Dd always putting the heating on..

[HowLuckyAmI]

For about 3 months now DD aged 11 turns the heating on randomly when it really is not needed. Mostly she gets up in the middle of the night/early hours to switch it on then goes back to bed which then leaves the flat stuffy.
Ive asked her nicely to stop doing this, if she is cold than she has access to an extra blanket/dressing gown etc which is at the end of her bed. Instead she is turning it on making the whole place ridiculously hot.
I have covered the thermostat so she cant turn the dial but she has learnt how to turn it on direct from the touch pad.
DH has said to her if there isnt a good enough reason for her to do this and it wont stop then there will have to be punishments as she is delibrately ignoring our requests and the gas bill is huge!!
Any suggestions on how to get her to stop doing this?

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

We don't actually know if she's really cold and dressed appropriately or saying she's cold and automatically turning the heating on.

Yes I would "sell" kids belongings if they had been told not to do something and they kept doing it. I'd have a discussion first and make sure there wasn't a reason they were really cold eg medical. But after that I totally would.

I can't think of any other reason for a 11 year old to wake up in the night to put the heating on than because she is cold.

Why do you think she is waking up to put the heating on, if you dispute the fact she is cold? For shits and giggles, she forces herself awake in the middle of the night and creeps out to put the heating on to what end exactly, if she's not cold?

She saying she's cold, and acting like she's extremely cold. Why on earth are you doubting that she's cold?

And yet still you think its reasonable to forbid a cold child to put the heating on, and punish her if she does. I assume that instead you expect her to lay awake in bed shivering too cold to sleep. And then go to school the following day on insufficient sleep.

Can you really not see how horribly unkind this is? Is abusive tbh.

I can see why some people grow up to unkind, when their parents model such unkind behaviour to them.

I'm glad my children are growing up in a home where their mental and physical wellbeing are prioritised, and we never treat them with some blatent, dismissive unkindness. If they are cold, we make sure they have heat, if they are hungry, we make sure they have food. We would never punish them for wanting to have their basic needs met.

I know she's cold, OP said that. But is she cold because she isn't wearing pyjamas/socks/slippers and extra blankets? They should be used first before the heating is turned on.

If she is genuinely so cold she needs the heating on after pyjamas, blankets etc I'd get her checked medically too.

@Kitfish

If she's cold, why can't she put the heating on? Why should your wants trump hers? YABU wanting to punish her for this.

😂😂😂😂

Because she doesn't have to find the money for the bill's maybe?

If she's cold she should put another blanket on the bed.

I've heard it all now. Children to have free reign over the thermostat! 😂

@Kitfish

If she's cold, why can't she put the heating on? Why should your wants trump hers? YABU wanting to punish her for this.

Er, because OP pays the bills? Of course adults get the final say in what happens in their household over the children.

If the child is cold and OP can't afford to have the heating on more often then it's extra layers of clothing and blankets.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

I know she's cold, OP said that. But is she cold because she isn't wearing pyjamas/socks/slippers and extra blankets? They should be used first before the heating is turned on.

If she is genuinely so cold she needs the heating on after pyjamas, blankets etc I'd get her checked medically too.

She is cold enough to feel she needs the heating on. That would be enough for me. As many people have explained on this thread, pyjamas/socks/slippers (in bed, really?), blankets are not enough to warm someone up who has woken up freezing, because you have no body heat with which to heat them. If she has these items and is not using them, it is because they do not work for her.

She needs to be warm enough to not wake up at night. Currently putting the heating on is how she can manage that. She should not be punished for that.

I think an electric blanket is probably a better solution. But until then, she needs to be allowed to have the heating on, because allowing a 11 year old child to wake every night, freezing, is neglectful and unkind.

She does not deserve to be punished for meeting her basic needs. It is uncaring and unkind for anyone to suggest that she should.

Some of you clearly don't know what it's like to struggle to pay basic bills.

If you can't get warm with socks, slippers, blankets, pyjamas, dressing gowns etc then you need medical investigations. People camp in literally frozen conditions without heating and body heat is enough.

If she has these items and isn't using them, she needs to at least try first. She should go to bed with them on so she doesn't get cold in the first place.

Having the heating on overnight is not a basic need. Refusing it is not neglectful. Cop yourself on.

Having the heating on overnight is not a basic need.

This.

Please can people stop suggesting that a cold child should be punished for putting the heating on. It's barbaric!

IT is not. I have one child who always wants the heat on, he likes to be roasting. Should the other six people in the house die of overheating to keep him happy? IS it barbaric to tell him to put a bloody jumper on? Of course not.

Someone wanting more heat does not mean the house is actually cold.

@MiddleParking

Having the heating on overnight is not a basic need. Refusing it is not neglectful. Cop yourself on.

This. And using words like "barbaric", never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.

@mrsm43s if they can't afford to have the heating on every night, that's that. An 11 year old doesn't get to dictate the bills.

There would already have been consequences from me given you have specifically asked her not to do it. What are you waiting for?

Like others said get to the bottom of it. If she feels the cold think of ways you can help her feel warmer. Warmer PJs etc. Maybe if she is sensible enough a electric over blanket, they are very cheap to run.

@IbrahimaRedTwo

Please can people stop suggesting that a cold child should be punished for putting the heating on. It's barbaric!

IT is not. I have one child who always wants the heat on, he likes to be roasting. Should the other six people in the house die of overheating to keep him happy? IS it barbaric to tell him to put a bloody jumper on? Of course not.

Someone wanting more heat does not mean the house is actually cold.

The heating could be turned right down but she could turn her radiator up surely? .........

26ritnee:
Because she doesn't have to find the money for the bill's maybe?
....
The bill's what?

The bill's what?

Cringe.

Bill's auto correct 🙄

The heating could be turned right down but she could turn her radiator up surely?

Or she could just wear warmer pyjamas, and have another blanket.

Heating isn't necessary in the middle of the night.

@4amWitchingHour

She gets £10 pocket money a week and the gas bill has gone up by £40 a month. Perfect - tell her you can no longer afford her pocket money as she keeps turning the heating on. Losing the whole lot for a month might be the short sharp shock she needs to stop doing it.

agree. that's a lot of pocket money anyway. maybe reduce it to 5 pound only payable upon completing chores. help her build a more responsible attitude. good luck.

*I have one child who always wants the heat on, he likes to be roasting. Should the other six people in the house die of overheating to keep him happy? IS it barbaric to tell him to put a bloody jumper on? Of course not.

Someone wanting more heat does not mean the house is actually cold.*

This.

And actually she's been pretty badly behaved here. She's deliberately ignored both parents telling her to stop and also gone out of her way to find a way around one obstacle to do so.

If it was genuinely freezing in there (which there's no reason to believe) she could have woken you up to tell you she was too cold rather than disobey something you've told her multiple times. And that's after the more obvious solutions of putting a jumper/another blanket on.

I really don't understand why you wouldn't give consequences at this point.

@ChrissyPlummer The heat needs to be there in the first place. mammals are warm blooded. Unless you are dead the heat is most definitely there in the first place. I guess if it was absolutely freezing then you might need to heat the bed with a hot water bottle, but the idea you have to heat an entire house because someone can’t be arsed to get an extra blanket or put on a vest is ridiculous. No wonder the world is so spent if you honestly think that’s a good use of resources.

If she’s cold there are other solutions to whack on the central heating and she has been asked not to.

Oh please the OP is hardly making her sleep outdoors with nothing but a sheet to keep warm.

I much prefer the warmth and if it were down to me the house would be balmy at all times. But life doesn’t work like that - cold or not, no-one can arbitrarily decide to increase the bills by a significant amount unless they pay for it. We have a dreamland electric blanket on all our beds so that if it is a bit nippy you can have a boost of heat and then switch it to a timer. Much much cheaper than heating the whole house unnecessarily.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

Having the heating on overnight is not a basic need.

This.

It is when the child is so cold that she is unable to sleep, and the parents are not offering any other reasonable solutions, such as electric blanket or portable heater.

She is TOO COLD TO SLEEP. So cold that it wakes her up in the night. How can any parent think that is OK?

And no, an extra blanket won't cut it if she is that cold. Have none of you ever had sleepless nights when camping, when no amount of blankets will warm you up, and you just can't sleep? If you are so cold that you are waking in the night, then a blanket or a pair of socks is not going to be enough to warm you through.

Ensuring your child is warm enough to function is a basic requirement. This child is not warm enough to function. Her basic needs are not being met.

(Personally by now I almost certainly would have made other provisions e.g an electric blanket, and also taken her to the Dr for a check up - at 11 anaemia might well be an issue if she's recently started her periods -but the one thing that wouldn't cross my mind would be punishing her for being cold and needing the heating on overnight.)

I hate heating on at night, I sleep dreadfully and end up with dry eyes and a sore throat. I dread staying at my mum's because she has heating on 24/7. It's not about being cheap, it's bring wasteful and I don't like it! I don't think you are unreasonable at all.

If that happens when camping you wear more clothes/foil blankets etc the next night to ensure that you stay warm.

WE DON'T KNOW WHY SHE IS SO COLD. SHE MAY BE WEARING NOTHING AND USING A THIN DUVET. Other options should be explored first before heating. Dd needs to be punished if she's ignoring parents and turning it on.