"Empath" means "self-obsessed woo-accredited fool" ...

[SuziQuatrosFatNan]

... doesn't it?

@PrelovedWithValue

I absolutely agree with *@IbrahimaRedTwo* in that many self-proclaimed empaths think that it makes them special and it's a gift, despite it being a gift that is hard to bear.

I do think the reality is much closer to what @DeepThinkingGirl describes - but with a large helping of very little actual awareness of what other people around them are actually experiencing.

The scenario she outlnes is the result of some fairly heavy promotion of empathy being one of the new ways to love yourself and how that in itself makes the world a better place.

Like many other of these 'life coach/self beterment' things it is a complete bastardisation of some heavyweight science - often pedalled by educated psychologists with a book deal, a web page etc. Remember Gillian McKeith, and many others?

If you read some of the many posts here you can repalce the word 'empath' with many other more usual words and have a better understanding. The framing of 'empaths' as victims is another of the misdirections (as is empath abeing the antidote to narcissist).

If you drill down into such posts they are pretty much emotionally fully laden but lacking in actual meaning.

*l will say those who describe themselves as an Empath rarely are true Empaths, they just want a quick short-cut to enhance their personality to describe themselves as that, while virtual signalling too. For those type it's just what they need, until they are on to the next personality "trend"

It was OCD years ago that was very trendy to say online, even if you never had it or were professionally diagnosed with.
It does a terrible damage, to those who truly suffer with mental health when bandwagon jumpers use mental health as a way to draw attention to themselves or to fill a void in their personality, which is usually empty and narcissistic.

Empathy : the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

So if someone empathises with an empath, does the empath then have a bigger empathic reaction to the empathy being shown and does it end up in a destructive loop of never ending empathy?

For the record, I do think that you and many other posters on this thread including the OP, lack empathy towards self-declared “empaths”

You would think that. Because you don't actually understand what empathy is.

For the record, I do think that you and many other posters on this thread including the OP, lack empathy towards self-declared “empaths”. Well, I don't think I could have made it much more clear in my previous posts. I think they are often exploitative, 'emotional vampires' as someone else said. But that has nothing to do with my udnerstanding of differeing levels of empathy!

Had been aggressive and dismissive to trying to understand the experiences of those that tried to explain.. and totally being called out on it. I don't undertsand what you mean. Do you mean I don't agree with you?

Except you beleive that I’m too damaged and shouldn’t have an opinion and therefore should sit down and listen to your lecturing me about empathy while you display none. Again, I suspect that is something you have intuited, rather than it being anything I have posted or thought. But, as in my last post, I do find overly emotional repsonses to be closely akin to emotional blackmail. My opinion won't be swayed by it. Not because I lack empathy, or sympathy, or compassion. But because I believe that people who use their emotional angst as a tool against others are disingenuous, self absorbed. Many of us have such horrors in our history. They are not a weapon!

In this situation , your empathy was totally lacking. I don’t know how you are in general but I can totally judge based on this interaction that you displayed selective empathy which excludes the struggles of people who might associate with the term “empath”. Make your mind up. I lack emptahy, I am selective in my empathy, judge me once!

Unless you think you have a trump card on who gets to criticise someone’s sense of empathy.. but if you dish it out, you need to be prepared to be called out on it too. Call me out on it by all means. I do not believe peoeple are 'empaths. I do believe that people are 'empathetic' to a varying degree. I am less so in general, I have friends who are far more empathetc. I have one who makes her living being an empath. None of that is a trump card, it's normal life, as far as I am concerned.

IbrahimaRedTwo

For the record, I do think that you and many other posters on this thread including the OP, lack empathy towards self-declared “empaths”

You would think that. Because you don't actually understand what empathy is.

Oh hang on. But I thought you said everyone was capable of it inherently? Excerpt the title of this thread is in itself ironic because it’s exclusionary. But dare i not point out that those participating in it should reflect on their own empathy first before scrutinising others?

Do educate me oh wise one.

Oh hang on. But I thought you said everyone was capable of it inherently? Excerpt the title of this thread is in itself ironic because it’s exclusionary

i said no such thing, and even if I did that would not negate the fact that you don't understand empathy or how to define it. Being exclusionary (which is not anyway) does not negate empathy either.

You don't seem to have a notion what you are talking about, rambling about from topic to topic.
Perhaps read the thread again, as you said yourself you has missed many points. Possibly with a dictionary at hand.

Oh hang on. But I thought you said everyone was capable of it inherently? That could have been me, replying to someone else. WHat I Said was that everyone is born wth the ability to be empathetic but that early socialisation affects how it develops.

And yes, the OP is about 'empaths' - those self declared people with superior feelings, highly aware of the feelings, emotions of those around them.

Empathy (no matter how you want to dissect and define it) - boils down to the human skill of understanding the feelings of others, to be able to put yourelf in their shoes at a given moment in time. Which everyone has, to a lesser or greater extent. Nobody is excluded, it is not a binary condition, it is a true spectrum.

Call me out on it by all means. I do not believe peoeple are 'empaths. I do believe that people are 'empathetic' to a varying degree. I am less so in general, I have friends who are far more empathetc. I have one who makes her living being an empath. None of that is a trump card, it's normal life, as far as I am concerned
Very well said. People have different levels of a perfectly normal human skill, just like some people are more organised than others, some are more ambitious, some are more creative, some are more extroverted, others more introverted, some live in the moment, others are meticulous long term planners. It's just having a personality.

The thing I find awkward with self identified empaths is that they swing between being ever so much more in tune than anyone else, letting everyone know it's so draining being awesome, thinking people must be envious because nobody don't understands the brilliance of empaths, then if that's challenged it becomes don't you realise we are actually quite damaged, take a look at yourself, you need more empathy for how difficult it is for me.

Both arguments come down to this: please centre my feelings and make it all about me.

But, as in my last post, I do find overly emotional repsonses to be closely akin to emotional blackmail. My opinion won't be swayed by it. Not because I lack empathy, or sympathy, or compassion. But because I believe that people who use their emotional angst as a tool against others are disingenuous, self absorbed.

I could understand that if this wasn’t a topic about a term that some of us associate with for emotional reasons and backgrounds... hence explaining that is part of the process of negating false assumptions..

Accusing someone of emotional blackmail because they’re trying to explain their position with regards to a term used to describe someone who might most often than not be coming out of an emotional breakdown is pathetic.

I think if you find emotions so unbearable to talk about then the problem is with you.

If you could say any of that without including the ideology that empathy is born of emotional trauma, which can only be there to persuade, to sway opinion, maybe to represss some forms of response, we might get somewhere past this one point!

If you could say any of that without including the ideology that empathy is born of emotional trauma, which can only be there to persuade, to sway opinion, maybe to represss some forms of response, we might get somewhere past this one point!

Ahahaha, ok your superior majesty, I shall dedicate some energy to dignify your dehumanising accusation because I’m in such need of your approval. Your highness.

Ahahaha, ok your superior majesty, I shall dedicate some energy to dignify your dehumanising accusation because I’m in such need of your approval. Your highness

Still fitting the profile then...touchy, oversensitive, rude and not funny.

I think I’ve seen it as “I’m more vulnerable of having my empathy exploited by people because of my eroded boundaries”.

No one can declare themselves more or less vulnerable than anyone else.

You are not inside someone’s psyche. You have no idea of their emotional resilience.

This declaration in itself is the most assuming, arrogant, deluded, entitled, grandiose - and UNEMPATHETIC stance .... all the classic traits of the covert Narcissist.

I'm an Empath. I've never said it out loud, I just feel what I feel and get on with it. There are some people who others seem to love that I just cannot be around, my Father being one, I get such an unpleasant sour vibe from him. Also, people I don't really know well tend to tell me toooooo many things about themselves, without my asking and that really exhausts me. I don't think its something to be fixed, I just make sure that I don't over extend myself with regard to people having access to me and I stay away from people who make my stomach hurt, or cause me to dissociate.

This really resonates and is me, in a nutshell.
People who are Empaths usually have difficult childhoods. They are highly prone to anxiety, and are likely to struggle with digestive issues. They are often sensitive to the needs of others, but may not feel reciprocated. This often lead to feelings of being misunderstood and rejected, and maybe even feeling that they are ‘not good with people’. Empaths are likely to be more sensitive to the effects of substances, which can make them more prone to addictions, among other reasons

Interesting read

medium.com/swlh/living-as-an-empath-when-you-feel-everything-and-nobody-seems-to-understand-65fecce2aa03

You're not an Empath. You're over-dramatic and self absorbed.

Yes.

Narcissists are real and you dont have to be an imaginary being to attract them. They are not fussy.

People who describe themselves as empaths are usually actually narcissists. Or just still confused (thinking they are the one with issues when infact, it is their abuser).

I have empathetic tendences and dh has narcissistic traits.
They are traits as he agrees and apologises when it's pointed out, or more recently when he knows he's just said/ done something. He was raised by a narcissist, awful man.
The two are totally different.
One is helpful and supportive, whilst the other is the opposite.
It's a spectrum for both empath and narcissist.

I'm an Empath. I've never said it out loud, I just feel what I feel and get on with it. There are some people who others seem to love that I just cannot be around, my Father being one, I get such an unpleasant sour vibe from him. Also, people I don't really know well tend to tell me toooooo many things about themselves, without my asking and that really exhausts me. I don't think its something to be fixed, I just make sure that I don't over extend myself with regard to people having access to me and I stay away from people who make my stomach hurt, or cause me to dissociate
But that isn't being an empath. That's a normal human doing human things.

Forming an opinion of people and realising that some people can be false isn't being an empath. Many people who don't get on with their parents will see their parent's false face and how that differs from their actions behind closed doors. There's thread after thread where posters have bad vibes about someone. They're not empaths. They're just human.

The people telling you things isn't being an empath either. Some people are oversharers, they don't pick up a special empath vibe from you. They're probably the people who bore colleagues senseless chatting about their bunions over coffee. Or they're the sort of person who thinks fellow humans are therapists for their drama and tend to latch onto people with poor boundaries. That doesn't make someone an empath. It makes them someone with poor boundaries who facilitates oversharing and then complains later that their special powers make life exhausting.

Plenty of people find it exhausting listening to people droning on about stuff they don't care about, or oversharing. It doesn't make us empaths. We're just human beings with appropriate boundaries.

Human beings have empathy for others and have interpersonal skills. It's not a unique talent or burden to carry.

Empathy, having empathetic skills and 'being an empath' are entirely different things though!

Which is the basis of the whole thread.

My DH is almost entrely lacking in empathy, he does compassion and sympathy but doesn't really get empathy at all.

My DF is a narcissist.

I am not all that empoatheitc, though I am compassionate in many ways. And I too have my narcissistic traits.

We all have personality traits.

But that doesn't mean we are some sort of Acme Personality

You only have to look at where the Are You an Empath articles are published to see why so many are gulled by them!

Good grief!

People who are Empaths usually have difficult childhoods. They are highly prone to anxiety, and are likely to struggle with digestive issues. They are often sensitive to the needs of others, but may not feel reciprocated. This often lead to feelings of being misunderstood and rejected, and maybe even feeling that they are ‘not good with people’. Empaths are likely to be more sensitive to the effects of substances, which can make them more prone to addictions, among other reasons

I totally agree that in an unpredictable, chaotic, volatile household any child would need to be hyper alert to sense the emotional temperature so that they can adapt any of their own behaviours in the moment just to survive.

But this is not empathy - it’s an emotional adaptation / response to being under threat from an abusive, neglectful or erratic parent.

These honed / over reactive sensory skills are then brought to adulthood by the traumatised child where they are applied in “normal” emotional environments where the person may misunderstand / over react to the mood and this backfires - as their hyper alert senses may actually be distorted through being incorrectly calibrated to a constant state of suspicion and threat. So they may be assuming zebras every time they hear hooves.

Again it’s not empathy - it’s essentially mis-attuned self protection.

@DeepThinkingGirl

Sssloou

“I’m more “vulnerable” of having my empathy exploited than average in my personal relationships”.

It’s not relative to you. Get over your self centred self.

Hey?