Dd always putting the heating on..

[HowLuckyAmI]

For about 3 months now DD aged 11 turns the heating on randomly when it really is not needed. Mostly she gets up in the middle of the night/early hours to switch it on then goes back to bed which then leaves the flat stuffy.
Ive asked her nicely to stop doing this, if she is cold than she has access to an extra blanket/dressing gown etc which is at the end of her bed. Instead she is turning it on making the whole place ridiculously hot.
I have covered the thermostat so she cant turn the dial but she has learnt how to turn it on direct from the touch pad.
DH has said to her if there isnt a good enough reason for her to do this and it wont stop then there will have to be punishments as she is delibrately ignoring our requests and the gas bill is huge!!
Any suggestions on how to get her to stop doing this?

She's being punished for constantly ignoring parental requests to leave the heating off.

The heating could be turned right down but she could turn her radiator up surely?

I don't think you understand how central heating works. If the heating is off turning a radiator up will do nothing. If the heating is on low, turning a radiator will do nothing if the thermostat is lower than the ambient temperature. If the heating is on sufficiently to cause the boiler to fire up then it'll be costing extra money.

The coldest part of the night is 2-3am, could you change the timer to put the heat on for 20-30 mins? I know it varies on different boilers.

How tall is she?

I ask this because I have been known to go to sleep curled up and then stretch out and suddenly my feet are on cold sheet and that wakes me up.

There are lots of options if she is cold, sleeping in joggers instead of pajamas, keeping socks on, as has already been mentioned a heated throw or pad.

Or an old fashioned hot water bottle.

@Babyboomtastic

I find it quite sad and a little uncomfortable tbh that your first thoughts are about punishment, not dealing with her being cold, or concern at why she feels like this, or concern that she's having her sleep impacted (which will make her tired for school).

At 11 I knew where the spare blankets were kept and knew how to make a hot water bottle if I was finding the nights cold. No need to turn on the heating at all.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

If that happens when camping you wear more clothes/foil blankets etc the next night to ensure that you stay warm.

WE DON'T KNOW WHY SHE IS SO COLD. SHE MAY BE WEARING NOTHING AND USING A THIN DUVET. Other options should be explored first before heating. Dd needs to be punished if she's ignoring parents and turning it on.

Sorry but more clothes/foil blanket doesn't work (seasoned camper). The best thing is (expensive) 4 season sleeping bags, and even then, I cannot tolerate very low temperatures. As a result, I won't camp below a comfortable temperature, because no many how blankets/clothes etc I cannot sleep if it is too cold. They are not sufficient for a coldness that is so severe that it wakes you from your sleep.

In any case is surely up to the parent of this child to ensure that the duvet that they provide is warm enough, and the pyjamas they provide are warm enough and worn. Somehow I don't imagine the child is sleeping naked without a duvet and wandering around the house at night putting the heating on. It's a very big assumption that this would be the case.

The difference between so cold that it wakes you in the night and you cannot get back to sleep and warm enough is not a blanket or a pair of socks.

Why on earth is the parent not taking responsibility for providing her with an electric blanket or a portable heater if they don't want the heating on.

OP has not offered any reasonable solution. She focuses on the heating bill, but seems to have no care for the wellbeing of her child.

Again, I cannot imagine even considering punishing my child for being cold. I would personally be horrified that I'd allowed them to be cold, and would be apologising and finding an acceptable solution as a matter of urgency (along with a checkup at the GPs if I felt it necessary).

It sounds like she's turning the heating on because she's so cold she wakes up, not because she's deliberately trying to defy you. It also sounds like you think being a little bit cold is an acceptable state of matters (given the cost of heating) whereas as a child, she doesn't have to worry about the bills.

If you're truly freezing, an extra blanket or dressing gown won't help. A hot water bottle or electric blanket will make a difference, and they're cheaper than running the central heating at full blast.

If you're really struggling with the bills, the cheapest way to keep someone warm is to share body heat - you could hop into bed with her. When I was her age, if we didn't have the heating on and it was cold, I would snuggle up with my mum. There comes a point when you would just rather be cold than share bed space with a relative, but I'm not sure she's there yet?

@HowLuckyAmI please think about if there are any reasons for her being cold. I didn't spot my, now 12yo son was always cold (apart from when he was running about). He just seemed to wear his hoodie/gilet a lot.

It was only after 12-18 months of having stopped growing height wise, but put on a bit of weight that we stopped and took him to the GP. He has an underactive thyroid. His feeling cold (unless active) was his new normal.

I remember the coldness before I was diagnosed. It felt it most at night. It was when I told the GP I had 8 fleece blankets plus thermal socks on every night that he took it seriously for me.

Please work out if there are any other symptoms.

It is not normal to be cold. Certainly not normal for an 11 year old to turn on the heating every night.

Underactive thryoid may be it. But also while in the daytime it's a pleasant temperature, it has been -1 in the UK overnight recently, I've been sleeping in my pjs, thick duvet and a jumper and having the heating on more than usual, and I have a lot more fat than the average 11 year old.

*Ive asked her nicely to stop doing this

I have covered the thermostat so she cant turn the dial but she has learnt how to turn it on direct from the touch pad.*

It does sound like she’s deliberately trying to defy OP. Having the heating on in the night every night is not a viable solution to her being cold for whatever reason. There’s no reason to assume that OP isn’t also parenting her properly and offering her other options/finding out if she’s feeling ok - they’re two separate issues.

Get her one of those microwaveable hot water bottles and tell her to heat that up is she is cold. It's not reasonable she should be spending money you can't afford.

It really doesn't get that cold in the UK in an insulated house that has had heating on during the day.

I would advise your daughter to wake you up every time she is woken by the cold. Then you might do something about it.

It doesn't need to be freezing cold not to be able to sleep comfortably/well.

You can get electric throws as well as old fashioned under blankets. They have timers too!

@5zeds as far as I can tell I’m still alive! I DO happen to think that a good use of resources is to heat somewhere if someone is cold. As I said, I was fucking miserable in the house I lived in. I remember being sat in PJs, onesie, dressing gown with a hot water bottle and I still didn’t feel warm as the temperature in the room would have been below 10. The heating by that point would have been off for almost 10 hours. I used to spend most of my time when I wasn’t at work out somewhere as I was so uncomfortable. It was such a relief to love to a flat share with a friend.

@MiddleParking

*Ive asked her nicely to stop doing this

I have covered the thermostat so she cant turn the dial but she has learnt how to turn it on direct from the touch pad.*

It does sound like she’s deliberately trying to defy OP. Having the heating on in the night every night is not a viable solution to her being cold for whatever reason. There’s no reason to assume that OP isn’t also parenting her properly and offering her other options/finding out if she’s feeling ok - they’re two separate issues.

See I don't read that as "deliberately trying to defy OP", I read it as desperately needing some heat.

OP may have provided her with an electric blanket/portable heater, but I think that's unlikely, since she's not mentioned that and has mentioned her suggestion of an extra blanket/dressing gown. She may also have taken her to the GP for a check up, but it would be very relevant information to have missed out.

For whatever reason, this poor child is freezing, and OP doesn't seem to be doing anything to help her, and instead wants to punish her (and expects her to stay cold every night). This makes me so sad :( It's about £20 for a single underblanket. What parent leaves her child freezing every night for the sake of a one off payment of £20 and a few pence of electricity.

It is incredibly unusual for a house in the UK to be freezing a la camping temperature in the middle of the night. I don't heat our house much, and it's detached but it barely goes below 12. A flat (usually better insulated by surrounding properties) would likely be warmer. If OP never had the heating on then the place may get cold but this doesn't sound like that. Why should OP and partner be uncomfortable?

The DD may be wearing thin pj's, no socks and one duvet. My first suggestion would be more clothes. If she's warm enough when going to bed and wears enough clothes she should stay warm. She's not outside, she's in a house that gets heated during the day.

The wording of the OP implies defiance towards OPs request rather than being wrapped up lots and still cold.

Seasoned camper too, 4 season sleeping bag, 2 wool blankets and a foil work well for me.

My 12YO has been doing this and has been read the riot act.

She walks around the house in vest tops and shorts whining that she’s cold She has plenty of warm pyjamas/“lounge wear” along with dressing gowns, an Oodie, and a heavy tog duvet in her bedroom.

My gas bills were over £300 per month in Jan/Feb, it’s a bog standard terrace with a shit EPC rating and winter lockdown meant the heating had to be on as we were all home all day.

It is now April. So no, I won’t allow my 12YO to stick the heating on whenever the fuck she wants so she can prance around in vests and shorts.

Some of these responses are really harsh!

The child is COLD. Everyone feels heat/cold differently, just because the temperature is ok for one person doesn't mean it's ok for the next.

All these comments about her being 'disobedient' are very unpleasant. A child is entitled to be warm in their own home!

We have the opposite problem at the moment - my dd is ASD and finds it hard to regulate her body temperature. She finds heat unbearable and hates the house warm in the mornings while she's rushing round getting ready for school, it makes her feel ill. So every night I turn the thermostat right down so the heating doesn't kick in. It's been a bit chilly but I'd rather that than my child feel uncomfortable. I turn the heating up when she's left for school.

OP, I presume you have shopped around for your energy provision to get the cheapest deal?

Getting a radiator for her room is a great idea. We've got a couple of electric ones, they make things really toasty.

@3Britnee nobody is saying a child should control the central heating but conversely a child shouldn't feel cold. I'd hate for my child to look back on their childhood and remember a cold house.

I don't heat our house much, and it's detached but it barely goes below 12

12! The recommended bedroom temperature is 16-19C for sleeping.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

It is incredibly unusual for a house in the UK to be freezing a la camping temperature in the middle of the night. I don't heat our house much, and it's detached but it barely goes below 12. A flat (usually better insulated by surrounding properties) would likely be warmer. If OP never had the heating on then the place may get cold but this doesn't sound like that. Why should OP and partner be uncomfortable?

The DD may be wearing thin pj's, no socks and one duvet. My first suggestion would be more clothes. If she's warm enough when going to bed and wears enough clothes she should stay warm. She's not outside, she's in a house that gets heated during the day.

The wording of the OP implies defiance towards OPs request rather than being wrapped up lots and still cold.

Seasoned camper too, 4 season sleeping bag, 2 wool blankets and a foil work well for me.

I agree that it won't be anything like as cold as camping. But it's fairly bloody obvious that this child is cold, and she doesn't deserve to be punished for it. It is possible that the OP is not providing the child with suitable duvet/PJs etc, but again, the child does not deserve to be punished to that. One duvet, PJs and no socks is perfectly appropriate sleep wear, as long as the duvet provided is of good quality and an appropriate tog rating (parent's responsibility).

I would be taking my child to the doctors for a check up, and providing alternative (cheaper) heat sources such as an electric blanket or a portable heater if I did not want the heating on.

I would be concerned and looking for solutions. I would not be punishing my child.

Why am i being called Neglectful ?? I have asked for suggestions on how else to keep her warm rather than putting the heating on. I have had some great suggestions here so will look into them tonight and buy what she needs.
There has not been one night in the 3 months that she has not turned it on so has not been suffering and being abused like some replies have suggested instead she is nice and warm in the morning and the rest of us are boiling.

She has been so cold in the night that it has woken her every night for 3 months?! That's going to be crap for her concentration at school.

@HowLuckyAmI

Why am i being called Neglectful ?? I have asked for suggestions on how else to keep her warm rather than putting the heating on. I have had some great suggestions here so will look into them tonight and buy what she needs. There has not been one night in the 3 months that she has not turned it on so has not been suffering and being abused like some replies have suggested instead she is nice and warm in the morning and the rest of us are boiling.

Well, I'm relieved, as earlier on you were talking about punishing her, and there was a big pile on of posters in agreement. That would be totally inappropriate, as would expecting her to just suck up being cold.

She needs a visit to the doctors (thyroid and iron levels would be the obvious things to check), plus a reliable alternative heat source- personally I'd recommend an electric underblanket.

@3Britnee nobody is saying a child should control the central heating but conversely a child shouldn't feel cold. I'd hate for my child to look back on their childhood and remember a cold house.

Its not a freezing cold house from the 60's with ice on the inside of the windows. It's a flat, so warmer anyway, with heating on during the day.

Presumably the op's thermostat is set to kick in at a reasonable temperature.

And the dd has extra blankets and a dressing gown she can put on if she's that cold.

She's hardly being abused. If op couldn't afford food because of the heating bill, what then? It's better to feed her and tell her to put more layers on than it is to keep the flat heated ridiculously 24hrs a day 🙄