Dd always putting the heating on..

[HowLuckyAmI]

For about 3 months now DD aged 11 turns the heating on randomly when it really is not needed. Mostly she gets up in the middle of the night/early hours to switch it on then goes back to bed which then leaves the flat stuffy.
Ive asked her nicely to stop doing this, if she is cold than she has access to an extra blanket/dressing gown etc which is at the end of her bed. Instead she is turning it on making the whole place ridiculously hot.
I have covered the thermostat so she cant turn the dial but she has learnt how to turn it on direct from the touch pad.
DH has said to her if there isnt a good enough reason for her to do this and it wont stop then there will have to be punishments as she is delibrately ignoring our requests and the gas bill is huge!!
Any suggestions on how to get her to stop doing this?

My dd had a 16.5 tog duvet. That stopped her moaning about being cold.

I’d boil alive in it myself

@ufucoffee

Asked her nicely? I'd be furious when she's been told not to do it. She's 11 and capable of putting on an extra blanket or socks if she's cold. I assume that the people who've said that the warmth and comfort of their children is the most important thing ever will be happy with the children having full control of the central heating if that's what they fancy doing.

Yes my children can switch the central heating on whenever they like if they are cold. Why on earth not? Their comfort is not less important than mine or DH's, just because they are children.

As it happens, the house is generally adequately heated with the heating on a timer and the thermostat set to a comfortable temperature, and they have their own electric underblankets for overnight (as do we) when the heating is off, so it's very rare for them to put the heating on. But if they feel cold, then absolutely they would put the heating on. As would DH or I. In this house, no one would dream of punishing anyone for putting the heating on because they are cold. I find it sad that there are any households where cold children are not allowed to put the heating on.

Yes my children can switch the central heating on whenever they like if they are cold. Why on earth not? Their comfort is not less important than mine or DH's, just because they are children. As it happens, the house is generally adequately heated with the heating on a timer and the thermostat set to a comfortable temperature, and they have their own electric underblankets for overnight (as do we) when the heating is off, so it's very rare for them to put the heating on. But if they feel cold, then absolutely they would put the heating on. As would DH or I. In this house, no one would dream of punishing anyone for putting the heating on because they are cold. I find it sad that there are any households where cold children are not allowed to put the heating on.

Well largely because what is the "correct" heat is not a universal truth and varies massively from person to person. I run hot, I can't sleep with the heating on beyond a tiny bit. It's not for one person to unilaterally decide, it's a discussion and a compromise. And especially when that person is a child and does not necessarily know what is best for the whole family, and why she is being asked not to do it.

Definitely get any health issues rules out. Just because the rest of the family isn’t cold, doesn’t mean she isn’t. I always run colder than my family - once I’m cold I feel chilled to the bones, likely due to a couple of health issues I have.

I second the recommendations for an electric blanket - they cost pennies to run.

@aSofaNearYou

Yes my children can switch the central heating on whenever they like if they are cold. Why on earth not? Their comfort is not less important than mine or DH's, just because they are children. As it happens, the house is generally adequately heated with the heating on a timer and the thermostat set to a comfortable temperature, and they have their own electric underblankets for overnight (as do we) when the heating is off, so it's very rare for them to put the heating on. But if they feel cold, then absolutely they would put the heating on. As would DH or I. In this house, no one would dream of punishing anyone for putting the heating on because they are cold. I find it sad that there are any households where cold children are not allowed to put the heating on.

Well largely because what is the "correct" heat is not a universal truth and varies massively from person to person. I run hot, I can't sleep with the heating on beyond a tiny bit. It's not for one person to unilaterally decide, it's a discussion and a compromise. And especially when that person is a child and does not necessarily know what is best for the whole family, and why she is being asked not to do it.

I agree that everyone has their own preferences regarding heat.

In this scenario, this child is very cold to the point of it waking her, and despite this continuing for 3 months, the parents have neglected to provide their cold child with an alternative heat source like an electric blanket or a portable heater. The child only has the choice of being too cold to sleep or put the central heating on. It is not reasonable to expect a child to be so cold that she cannot sleep, not allow her to put the heating on (indeed wants to punish her for putting it on) and not provide an alternative heating source for her to use. Even if it is a case that the parents are too warm when the heating is on - they are prioritising their own comforts over their child's.

The child needs to be warm, and needs to be provided with heat sources that she can control that allow her to be so. If the parents prefer the heating off, then they need to provide an electric blanket or a portable heater so that the child can be warm. She should not have to have freezing cold, sleepless nights because her parents prefer it cooler than she can tolerate.

I agree that everyone has their own preferences regarding heat. In this scenario, this child is very cold to the point of it waking her, and despite this continuing for 3 months, the parents have neglected to provide their cold child with an alternative heat source like an electric blanket or a portable heater. The child only has the choice of being too cold to sleep or put the central heating on. It is not reasonable to expect a child to be so cold that she cannot sleep, not allow her to put the heating on (indeed wants to punish her for putting it on) and not provide an alternative heating source for her to use. Even if it is a case that the parents are too warm when the heating is on - they are prioritising their own comforts over their child's. The child needs to be warm, and needs to be provided with heat sources that she can control that allow her to be so. If the parents prefer the heating off, then they need to provide an electric blanket or a portable heater so that the child can be warm. She should not have to have freezing cold, sleepless nights because her parents prefer it cooler than she can tolerate.

Last night I couldn't sleep because the house was too hot, others wouldn't have felt hot at all. I guess what I'm saying is that people can be very sensitive to heat or cold without there being an actual problem with the heat level. Additionally, they might all be cold, but still not be able to afford the heating bill. That is equally valid and sometimes we just have to suck it up.

I agree that an electric blanket is a good idea, but I don't find the fact that it's taken three months to get to that point, with extra blankets and dressing gowns suggested in the meantime, shocking. Electric blankets haven't always been a thing and people coped just fine even if the temperature wasn't exactly how they like it. Extra blankets/putting more clothes on ARE an alternative heating source, whether people think they're good enough or not.

I would be in favour of punishing her, sorry to say. She would definitely get a telling off. She doesn't have "no choice" but to put the heating on, she could put more clothes on or wake her parents up to tell them she is too cold and ask them for another solution. She does not have to go against what they have directly told her not to do, having explained the reasons why, and simply shrugging her shoulders when asked why she did it is really rude. If she cared about her parents rules and simply couldn't cope with the cold, then that's what she should have said to her mother when asked, knowing full well she had gone against her express wishes. She has been naughty here, and I think people that also feel the cold badly are ignoring that.

Yes my children can switch the central heating on whenever they like if they are cold. Why on earth not? Their comfort is not less important than mine or DH's, just because they are children

What if one likes the house like a sauna and ones like a cool room? And they share a bedroom? Do you just let them battle it out and keep turning it up and down in an endless loop?
Don't pretend you wouldn't have rules too.

@aSofaNearYou

I agree that everyone has their own preferences regarding heat. In this scenario, this child is very cold to the point of it waking her, and despite this continuing for 3 months, the parents have neglected to provide their cold child with an alternative heat source like an electric blanket or a portable heater. The child only has the choice of being too cold to sleep or put the central heating on. It is not reasonable to expect a child to be so cold that she cannot sleep, not allow her to put the heating on (indeed wants to punish her for putting it on) and not provide an alternative heating source for her to use. Even if it is a case that the parents are too warm when the heating is on - they are prioritising their own comforts over their child's. The child needs to be warm, and needs to be provided with heat sources that she can control that allow her to be so. If the parents prefer the heating off, then they need to provide an electric blanket or a portable heater so that the child can be warm. She should not have to have freezing cold, sleepless nights because her parents prefer it cooler than she can tolerate.

Last night I couldn't sleep because the house was too hot, others wouldn't have felt hot at all. I guess what I'm saying is that people can be very sensitive to heat or cold without there being an actual problem with the heat level. Additionally, they might all be cold, but still not be able to afford the heating bill. That is equally valid and sometimes we just have to suck it up.

I agree that an electric blanket is a good idea, but I don't find the fact that it's taken three months to get to that point, with extra blankets and dressing gowns suggested in the meantime, shocking. Electric blankets haven't always been a thing and people coped just fine even if the temperature wasn't exactly how they like it. Extra blankets/putting more clothes on ARE an alternative heating source, whether people think they're good enough or not.

I would be in favour of punishing her, sorry to say. She would definitely get a telling off. She doesn't have "no choice" but to put the heating on, she could put more clothes on or wake her parents up to tell them she is too cold and ask them for another solution. She does not have to go against what they have directly told her not to do, having explained the reasons why, and simply shrugging her shoulders when asked why she did it is really rude. If she cared about her parents rules and simply couldn't cope with the cold, then that's what she should have said to her mother when asked, knowing full well she had gone against her express wishes. She has been naughty here, and I think people that also feel the cold badly are ignoring that.

But she's had conversations for 3 months with her parents, and all they have told her is not to put the heating on. Why on earth would she wake them in the night to be told to suck it up and not put the heating on - again? No doubt she'd be punished for waking them too. Extra blankets or "put on your dressing gown" are not enough when you are so cold that it has woken you in the night. For three long months no one has listened to her and no one has offered her any reasonable solution, she has repeatedly told them she is too cold. This child is being punished for being left to be too cold to sleep without any reasonable alternatives offered. I would not leave my child so cold that she was waking up every night for 3 months before I found a solution to her coldness and had her checked out at the doctor. Why is this child being dismissed when she is clearly telling them what she needs? How long is it reasonable to leave a child freezing cold and unable to sleep overnight before you do something about it? I would be seriously concerned if my child had disturbed sleep for 3 months! She needs to be warm and she needs to be able to sleep the whole night through. She is not naughty for wanting that basic need to be met. I could cry for this poor child that no one is listening to.

Sleep Uk say the optimum temperature for sleeping is 16-18c and the room should not drop below 12. I personally have my thermostat set for 20 degrees in the day and 16degrees at night. It's been really warm these last few days and so I've had my bedroom window open. I would feel ill if the house was too hot at night.

A couple of things (other than getting her checked by the doctor) is location of thermostats. I found that if our room stat was in the dining room thats a really warm room with no external walls and the north facing upstairs bedrooms became really cold because it was 21 degrees in the dining room and 18 degrees in those rooms. Moving the thermostat to the hall sorted that out.

In our old house the room stat was mounted on a wall above a lamp and the warmth from the bulb clicked the stat off.

16-18 is freezing for some people.
Mine is 22 at night and even then I have layers and fleece to keep warm.

Mine is 22 at night and even then I have layers and fleece to keep warm

Then you should seek medical attention.

@IbrahimaRedTwo

Yes my children can switch the central heating on whenever they like if they are cold. Why on earth not? Their comfort is not less important than mine or DH's, just because they are children

What if one likes the house like a sauna and ones like a cool room? And they share a bedroom? Do you just let them battle it out and keep turning it up and down in an endless loop?
Don't pretend you wouldn't have rules too.

Yes, we have various heat sources that everyone in the house is able to control. All rads have TRVs, so if you are too hot and someone else is too cold then you turn the rad in your room down (or off and open your window). Children have electric underblankets overnight which they can control, and we have a couple of heated throws in the cupboard if needed. I have a portable heater in the study (because its the coldest room, with a tiny rad), and we have electric fires (as well as CH) in all of the reception rooms. Not everyone's heat needs are the same, but we all manage to stay at a comfortable temperature.

The "rule" if you would call it that is that you are able to adjust the temperature in the room you are in so that you are comfortable. If you are not comfortable then use one of the options supplied to raise or lower the temperature as needed to ensure your comfort. It's that simple. No one dictates anyone else's comfort, because everyone has the ability to adjust the temperature in their room to their liking.

The "rule" if you would call it that is that you are able to adjust the temperature in the room you are in so that you are comfortable. If you are not comfortable then use one of the options supplied to raise or lower the temperature as needed to ensure your comfort. It's that simple. No one dictates anyone else's comfort, because everyone has the ability to adjust the temperature in their room to their liking

I asked what if they shared a bedroom and one liked it hot at night and one liked it cool. Your answer does not address that.

@mrsm43s

We are the same. Each room is individually controlled. Our children are too young to exert a preference yet, but even still, it's obvious they operate at different comfort temperatures and their thermostats are different because of that. One has it set at 17 overnight, one at 18 and I have it at 20.

It's an expensive set up initially though, so probably not viable for the OP, but electric blankets and heaters would allow the same customisation for cheaper.

I'm pretty fit and healthy and I am still using an electric blanket at the moment. England is freezing at night!
It isn't nice as a child to have it implied that something is wrong with you because nobody else is cold and you are. I used to smother myself in petroleum jelly (not recommended)!

@mrsm43s holy shit! what an enormous waste of the worlds resources. You must need your own reactor to power that lot. Have you never considered a vest or some socks?

@IbrahimaRedTwo

Mine is 22 at night and even then I have layers and fleece to keep warm

Then you should seek medical attention.

I agree, you need to get checked out if you are that cold at night.

I'm pretty fit and healthy and I am still using an electric blanket at the moment. England is freezing at night!

England has a range of temps but nowhere right now is it "freezing". It was almost 10 degree at night in London, for example for the last week. That is nowhere near freezing.

@IbrahimaRedTwo

The "rule" if you would call it that is that you are able to adjust the temperature in the room you are in so that you are comfortable. If you are not comfortable then use one of the options supplied to raise or lower the temperature as needed to ensure your comfort. It's that simple. No one dictates anyone else's comfort, because everyone has the ability to adjust the temperature in their room to their liking

I asked what if they shared a bedroom and one liked it hot at night and one liked it cool. Your answer does not address that.

They don't share a bedroom. But if they did, they have individual electric blankets, plus we have electric heated throws available. They would be able to use these to manage their heat needs. If you are then going to ask "what about if they share a bed", then we'd buy a dual control electric blanket so that they could independently control the temperature of their own side of the bed. HTH.

[quote 5zeds]@mrsm43s holy shit! what an enormous waste of the worlds resources. You must need your own reactor to power that lot. Have you never considered a vest or some socks?[/quote]
?

No? We don't have high energy usage. We actually have the central heating set to 18 during the day during the winter and off overnight as standard, and people use low energy personal solutions for extra heat most of the time (e.g. electric blankets/throws). TRVs (which are energy saving) are used to lower temperature in individual rooms if it is too hot or when rooms not being used. Much more energy efficient than all rads blasting out full pelt with no controls.

The whole point is that no energy is wasted because each person is able to control their own energy needs, and heats to the temperature each individual requires and no more. No wasted energy, only needed energy usage.

One person does not control the heat level for all, we each have the ability to manage our own comfort, therefore no energy is wasted.

Total fuel bills for our (old) 5 bed property with 2 adults wfh and 2 teens is £70 per month, so I don't think on the high side.

@mrsm34 putting an extra blanket or extra clothes on IS a solution, and the most obvious one at that. She is choosing not to do so and to go straight to the heating. She is not as hard done by as you are acting like she is, she has options she is not using. By the sound of things, she just doesn't care that her parents have asked her not to put the heating on and doesn't have any appreciation of what it costs. Understandable at her age, but doesn't need pandering to and should be addressed with her.
I would buy her an electric blanket if the problem persisted after trying the more obvious solutions of dressing more warmly, but I would expect her to try that first. I don't consider it negligent parenting, she isn't meeting them half way and taking any responsibility.

I have to say I think crying for her when she hasn't even tried putting another blanket on, alongside the set up you've listed having yourself as if anything else is inhumane and people are going to die of hypothermia, is quite dramatic.

But if they did, they have individual electric blankets, plus we have electric heated throws available. They would be able to use these to manage their heat needs. If you are then going to ask "what about if they share a bed", then we'd buy a dual control electric blanket so that they could independently control the temperature of their own side of the bed

I think you are missing my point. You said that your children (and by extension, all children) should be able to control their own heat and their comfort is as important as the adults. I was pointing out that its not that simple for most people, we don't all have a room for each child, all of which can be individually heated to meet the exact needs of each person.
Your setup is not what most people have, so your kids being able to control it has little to do with OP's issue. I don't actually want to know how many electric blankets you have.

You say it has been happening over the last three months; what has she been like in previous years, or have you moved since last winter?

Buy her an electric blanket, much cheaper to run. Also discuss the impact on bills and the environment and other people's sleep) to reinforce the reasons to keep the thermostat lower at night.

[quote aSofaNearYou]@mrsm34 putting an extra blanket or extra clothes on IS a solution, and the most obvious one at that. She is choosing not to do so and to go straight to the heating. She is not as hard done by as you are acting like she is, she has options she is not using. By the sound of things, she just doesn't care that her parents have asked her not to put the heating on and doesn't have any appreciation of what it costs. Understandable at her age, but doesn't need pandering to and should be addressed with her.
I would buy her an electric blanket if the problem persisted after trying the more obvious solutions of dressing more warmly, but I would expect her to try that first. I don't consider it negligent parenting, she isn't meeting them half way and taking any responsibility.

I have to say I think crying for her when she hasn't even tried putting another blanket on, alongside the set up you've listed having yourself as if anything else is inhumane and people are going to die of hypothermia, is quite dramatic.[/quote]
Trust me, wearing your dressing gown in bed (uncomfortable) or putting an extra blanket on is not an acceptable solution when a child is cold to the point that it is waking her in the night. That's not a little chilly, that's properly freezing cold. Shivering awake under a blanket for a few hours isn't really going to cut it, and its not going to help her function the next day when her sleep is so disturbed.

My main concern is that 3 months have gone by and she's not been helped at all or, more importantly, taken the doctors to be checked out. I actually don't think that it is so cold that an 11 year old should be waking up freezing each night at the moment. Three months is a very long time for no health checks to be done, and no solution to be offered. That's three months of uncomfortable, broken nights sleep for this child.
I really am upset that anyone would leave a child like this for so long, and then threaten to punish her for wanting to be warm and able to sleep. Hell, we even sorted out a solution within days when our dog woke up in the night cold, we certainly wouldn't leave our child like that for months.

An electric blanket is £20 and pennies to use. For the sake of that, this child has woken up every night freezing for three months :(

I'm not being dramatic, I just can't fathom why anyone would think its OK to leave a child waking up from cold every night, without doing something about it, when its such an easy thing to solve.