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Original poster

Dd always putting the heating on..

235 replies

HowLuckyAmI · 18/04/2021 23:50

For about 3 months now DD aged 11 turns the heating on randomly when it really is not needed. Mostly she gets up in the middle of the night/early hours to switch it on then goes back to bed which then leaves the flat stuffy.
Ive asked her nicely to stop doing this, if she is cold than she has access to an extra blanket/dressing gown etc which is at the end of her bed. Instead she is turning it on making the whole place ridiculously hot.
I have covered the thermostat so she cant turn the dial but she has learnt how to turn it on direct from the touch pad.
DH has said to her if there isnt a good enough reason for her to do this and it wont stop then there will have to be punishments as she is delibrately ignoring our requests and the gas bill is huge!!
Any suggestions on how to get her to stop doing this?

OP posts:

mrsm43s · 20/04/2021 12:50

@IbrahimaRedTwo

But if they did, they have individual electric blankets, plus we have electric heated throws available. They would be able to use these to manage their heat needs. If you are then going to ask "what about if they share a bed", then we'd buy a dual control electric blanket so that they could independently control the temperature of their own side of the bed

I think you are missing my point. You said that your children (and by extension, all children) should be able to control their own heat and their comfort is as important as the adults. I was pointing out that its not that simple for most people, we don't all have a room for each child, all of which can be individually heated to meet the exact needs of each person.
Your setup is not what most people have, so your kids being able to control it has little to do with OP's issue. I don't actually want to know how many electric blankets you have.

I am missing your point I think, what is it exactly?

Electric blankets are cheap and readily available, so I can't understand at all why someone would leave their child cold overnight rather than supplying one. Nor can I understand why if one child was cold and everyone else warm why the rads in the warm people's rooms couldn't be turned off/down so that the cold person could still be warm, rather than expecting the cold one to suffer. I simply don't understand the approach that says only the parent's temperature preferences matter and the children need to suck it up with no control.

My set up is available to anyone for very low cost and is energy efficient, so will save on the fuel bills on an ongoing basis. It's a fairly standard set up, not a wacky suggestion.

sunshine789 · 20/04/2021 12:50

As many already said - everyone has different sense of cold. And if for you its not cold, it might be for a child.
She doesnt wake up in the middle of the night with alarm clock just to piss you off, its apparently becuse its so cold that she wakes up. So why on earth she cant put the heating on in her room?

Get her electric space heater with timer. It wont be that expensive and wont get too hot in the room.

aSofaNearYou · 20/04/2021 12:51

@mrsm43s just as temperature is subjective and depends on the person in question, so is how easily you wake in the night. It's not a given that she is "properly freezing", she may just be a light sleeper.

A solution has been given to her - put another blanket on. Until she has tried that and is still "freezing", I wouldn't be extremely concerned about her health and about me failing her when it hasn't even bothered her enough for her to try the most obvious solution to being cold.

It's clear you feel strongly about this issue so of course you are going to find this shocking, but to me the lengths to which you have gone to ensure nobody ever has to feel remotely cold in your house are really quite excessive, so I can't really give much credit to your feeling that what is happening here is categorically shocking and heartbreaking. She's just a bit cold. Take her to the doctors by all means, but she isn't being abused.

Viviennemary · 20/04/2021 12:53

A child of 11 should absolutely not be adjusting the heating. Stop her pocket money to go towards the bills.

mrsm43s · 20/04/2021 13:14

Telling a freezing cold child to put an extra blanket on is like telling a starving child to have a glass of water.

Why do we have central heating at all? Surely we could all just wrap up in a big pile of blankets daily if they're the panacea for all coldness!

IbrahimaRedTwo · 20/04/2021 13:17

I am missing your point I think, what is it exactly?

I literally explained it again in the post you quoted. You can see where it says "my point is...". That's a clue to the point.

3Britnee · 20/04/2021 13:30

Mrsm43s The child only has the choice of being too cold to sleep or put the central heating on. It is not reasonable to expect a child to be so cold that she cannot sleep, not allow her to put the heating on (indeed wants to punish her for putting it on) and not provide an alternative heating source for her

She's got multiple blankets and layers to wear.

It's not reasonable to expect to crank the heating up before putting on more layers/blankets if the bill payers have said do not touch the heating.

yikesanotherbooboo · 20/04/2021 13:44

I never have heating on over night and only ever have had in extreme weather where there was a risk of pipes freezing . It's not any sort of stand I am making I just have never thought it necessary even with tiny DC .
If I am cold at night I put a blanket on the bed, get a hot water bottle or wear a long sleeved top under my nightie. I would advise the DC to do the same. In any case I don't think a non bill payer should be altering the heating or hot water without asking permission. This makes me think that there must be more to this than cold. As a pp said, why get out of bed to get colder? All of us recognise the reluctance to get up for the loo or to see a DC in the middle of the night when it is cold.
I don't really know what I would do in your circs apart from saying that DD is not to do it and then looking for a suitable punishment whilst also sorting a hottie and a blanket. It goes without saying that I wouldn't let her be cold.

Babyboomtastic · 20/04/2021 15:13

If it's solely upto the person who pays the bills, does this mean that a SAHP isn't allowed to turn the heating on if they are cold either?

Svalberg · 20/04/2021 15:25

Fuck knows how I survived with no central heating, single glazing and only 1 electricity socket (in parents bedroom) upstairs.

aSofaNearYou · 20/04/2021 15:33

@mrsm43s

Telling a freezing cold child to put an extra blanket on is like telling a starving child to have a glass of water.

Why do we have central heating at all? Surely we could all just wrap up in a big pile of blankets daily if they're the panacea for all coldness!

You're not getting it. I don't think she is freezing cold, certainly not to the extent a starving child is starving. That is the OTT drama I am talking about, and it doesn't do anyone any favours. I think she is somewhat cold, and choosing not to cooperate with fixing the problem, and to be badly behaved instead.

aSofaNearYou · 20/04/2021 15:49

@Babyboomtastic

If it's solely upto the person who pays the bills, does this mean that a SAHP isn't allowed to turn the heating on if they are cold either?

No, but a SAHP should be mature enough to understand their partner saying "the bills are too high, you need to put a jumper on". Which is one of many reasons children need to respect the rules their parents put in place.

minddeter · 20/04/2021 16:45

@IbrahimaRedTwo

I'm pretty fit and healthy and I am still using an electric blanket at the moment. England is freezing at night!

England has a range of temps but nowhere right now is it "freezing". It was almost 10 degree at night in London, for example for the last week. That is nowhere near freezing.

Yes, I wasn't meaning in the literal sense. I'm in the North so it is very cold!

IbrahimaRedTwo · 20/04/2021 16:47

4 degrees at 3am in Manchester last night. It's not that cold.

minddeter · 20/04/2021 16:52

@IbrahimaRedTwo

4 degrees at 3am in Manchester last night. It's not that cold.

I'm not wanting to derail OPs thread (&where I am is colder than Manchester)! But I genuinely am cold at night without my blanket on. There isn't anything wrong with me, but I cannot sleep when I'm cold. I don't think it is right that a child should be expected to. Other factors as well as to weather including how well insulated one's house is,the structure of one's bedroom, the individual all have an effect in things like this. To the contrary, a lot of people with ill health overheat at night, so I find it ironic that some people on this thread think there's something wrong with you if you feel the cold.

3Britnee · 20/04/2021 17:04

But op's child isn't expected to sleep freezing cold. She's been offered several blankets and layers. But she wants to go straight to turning the heating on, making the temperature of the flat to hot for everyone else. Why does her comfort trump everyone else's, when she could make herself comfortable without impacting anyone else by putting more layers on? Especially when the costs have been explained to her and she's been told not to do it.

3Britnee · 20/04/2021 17:04

*too

aSofaNearYou · 20/04/2021 17:18

To the contrary, a lot of people with ill health overheat at night, so I find it ironic that some people on this thread think there's something wrong with you if you feel the cold.

I don't think anyone's saying that, are they? People are just saying there's a difference between being freezing cold, and being a bit colder than you'd like. If nobody else in the house is cold at all then it obviously isn't actually freezing.

As PPs have said, I would absolutely expect her to try wrapping up warmer before just disregarding what her parents have said, and making everybody else uncomfortable. Remember that it is easier to warm up if you are too cold than to cool down if you are too hot.

Twenty2 · 20/04/2021 17:37

@IbrahimaRedTwo

I'm pretty fit and healthy and I am still using an electric blanket at the moment. England is freezing at night!

England has a range of temps but nowhere right now is it "freezing". It was almost 10 degree at night in London, for example for the last week. That is nowhere near freezing.

I'm in NE England and I assure you that even just in the past few days we had 0° and frost overnight.

Babyboomtastic · 20/04/2021 17:48

Why are we making the assumption that everyone else finds it too hot just because there OP does? She's not said, beyond it being cold in the house in the winter (when seemingly she still didn't have the heating on even though she was cold).

I'd be interested to know if the OP is approaching menopausal age, given the dramatic effect that can have on comfortable temperature range.

Also, isn't it odd that the op had answered a lot of questions save for the one asked many times - what temperature is it? If it's 20 degrees in the night, then the daughter is probably being unreasonable (though they still need to understand why) whereas if it's 14 degrees then she really did need to turn the heating on.

aSofaNearYou · 20/04/2021 18:11

Well we don't but we do know her DH is involved too and also wants her to stop. He's definitely not menopausal.

Either way, I got the impression from the OP that the gas bill was the main reason they objected.

BitOfFun · 20/04/2021 18:18

I have only read your posts, @HowLuckyAmI, so apologies if I'm repeating others, but how is she 'getting away with' such blatant disobedience? I've got a feeling that you need to get MUCH angrier with her, so that turning the heating on becomes more unpleasant for her and she will do as she is told.

BitOfFun · 20/04/2021 18:29

I could cry for this poor child that no one is listening to.

[

You mean this cheeky besom who is being openly defiant? Jeebus.

nocoolnamesleft · 20/04/2021 18:49

Poor kid. So cold that it's waking her up every night for 3 months. And getting told off for trying to get warm.

CatCup · 20/04/2021 19:08

Buy her a heated blanket.

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