Realised today that DS is really behind his peers :(

[Slatternforlife]

Due to lockdown 15 month DS hasn’t really been around other children. This week we’ve had friends over in the garden and I’ve realised that although they are all younger, he seems to be behind them developmentally.
I didn’t have any worries but now I’m starting to feel a bit concerned.

He walks brilliantly, but only waves sometimes, doesn’t clap although he’s started clapping one hand against mine, and has pointed at things he wants but mostly does a full hand gesture. He’s started holding his hand in a point when we are out but doesn’t actually point to anything. He also doesn’t have any words but lots of babble.

The babies we’ve seen are all 1-2 months younger and pointing at everything and saying a few words. It’s made me wonder if he is having trouble and needs a bit of help.

He does have good comprehension - he understands come to mummy, where’s daddy, bring me your ball/car/blankie (without us pointing at them), understands would you like breakfast/milk/juice, helps put clothes on, copies us in the way we use the remote control, brings us toys constantly and brings us books then sits down on us to be read to. He will do a high five, lifts his arms to be picked up, will reach for things he wants, shares food and his juice and will hold out his spoon or fork if he needs help with his dinner. He feeds himself his juice/bedtime milk.

He has a great routine and sleeps and eats really well. Doesn’t dance like some of the other babies, doesn’t really show anyinterest in music of any kind other than to look a bit serious like he’s really concentrating.

He plays with his cars by pushing them around, will roll a ball back and forth with you before he gets bored and toddles off and has started to take an interest in his shape sorter (he usually just puts the shapes in and out of the jar but has started giving the shapes to me and pushing my hands towards the different slots).

I wasn’t feeling worried at the beginning of the week but I’ve had a few comments during the visits “oh I thought he would be doing that by now!” “Aw he’s still such a baby isn’t he?” That now I’m starting to think I haven’t been doing the right things with him during lockdown and I haven’t spotted that he’s behind when I should have done.

Sorry this is long, he’s my first and I have no other points of reference. I spoke to the health visitor today but she wasn’t interested just said come back at 18 months.

Also, two of the most intelligent people I know hardly spoke at all until they were 3.

My sister didn’t talk until she was over two and was really behind on other things. Let’s just say it didn’t hold her back - by the end of primary she was seen as super smart and so it has remained.

Comparisons by anyone other than hcps is irrelevant.

At 16 months my eldest daughter couldn't talk and her 17mo friend could form basic sentences.
All kids are different and it sounds like he's developing well.

If it's any consolation, my daughter was behind on a fair few things and now she's 3, she's overtaken a lot of her friends with speech and some other things.

He’s fine. Don’t worry at all. I have 3 dc and all were so different. I’ve been teaching infants for 20 years too, all different again. Don’t compare. I expect he is ahead in other areas that you don’t know.

Just want to agree with what others say and reassure you he sounds just fine, and doing beautifully, and perfect! And you sound like a lovely caring mom.

I worried about my DD too. Late bloomer in loads of ways. This even continued in some areas after she started school in our case. This almost certainly won’t be the case for your dc, op - it’s just that my dd has a spiky profile - she’s moderately dyslexic, which for her means slow processing and a few other obstacles (it now thoroughly explains, to give one example, why we were always getting damning reports from nursery about her failure to be able to dress herself within the correct timeframe!), but also, and way more importantly, she has a bunch of total fucking SUPER POWERS, in other areas, as many dyslexic people do!

And now she is 9 she is the most bloody adept person at everything (important) that I have ever met - she happens to be doing fucking brilliantly at school (I wouldn’t normally EVER smug around about her academic success to strangers on-line like this - it just seems relevant to OP’s post) AND (way way WAY more important) is the fact that she is the most emotionally intelligent, funny, happy, kind, and lovely person I have ever met.....

Still a little clumsy, and the most untidy person I have ever met (more so than me, which is staggering). Still doesn’t know her left from her right, and I (also dyslexic) am not confident on this either, at 42 . (We were wrapping presents for my mom together the other day and trying to write the labels really nicely, and had the most appalling joint dyslexic PANIC because we suddenly couldn’t remember which way the letter J goes round....I know that sounds mad, as we are both very literate. It’s just a bizarre blind spot we can get at times.) I was a late bloomer too, my mom worried about me developmentally, I was a year late starting school in fact, and yet (not that this matters a toss, apart from the fact that it is illustrative) I got a degree from Oxford in English, and have been a very high earner in my time....

We are all different - learn different skills at different rates. Your son sounds awesome, as do you. Please try not to worry...... x

He sounds delightful. A friend has a 2 yr old who started talking very late. She and the doctor were concerned, so I shared a teaching “trick” with her. Get a toy microphone. Say a word into it and then hand it to him. It is a fun game for little ones, so don’t make it feel like a lesson, but just being funny. It worked for him, and for the friend who told me about it. If he likes it and learns, that’s great for you. If he doesn’t, try to stop worrying. He will talk your ear off soon enough!

My DS is 21 months and says a handful of words.
You need nicer friends.

My DS understands way more than he can say. He will say a word once then not say it again.

He can put his puzzles together (18m+) one. He will sit and put all his shapes in the shape sorter in the right places and will play with his wooden shape puzzles and places them all in the right place with no help even the alphabet one.

Some talk later and just have clearer speech. It will all come together soon.

He is absolutely fine...my three children developed so differently from each other and am so relieved that I didn’t have the internet to compare and stress about. Just enjoy every minute with him.💐

Your son sounds absolutely fine. Children develop differently, some don't talk at all until they are nearly three! None of this will matter in a couple of years by which time he may have overtaken others. He is not in competition with anyone else.

Please stop worrying. He is only a baby, cherish this time because it doesn't last long.

Sounds normal. It does worry me though thatthe health visiting service seems to have vanished so it’s much harder to sense check things with a professional. I’ve got a 2 year old and haven’t seen a health visitor since she was about 3 months. My eldest had regular weigh ins, development checks, access to sessions on weaning etc. Don’t know if my area is now particular crap or if it’s common not to see a health visitor anymore.

@Dustyhedge

Sounds normal. It does worry me though thatthe health visiting service seems to have vanished so it’s much harder to sense check things with a professional. I’ve got a 2 year old and haven’t seen a health visitor since she was about 3 months. My eldest had regular weigh ins, development checks, access to sessions on weaning etc. Don’t know if my area is now particular crap or if it’s common not to see a health visitor anymore.

It's similar in my area as well. My sister had a baby before the pandemic began, and has only had contact once with any health visitor. It was virtual. They raced through a list of yes / no questions and they didn't even ask to see the baby.

Aw he sounds lovely!

I don't think lockdown has helped child development really but it varies wildly from child to child. My 5 year old is behind where I hoped he'd be as he's hardly been at preschool and isn't interested in my teachings! My 3 year is great with her language and communication but very socially shy due to not seeing other children. Both of these things I put down to lockdown and both I am hoping will just iron themselves out over the next few years.

It's hard not worry but he sounds perfect and absolutely adorable

Also completely agree with the comments about health visiting. I understand why it's happened but the lack of communication and face to face visits is very worrying.

I agree with everything PP have said- he sounds fine, and your 'friends' should take a look at themselves and their barbed comments.

Oh this thread is just lovely and so reassuring, OP your not alone in worrying and you definitely DO need nicer friends!

I'm also a parent that's worrying about my two (2&3) not hitting milestones (and feeling some mum guilt, the past year has really limited us in so many ways), hearing the other pps experiences has really put my mind at ease also. Thank you for this thread OP!

OP your DC sounds completely like my toddler when he was 15 months. I don't have any concerns about my toddler now he's nearly 2. Interesting you talk about gestures like high-fives and raising his arms to be picked up because gestures like that are the precursor to language development, so that's really positive.

As someone above said, progress isn't linear, it's a spiral. And I would bet my car that your DC is able to do stuff that those other toddlers can't, but because of the setting you were in you didn't have the opportunity to see that.

Not sure how much free time you have on your hands OP but if you did have a bit of time in the evening there's a great book that I dip into now and again called 'Baby Talk' by Dr Sally Ward. I found out about it on Mumsnet in fact. There's a chapter per age (grouped by months, so e.g we've just started the 20-24 month chapter) so you pick your chapter, you don't have to read the whole book. She gives a useful explanation of what's going on in layman's terms with regards the language development in your DC at their age, followed by tips on how you can support their language development right now at their current stage. It might put your mind at ease a bit, because it'll show you that your DC is exactly where they should be. It definitely put my mind at ease and gave me some very practical tips.

Also I second what an earlier poster said - avoid competitive mothers. I might be misinterpreting the tone, but the comment 'oh they're still such a baby' does not sound like it comes from someone who's your friend, frankly.

Your DC sounds lovely OP

Thank you all so much.

Agree on the health visitor support or lack of. He hasn't seen any health visitor since he was 10 weeks old. We had a video call at 12 months but she barely saw him and just whizzed through a questionnaire. He was found to be a bit behind on his communication on that, but not near the cut off for referral and the HV said a lot of babies are behind on communication at the moment due to lockdown :-/

Whenever I've called them I've been treated like a nuisance tbh. They're not very helpful in my area

And there's definitely an element of competitive parenting in the group I've realised - one of them spends ages teaching her DC to do things by certain ages so she can say they did it...like walking before they're one, etc tbh It's never really occurred to me to do that, I figure that he will get there in his own time (with walking he went from refusing to stand with help to standing then strutting across the room in a day!).

I also have another friend who was over that week who refers to her baby as the perfect baby, says nursery say he's the perfect baby and is constantly going on about how nursery can't believe how clever/talkative/mobile he is for his age!

I'm another mum whose child didn't speak until nearly 3 and then talked in a sentence. DGS4 seemed slow on talking, but now, just 4, he has an impressive vocabulary and used terms like cordoned off rather than blocked.

Sounds completely normal to me! Mine is nearly 14 months and still not walking. He’s making all the right progression though so I’m not worried. Also does lots of pointing and lots of rolling cars around!

The thing that gets me about milestones is that so many assume the baby wants to do the thing in question.

For example - reaching for a toy. What happens if they don't want the toy?

Rolling over - maybe they like the side you put them on.

Walking - maybe they don't like falling over (ds didn't walk until 16 months but then he could walk properly and didn't teeter over after 3 steps)

I agree, don't compare. It is the theft of joy as wiser people than I am have said.

I also think a lot of milestones in books are set out as being average when they're actually quite advanced.

I'm another mum whose child didn't speak until nearly 3 and then talked in a sentence

I was like that too. DS talked earlier but he went to nursery whereas I was home with my mum on our own the whole time.

He sounds absolutely fine.
FWIW my DS has a mild speech delay and since we’ve been seeing people again his vocabulary has exploded! We didn’t have any bubbles and he only went to a CM so his mixing was very limited.

@poppycat10

Absolutely it’s what motivates the child.

I was told my DS is “quirky” because he copies me use a steam mop and vacuum. As my Dad pointed out it’s not an issue and if it was football everyone would praise him.

My 2nd didn't speak til he was confident to do it properly either. Was probably 2. They go at their own pace.
Comparison is the thief of joy. It will eat you up if you let it.