"No hat, no outside" not working. Been trapped inside with toddler for 4 days.

[SelfBuild]

Toddler (22 months) will not wear a sun hat, only a wooly bobble hat, we've tried 5 different sun hats with his favourite things on. Just not working. Went out last week and it was hot and he'd only put a bobble hat on and he was sodden with sweat afterwards.

So I toughened up, put the bobble hat out of sat and have lined up a selection of sun hats next to his shoes by the door. Everytime for the last 4 days he's asked to go in the garden, for a walk or to the park we've had the "no hat, no play/no go outside" argument. He will not back down and just tears it off so we haven't left the house. It's so sunny and nice and I'm just stuck indoors with a cranky toddler who hasn't had a proper run around in days but neither of us will back down.

What do I do?

@WhoTookAllTheGoodNames

Why are you avoiding questions asking if you are in the UK or not OP? It’s very relevant. If you are in the UK the sun is not yet strong enough on April, and I would say you need to get a grip and relax, and wonder what else you are disproportionately anxious for.

However if you are in a Australia, or South America or South Asia where temperatures are in late 20s or 30s you YANBU at all, and I would say in those temperatures you are right to try and crack this but not going out.

The sun is strong enough to burn in the UK. UV is 3+ between 11 and 3 and was last week when it was snowing. Air temperature is unrelated to UV levels.

In the nicest way, let them go slightly pink from the sun, just enough to be uncomfortable. The memory will take care of the rest.

Otherwise, apply sunscreen everywhere, let them scream in fury, and remind them 700 times how they wouldn't actually need this if they'd just wear the fucking hat. That might also work.

Approach 1 worked on DS1 and Approach 2 on DS2.....

My very fair DC has never liked hats, especially sun hats, so I feel your frustration / worry. When a similar age I sewed ties onto a couple of sun hats and tied under the chin. There was much anger that they couldn't be taken off, but the wonders of being outside usually distracted enough to leave them on. Good luck!

I had this with my youngest she is very head strong and would not wear a hat, I let her play in the garden for 10 20 mins then made her touch her head and and go oh no your hair is so hot she felt her head was hot and I would go oh no quick get your hat on your so hot after the first few times she would touch her head then put her hat on same sort of tricked I used at bedtime oh no look you have such tired eye your eyes are so tired goes straight to bed still use this one now even tho she is older 😀

Anybody rubbishing the OP on this clearly doesn’t have children with incredibly fair skin. My kids are already wearing factor 50 and sunhats. And so am I!

OP you just need to persist. I wouldn’t stop taking him out or, honestly, trying new hats but you just need to keep going. My DDs wouldn’t go out without hats now but it did take a lot of effort in the early years.

Is he bald?

My dc are older but both burned (tops of cheeks) over Easter weekend so we dug out the baseball caps which are now mandatory so I understand, OP. Boots has a hair sunscreen spray. Did you try a bandana? Or one of these wide fabric hairbands?

Get one of these. It ties under the chin so he’d be less able to pull it off.

I'm sorry but denying your child fresh air for 5 days is way more harmful than him going out without a hat in April. This is one of the most bonkers things I've read on mumsnet. My brothers are very fair and they didn't wear sun hats when we were growing up in the 80s/90s and they were fine. Unless there is going to be a massive drip feed and you live in outback Australia you are being very unreasonable.

Can you find a summer hat that is more similar to a bobble hat? soft/stretchy material?

Otherwise I'd just put some suncream on his head and hope he's built up a base tan by the time the weather gets hot I don't remember ever wearing a sunhat or seeing other children in them when I was little (in the UK) and we all seem to have survived.

I’m surprised so many people are saying this is ridiculous in April. My family are fair (Scottish heritage) and I have already been burnt once this year when I got caught unawares. Today is definitely burning level for me and my DD where I am in the SE. My DS’s on the other hand wouldn’t be affected at all.

My kids are older now but I think at that age I would have taken them out under the buggy sunshade (had one of those all over black mesh ones) and only let them out the buggy with the hat - the lure of the park or whatever vs sitting watching from a buggy may be a bit stronger as there’s nothing else to do - at home they can play with other things so the reinforcement may not be as strong?

I'm glad I dropped the battle with DS1 over trousers... at 10 he still won't wear trousers, but as a bloody stubborn toddler it was not apparent that he had sensory issues and ASD for over 5 more years.
Some children (NT or otherwise) you simply can't ground into submission, and 4 days of a stand off is a pretty strong sign that this strategy is not working.

Accept the woolly hat, it's not that hot.
Give a choice of hats.
Wear a hat yourself (most don't wear sunhats at present so he's not seeing it as normal)
Turn it into a game
Seek shade
Avoid exposed places 11-3.

There are lots of other ways to avoid sun burn other than having a big standoff.

I have this battle over sun cream with my very pale and extremely stubborn son. I’ve had to compromise on the sun cream I would like to use and drop down to one he will tolerate, it’s a sensory issue for him. It’s still a battle, and exhausting.

He’s always tolerated a bucket hat or wide brimmed sun hat thankfully. Have you tried a legionnaires hat with a peak at the front and neck cover at the back? You can get them in normal baseball cap material or a stretchy Lycra swimming costume type of material which would be softer if that is the issue. I have one from Polarn O’Pyret for the beach.

At that age I just spent a lot of time following him around putting his hat back on him (Toronto, properly hot and sunny in summer). He was allowed it off in the shade (in the pushchair etc). He got used to it eventually.

Same with cold weather hats, although he did used to stop fighting them when his head was actually cold.

I’m completely with the OP on this. My children and I are very fair and I wear factor 50 moisturiser all year round. My kids don’t go out without hats when it’s sunny and DS was capable of understanding that concept when he was 1 and 2. I think if he had totally refused though I’d have gone with the sun cream on head option rather than keeping him inside. Luckily he just accepts it now. I find Polarn o pyret hats good - they have ties under the neck even in bigger sizes.

@DownWhichOfLate

Air temperature and uv levels aren’t the same thing, to those saying it isn’t August. UV levels in the UK are at their highest in June. So, yes, you can easily burn in April and May if you are particularly fair.

Yep. It's the uv levels I check when deciding whether to use sunscreen, not the temperature.

And yes sun cream is still a “pin him down and me and DH rub it on him quickly” thing. We use the 8 hour stuff so we only have to put it on once a day.

@UhtredRagnarson

You could try wearing his sunhat and telling him he can’t have it.

THAT is hilarious!! Where's the ROFL emoji when you need it!

I was brought up blonde, hatless in the tropics so this is just baffling to me. Avoid the midday sun. Don’t stay out too long. Slap on suntan lotion.

I have no advice, but I feel your pain! I also have a 22mo and hats (both winter and summer) are the absolute bane of my life! I usually either go for suncream on her head, avoid times where it is sunny, so either early morning or late afternoon or I have to just keep persevering so everyone she takes the hat off I put it back on! It's a massive pain in the neck but I don't really have any choice, I'm hoping that soon enough she'll just understand she has to wear it.

How has the rest of the human race surviced so long?

Scalp burned? Doubt it in Spring

@MaisieSunshine

I’m surprised so many people are saying this is ridiculous in April. My family are fair (Scottish heritage) and I have already been burnt once this year when I got caught unawares. Today is definitely burning level for me and my DD where I am in the SE. My DS’s on the other hand wouldn’t be affected at all.

My kids are older now but I think at that age I would have taken them out under the buggy sunshade (had one of those all over black mesh ones) and only let them out the buggy with the hat - the lure of the park or whatever vs sitting watching from a buggy may be a bit stronger as there’s nothing else to do - at home they can play with other things so the reinforcement may not be as strong?

Yes, it has definitely been hot enough to get burned where I am this week. Nobody ever believes me when I say I need to put sun cream on me or my son when the sun is out but it is not particularly hot.

Also, a bit of sun exposure is NECESSARY for bone health. Actually there is research to show that kids who are slathered in sunscreen don't get enough vitD and have weaker bones.

Yes midday sun is the thing. I'm very fair and burn easily but not before 11am and after 3pm in UK, even in June.