Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Realised today that DS is really behind his peers :(

87 replies

Slatternforlife · 09/04/2021 19:56

Due to lockdown 15 month DS hasn’t really been around other children. This week we’ve had friends over in the garden and I’ve realised that although they are all younger, he seems to be behind them developmentally.
I didn’t have any worries but now I’m starting to feel a bit concerned.

He walks brilliantly, but only waves sometimes, doesn’t clap although he’s started clapping one hand against mine, and has pointed at things he wants but mostly does a full hand gesture. He’s started holding his hand in a point when we are out but doesn’t actually point to anything. He also doesn’t have any words but lots of babble.

The babies we’ve seen are all 1-2 months younger and pointing at everything and saying a few words. It’s made me wonder if he is having trouble and needs a bit of help.

He does have good comprehension - he understands come to mummy, where’s daddy, bring me your ball/car/blankie (without us pointing at them), understands would you like breakfast/milk/juice, helps put clothes on, copies us in the way we use the remote control, brings us toys constantly and brings us books then sits down on us to be read to. He will do a high five, lifts his arms to be picked up, will reach for things he wants, shares food and his juice and will hold out his spoon or fork if he needs help with his dinner. He feeds himself his juice/bedtime milk.

He has a great routine and sleeps and eats really well. Doesn’t dance like some of the other babies, doesn’t really show anyinterest in music of any kind other than to look a bit serious like he’s really concentrating.

He plays with his cars by pushing them around, will roll a ball back and forth with you before he gets bored and toddles off and has started to take an interest in his shape sorter (he usually just puts the shapes in and out of the jar but has started giving the shapes to me and pushing my hands towards the different slots).

I wasn’t feeling worried at the beginning of the week but I’ve had a few comments during the visits “oh I thought he would be doing that by now!” “Aw he’s still such a baby isn’t he?” That now I’m starting to think I haven’t been doing the right things with him during lockdown and I haven’t spotted that he’s behind when I should have done.

Sorry this is long, he’s my first and I have no other points of reference. I spoke to the health visitor today but she wasn’t interested just said come back at 18 months.

OP posts:
bravefox · 09/04/2021 20:23

Your baby is fine.

What's happened is YOU are 'behind' - lockdown has delayed the never ending cycle of constant comparison/parental guilt.

Welcome to parenthood!

Ohpulltheotherone · 09/04/2021 20:27

Oh he sounds just perfect OP.

Mine is also 15 months and no real words yet. He does point but has only just started doing things like clapping and touching his nose when you ask him.
I don’t worry because his comprehension is there. If he understands the words I think that means a lot to me.

I really wouldn’t worry, milestones are only averages and “normal” is a wide band

itsgettingwierd · 09/04/2021 20:27

He's fine.

They develop so much and so differently between 1 and 2 years of age. And they are only babies so they can't do it all at once.

That's why HV do a 2 year check. Usually by then they've all caught up and any concerns are flagged early.

But shape sorter at 16 months is really good. Mh ds still just chewed his at that age HmmGrin

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Ellie56 · 09/04/2021 20:29

He sounds fine. You just need some better friends.

nitsandwormsdodger · 09/04/2021 20:31

He's doing more than my 15 month old
Some people really hot house those tricks to show off it means nothing long term

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 09/04/2021 20:40

You sound like a perfect mother and he sounds like a very happy and secure baby. Both of you will come on in leaps and bounds as lockdown eases - hope it’s lovely for you both xxx

Liverbird77 · 09/04/2021 20:44

It is early to worry. My boy wasn't clapping, pointing or talking at 15 months. He has been doing all of those things since he turned two.

xyzandabc · 09/04/2021 20:47

He sounds just fine.

One of mine didn't walk until 17 months, another walked at 10 months. The one that walked at 10 months, literally didn't say a word until her 2nd birthday. Then she just came straight out with full sentences and hasn't shut up since (she's 12 now!).

Though she didn't talk, like your son, she did understand and could communicate, she definitely made it known what she wanted, she just didn't use words.

He'll get there in his own time, there is such massive variation in physical and cognitive development at that age, he really does sound great.

Tal45 · 09/04/2021 20:56

I think your friends are stealth boasting, they're saying ' isn't your lo such a baby - compared to my very mature and able child who is wise beyond their years.' They're obviously feeling a bit insecure and need to try to make themselves feel better.
Your lo sounds absolutely normal, he literally is still a baby and 'first baby to point' is no indicator of anything. x

Isawthathaggis · 09/04/2021 21:04

Thing is OP, even if he was behind (which it doesn’t sound like he is) what would you do about it?
Would you love him less?
Would you show less interest in him?
No, of course you wouldn’t. So mention it to your HV if you feel inclined but try to just enjoy him and not suffer ‘mum guilt’.

I am particularly guilty of ruining early baby years with worry. Mine have turned into perfectly bright happy children. YEARS of wasted worry.

RowanAlong · 09/04/2021 21:09

Ignore others’ comments, just enjoy your baby. He sounds gorgeous and doing just fine!

Original poster
Slatternforlife · 09/04/2021 22:43

Thank you so much I’m really glad I posted I’m normally a lurker

@Isawthathaggis you’re so right, I wouldn’t love him any less or feel any differently even if he was behind i would just make sure I was getting all the support and help I could to help him as much as I could

I was getting myself in a bit of a state mainly because I was feeling like I had failed him in some way, and then was guilting myself for letting him have his half an hour of tv every day or so, and I think I would have driven myself mad! Now I can relax a bit and go back to enjoying my smiley funny little chunk!

OP posts:
lljkk · 09/04/2021 22:48

He sounds fine, OP.
My eldest DS was always racing ahead in motor skills but behind in speech and never drew a thing before he was almost 5 yrs old. I don't consider him to have spoken any words before 16m old.

He's Now 21yo & was talking my ear off about something earlier. Still does the occasional arty drawing he's proud of.

I feel super bad for anyone had a first baby in last ... well, 2 years even. Such a huge lack of support for you all. I would have lost my sanity completely.

ShinyGreenElephant · 09/04/2021 22:58

He sounds fine and even if he was developing slower in some areas it wouldn't be down to you. My middle daughter has a speech delay, improved loads since she started nursery but still not on a level with her peers. I'm a teacher and I'm constantly interacting, reading and doing activities with her, she has barely any screen time. If she was my first I know I'd be wracked with guilt but my oldest was talking amazingly at 2 despite me being a full time student and having far less time or experience. They're all different and they develop in their own time

Cipot · 09/04/2021 23:00

My dd never pointed or waved, didn't make eye contact and she couldn't open a bag of crisps until she was about 8. She's turned out fine. Ignore the boasters.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 09/04/2021 23:04

He sounds absolutely perfect, at 15 months he IS such a baby still! It's so normal to compare, especially since we've not been allowed to mix
With other babies, but I really don't think you have anything to worry about!

Deadringer · 09/04/2021 23:05

He is just a baby still and sounds fine to me. I have 5 and some of them could do some of the stuff you mention, none of them could do all of it. In fact only 1 of the 5 was walking at 15 months. All very bright, no issues. My middle dd was the most worrying, didn't point or clap, late walker and very late talker, she is doing her masters at the moment and on track for a first!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 09/04/2021 23:06

The fact that he understands you and can already walk really point away from any problems. Some perfectly healthy babies don't walk until close to 2!

TheKeatingFive · 09/04/2021 23:26

There’s nothing even slightly concerning in your description OP. I find there’s a lot of variety at that age. They pursue the stuff that interests them. Relax and enjoy him.

littlebillie · 09/04/2021 23:30

@bravefox

Your baby is fine.

What's happened is YOU are 'behind' - lockdown has delayed the never ending cycle of constant comparison/parental guilt.

Welcome to parenthood!

This ☝️just wait until you get to the school gate and the pain of judging competitive parents starts.

Enjoy his smallness and his little ways it a lovely age

SinusOhSinus · 09/04/2021 23:40

Your friends are mean ☹️

My incredibly bright dd didn’t walk until she was nearly 18 months.

My amazing ds who could ride a bike on his fourth birthday and is the loveliest, chattiest boy couldn’t speak at 2, he only grunted really.

We did exactly the same with them! I have come to the conclusion that it means nothing. They will do what they do when they do it. All that matters is that you love them

Pupster21 · 09/04/2021 23:55

@Slatternforlife

Thank you so so much. You’ve really made me feel hugely better.

I think part of it is due to lockdown we’ve not had the usual hanging out with other parents and babies so I’ve not had anyone giving me comments or opinions etc. I’m going to have to try not to be so sensitive to it!

I hadn’t had a single worry about him prior to socialising more and then just got more and more worried as the week went on.

Thank you for all your advice and reassurance, I will obviously keep an eye on him as he gets older but don’t want to get caught comparing!

He does watch a bit of TV - half an hour usually in the morning a learn to say first words and learn colours YouTube video he loves, and sometimes nursery rhymes if my mum looks after him (little baby bum, I HATE it!) but other than that we are usually out at the park, in the garden, playing with toys, climbing up and down the stairs to take a little “tour” of the house (he loves this for some reason Grin) while he picks up various toys to chew on (mega teething at the moment and he’s a chomper anyway). Loves plants and birds and cats.
I try to balance it so I can grab a cup of coffee in peace in the morning while he watches then assuage my guilt with activities and getting out for the rest of the day!

Sound perfect! Use the TV wisely, it’s only harmful if it’s on for hours at a time or you’re putting him in a walker (so restrained and not exploring) to do so. I used to use it for morning cuppa whilst I woke up or when I needed to cook etc. Sounds like youre both doing great. They’re all so different at that age and he’ll be taking a lot more in ready to do soon and he’ll surprise you.
lifesgoodwithlg · 10/04/2021 00:01

Honestly my little girl was leaps and bounds ahead of her peers in terms of food, walking etc .. until it came to talking and then she was way behind her peers. Guess what her peers have caught up with her and she has caught up with speech ( and won't stop nattering) Every child developed at a different stage. Saying that don't hesitate if you have niggling worries and trust your gut

Dutchesss · 10/04/2021 00:13

My son was 26 months before he put two words together and now, in late primary, he is top of his class academically. He was also late in most physical things and is now a good sports all rounder. Children really do catch up. Smile

JofraArchersFastestBall · 10/04/2021 00:16

I remember making a very similar post to yours, asking if my 14month old had a speech delay. I got similar reassuring answers (thank you mumsnet!) and he's now 3 and you can't tell the difference between his speech and the ones who started a bit earlier. He also walked later, so all of the 'they're either walkers or talkers' stuff just made me more worried.

My second got the idea of language a fair bit earlier - I'm glad it was that way around so I knew not to be smug about my parenting/her genius! They just do things in their own time and all end up in the same place soon enough.