Philosophical question

[DeepThinkingGirl]

If someone bullied you , and stripped you of your basic rights when you were most vulnerable.

Let’s say, they starved you of food when you were under their care..

And then they became in a position of vulnerability and you had the key to help them.. let’s say that can’t get access to food without your continual support..

Would you do it ??

I’m in a similar position and it’s triggering so much ptsd in me. Part of me doesn’t wanna become them and take revenge.. basic rights are basic rights and tit for tat isn’t healthy despite being fair. . I just wish they could resolve their issues without my input as I don’t want to be reminded of their presence in my life.

But life is sooo shocking in that it sent them back to my doorstep and there is no other way for them to be helped without my input to save them..

Except I’ve spent the last couple of years praying for karma to hit them back

Yeah but if you don't help then surely the karma bounces back to you?

Actually so it’s not something as deep as depriving of food.

It’s something that would affect their happiness but not their basic life needs.

I've not been in anything like that position but I couldn't in all conscience exact revenge like that. In that situation I would arrange for someone else to provide that care if I couldn't do it myself.

Surely they have other options if they are unable to shop or cook for themselves? What would happen if they had no relatives to help?

If someone hurt me then I wouldn’t have anything more to do with them. I’d go no contact and they can sort themselves out. What happens to them is not my problem. I wouldn’t actively wish them harm or hurt them but I wouldn’t do anything to help them either.

SteveyFluff

I’ve been no contact with them for a long time but they suddenly appear in my life begging me to forgive them because now they need me..

But I’ve spent all those years hoping they would get a taste of their own medicine because they tormented me for years without remorse ..

That’s not a philosophical question.
But .. it’s a question of humanity.
I think OP you mean your parents.
And, if I were you... I’d pass their care on to someone else.
And leave it. And get counselling (not because you are “bad” but they probably are).

Your post is a little cryptic so not sure exactly what you are asking, but sounds essentially, should you help someone who abused you badly. The answer for me is it is totally up to you, not wrong if you feel you can’t. You don’t owe them anything. But like you say, you may feel as bad as them if you don’t. If you don’t, I don’t think you should see it as revenge but as you maintaining your own boundaries. It’s clearly complicated though and many painful feelings involved. Are you/ have you received treatment for ptsd?

As an aside, for what it’s worth in terms of my understanding of karma, we all are creating positive and negative karma constantly, it’s not like it bounces back and forth only in relation to some incidents. So they have created terrible karma for themselves by harming you, and they will have to experience that at some time. That’s not your responsibility.

Can't someone else help out and you are left in peace? If you have already suffered at their hands then you don't deserve to be retraumatised by dealing with them again.

I think it would depend on your own philosophical outlook on life, any kind of Christian influenced outlook would have you turning the other cheek. If like you say they tormented you without remorse I'd find it very hard not to tell them to go fuck themselves.

I’ve been no contact with them for a long time but they suddenly appear in my life begging me to forgive them because now they need me..

And there it is. They didn't come back to apologise because they are genuinely remorseful over how they treated you, they came back because they need something.

Hard pass from me.

Aquamarine1029

Apparently they aren’t aware that I was suffering

And have no recollection of it whatsoever

But they’re begging for forgiveness because they’re sure they weren’t perfect as they know they had a difficult character but it was all meant with a good heart.

In a civilized society it is rare that literally no one else can meet their basic needs. Whether that's SS, benefits, whatever.

You've then clarified it's emotional well-being. If they were abusive parents, it could well be that they are still manipulating you. You don't have to do what they want.

Being more specific, if you want to, might help.

Why bother asking? 🙄

You don't have to forgive them

If it's not a basic need that they're asking for, leave it.

You don't owe them anything.
I wouldn't intentionally do anything to deprive them of whatever it is they want but I also wouldn't assist them.

A lot hinges on what actually happened and what they need from you.

Needing to be fed is different if you mean they have no one to physically feed them or if you could refer them to social workers to help them for example. Often people post stuff like, they will be homeless if i dont help them but actually, they can go to the council or some hostels.. the point is there are usually options that posters either haven't considered or shut down narrow mindedly or through catastrophising and over inflating their power over something.

Back to your forgiveness reference, well you dont have to forgive. Block and delete, move on.

Would I help someone who had been vile to me? No, I wouldn't. However much they begged and however much they might suffer, I absolutely wouldn't.

But what's the actual situation, OP? Is this your parents?

I think it depends what they’re asking for. I think about it like this: if they dropped all their shopping in the street and fell over would I stop to help them? No. If I witnessed them being brutally attacked would I call the police for them? Yes. I know those are very basic examples but I really think context is important. It depends what they did too - were they a school bully? If so, I may help them if it was literally life or death. But if they were a relative who, for example, sexually abused me, then no, I don’t think any kind of plight would make me help out someone who did that.

Think about your own mental well-being. Would this stir up a load of shit for you and make you feel very conflicted and maybe angry at yourself for doing this for someone who failed you? If so then politely decline.
Or would you finally get some peace by forgiving this person and moving past whatever they did to you that caused you a lot of pain.
Protect yourself

@glasgow357

Why bother asking? 🙄

Possibly because either abuse or neglect means her radar is off and she's asking for help.

A better question for you is 'why bother posting?'

It depends on whether they wan5 something from you. If yes, then tell them to go away

I think I'd make sure they could get the help needed but not give it myself.

@DeepThinkingGirl

Actually so it’s not something as deep as depriving of food.

It’s something that would affect their happiness but not their basic life needs.

Step away. There is always another option. This sounds like continued manipulation on their part. Fear Obligation Guilt The tools of the toxic.

I do think I’m being manipulated and I’m very upset at myself for not knowing what to do for myself and being so conflicted