with woo accreditations, and yes, unfortunately, does often seem to mean overly self-centred and/or crap at actually judging the effect of their actions or words on others.

My mum is one of these. She genuinely believes that she is very special and sensitive and different to other people - and I believed it as well for a really long time, until DH (and MN) among others wondered why I was always running rings around in order to try and avoid upsetting her feelings, when she was not doing the same for me. DH in particular gets really angry about it and it makes me feel so conflicted because I genuinely don't think she means badly!

Now, I totally believe that she would not upset me or hurt my feelings on purpose, in fact she would be absolutely devastated if she thought she had done that (although... now I think about it isn't that more "I have to hide my own feelings so she doesn't get upset" )

There is a lot of past trauma involved so I try and see it all with kindness, but it is exhausting sometimes and gets in the way of us having an authentic relationship. It can also be frustrating, we live abroad and I see other people's families come and visit them and they have a lovely time going and doing all kinds of things and the GPs look after the DC etc, but my mum can't really cope with the DC all the time and every outing has to be carefully planned around energy levels and so on and it's exhausting TBH.

@LolaSmiles

People who label themselves empaths are usually emotional vampires in my experience because they never pass on an opportunity to tell everyone how hard it is being them, that they carry the emotional burdens of the world on their super emotional and enlightened shoulders. It's all very me, me, me.

If they had a shred of empathy then they'd read the room and realise nobody cares about their navel-gazing woowoo bollocks.

You stole my post. If self proclaimed empaths were any good at what they claim, they'd know that no-one has the slightest interest in their 'magical' powers and shut up.

And of course, to clarify for those here who haven't come across the Empath, she (and it's always a she) is a very different person from people (hopefully most of us) who feel empathy.

@LolaSmiles

RickiTarr Your first reply confused me .

Another relation would be the "I just tell it like it is, people either love me or hate me".

All of them, like the self-proclaimed empaths, seem to regularly make the conversion all about how special they are as people.

(I confuse myself. Constantly. )

You’ve just reminded me of a supervisor I had in my PT job when I was 20 who would suddenly announce “I speak as I find...” with purse-lipped piety and then launch into some fresh character assassination of an innocent acquaintance.

It’s obviously not a new a phenomenon is it? It’s just that fashions change.

The only 'Empath' I've heard somebody saying they are, is Deanna Troi on Star Trek. It sounded ok when she said it but anybody else would sound like an absolute knob.

Some people do like to hang all kinds of self-celebratory labels on themselves. Means absolutely nothing.

An empath has the ability to put themselves in another person's shoes, and relate to their emotions more readily than most, but it is a word that rather gets lost when the supposed 'Empath' uses it to describe themselves IMHO.

I would have called myself an empath in the past. Then I discovered I’m a female Aspie and although I do absorb other’s emotions, I think a large part of it is tied to my auto camouflaging and mirroring.

I also discovered that people think you’re a wanker for saying it so I don’t now 😂👍

my ex describes himself as an empath. my DB passed away (who he had never met) and after i told him he started ignoring me (to my face). I would ask a question and he would totally blank me. or take ages to answer then give one word. When i eventually asked why he was behaving like that he snapped and refused to speak to me for the rest of the day as he needed to process it. When I raised it with him the next day he said he was just so shocked and stunned he didnt know what to say to me and it had hit him hard . he then called me cold for not crying (i was in deep shock for months and appeared ok). he regularly steals peoples grief and says its because he feels the emotion more strongly that they do. nobhead.

I have actually never met someone who describes themselves as empath. But I do know someone who I think could be described as an empath, who has true, genuine concern for others. Genuinely nice person, nothing self absorbed about them.