I really wish colleagues would observe better digital etiquette

[LadyJaye]

Light-hearted shouty rant.

I've been working remotely for a lot of years now, and I enjoy it. I work in IT at director level, so have been using platforms such as Slack and so on for forever - absolutely no problem there.

However, I'm starting to get really pissed off with colleagues who just don't seem to be able to 'read the room' with regards to digital etiquette - most commonly, those who haven't really worked remotely for long periods of time before. The absolute worst offenders are immediate peers, so it's a bit more difficult to tell them to fuck off.

If I change my status to 'Do Not Disturb', for example, it means just that! I don't do it very often, but if I need to get my head down and crack on, then LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE and I will get back to you when I'm ready.

Also, people who send messages as though they're channelling their inner James Joyce:

'Hi LadyJaye'

'How are you?'

'Hope you had a good weekend.'

'Anyway, just wanted to ask you about...'

JUST STOP, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY, AND THEN SEND ME ONE FUCKING MESSAGE. JUST THE ONE.

And don't get me started on unscheduled Teams/Zoom calls...

One of the many, many reasons that I switched to almost 100% remote work was that I couldn't be doing with people, in an open office environment, stopping off at my desk 'for a chat'. Now it seems that even that last bastion of defence has been stripped away...

Are some people lacking in (the admittedly more complex) boundaries surrounding digital communications, or do they just not think?

I'm sorry but yabu and sound completely unfriendly and unapproachable! I don't do unscheduled teams calls unless it's really important and will usually ask first but is it really any different than making a phone call? If you're busy just don't answer.

I feel the same OP. Whether I'm on DND (rare) or I'm online as usual, the multi message is a pain.

'Hi MyName'...

'How are you?'...

Time passes.

Sometimes lots of time.

Then I'll respond and they'll eventually cut to the chase.

I'm pretty sociable, and approachable. But unless people learn how to soft-return (shift + return), and/or get through the pleasantries to the meat of the matter, my tolerance is lacking. I simply don't have time to fanny about.

Not to mention the hard returners who send 20 short messages when 1 single paragraph would be suffice, leading to low level panic that something hugely urgent and troubling is happening... But no, just checking in after the weekend and tagging on a question on at the 19th message.

I so agree. I could have written this, OP.

I've been working remotely for a lot of years now

Presumably they haven't.

Sorry you sound quite self important and hard work.

Re not having timedon't have time, surely you just skim through the mbit of the message with pleasantries? Does it really take that long to read a sentence or two? Are you really so busy and important?

Totally agree with the DND thing, I'm on DND for a reason, leave me alone!

Also work with someone who will just send an im saying 'hi' or 'afternoon'. Then nothing. You obviously want something, just spit it out!

@MyNameForToday1980

I feel the same OP. Whether I'm on DND (rare) or I'm online as usual, the multi message is a pain.

'Hi MyName'...

'How are you?'...

Time passes.

Sometimes lots of time.

Then I'll respond and they'll eventually cut to the chase.

I'm pretty sociable, and approachable. But unless people learn how to soft-return (shift + return), and/or get through the pleasantries to the meat of the matter, my tolerance is lacking. I simply don't have time to fanny about.

Not to mention the hard returners who send 20 short messages when 1 single paragraph would be suffice, leading to low level panic that something hugely urgent and troubling is happening... But no, just checking in after the weekend and tagging on a question on at the 19th message.

Absolutely this with regard to the hard returners: it builds a sort of weird tension!

Because I work with systems, there's always the worry that somebody is breathlessly trying to tell you that something's down or horribly broken.

I guess it depends on your company culture & policies, but on the face of it, YABVU.

There is nothing wrong with opening pleasantries before you get straight into a work request. Even when busy, I have to remember this (I manage a team of 8) as it wouldn't be considered good workplace manners if I didn't have the 'soft' part first.

Equally, I'm actively encouraging people to call me on Teams, rather than needing to schedule a meeting for everything in the way they could drop into my office when we weren't working remotely.

Of course, everyone has different styles. I'm aware of people who like to like to get straight to it, and those who prefer a bit of chat, and respond accordingly. I think you should be able to make it clear, pleasantly, which you are.

It's also fine to reinforce your Do Not Disturb.

But there needs to be a bit of give from you too, and to recognise that for most people, they need a bit of social interaction as well as work matters.

It doesn't bother me if people instant message when I have a do not disturb set, I'll just ignore. I use do not disturb so they know not to expect an immediate answer

I work in IT at director level, so have been using platforms such as Slack and so on for forever - absolutely no problem there.

However, I'm starting to get really pissed off with colleagues who just don't seem to be able to 'read the room' with regards to digital etiquette - most commonly, those who haven't really worked remotely for long periods of time before. The absolute worst offenders are immediate peers, so it's a bit more difficult to tell them to fuck off.

First thought is that if you’re senior in IT, then neurodivergence should be on your radar.

Getting aggressive towards people who struggle to “read the room” is really inappropriate and unkind.

Second thought, everyone has strengths and weaknesses , it’s been a tough year and it wouldn’t hurt you to be more pleasant.

I get that some people feel rude to not engage in the pleasantries- by all means, use them in emails but if you're messaging me when my status says busy I think we can both presume you want a quick answer.

'Hi Gill'

'Trust you had a good weekend?'

'How are you?'

Erm quite busy, as per my 'busy' status, so why don't we get to the point?!

And YES the hard returners

Oh this is interesting, I’m early 20s so essentially grew up in the digital world and feel like digital etiquette is naturally engrained for me. With colleagues, I respond as if I’m writing an email, concise and professional. I hate when people wait on me to respond to “how are you” before getting to the crux of their issue. I also hate when people ignore my out of office for foolishness

With friends though, I happily multi message etc as that digital formality isn’t there

I do agree with getting to the point.

(Yes, I was having a good day, thanks. Please ensure your question allows this to continue...)

I gave up trying to use DND as my close colleagues seem to think it doesn't apply to them and message anyway with questions/queries that could have waited.
I also have one colleague that insists on writing 20 short messages instead of a paragraph! We are busier at different times at month end and she always sends me a ton of messages about how shes finished all her work and that shes bored and can she help me with anything (even though the biggest help she could provide would be to leave me alone!).

YABU. In the office, unless you're super important and have your own, you can't just put a hand in peoples faces when they ask you a question. You answer or explain quite politely that you'll help them as soon as you can.

we use teams and it can be intrusive, though i think the dnd does stop people being able to contact until it's off.

when we have training we have all the little, thank you posts popping on on my bloody screen

Yanbu - I’ve also wfh for many years and this sudden attempt to roll out a remote replica of an office environment is really twisting my melon. I’m just not used to - nor crave - constant pointless distractions when one is used to being left alone to crack on in peace.

Yes be kind (I’m never rude!) but there’s also a flow that’s honed over time for wfh’ers who preceded the pandemic and suddenly imposing into these - already proven to be effective over a long timeframe - pre-existing ways of working ie unscheduled and unnecessary zoom calls etc is also not kind imo!

I think it’s one thing if someone does ‘Hi, how are you, can you help me with this?’ in one go, and quite another if they do ‘Hi’ (return, flashes up on recipient’s screen, beeps)
‘How are you?’ (return, flashes up on recipient’s screen, beeps)
‘Can you help me with this?’ (return, flashes up on recipient’s screen, beeps)

The second version is MUCH more irritating.

So you're pissed that other people don't use technology in the same way as you? And you believe that you are in the right to assign some sort of "correct digital etiquette" to the way you work because you were doing it first?

I think people areall different, yes even when working remotely, and it isn't good to get wound up by little foibles. If you hate the way other people do things so much perhaps a career as a consultant, rather than in a team or as a manager of people, might suit you better?

well there should be some guidelines as it's new to people and can be really intrusive

Well, everywhere I've worked you would not suit the values.

I don’t think your colleagues are lacking in boundaries of digital communication - more that you have created your own definition of the boundaries - which clearly differs to many other people’s. I’m afraid it doesn’t mean that your boundaries are automatically correct. Having also worked remotely for many years, the only one I really agree with you on is ‘do not disturb’.

@EmpressWitchDoesntBurn

I think it’s one thing if someone does ‘Hi, how are you, can you help me with this?’ in one go, and quite another if they do ‘Hi’ (return, flashes up on recipient’s screen, beeps) ‘How are you?’ (return, flashes up on recipient’s screen, beeps) ‘Can you help me with this?’ (return, flashes up on recipient’s screen, beeps)

The second version is MUCH more irritating.

100% - that's absolutely fine! Quick hello, how are you, then get to the point.

Oh, I’d turn off teams notifications if I really wanted not to be disturbed.

I presume people will just answer when they want.