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Original poster

Realised today that DS is really behind his peers :(

87 replies

Slatternforlife · 09/04/2021 19:56

Due to lockdown 15 month DS hasn’t really been around other children. This week we’ve had friends over in the garden and I’ve realised that although they are all younger, he seems to be behind them developmentally.
I didn’t have any worries but now I’m starting to feel a bit concerned.

He walks brilliantly, but only waves sometimes, doesn’t clap although he’s started clapping one hand against mine, and has pointed at things he wants but mostly does a full hand gesture. He’s started holding his hand in a point when we are out but doesn’t actually point to anything. He also doesn’t have any words but lots of babble.

The babies we’ve seen are all 1-2 months younger and pointing at everything and saying a few words. It’s made me wonder if he is having trouble and needs a bit of help.

He does have good comprehension - he understands come to mummy, where’s daddy, bring me your ball/car/blankie (without us pointing at them), understands would you like breakfast/milk/juice, helps put clothes on, copies us in the way we use the remote control, brings us toys constantly and brings us books then sits down on us to be read to. He will do a high five, lifts his arms to be picked up, will reach for things he wants, shares food and his juice and will hold out his spoon or fork if he needs help with his dinner. He feeds himself his juice/bedtime milk.

He has a great routine and sleeps and eats really well. Doesn’t dance like some of the other babies, doesn’t really show anyinterest in music of any kind other than to look a bit serious like he’s really concentrating.

He plays with his cars by pushing them around, will roll a ball back and forth with you before he gets bored and toddles off and has started to take an interest in his shape sorter (he usually just puts the shapes in and out of the jar but has started giving the shapes to me and pushing my hands towards the different slots).

I wasn’t feeling worried at the beginning of the week but I’ve had a few comments during the visits “oh I thought he would be doing that by now!” “Aw he’s still such a baby isn’t he?” That now I’m starting to think I haven’t been doing the right things with him during lockdown and I haven’t spotted that he’s behind when I should have done.

Sorry this is long, he’s my first and I have no other points of reference. I spoke to the health visitor today but she wasn’t interested just said come back at 18 months.

OP posts:

Same4Walls · 09/04/2021 19:59

He sounds absolutely fine. Mines 16 months and not even walking yet. My only advice would be you need some nicer friends.

30not13 · 09/04/2021 20:01

Nothing you've said there that would concern me at his age

Swifey40 · 09/04/2021 20:03

I agree with same4walls he sounds absolutely fine 🙂 I have 2 boys and they were very different, I was also a Nanny for about 10 years and they were all totally different too! Don't worry at all if he is well and happy, and he is just doing things in his own time. Enjoy him. Remember comparison is the thief of joy. X

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Cannotgarden · 09/04/2021 20:03

I don't think you've got anything to worry about. You've said he'd doing some stuff really well. It's all swings and roundabouts. My DD could talk full sentences from 16 months but still can't run properly at 6! My DS walked early but isn't talking much at 19 months. It'll come and there's not much 'working on' you can do. I remember sitting for hours with DD feeling awful that she just could not get the colour green (she was older I think) and suddenly she just did it one day, I doubt all the constant colour games I did with her helped, I think her brain just had to develop a bit in that way - it seems silly now, I mean what was I scared of? That she'd get to 30 and not know what green was?

Frazzledd · 09/04/2021 20:04

@Same4Walls

He sounds absolutely fine. Mines 16 months and not even walking yet. My only advice would be you need some nicer friends.

I second that! My Dd2 is 2, sounds very similar to your DC at that age-

Feetupteashot · 09/04/2021 20:05

Enjoy him and only worry if he starts going backwards! Heath visitor checks will catch anything serious and no two babies develop on exactly the same way.
Avoid the annoying people who are giving you a complex about it and find some kind generous baby groups X X

bumpdownthestairs · 09/04/2021 20:06

Comparison is the thief of joy. Maybe some of the parents went off thinking about things your child could do and theirs couldn't. I wouldn't be in the slightest bit worried, they can be so different to their peers!

PolarnOPirate · 09/04/2021 20:07

Aw I thought this was going to be about a child of at least school age!! Yours is tiny, he hasn’t had long to learn anything to be fair. It will be fine!

Pupster21 · 09/04/2021 20:08

Your DC sounds fine for his age. At that age there is lots of variation in development. The best thing you can be doing is just lots of singing, reading and talking to him. Going on daily walks, talk about what you see and point things out. Limit TV to when you really need it and encourage lots of exploration

cashoncollection · 09/04/2021 20:09

OP when the first lockdown lifted my baby was the same age as yours and was doing similar things. I was worried because like you say it seemed like smaller children were doing a lot more.

He got there in his own time between 15-17 months but only now is his speech taking off. Make a mental note to pick it up in a few months and see how it’s going.

TheCanyon · 09/04/2021 20:10

Yeah none of that worries me, he sounds fine. Babies are all different, they really are. Take the pressure off yourself completely, do NOT worry about it on a daily basis, maybe mark up 3 months from now on your calendar and see what he can do then.

Honestly my dts were miles apart from each other and still at 6 sometimes feel miles behind their peers (very prem and somewhat expected anyway). They had great support from the EYCAT team for various issues.

AaronPurr · 09/04/2021 20:10

@Same4Walls

He sounds absolutely fine. Mines 16 months and not even walking yet. My only advice would be you need some nicer friends.

Another one who 100% agrees with this. OP please don't worry, your DS sounds absolutely fine.

SummerHouse · 09/04/2021 20:12

I remember DS being about 16 months and his much younger (14 months ish) friend came over to me and said a full sentence (DS only said single words). I said the equivalent of WTF to his parents who said they thought it was because they talked so much to him. Was it bollocks. And like I don't talk to my DS. This is where I learned never comment or compare.

You DS sounds just perfect.

doctorhamster · 09/04/2021 20:12

I honestly wouldn't worry at all op. My youngest didn't walk til 16 months!

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2021 20:14

Please, please believe me when I tell you your baby is perfectly fine, perfectly normal, and is developing perfectly for him. All babies are different and it sounds as though he's doing brilliantly. Please don't taint this precious time of his life comparing him to other children.

Chipsahoy · 09/04/2021 20:14

Meh my middle one didn’t speak until three when he uttered a full sentence. I think he was just lazy! We understood grunts so why bother speaking?

He’s only a baby, it’s far too early to worry about his development. He sounds fine.

Battenburg1978 · 09/04/2021 20:15

He sounds just fine! Babies all do things at different times - for example my DD would talk, but she didn’t walk at all until she was 14 months! Avoid any ‘competitive mummy’ friends.

Lindtnotlint · 09/04/2021 20:16

Totally fine. Chill out. Don’t compare. He sounds great! Enjoy.

M0rT · 09/04/2021 20:16

He sounds adorable!
I have no kids but studied developmental psychology a long time ago and worked with people with learning difficulties.
It is really normal to have a wide range of abilities at this age as it is at all ages.
You may be very articulate but unable to hum a tune/kick a ball/bake a cake.
We don't progress linearly because we don't end up equally able in all ways.
Maybe he will be an Olympic walker as he has mastered it so well so early?
Right now he is a bundle of potential and cuddles and as long as he is cared for in both senses he will reach his potential in his own time.
I wouldn't be rushing into socialising with people who enjoy the comparison game though, in the words of Marie Kondo "Do they spark joy?"

DisappearingGirl · 09/04/2021 20:16

I'm not an expert or anything but another vote that he sounds completely fine (and lovely).

I can't believe people have been making those competitive comments to you. Some parents seem to take it as a personal accomplishment If their kid talks first or something. After a few months / years, no-one remembers or cares!

Odile13 · 09/04/2021 20:17

I think they all develop in their own time. My 15 month old can’t walk (she only recently started pulling herself up on furniture) and doesn’t say any proper words yet. I would try to let any comments go over your head.

ivykaty44 · 09/04/2021 20:19

It’s not a race, please remember that each child gets to milestones at different ages. Even walking and siblings- I had one at 12 months, then the next child never even crawled and walked at 18 months

Same4Walls · 09/04/2021 20:20

Some parents seem to take it as a personal accomplishment If their kid talks first or something. After a few months / years, no-one remembers or cares!

We know one of these kinds of parents. I'm secretly counting down the years until she has baby number 2 and she realises her early walking and early talking child is not a result of her superior parenting! Hopefully she will then also apologise for all her very smug comments.

Enidblyton1 · 09/04/2021 20:21

He sounds just perfect OP, please don’t worry! It’s been such a strange year so lots of people with first babies are probably a bit anxious like you. But babies develop at such different rates. One of mine didn’t walk until 16 months, but was ridiculously good at talking. The other barely spoke for several years. It’s better for your sanity not to compare your children with others!

Original poster

Slatternforlife · 09/04/2021 20:23

Thank you so so much. You’ve really made me feel hugely better.

I think part of it is due to lockdown we’ve not had the usual hanging out with other parents and babies so I’ve not had anyone giving me comments or opinions etc. I’m going to have to try not to be so sensitive to it!

I hadn’t had a single worry about him prior to socialising more and then just got more and more worried as the week went on.

Thank you for all your advice and reassurance, I will obviously keep an eye on him as he gets older but don’t want to get caught comparing!

He does watch a bit of TV - half an hour usually in the morning a learn to say first words and learn colours YouTube video he loves, and sometimes nursery rhymes if my mum looks after him (little baby bum, I HATE it!) but other than that we are usually out at the park, in the garden, playing with toys, climbing up and down the stairs to take a little “tour” of the house (he loves this for some reason ) while he picks up various toys to chew on (mega teething at the moment and he’s a chomper anyway). Loves plants and birds and cats.
I try to balance it so I can grab a cup of coffee in peace in the morning while he watches then assuage my guilt with activities and getting out for the rest of the day!

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